His Plain-Jane Cinderella
Page 13
‘I’m a dynamo with a sandbag? You did a great deal more than me today.’
They’d stopped outside her house.
He got out of the truck and started unloading her bags of groceries. ‘I’ve been happy to see you more yourself today. At least there’s that.’
He limped past Fang, onto Stacie’s front veranda and dumped bags of groceries there before turning back to retrieve the rest from his truck.
‘Thanks for bringing those.’ Stacie was slightly breathless as Troy walked into her kitchen with the last of her groceries. She quickly put away the perishables, and then walked back to the door with Fang at her heels. ‘I’d rather ride over with you than walk. It’s a bit muddy.’
Before Troy could do more than raise his eyebrows, because he hadn’t exactly invited her, she walked through her front door with her dog and waited for Troy to follow before she closed and locked it. This man needed some sorting out. And Stacie was going to try to do it!
Stacie had a militant, determined expression on her face. Troy looked into her eyes, looked at features that were familiar to him now. He remembered touching her face with his fingertips and…he longed.
For her touch. To kiss her. To hold her close and not let go until he’d had his fill of holding her.
When would you have had enough, Rushton?
‘I can take care of my stuff by myself.’
She glared at him. ‘Well, I know that, but you helped me.’ She let her dog into the back of his truck and climbed into the passenger seat, folding her hands in her lap and waiting in prim, grubby determination for him to drive the short distance to his home.
Troy drove. He didn’t understand her determination to stay with him, and she clearly thought he was so decrepit that he needed her help to carry the remaining groceries.
‘That’s quite a frown you have going there.’
Her quiet words made him realise he’d driven to his house and not got out from behind the wheel of the truck. His hands were gripped around it and his jaw was clenched.
He wanted to say, I’m not an invalid. I can do as much work as any man. Troy had approached his injury with that view in mind. But there’d been times, working his orchards, when he’d had difficulties thanks to his knee. There were times when that knee let him down. ‘I can handle the groceries,’ he repeated.
‘I can’t handle where I am emotionally at the moment. There. I’ve been honest about it.’ She drew a breath that shook just a little at the end of it. ‘If we’re to find some way to be neighbours and friends as we were before, then I need to spend time with you in that capacity so I thought this would be a way.’
To do that. Not to feel sorry for some broken-down man, but to help them to heal and be more normal with each other because she needed that.
‘You can bring the lighter bags for me.’ He glanced at her. ‘And deal with Houdini’s excitement when he sees his visitors.’ His gaze softened. ‘Maybe a coffee after that. You can tell me how your boutique sewing is coming along.’
Whatever she needed. That was what he’d said to her, and he’d been so busy conducting his personal self-pity party that he’d almost missed those needs.
You need more than that from her.
The thought demanded acknowledgement. Before he could give it, Stacie blew out that deep breath, threw her door open and climbed out.
She reached for the first two bags of groceries. ‘That’s a good plan.’
They hadn’t talked since Troy had seen her the morning after they made love, not in any serious or meaningful way. Maybe that was what had left Troy feeling so vulnerable. And even confused.
Where were his crystal-clear instincts now? His ability to assess situations, make instant judgements and know that he’d summed things up correctly?
They brought in the groceries. Stacie fussed over Houdini and the two dogs parked themselves in the living room in front of Troy’s heater.
Troy made coffee and brought it to Stacie, and when he eased into his chair tried not to show that his knee was hurting.
‘Am I keeping you from a hot shower, Troy? Or anything else?’ Stacie put her coffee-cup down and sat forward where she’d taken her seat on the lounge at his side.
‘Getting off the leg for a bit will do the trick.’ He knew his body and his limits. What he hadn’t understood was the depth of the sense of loss. ‘I can’t ever get it back, Stacie—that perfect physical condition.’
Stacie hadn’t wanted to be burdened by it, yet she was so kind in her thoughts and actions when it came to that. That didn’t make sense; he frowned. ‘You can’t accept that about me—the loss of physical strength in that respect.’ Maybe if he said it aloud, he would figure out how to understand it.
‘Are you crazy?’ The words burst out of her, and the expression on her face as she searched his matched them for shock and denial. ‘I would never take such a view of you, even if you were limited—and in your case, well, that’s not even how it is!’
Was she in delusion land? Trying to console him and not finding the right words?
Or had he misunderstood in the first place, leapt to an erroneous conclusion out of his own uncertainty? ‘You mean that, don’t you?’
‘Of course I do, Troy. I’ve never known anyone as resourceful, strong and determined as you are.’ She swallowed and seemed to be looking inside herself too as she went on. ‘You might have a physical challenge that you have to deal with, but you deal with it. What you achieve in life is exceptional. Anything you set out to do, you do and you make a great job of it. This morning, organising everyone.’
‘I did that because the mayor couldn’t control them and not enough was getting done.’ He hadn’t wanted to step in, to make it seem as though he felt the mayor was incapable of getting things together, but in the end expediency had won out. Troy hadn’t been willing to suffer major damage to his factory if there wasn’t an unavoidable reason for it. ‘I fell off the damned pile of sandbags!’
It was the first time ever that he had admitted to such humiliation instead of stomping on it, ignoring it, pretending it didn’t happen or in some other way avoiding it.
Of all the responses he could have imagined Stacie giving, she said, ‘Technically you didn’t fall.’ She paused to examine a purple nail that was rather the worse for wear from their morning’s activities. ‘You lost your footing when your knee gave out, and one of the others grabbed your arm and stabilised you until you got your footing back. Did it really feel like a big deal to you? Because it didn’t look like one. Any person could have had the same experience up there.’
Troy stared at her. He thought about being offended by her casual words but of course they weren’t really casual—they were thought-out and measured, and they put him and his sorry-for-himself attitude very neatly in place!
He gave one short, low laugh. ‘You’d make a great person to have around to stop a man from getting on his high horse.’
She smiled. ‘Or stressing out if he fell off it?’
He sobered. ‘I thought you had a problem with that.’ When she didn’t seem to understand, he went on. ‘About me. That it was why you felt you couldn’t consider exploring anything more with me after that first night—my physical limits.’
‘No, Troy. It was nothing like that.’ The smile disappeared from her face and her expression softened.
For once, though she might have wished otherwise, there was no guard there. Just a vulnerable girl who looked at him with confusion and longing in her eyes, and other emotions that Troy wasn’t sure he could define.
He took her hand. He didn’t know what made him do it, just that it seemed as though he had to. Once he had her fingers held in his palm, Troy searched her eyes again.
Stacie looked back. She seemed so raw, so vulnerable, and yet she�
��d pushed her way in here today so she could force him to accept himself.
What about Stacie?
What about how wonderful she was, and how worthy of every good thing that could come her way, and of being completely proud of who she was?
It hit him, then, what all this had been about for him: the protective instincts towards her, his hope that she would be able to make a full-time living out of her business. The need that he had felt and been unable to define when he had asked her to stay with him, when they had made love. All those things had been leading to this realisation, this crystallisation of every sense and emotion.
He was in love with her.
That was what had happened to him. Yet how could this be? How could he have fallen for Stacie, fallen in love with her in this way?
Troy had believed himself incapable of such depth of emotion. He realised now that it had all been waiting, locked inside him, until the right woman came along with the key.
But what could he do about this? Did these feelings truly alter anything? They altered his outlook, his mindset, the parameters of his hopes and needs.
But could they alter what was ahead for Troy and for Stacie? Could there be a ‘them’? If Stacie truly hadn’t rejected him because of his physical limitations—and knowing her as he did he shouldn’t have assumed she would do such a thing—then what had she meant by those words she’d spoken that morning?
How could he find a way forward when he didn’t know how Stacie felt about him other than her concerns about committing? Were these feelings even real? Could he encourage Stacie to reach out, to love him? Was that even possible?
So does that mean you simply do nothing and hope she’ll develop feelings for you somehow without you making any effort whatsoever? Or you assume yours will go away?
Troy might have a busted knee but he was a man of action. There had to be some way that he could pursue this. And the feelings wouldn’t go away; deep inside, he knew that. His mother had been so wrong.
‘I’ve seen who you are now, Troy.’ Stacie spoke quietly into his silence. ‘The way you took charge in town today. You self-assess, and you do what has to be done.’
‘I’ve always done that in a hard school. Today was about that, about protecting my interests.’ But it had also been about the community, protecting all of it.
‘You’re a just man, Troy. You took charge today for the sake of everyone.’
He dipped his head because he had to acknowledge it. ‘It’s true. But how does that…?’
She drew a breath. ‘When you received your injury, I know that you’d have put achieving the mission before that injury no matter how threatening it might have been. You have some loss of physical ability now, some restriction on what you can do, but you’re honourable, Troy. You’re completely honourable, and I just don’t believe that a man can be that way and be emotionally detached in the way you’ve said that you feel you are, and would be in, in a relationship!’
She’d struggled to get the words out, and in the midst of his doubts and the knowledge that he’d fallen in love with her hope flared inside Troy. If Stacie cared about this to such a degree, then surely she must want to try to find a way for them?
Yeah? And what made him think there could be a way? Or that Stacie could truly embrace a future with him?
‘Troy, I need to tell you—’
‘Stacie—’
They both stopped, but Troy needed to speak this, to tell her what was inside him. Even if she couldn’t accept it, he needed to accept it.
‘I didn’t understand what happened to me, the night we made love.’ That had been the start of it, of him realising. ‘You were special from the first day I met you. I knew that, but I didn’t understand why. I know you’ve been hurt, Stacie, and I don’t want to be responsible for hurting you again. I feel that I may already have done that.’
‘Because we made love and you had to walk away from that afterwards.’ She shrugged her shoulders as though it didn’t matter, but the lie of that was all over her face, in the grip of her fingers around his where he still held her.
That hold felt right. Troy stroked her fingers and that, too, felt right. He said, ‘I walked away because I thought if we…went on in that direction you’d get very hurt.’
‘You wanted to protect me. I understand that.’ The softening of her voice told him she appreciated his care.
But that wasn’t all of it. Somehow he had to explain the rest, tell her that he loved her—if she rejected that offering, deal with it.
Yes. His soldier’s training wrapped around his instincts and emotions and the decision was made. It was worth the risk!
‘I did need to protect you.’ That instinct had been in Troy, not only because that was what he did, but because of Stacie. ‘At the time, I didn’t think I could give you what you deserved in life.’
‘What do you mean, Troy?’ She whispered the words. ‘I don’t understand.’
Troy understood, but it wasn’t easy to put the feelings into words that would seem so inadequate. He pursed his lips and did his best. ‘I’d scale a mountain for you on my hands and knees. I’d watch over you, make sure you stayed safe. If hard decisions had to be made for your sake, I’d make them and act on them, and I wouldn’t look back.’
That was his army training, and it was the core of him that had made his choice of that vocation work so well for him. But there was more. ‘I’d do those things for anyone if they were necessary, Stacie, but I’d do them for you simply because I could, or if you’d let me, or if you told me you needed them. You… No one has mattered to me the way that you do.’
‘I pushed you away.’ Her words were low. ‘After we shared that night together and I felt feelings for you so deeply and didn’t know—I was afraid of getting hurt.’
‘Because your sister and Andrew hurt you.’ Troy searched her eyes. He wanted to take her into his arms and tell her that none of that mattered. That he would never let anyone hurt her again.
But she needed to get this out, to release it. And he needed to hear it so he could figure out how to help her let it go.
‘It wasn’t only that.’ Stacie’s shoulders tightened. She seemed to consider her words before she finally went on. ‘You’ve met Gemma. You’ve seen how beautiful she is.’
Troy frowned. ‘That’s irrelevant.’
‘Wait.’ Stacie’s fingers squeezed Troy’s’ hand. She could barely believe they were here, talking about this as though there were a chance that they might find a way forward into—what?
She didn’t know, but there were things here that had been misunderstood, and if sorting them out could even make the slightest difference, or give them half a chance, then she wanted that half-chance. And she had to admit to Troy how she had felt in the past. There was trust in that, and self-confrontation, because she had never really fully acknowledged all these feelings from life growing up with her two beautiful older sisters.
‘My sisters are both older than me, so I grew up in their shadows anyway.’ She hadn’t minded. ‘We had a good, loving relationship between us, and in the whole family, too. It’s still there somewhere. It just got a bit tense and buried under…other things.’
‘When your sister stole Andrew from you.’ Troy’s face could have been carved in stone, and yet Stacie could feel so much that was far from stony emanating from him.
She’d learned to read him, to see beyond that façade to what was going on underneath. ‘You’re angry on my behalf.’ That moved her. She loved him for it.
Was there any chance at all that Troy could love her in response? ‘That situation happened more than once. There were other men who started out interested in me, and lost interest very quickly the moment they set eyes on my sisters. I guess I was a sort of Cinderella in reverse. My sisters were the beau
tiful ones and I—’
‘Be very careful what you say.’ His jaw locked. ‘I’ve never met anyone who resembles that analogy less.’
She heard his abrupt words, but she couldn’t fully take them in. Now that she’d started, she had to go on.
‘Guys did that, and I didn’t mind too much because I’d never really had any serious boyfriends, so I wasn’t too upset if that happened.’ Also, her sisters had turned their backs on that sort of behaviour, and Stacie had appreciated that. ‘Andrew was different. He let me believe we were serious, that there would be a future. Then he turned to Gemma, and she…’
‘Tell me, Stacie. It’s better to get it out.’
‘They were seeing each other behind my back for three months before Gemma came to me and confessed and…told me Andrew wanted to end it with me so they could get engaged straight away and start planning their future.’
‘And you loved him.’ Troy’s gaze softened. ‘That was a rough thing to go through.’
‘I felt betrayed by Gemma, and by the rest of the family, because they got behind her and told me I had to just accept it and be happy for her when all I wanted was to be angry and hurt.’ Oh, Stacie had felt so hurt, and hadn’t she had that right?
‘I didn’t love Andrew as much as I thought I did, Troy.’ She knew that now, too. ‘I know now that I’ll be able to be a good sister to Gemma again. It still stings to know that both my sisters could still take any man from me that they wanted.’
‘Not any man.’ The words rumbled from Troy’s chest in a deep tone. ‘I’m sorry you had those experiences, Stacie, and I wish your family had been a bit more understanding, but in the end Andrew Gale was a fool. He had the chance to have you at his side, and he tossed it away.’
Oh, Stacie loved Troy in that moment for making her feel so special, so appealing.
‘It’s time I stopped thinking about it and, rather than refusing to put myself out there again, have faith in myself and go after what I want—well, what I need in life.’ It felt good to have got the words out.