by S. N. Garza
“Yeah, well before the cops get any closer, there’s something I need to say to him.” Chet tried to keep me from passing him too, but I shoved him back. “Chet, out of respect for your wife and child next to you, move. Trust me, I won’t kill him. Now.”
He saw the silent fury inside me, and knew I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the past decade I worked so hard far. He stepped back, I heard JR curse, and I went over to Geoff.
I bent, and grabbed him by the scruff of his collar. He wasn’t unconscious yet. He was about to be, but first, there was something I had to say.
I leaned in real close and whispered, “Adelaide is mine. You’re nothing, but a waste of flesh and bone. Just so you know. She’s a romance writer, she has ink painted on her skin and she is the most beautiful woman in this entire world. You didn’t damage that. Or break her. You won’t be nothing, but a memory. I’ll make sure of that. Oh, BTW (Yeah, I totally looked up that shit.), when you’re sitting in your prison cell, I wouldn’t think about getting out. The moment you step out, will be the day you get in the sights of a sniper rifle. Bang. You’re dead.”
He let out a bloodied laugh and turned his rapidly swelling face towards mine. “Of course I broke her. I kept you away from her didn’t I? Bet you loved that letter.”
I stepped back then rammed a hard fist into Geoff’s face, landing him unconscious. Just then, we were surrounded by police. One with a gun asking me to step back with my hands up. That snarly voice was one I would remember.
Oh. Shit. Déjà vu, anyone?
“No, it wasn’t him. He was making sure I didn’t kill him.” Chet’s voice rang out loud and clear.
“That remains to be seen.”
Great. He was still a cop after ten years? I turned to see one of the cops that had arrested me and Adelaide that night. He was only about five years older than me and I just rolled my eyes. Great.
‡
After a few hours of questioning, I was sent home with a promise not to leave the county anytime soon. What-the-fuck-ever.
Getting home, I walked into the house. I could still see and smell Adelaide in this house. And roses. Fucking roses permeated the air. This was the house I wanted to share with her. Have babies with her. Live a life of happiness we both deserved. Grow old with her.
So fucking stupid. I threw a fist into the nearest wall. It felt good to see the pain take away the fucking hurt I felt watching her leave me. I knew now, it wasn’t Adelaide who wrote that letter. It was her father. I knew she couldn’t have done it. She wouldn’t have done that to me. Not after everything that we shared over the two previous years of our friendship and getting arrested together.
Being a complete idiot for even thinking she could be so malicious and uncaring. But her leaving me? Leaving me as empty as I was in my youth and saying she couldn’t love me back because she couldn’t get over the shit that was handed to her, was the last straw for me.
That’s when I really went at it. I started destroying everything in sight. I busted up the furniture. I cracked and dislocated my fingers twice with slamming them into the walls repeatedly. The bed I made love to her in and said those fucking three little words, was over thrown. I fell against the wall, sliding down to sit on my ass. I looked at the room, then my hands. Then, let the tears fall for the only woman I ever loved.
‡
Two months later…
After that first night, I worked, drank and slept. For the past two months that’s all I did. I didn’t want no one near me. I wanted to be alone. JR had come by, he knew I was home and banged on the door, but I didn’t answer. He yelled through the door Geoff was trialed and found guilty and was being sent to prison. For how long? It really didn’t matter. He saw the truth in my eyes and words. He would die before ever stepping out of the prison gates.
At least something good came out of that situation. He deserved everything that was coming to him, too.
The only time I went out was to get more William Lawson’s scotch and if I was hungry, I bought take out.
Joe was getting tired of the mess I was making with my life, but I just didn’t care. Like Adelaide, I just didn’t have it in me.
It was a Saturday night, I just finished the last car in the bay and I was out of liquor at home so I thought I would just stop at The Town Bar.
JR was there. Shit. I didn’t want to see anyone. I just wanted to drink, fog my head with no memories, and then go home.
“Courtland. Didn’t think I’d see you here.”
I nodded my head, because I didn’t feel like talking to him. Looking at the bartender who was approaching, I said, “Double crown on the rocks.”
“Courtland. Adelaide-
“Don’t. I don’t wanna fucking hear her name.”
“Are you serious right now? She was in a major accident back in Georgia, Courtland. She didn’t make it.”
No. No. No. No. No-no-no. “Not possible.” The deepest, darkest, most devastating feeling of complete, and utter aloneness, was swallowing me whole. My chest felt like something was squeezing the life away, and my lungs felt like they were burning, making it hard to breathe. I couldn’t live in a world that didn’t have her beautiful face in. I might be a miserable fuck without her, but-
“Well, yeah. Although you don’t’ give a shit-
I reared back, then I punched him square in the jaw. “I LOVE HER!”
“OW. Fuck that hurt. That’s what I thought. You fucking asshole. She’s not dead. But her Gram called my dad, saying she’s working herself into the ground, well I guess she’s-FUCK!”
I punched him in the gut that time.
“What the hell!” I grabbed his t-shirt and got real close to his face.
“Do not ever tell me she’s dead, unless it is the absolute truth. And don’t ever think I don’t care about her. She’s my entire world. She left me, remember? Said she couldn’t love me back. I know you do, because you were standing right next to me, Chet. She’s everything I could ever have wished for and wanted and I need her more than I need to breathe, but she LEFT! LEFT ME HERE!”I shoved him back, threw back the shot and left.
I hadn’t felt so much rage and pain before in my life. Not even when she told me she couldn’t love me, did I feel like this, thinking she was dead. Although, why did I care what she was doing? She obviously doesn’t want me. I wasn’t going through that again. I wasn’t. What was I supposed to do about it anyway? Her ass was in Georgia. My life was here.
‡
It was my off day and I was sitting on the couch watching ESPN when there was a knock on the door. It was a week after JR tried getting me to talk. I steered clear of him. I kept up my daily routine of work, drink, sleep. Then, I heard the door unlock.
Fuck.
The only people who had the key to this place was Joe and his wife. I figured they were more parents than anything and I gave them a key. What a fucking mistake that was, I see.
“Well son. You done did it now.”
“What’s that Joe?”
“Courtland. Not once have I ever seen you act so childish. Not even when you were one.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I felt my jaw harden and I knew I was going to get a lecture, so I said, “Save it old man. I don’t need advice from you. Especially not about women. I know everything I need to know.”
“You don’t know a damn thing when it comes to the woman you love. You’re still wet behind the ears, boy.” He was getting angry, and I was trying to stay calm.
“You might want to leave now. I’m not gonna listen to this shit.”
“So, you calling your woman shit? You surely aren’t the boy I raised.”
“She made her choice. And you didn’t raise me. A pimp and a prostitute did.”
“I’ll get to what you just said about not raising you in a moment. I know you feel like the world is raining hell down on you, but did she? Did she really make a choice? So she decides that she’d rather be alone and save you from having to deal with the shame
, guilt and weight of her past on your shoulders, and leave. What? That’s it? You’re giving up? Giving in? Aren’t you a man? Man enough to take that weight away from her and help heal that part of her that’s been hurting for so long? She’s still that little girl who wants nothing, but to be taken care of and loved. She doesn’t know true, honest love Courtland. And you just folded on her like a weak deck of cards.”
I stood up and looked at the man I would have loved to call my father and said, “I told her I loved her. That I would take care of her. She didn’t even give me a chance. As if I was yesterday’s old news.”
“You think a week of sex and hanging out with her was long enough?”
“It wasn’t just sex and of course it’s not. I want to spend my life with her!” My voice was raising with each word tumbling out of my mouth.
“Ah-there it is,” Joe said, with a slow smile. “You want that future with her, then why the hell are you still here?”
“I can’t just drop everything and go to her. I have the house, the garage-
“Boy-I done sold my garage to somebody else.”
Whoa. That was a stab in the back if I ever felt one.
“Don’t look at me like I stabbed you in the back. I’m doing you a favor Courtland. You dropped everything for her ten years ago. Are you really gonna wait another ten before you realize the best thing in your life that you can call your very own, is just as hopeless and alone as you are right now? That even though your pasts can’t be rewritten, your futures are not yet set in stone? You want something, you fucking go for it boy. You really gonna let that pretty little lady decide she doesn’t deserve you? Deserve the best in this world?”
“Yeah, cause that’s what I am. The best in this world. With the upbringing I had?”
“Son, you rose above and beyond your upbringing and became a good man. A man any woman would be lucky to have. You might’ve been sixteen when you started working for me, but didn’t you learn how to take care of yourself? Learn how to keep others safe in the Marines? Me and Milly are proud to call you our son. Now, you go get that girl. We sure would like to see some grandbabies before we go.”
I knew my eyes were swelling up with tears and hearing Joe saying he was proud of me and what I did in my life, calling me his son, broke something in me.
I hung my head because even though I came to grips with my past, I must still feel like that little boy inside me needing someone to tell me I did good.
He came to me, bore his hands on my shoulders and said, “Courtland. You’re a good man. Don’t let her get away because she’s stubborn. That’s what these women of ours want us to do. Make that grand gesture. If you can see in her eyes, deep into the heart of her, and know in your gut that she’s it for you. That’s she’s the only one you can see your future with, then don’t let her take herself from you. She needs you, just as you need her.”
Something clicked right then.
“She is stubborn.”
Chuckling, he moved away and walked to the door. Picking up a duffel bag, he tossed it to me.
“What’s this?”
“Since learning our girl was a writer, Mildred went and bought every single one of her books. Let’s just say, it was a heady bunch of change. Our girl did good. I already called JR. He’s waiting outside for you. Go take that road trip son. Even if it’s a one way trip. If so, who knows, maybe the wife and I will move out there. I hear it’s an awfully beautiful state. You might just get lost there. We love you, Courtland. I don’t think we ever said it to you. But we do. Now, what in the blazes are you waiting for?”
Epilogue
Courtland
The drive was about nineteen hours to twenty hours because any tourist type attraction we saw, JR stopped. He never been out of Texas. As a farmer’s son, it was really Chet who went out of state for any farming conventions or legislations or whatever farmer’s did when they talked about rules and regulations. Although I didn’t think he wanted to do that. That’s probably why he switched professions. Thinking about it, he could probably find work out here in Georgia and we wouldn’t have to say good-bye. I sure as hell wasn’t leaving. Not even if she turned me away. Just maybe, he’d find someone to make him happy.
Chet and I switched driving once and when he took back over, I dived into another Phoenix Houston novel. Damn. I thought that last one was erotic. I had no idea Adelaide knew anything about bondage or dominance or Jesus. Toys. That was an eye opener.
Never have I thought she could write like this. But it wasn’t just full of sex. There was mystery, thrills, and some of her heroes were even in the military. She must have researched these a lot to know about military life and about other countries.
I never thought I’d ever read a-looking at the back label-‘romantica’ novel. God. I stooped low. But in order to know my woman, I had to read what went through her head over the last ten years. The books I had in the duffel bag were waiting for me to open and read.
Come to find out, they were actually pretty interesting. There was action in most of them. Although I didn’t really care for the covers. I was proud of how well Adelaide did for herself but did she have to use men who look like the poster child of fake abs and tattoos?
“You know Courtland, mom’s read her books. Has been for quite some time and just didn’t know it. You know what she said before I came and got you? Ha. She said most of the heroes remind her of you. At least the covers.” JR started laughing and when he snatched the book I was currently reading, called ‘Bound to You’ and looked at the cover, he laughed even harder. “Yeah. Could be you. Ink, hard abs, gruff-like, not that I check you out, but this is too hilarious.”
“Fuck you man.” I laughed and thought about that for a minute.
Was she really writing me in every book? Was this how she dreamed of me? A man who could rescue her from her past, save her present while giving her the highest of sexual satisfaction and then living happily ever after?
Fuck. Me. I laughed right along with JR. “You know what? I might be. Maybe she was dreaming about me her whole life, just as much as I dreamed of her.”
That quieted him down. He considered this before saying, “Courtland, you’re a brother to me. You’re my family, and so is Adelaide. You never told me about how bad your life was before I got you to start hanging out with me. And if you can’t, that’s cool. I don’t wanna hug or need you to tell me anything you don’t want to, and I respect that. If you told Adelaide? I’m happy for you. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, but I know when Adelaide started hanging with us, her eyes started to light up. She started coming out of the shell she kept herself in. You did that. You let her be her without all the shit surrounding her. She might be your miracle and hope for love everlasting, but you’re also her miracle. Never forget, always remember that.”
“Come on, Courtland! How could you be a mistake? You’re a miracle. My miracle.”
Son of a bitch. That girl loved me, she just didn’t know how to say it. I would show her how easy it was. I couldn’t wait to make her all mine.
‡
The small town just outside of Atlanta, in which she lived, was quaint and could be a picture of where she grew up. The house where we pulled up, had her SUV and a Cadillac in the drive, was two stories. It was in a nice, quiet neighborhood. The house looked actually very big, especially for two women. She mentioned her Grandfather passing away and willing the house to her.
Chet and I walked up to the porch. It looked like a wraparound porch. Just like she always said she wanted. It looked new so maybe she added it on there recently. I didn’t know how much an author made, but it looks like she did really made it. Pursued her dreams and made them happen. I knew I was in those dreams of hers and she had me.
Chet leaned up against the porch railing when I knocked on the door. We heard feminine laughter when the sounds of locks clicking and an unfamiliar voice was saying, “If only it was a delivery of hot men instead of pizza.”
The door opened
and a red head peaked through the crack of the door. “Oh, shit! ADELAIDE! OMG! These delivery men are hot!” Hearing Adelaide’s laughter in the background got my attention. The red head looked between the two of us, before asking, “Hey, where’s our pizzas?”
Chet was standing straighter and staring at the red head like he was mesmerized. Oh, boy.
“Sorry darlin’. Ain’t got one.”
“Oh. My. God. COURTLAND?” Adelaide shoved the red headed chick aside and burst through the door. “What are you doing here?”
“To tell you this-you love me and to tell you how stubborn you are for letting me go so easily.”
Her breathing hitched, and her eyes began to water.
“Oh. Is that all? You came all the way here for something like that?”
“Hell no woman.” Chet went on inside and closed the door so Adelaide and I had some privacy. “I came because I’ve loved you since we were hand cuffed in the back seat of a cop car. I dreamed of you and knew there wasn’t any other woman who could bind me so helplessly and completely. You and Chet are the only family I’ve ever had. You’re the first person I said I love you to and damn it all, you’re gonna be the last woman I say it to. You’re mine, Adelaide. I sure as hell ain’t gonna wait for you to think it over. Ten years is a long ass time to be separated from the woman you love. I can’t live another day without you. You turn me away? I will come back every day, breaking down your resistance. Even if it takes me the rest of my life telling you I love you, I will never leave you, never abandon you, always lift you up when you’re down, always be there for you, no matter what. I dropped everything to get to you ten years ago. I should’ve known then that everything I’ve ever wanted was right there in front of me. Just looking at me with deep blue eyes. Asking me to make her life better. To make it worth living. Well, baby. Here I am. I’m not leaving. No one can love you more than me but God himself Adelaide. I will treasure you all the days we are given on this earth, until I die. When that happens, I’ll be waiting for you at the gates of Heaven, because there ain’t no way I’m going to enjoy Paradise, without you by my side. I will make sure our children are loved, happy, healthy and safe. I will keep you safe. I didn’t get to before. I’m sor-