by Skye Turner
I feel so bad that he was hit with that shit. I’m going to have to buy him something in apology since it was meant for me.
We left the venue shortly after and have been driving all night. It’s about twenty-eight hours to LA, so we’ll be on the road all day long and into the early morning hours tomorrow.
Sean and Rafe jumped on the bus with us last night before we pulled out of town. I don’t even know what time it is or how long I’ve been lying here staring into the dark, but it seems like forever. Sean is in my bunk with me. His arm is draped over my hip and I’m hot…
Trying to wriggle enough to turn up the air without waking him, I quietly groan in frustration when I can’t reach it. It’s over his head and in order to reach it, I need longer arms or to lean over him. But, if I move, I’m going to wake him.
I mutter, “Dammit… Damn, T-Rex arms!”
A sleepy voice alerts me to the fact that I woke Sean up. “Why are you wiggling so much? What the hell time is it?”
I sigh, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I was just trying to turn the air up a little. But, I can’t reach it with my short arms.”
He rolls to his back, removing his arm, and I feel the air increase. “Better?”
Nodding, even though it’s dark in here, I say, “Yes, thank you.”
I see his phone screen light up and he mutters, “It’s 4AM, Summer. Why the hell are you awake at 4AM?!”
I flop down beside him and angle my head so it’s in the curve of his shoulder and neck. “Don’t know. I never went to sleep. Couldn’t sleep.”
He groans and his hand reaches for mine in the dark. “Because of last night… after the show?”
I sigh into the dark. “Yeah, I guess.” I feel his body tense beside me. “That was crazy, Sean. That woman wanted to hurt me…”
I feel his breath in my hair as he exhales. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” He sighs and I feel his head next to mine in the dark. I can hear him breathing, but it’s pitch black in here. “She wanted to hurt you because of me, Summer. Do you have any idea how much that makes me feel like an asshole?!
“I mean, I am an asshole and I know that you know that I’ve got a list longer than Santa Claus of lovers… but I didn’t really realize that some of those women have created fantasy relationships with me… It was just sex for me… I fucked them and before I’d blown my load, I was over it and on my way out of the door…” My breathing halts as I hear the self-loathing in his voice at his own words. He must lean up, because his warm breath glances over my face. “I am not a good guy, Summer… and you… you’re so good. Why are you with me? Why would you want to be with me?!”
Why would I want to be with him? Only because he’s everything I’ve ever wanted without realizing it.
Why would I want to?! Why wouldn’t I?
I’m so, so screwed… I’m so in love with him.
But, damned if I’m going to tell him that.
I can’t tell him that. He doesn’t want me to love him.
That is a guaranteed way to push him away and have him completely lose interest.
I might love him, but that is my secret.
Reaching out in the dark to where I think his face is, I find it and cup his stubbled cheek.
Sean
Summer is so quiet. Last night really spooked her.
Hell, it spooked me, too.
I meant what I just told her. I’ve never thought about what any of the women I’ve fucked were thinking. To me, it was just sex. It was just me using them to get off and I assumed that they were using me for the same reason.
I assumed they were fucking me to be able to say that they’d fucked Sean Scott.
Only, some of them, seem to have talked themselves into the false reality that they had some kind of claim on me.
That woman last night… she screamed at Summer that she wished she was dead. She wanted Summer out of the way because she said that she loved me and we were meant to be together.
I didn’t even recognize her…
I am not denying that I slept with her… I can’t… because I honestly don’t doubt that I did.
But the reality of the fact that I’ve been so intimate with people I don’t know the first thing about slapped me in the face last night.
Now, I’m in a relationship with a woman that I care about… a woman who is much too good for me and she could realize that at any time.
What if she decides that I’m disgusting and she wants nothing to do with me?!
I sleep with her. I’m being faithful. I only WANT to sleep with her, but what if she says that she doesn’t want me to touch her because of everyone else I’ve ever touched.
That’s a big number…
I don’t even know how many. But I know that it’s not really a number that I need to be proud of.
Why is she so quiet?! I just asked her why she even wants to be with me…
She’s about to end things, isn’t she?!
Her hand is cradling my face and her thumb is tracing my jaw. Her fingers caress my lips and she lightly flicks my lip ring as she sighs. “Sean… you’re not a bad guy. Not at all. Don’t hate on yourself. And I’m with you because I want to be. I chose you, remember?!” I close my eyes, I want to read her face. She’s so expressive. I’m cursing the darkness right now. “I want to be with you because to me you matter. I don’t know why and yes, I know about the things you’ve done…” She laughs humorlessly and my hands clench at my sides. “How can I not when I’m reminded all the time… but that’s not on you. Well, not entirely.”
Her hands cup both sides of my head and she pulls my face down. When my face is above hers, I breathe and feel her shiver under me. She sighs and as her breath tickles over my lips, I sigh in response. “Summer…”
Her fingers cover my lips. “Shhhhh. Let me say what I want to say. I have so much I want to say, but I can’t.”
What does she mean? What does she want to say?
Does she want to break up with me and she’s not certain how?
Finally, she says, “I care about you, Sean. I’m with you because you matter to me and because as scary as all of this is… as uncomfortable as it is to be screamed at by random women… so many women… and as much as I hate that you’ve been with so many people before me… None of that needs to matter… You’re with me now. You’re trying. I see how hard you’re trying and I’m so impressed with you.
“I honestly never expected to have a relationship with you, Sean. I’m no different than they are… I saw you and I wanted you. We kissed a few times and I let myself dream about being with you, but you… you weren’t interested in a relationship… or I didn’t think you were. So, I moved on, but I still thought about you…
“Then, Jake came along and I really wanted to date him.” She laughs and I frown. “I wanted it to work with him so I’d stop thinking about you… only, it didn’t happen that way.
“Suddenly you were there and you were interested. You were interested and you’ve made the effort… so, I chose you. I chose you and every day, you’re trying.
“I want to be with you because you matter…”
What is she saying?! It almost sounds like she’s saying she has really real feelings for me.
Feelings that she’s not wanting to put into words…
Do I want her to put them into words?!
I matter… I matter to her.
She wants me because I matter and she cares.
Well, I’m feeling the same things.
She matters to me too and I care.
We’re together…
My mouth captures hers. Since I can’t express everything I’m feeling because I don’t really know, I kiss her and put everything into the kiss.
Her hands slide up my arms and tangle in the hair at my nape as she yanks me onto her. I lick the seam of her lips and she gasps, granting me the access I’m craving. Her tongue slides against mine as my hands explore her body through the light shirt and pajama pants she’s weari
ng.
My hand rests on her stomach as I gently work the hem of her shirt up until I can touch bare skin. She gasps and her hands tighten in my hair as I trace circles around her belly button.
As we continue to kiss feverishly, my hand slides down and slips under the waistband of her pants. Whisper soft, I trail it over her hip before dipping inside the top of her panties. She’s slick as I reach her pussy. My hand slides through her folds and by angling it, I’m able to slip one finger inside of her. Her thighs open and she growls as I shallowly finger her. Her hips lift to grant me better access, but I can’t really move with her pants and panties still on. Removing my finger from her pussy, I yank on her pants as she utters a protest against my mouth. Her hips lift again allowing me to pull the loose pants and satin panties down. As they clear her feet, I throw them to the foot of the bed and trail my hand back up her leg. She’s mewling into my mouth at my touch and rubbing against me sensuously.
I’m reluctantly aware that we’re in the sleeping cabin of the bus and that even with the thick blackout curtains, we’re not soundproofed. Rafe and Daisy are sleeping beneath us with Fannie and McKenzie across from us.
My fingers play with her soaked folds before rubbing her clit. She moans into my mouth and I swallow it as I continue to kiss her. Her hands are raking the back of my neck as I slip two fingers back inside of her.
As I finger her, she cries into my mouth and we kiss.
This is the single hottest thing I’ve never done and I’m not even having sex. In the darkness, my sense of sound is amplified. I can also feel everything one thousand fold.
Summer’s muscles lock down and then she stiffens beneath me. She groans into my mouth as her pussy clenches around my fingers. I kiss her as she climaxes.
She squeezes my fingers until she eventually moves her head so she can take a gasping breath. My own breathing is just as ragged and my cock is threatening to poke through the roof of the bus. Her breathy voice fills the space as she whispers, “Holy shit, Sean… Wow… That was… Um, I wasn’t expecting that…”
Smirking in the dark, I nod and lean down to press a soft kiss to her lips. Hers cling to mine before she breaks it and sighs. I mutter, “Good morning… have a happy ending.”
I jump as her hand reaches over and she grips me through my lounge pants. She squeezes and says saucily, “Well, I got my happy ending… now allow me to give you yours, lover.” And she scoots down my body.
As her mouth closes over me, I moan into my forearm and hold on tight, until my muffled shout and quick, “I’m about to come, sweetheart… stop,” is ignored and I come in Summer’s mouth with her swallowing it.
Chapter Sixteen
Summer
We’re finally in Los Angeles. I could tell from the scents and sounds even if I couldn’t see outside the window. The traffic is unlike any other place, even New York. I’ve been up for about an hour and I’m in the main cabin of the bus holding my coffee cup as I stare out of the window.
We traveled all day yesterday, only stopping for gas and to eat a couple of times. Last night at the 10PM stop, Sean hopped back on his bus to get a good night’s sleep. Rafe is still here, though he and Daisy are asleep. He’s always here though. We’ve all gotten used to his presence on the bus. Sean stays here occasionally, but he also stays on their bus a lot. When he’s not here with me, we text.
Looking at the calendar, I see that we’ve been “dating” a few weeks now. It seems like longer sometimes. I wasn’t certain how this was going to go and if he’d be able to do this, but he’s really given it his all. Later today, we’re scheduled to go on the Ellen show and then tonight is the fundraiser. Tomorrow we have four appearances and the two interviews before the concert. And then the following day, we have the last TV segment and the final radio interviews before the concert. We’ll be back on the road shortly after we wrap tomorrow night.
It’s jam packed and we’re only a little more than a third of the way done with the tour. By the time we finish in Baton Rouge, I’m going to need to sleep for six months just to catch up.
I’m going over the itinerary as I sip my Community Coffee and muttering to myself, “Why the hell are we going from Los Angeles to Arizona to Chicago?!”
A chuckle has me looking up. Fannie is smiling down at me. She sighs. “Right?! It seems ass backwards, huh?!”
Jabbing the iPad screen, I groan. “Why do they always do that?! Wouldn’t it make the most sense to go in geographic order so we’re not backtracking or driving for two days to get to the next stop only to turn around and drive back to where we just were for the next one?!”
I hear her close the top and the Keurig growls as it makes her a piping hot cup of coffee. She looks at me as it brews. “It would make logistical sense, however, we’re in the entertainment industry girl. Nothing here makes a damn bit of sense.”
I nod. “True that.” She pours sugar into her cup and I gag as I see the sheer amount. “Damn girl, do you want some coffee with your sugar?!”
Her nose wrinkles and she laughs. “I know. I know. I like it sweet.”
I mutter, “Bleh. You just ruined that coffee. It’s not even coffee… It’s sugar sludge.” She laughs again and sits across from me. We both sip our coffee as we look out the window at the insane traffic. Horns are blaring outside the window as people zip by. Everyone is dodging and weaving as they alternate between slamming on their brakes and laying on their horns. We can see the mountains in the distance. Someone in a red convertible blares their horn as they pass us. They stare into the windows and flip us off before hitting the gas and tearing down the exit ramp. I shudder, “I could never drive here. I’d have a heart attack driving this freeway.”
Fannie nods and chuckles, “Welcome to LA.”
We look outside a bit longer and then Fannie sighs. I look over at her and notice the frown on her pretty face. “What’s up girl? What’s that deep sigh and that frown for?”
She looks at me with a start and then shrugs as she smirks. “Sorry, I didn’t know I was frowning outwardly.”
I nod and take another sip. “You were. So, what’s up?
“Nothing. Just thinking about things.” She grimaces. “You and Sean… y’all are so different… what made you decide to give him a chance?”
My brows draw together as I look at her. “He did. We are so different and you know we made out a few times, but that’s all it was. He was into sex and more sex and I’m not…” I blush. “Well, I mean I like sex, but you know what I mean.”
She nods. “I do. He was into sex with no strings and only having a good time whereas you are more into a relationship. But now you’re in a relationship…”
I nod. “We are. But I tried to date Jake. I liked Jake. He’s sweet and a really good guy. It just didn’t matter. Even when I was with Jake and I wanted to like Jake the way I liked Sean… it didn’t work. Sean was the one… the heart wants what the heart wants and well, mine wanted Sean.” I sigh. “Not that it would have mattered unless he wanted me, too. Which he eventually did. And now, surprise surprise, we’re a couple…” I look over at my friend. She looks troubled. Her green eyes are full of uncertainty. “Why are you asking, Fannie? Are you interested in someone?”
She shakes her head and smiles at me. It doesn’t clear her eyes though. “What? No, I mean… maybe…” She sighs. “Hell, I don’t know.”
I wrack my brain and then my feet hit the ground as I stare at her incredulously. “Who are you maybe interested in? Do I know this person?”
A cough and a chuckle has both of us looking into the doorway from the sleeping compartment. “Go ahead, tell her,” McKenzie says.
Fannie blushes and shakes her head, “Zip it, Kenz!”
I look from one to the other, “Seriously?! You know who she likes?! Why don’t I know?! Tell me!”
McKenzie laughs and says, “I’m getting some coffee… but of course I know. She’s my best friend.” She pins Fannie in place with her gaze. “You should tell her.”
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Fannie drinks the rest of her coffee as I stare at her and wait for my answer. Finally she sets the cup down and smirks, “Fine. But it’s really nothing.”
“So, tell me!”
She sighs and tightens the blonde top knot on her head. “Xavior… happy?!”
My jaw drops and I sputter, “Xavior Sanders?!”
McKenzie laughs musically and sits next to Fannie. Fannie blinks at me before rolling her eyes. “Yes, Xavior Sanders. What other Xavior do we know?!”
Fannie likes Xavior!? Like Xavior?!
As in the jokester drummer from Destiny Fades To Blue?!
The man who always has a line of women waiting for him after every show?!
But, she’s like Suzi Homemaker with her cooking and baking and craftiness… And he’s like… he’s a rock star… like Sean… and Rafe.
Well, son of a bitch…
Sean
I should be sleeping. I came on our bus last night so I could sprawl out and get a good night’s sleep. Only, I’m not sleeping…
I never really sleep that well when I’m not beside Summer anymore.
That’s not good, Sean. That’s really not good.
I mean, sure, we’re dating. And I’m into it. I’m really into it. The fact that I am so into it, kind of shocks me.
I knew I liked her and I wanted her to give me a chance, but I honestly thought I’d fuck it up super fast.
Only, I haven’t. Neither of us have. We’re actually pretty fucking awesome together. And now, I’m on my damn bus because I wanted a good night’s sleep and instead of sleeping, I’m staring at the bottom of Xavior’s bunk and wishing I was on the bus with Summer so I could be asleep with her scent all around me and her hair on my pillow.