Living Like A Vampire

by Jacky Dahlhaus

  Party pooper.

  Sue and I sat down on the two-seater opposite Charlie. We both dropped lower than expected due to the foamy seating being extensively worn below the tatty fabric, and we spilled our beers. We both laughed.

  “You girls already drunk? Must be the lukewarm-ness of the beer.”

  “Oh, shut it, Charlie,” Sue said. “We haven’t had a drop yet. And you know us. It takes more than one glass of beer to get us giggly.”

  “You may not want to taste this horse piss. It’s disgusting.” Charlie pulled a face while looking at his can.

  “Weapons?” I said, after giving up on trying to wipe the beer off my shirt.

  “Yeah, weapons,” Charlie repeated. “Things to defend ourselves with against suckers. Like the guy with the gun.” His free hand waved toward the reception building. “I’m assuming you don’t have fold-away pitchforks in your bags.”

  Sue and I glanced at each other.

  “I thought we were hiding here, so we wouldn’t have to fight any suckers,” Sue said. She appeared to like Charlie’s idea as much as I did.

  Charlie leaned on the side arm of his chair. “Gotta be prepared for everything. If suckers are spreading out from Portland, they’ll certainly come here. It’s probably just a question of when.”

  A scout is always prepared. Too bad it’s been a long time since I was a scout.

  “What did you bring?” I asked him.

  “A blowtorch.”

  “That doesn’t give off UV-light. It won’t stop them.” I thought about my Maglite and how ineffective my weapon would be.

  “Maybe not, but it’ll sure as hell burn them!” He chuckled and took another sip of his beer, followed by his face scrunching up again.

  ‘Sure as hell burn them.’ Nice word choice, Charlie.

  Sue wrinkled her nose. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the beer or her following words.

  “If it’s all the same to you, I don’t want to get that close to a sucker, thank you very much.”

  “I brought my Maglite,” I said to her.

  “I hope you aim for their teeth with it,” she said.

  I haven’t thought about where to hit them at all yet.

  I pretended to hit a sucker with my Maglite and imagined the pieces of teeth flying. As my imagination got me carried away, I wobbled my lips weirdly, exposing my teeth, which made Charlie chuckle. He was having more fun than Sue and I were, and I wondered if his awkward happiness was caused by being on edge. Whatever it was, I didn’t think there was anything funny and took another sip of the awfully lukewarm beer.

  Suddenly, I wished I owned a gun, despite the fact that I’d been dead against them my entire life. This was one of the reasons I wasn’t good at keeping in contact with my older sister Maxine and her Navy career husband. I’d always been of the opinion that if there weren’t any armed forces, there wouldn’t be any wars either. The sudden desire to hold a gun in my hands shocked me. Considering the current situation, I sat back and had an internal debate about the pros and cons of this unexpected violent wish.

  Why would I want a gun?

  Because I am exceptionally attached to my life and want to defend it by any means possible.

  But what if I accidentally shoot myself, or Sue or Charlie?

  Would I be able to shoot a person intentionally?

  There were too many questions involved in handling a gun, so I forced myself to stop thinking about it for now.

  Fortunately, I don’t have a gun to begin with anyway.

  I noticed nobody had said anything after Sue’s remark. We all seemed to be lost in our own thoughts. We finished our beers in silence and went to bed. None of us brought up keeping watch as we were all exhausted from the excitement of the past week. I said goodnight to Sue and turned off the bedside table light. She was asleep in no time. I followed her into dreamland shortly after, even Charlie’s snoring couldn’t keep me awake. I must have felt safe.

  Meeting the Neighbors

  The next morning, I woke to sounds and smells coming from the kitchen. My first thought was that I was back at home with Mom and Dad. It felt warm and fuzzy. As soon as I opened my eyes, I had a shock. It took me a moment to realize I was staring at myself in a huge wardrobe mirror. Never a pretty sight in the morning. Where was I and why couldn’t I move one of my legs? Too afraid to move, I let my gaze wander around the room. I found Sue still asleep next to me. It was one of her long legs pinning mine down. Carefully, I got out of bed without waking her. After putting on my skinny jeans, I went into the living room. Charlie stood in front of the stove, frying bacon and eggs.

  I love a man who can cook.

  “When did you get those?” My voice sounded groggy.

  “Hey, you’re up. You hungry?”

  “Like a horse,” I said and yawned. “I thought you didn’t eat meat?” I got some cutlery out of the kitchen drawer and put them on the table.

  “That’s right, I don’t, but I know you two do.”

  Now that’s thoughtful.

  “Thanks, smells great.”

  After I finished the table setting with plates and glasses, I stood beside Charlie for a while, looking at the eggs and bacon as he moved them around in the pan.

  “Do you think we should wake Sue?” I asked. My stomach grumbled, and I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to muffle the sound.

  “Is she still asleep?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Then no, let her sleep for a while longer. You never know how little sleep we’ll have the coming night.”

  Man, you sure are the party pooper.

  I rolled my eyes without Charlie noticing. I was hoping for a normal day without talk of suckers and doom and death.

  “There’s OJ over there,” he said and with his spatula pointed at paper bags on the floor.

  Following his instruction, I found a carton of orange juice in one of the bags. I filled two of the glasses I’d put on the table. As I put the carton in the refrigerator, toast popped out of the toaster. I buttered them, and Charlie let the eggs slide from the pan onto them.

  “You want Sue’s egg?” he asked.

  “No thanks, too much cholesterol for me. You have it.” A yawn escaped my mouth again. I still wasn’t fully awake.

  “I don’t count that stuff,” Charlie muttered as he shoved the third egg onto his plate. He put half of the bacon my plate and put the pan back on the benchtop. We sat down and had breakfast together.

  “How’s the bunk bed?” I asked him just before stuffing the egg yolk into my mouth. The yellow liquid ran over my tongue, and I savored the delicious taste. At the same time, I felt rather guilty about Sue and me shoving Charlie into that small room.

  “It’s okay,” he said.

  Whether he was telling the truth or not, I couldn’t tell.

  I got dressed, and after Sue woke, I draped a few of my black clothing items over the bed for her to pick and choose. Sue didn’t see the point though.

  “Why would I want to wear your clothes?” she said.

  “Look, we may need to hide in the shadows and your outfits just won’t do,” I explained. “You might as well wear a banner with the slogan ‘Bite me’ on it.” She stared at me through half-lidded eyes. “Your clothes are too bright, Sue.” I hoped she understood I was talking survival here.

  She took a bit of convincing, but in the end agreed to wear my over-sized black hoodie. She couldn’t fit her big butt and long legs into any of my skinny jeans, so we agreed she wore her own dark purple chinos.

  When we got out of the bedroom together, Charlie was doing the dishes. He flashed a huge grin in our direction.

  “Are you going to share with us what’s so funny?” I said.

  Without a blink he replied. “Oh, it’s just that you girls took so long getting dressed that for a moment I thought you must have been killed by suckers.”

  “So why didn’t you come save us?” Sue dared him, taking the bait.

  “Because I knew
the fashion police was in control of the situation.”

  There was a micro-second of communication between Sue and me, and in unison we grabbed the couch cushions and pummeled Charlie with them. In return, Charlie splashed us with the dishwashing water. It felt wonderful to have a good laugh.

  Charlie hadn’t unpacked the groceries he had bought yet, so Sue and I did this together. Charlie had bought as much long-life food as he could get his hands on; lots of canned food, energy bars, orange juice, long-life milk, and, of course, more beer.

  We’d just put everything away in the cupboards when there was a knock on the door. Sue and I looked at each other, expecting the other to know who it could be. Charlie was the one to realize that because it was daytime, there couldn’t be any suckers out there trying to recruit our souls. He opened the door. A man and a woman stood on the doorstep.

  Please don’t tell me you are Jehovah’s Witnesses.

  The man had a tight the grip on the shovel he was holding.

  “Hi, we’re your neighbors, from cabin No.7,” the woman said and stuck her hand out to Charlie. Charlie had to open the screen door and lean forward, into the light, to shake it. The woman smiled at her husband as Charlie shook her hand.

  “My name is Moira,” the woman continued. “This is my husband, Paul, and these are our kids, Fiona and Patrick.” The kids had been standing out of view, and the woman called them over to come and shake hands with Charlie. As soon as they came within distance, Paul pushed them behind his back. So instead, they waved at us. The three of us returned the wave.

  I was perplexed. We were here in hiding and intent on not staying any longer than was absolutely necessary. I hadn’t thought this warranted us to introduce ourselves to our neighbors.

  Nobody said anything.

  Awkward.

  After a few seconds of staring at each other, my manners kicked in.

  “Um, do you perhaps want to come in and have a cup of coffee?”

  “No, no, that’s fine,” Paul said. “We have stuff to do, dig holes and such.” He indicated the shovel he was holding as if we hadn’t noticed it before. Moira shot him an angry look.

  “Oh, okay,” I said. “Actually, I don’t even know if we have coffee.” I couldn’t remember coming across it as we had unpacked the bags, but maybe Sue had unpacked it. “Do we?” I turned to Sue, then Charlie.

  “Eh, no, we don’t. I forgot to get coffee. Sorry,” Charlie replied. He wiggled the door a little while shuffling one foot nonchalantly. He knew he was in trouble because he knew Sue and I always drank coffee at our morning break at school. He then looked at the family and shrugged his shoulders.

  “Well, it was nice to meet you anyway. We won’t keep you any longer,” Moira said and ushered her family back to cabin No.7. As they walked away, we could hear her say to her husband, “See, they aren’t suckers at all. You were worried about nothing.”

  Charlie closed the door and, as one, the three of us laughed.

  “How awkward was that,” I said.

  “Yeah, no coffee,” Sue grumbled as she shot a menacing glance at Charlie and began throwing couch cushion at him again.

  “I said I was sorry, my lady,” Charlie joked while defending himself. “You can lock me up in your dungeon if you want to punish me.”

  “You are so lucky they don’t have dungeons here,” Sue said after she was sure Charlie had repented with enough sincerity and had offered to go to the camp store again to get coffee.

  Checking Out the Campground

  After Charlie returned from the camp store and Sue and I had a coffee, we decided to check out the campground. It was light after all and safe to do so.

  Piney Creek appeared to be a decent size campground. I counted ten cabins along the path from the reception building. Apart from these, we walked past lots of RV’s and camper trailers parked on both sides of the winding paths that crisscrossed the site. Quite a number of these mobile holiday homes had permanent-looking furniture in front of them.

  Why would people want to go to the same holiday spot, year in, year out? It seems so boring.

  We came to an empty field along the riverside. The wind blew across it and gave me a chill. A few light green patches in the grass were evidence there had been tents here recently.

  Who wants to camp in October?

  Most of the tent field was level, with only the last third slightly sloping down to the river. There were a handful of canoes tied up to a jetty and a metal dinghy lay upside down on the riverbank.

  “Hey guys, you wanna go canoeing?” Sue asked. She pointed to the sign that said we had to contact the office to use the canoes. Charlie and I both shook our heads.

  Too cold, Sue.

  Instead, I hooked my arm through Sue’s and smiled at her. She smiled back at me. The wind picked up and I pulled my jacket’s collar up to keep the wind out. The three of us walked on without talking. I wasn’t in the mood for chitchat as I couldn’t shake the worry for my family.

  I wondered who Charlie’s loved ones were. Sue was an only child, though I knew she had an extensive family back home with lots of uncles, aunties, nieces, and nephews. She had told us she was worried for all of them. Charlie didn’t seem lonely or sad. He once told me his parents had died in a car crash, years ago, and that he was a single child. He only had one distant aunt and no pets. So, I wondered whom he cared for.

  When we neared the back of the camp store, I spotted a playground. A sprinkle of childhood sentiment overtook me. I let go of Sue and ran to the swings. I planted my bum on the little wooden bench, pushed off, and tried to swing as high as possible. Sue followed suit. Together we giggled like toddlers. Charlie smiled at us and jumped on one of those turning platforms. His smile seemed to get bigger every time he came round. When I was at the highest point of my swing, the chains slacking, I let go and jumped. I almost lost my balance, but managed to stumble to the turning platform and gave it a big push as I joined Charlie on the opposite side. Charlie kept stepping to keep the platform spinning. We had to hang on to the metal bars for dear life if we didn’t want to fall off.

  As I was swinging around I closed my eyes. The cold wind on my face and through my hair felt like I could take on anything and anybody. The rush of the moment was amazing. I opened my eyes again and saw that Charlie was laughing too. The faster we turned, the more I wished time could stand still.

  Sue had stopped swinging and walked over to us. I realized that the turning platform was going too fast for her to jump on, but I didn’t want to let go of this delight. So I clung to the metal bar a bit tighter.

  “Ugh, I need to get off this thing,” I said after another few rounds of growing guilt. “I think I’m going to puke.”

  At once, Charlie slowed the platform by dragging his foot on the ground. I took my chances. Of course, I fell over due to the fact that we were still going way too fast to get off safely and the centrifugal forces kept on playing havoc with my balance. I laughed as I rolled over the grass, but nevertheless, Charlie jumped off the platform and ran toward me in his spin-off, miraculously staying afoot. He asked me if I was okay as he leaned with his hands on his knees to stay upright himself. I noted that his face was as green as mine must have been.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” I said a moment later after my head had stopped spinning. I sat up. When Charlie got his full bearing back, he offered me his hand and helped me get up. “Let’s go back,” I said.

  “Yeah, good idea,” he replied.

  “Aw, spoilsports.” Sue moaned. She had stepped onto the merry-go-round and was spinning around slowly. “I wanted to have a go too.”

  “Oh, you can have a go if you want. I don’t mind,” Charlie said, waving his hands. “But I’m not going back on that thing again because I probably will return my breakfast if I do.”

  “In that case, forget about it, I’m not into recycling that much,” Sue said. She jumped off the platform.

  “Okay then, let’s go back.” I put one arm over Charlie’s shou
lder and my other around Sue’s waist. Considering the situation, I felt pretty good at that moment. It was as if we just had had a good Friday night at the bar in Bullsbrook and were half-drunk on our way home, as normal.

  First Shift

  We didn’t meet anybody else during our little expedition, but we knew there were lots of other people around. Like last night, now and again you saw a curtain move, heard voices or snoring. The closer we came to our cabin, the more I realized how many people were here, and I didn’t think this was normal for the time of year. It also didn’t make me feel any safer. The place was supposed to be a hideaway, not a takeaway place for suckers.

  Back in our cabin, we played card games with two packs Charlie had thoughtfully brought along. After lunch, he suggested we try to sleep as we had decided it would be a good idea to take turns to stay awake during the night. We all went to lie on our beds and I didn’t have a problem falling asleep at all. Lunch had been plentiful, which helped me drift off as soon as I lay my head down.

  In the evening we agreed to each take two-and-a-half hour shifts. I took the first shift as I was the one who’d slept the longest that afternoon and was feeling the most awake. Sue hadn’t slept at all during the afternoon and was rather tired by midnight. Charlie and I were happy for her to take the last watch. Charlie was okay with taking the second watch and having his sleep interrupted. I knew I would never be able to cope with that, so I was very relieved when he said he didn’t mind.

  Keeping watch was boring. There was no TV and no radio. I did try them, just in case, but had no luck. I struggled to stay awake after a while. I learned you can only do so many games of solitaire before you get fed up with the odds of making it to the end. The only thing that kept me awake were the sounds coming from outside. There was an owl hooting and pigeons cooing.

  I thought pigeons slept at night.

  I could hear the leaves of the trees rustling in the wind. They dappled the moonlight on the curtains, and their shadows moved as the trees swayed. It was a welcome distraction from the drab and still interior of the cabin.