Best in Bed

by Cheryl Dragon

  “Who knows? Don’t try to analyze him. Try to learn from this hideous experience with an idiot. That’s how you pick out the liars.”

  “Why bother? Who needs men? I’ll die a virgin. At least I’ll avoid the zillion horrible men it could’ve taken me to learn this lesson. They’re all creeps like Lucas.” Jen’s voice had an edge of bitterness.

  “Tim,” I corrected. At least I now knew she hadn’t slept with this Tim/Lucas imposter. “Don’t go that far. My sisters found some decent guys. Lori’s Nick never cheated or lied while they were a couple. Those guys are harder to find. You can’t give up this fast.”

  “I deserved this.” Jen nodded.

  “No, you didn’t. You’ve never done anything mean in your life.” I tried to decide if alcohol would help or hurt Jen.

  “It’s karma. I dated your ex-boyfriend. Or at least a man who I thought was your ex-boyfriend. I felt so guilty. I couldn’t help it myself. He was so sweet and cute and fun. I really believed he liked me. I was crazy about him. I never felt that way before.”

  “And then you found out he was lying,” I finished. “Jen, I was through with Lucas a long time ago. I don’t want him back, I never did. Don’t feel guilty about that part. Especially since it wasn’t even really Lucas. Be mad at this Tim guy for lying. I have half a mind to call Lucas and warn him about what Tim did.”

  “No, don’t.” Jen looked concerned.

  “Why not? He’s impersonating Lucas to pick up women. Lucas has a wife and kids who I’m sure wouldn’t appreciate that. I have no idea why, but what if you aren’t the only one Tim’s doing this with?” I suggested. “What if he does this a lot? What if he doesn’t even work there? What if he’s a scam artist taking advantage of women?”

  “I don’t think so.” Jen sat up and went to the kitchen. She got a bottle of wine and a half-gallon of ice cream. “He had a pass card to the right office and didn’t sound smooth or scripted.”

  “You actually made it up to the office with Tim?” I was surprised.

  “Yeah, I got that far and he offered to help me since he worked there. When I told him I was looking for Lucas, he just looked shocked. He said that I was looking for him. It was so genuine.” She shrugged and stuffed a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

  “Okay, so he works there and you knew that much was true.” I paced the room and wondered if I should call Lucas.

  Tim had said Lucas was married with kids. That made sense and now that I believed Tim worked there, I started to buy that Lucas was married with kids. He certainly wouldn’t like the idea that a kid in the office was using his name and higher position to get women. On the other hand, Jen brought up the name Lucas—not Tim.

  “What is it, Marina?” Jen asked.

  “I’m not sure if I should bother calling Lucas or not.” I wandered to the kitchen and grabbed a wine glass and a spoon. Then I joined Jen on the sofa for the ice cream binge. “I’ll let you decide that.”

  Before my second spoonful, I remembered her saliva phobia. “I’ll grab a bowl.” I started to get up. Jen shook her head and offered the carton.

  “If I can kiss a guy when I don’t even know his real name, I can share ice cream.” She smiled.

  “Now that’s real progress.” I clinked my glass of merlot against hers and took another huge spoonful of rocky road. I was very proud in a big sister kind of way.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jen on her High Horse

  My apartment looked like a florist shop. At least five dozen roses decorated my apartment. Tim might be a liar but he wasn’t a cheap liar.

  I'd read the first card from Tim, asking me to forgive him and hear him out. After that I just found a spot and stuck the vase of flowers there. I didn’t need to start crying again and his notes sounded so sincere.

  I'd called in sick to work for the past two days, ever since Lucas had confessed to being Tim. Marina had kept me from going over the edge that first day and quitting or moving home to Wisconsin. The depression had yet to go away though. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to run away. Gullible me wanted to hear Tim out, yet I’d fallen for too much already.

  I’d been a fool. I'd missed huge glowing neon warning signs. Lesson learned but that was a pretty awful way to do it. I was naïve.

  The phone rang again. I had the answering machine volume turned down so I didn't have to listen. Tim had given up calling after one day. I’d saved the messages. My friends tried to keep tabs on my mood.

  I couldn't bear to listen to his voice.

  I'd heard his apology in the restaurant but that didn't excuse his actions. What possible explanation could he give?

  So, my couch and the cast of Days of Our Lives had become my friends while Lori and Marina were at work. I’d tried Jerry Springer on the advice of one of my dumb brothers. He thought I’d feel better about myself seeing those people’s real problems. All I saw was myself in a bad tube top starring in one of those stories.

  Besides, the men on Days looked a whole lot better with their shirts off. Jerry’s guests, who frequently took off way too much, were mostly gross. And soaps fed my romantic fantasy world. That was probably a bad thing even though it felt good. Right now, I needed it.

  It made me feel safe anyway. My mom had watched this soap opera when I was a little girl and I got to watch it on summer breaks or when I was at home sick from school. Bo and Hope looked older but not the twenty years it'd been...amazing they were the same actors.

  And they were still my friends. Their love was pure and true and any identity questions were blamed on the evil Stefano. It was nice to know the good guys from the bad guys so clearly. True love like Bo and Hope’s only occurred in Salem, U.S.A. Too bad we didn't know what state that town was in or I'd move there.

  The rest of the day, I avoided my phone, cleaning, and any talk show dealing with relationships. When desperate, I’d replay Days of Our Lives.

  Tim and I didn't qualify as a relationship, no matter how much it hurt. I understood Lori’s fear and frustration, even if only a little bit. Letting someone else hurt you like this was insane. Love was my new definition for insanity.

  There was a knock on the door. I turned down the TV volume to make sure it wasn’t my shows. Must be six o’clock. "Who is it?" I didn't move from the couch where I was sprawled in flannel pajama pants, a Curious George t-shirt, and cocooned in a fleece blanket.

  "It’s Marina. Open the door." Came the reply and the door shook as she tried the knob. I’d locked my door today on the off chance that Tim had tracked me down. Then again, maybe I wanted him to stop by. I couldn’t be caught looking like this.

  "Coming." I dragged myself off of the couch and undid the locks. I opened the door and immediately turned around and went right back to the sofa.

  "How are you doing?" Marina asked. She stepped inside and closed the door, locking it just in case. Marina did something in the kitchen. I remained oblivious.

  I shrugged. "I learned to the lock my door finally. Proud of me?"

  "Thrilled. Didn't go to work again?" she asked.

  I shook my head and grabbed another cookie. My eyes stayed glued to the television.

  "Jen, no man is worth this. You can't hide in here forever." Marina made a space on the coffee table, moving chip bags and candy bar wrappers out of the way, to sit. “You’ll run out of sick and vacation time eventually.”

  "Don't care." I didn't care down to the tips of my toes. I didn't even care that I was talking with my mouth full. “Haven’t heard about my interview either and I don’t care about that either. Doesn’t matter anymore.”

  "Lucas called me." Marina took my remote and turned the television off for the first time in two days. She could be so bossy when she wanted.

  As long as the TV was on, I wasn't alone with my thoughts. And Nick at Nite's sitcoms from my growing up years were very soothing at two in the morning. Sleeping was harder than it should be when you’re depressed. It’d feel better just to sleep and wakeup when it was over.
>
  "Lucas/Lucas or Tim/Lucas?" I asked.

  "Lucas/Lucas," she said. "Tim talked to him about the whole mess. Confessed everything."

  "Great now your ex-boyfriend knows what a fool I was." I pulled a blanket up over my head. “Hope the whole office had a huge laugh over me.”

  "No, not like that. It means Tim isn't doing this regularly or on purpose. "

  I shrugged. “I didn’t even believe him when he told the truth. I thought it was joke to get out of the lunch with you.”

  "Lucas actually called to tell me how great Tim is. And how miserable he’s been since he upset you."

  "Lucas said that he’s a good guy?" I asked from under the blanket.

  "Yeah, and he doesn't say nice things about people very often. Tim is actually Lucas’ employee so he knows. For whatever it’s worth."

  "You're on his side now?" I glared at my friend. I needed support not betrayal.

  “No, he was absolutely wrong and he knows it. Lucas was pissed that Tim did this. Apparently, you were so determined to get to Lucas that you weren’t willing to give Tim your number or accept a date. Then when he did tell you…”

  “I thought it was a joke. Who does that?” I punched a throw pillow hard and stayed under the blanket.

  “I know, I know. I’m not defending him. I told Lucas I’d tell you some things about Tim. He’s thirty-one, a good employee who has never been married, and has no kids. Lucas said he’s nice and decent guy. Tim screwed up big time but if Lucas was willing to call on his behalf, he has to have good points too.”

  It finally dawned on me that Marina had had contact with her ex. She’d actually talked to Lucas. At least the plan had been completed on my end. I peeked out from under the blanket. “You talked to Lucas?”

  Marina nodded. “He’s married with three kids, like Tim said. We caught up and we’re not interested in each other. Are you happy now?”

  I shrugged. “At least you talked to him.”

  “Are you going to go back to work tomorrow, Jen?” Marina asked.

  “I don’t know. Might as well call off on Friday too.” I inhaled and tried to wake up. Something smelled good. “What’s that?”

  “I stopped on the way home. Mom made vegetable soup and some salad to go with her bread. It’s her cure for depression. I realize you and Frito-Lay Company have a new relationship and Ben and Jerry’s is now your primary source of calcium. But a little real food can’t hurt. Want a bowl?” she asked.

  I nodded and waited as Marina got up and brought back a bowl of soup, a plate of salad and two hunks of bread. She handed me the bowl.

  “I can’t eat all of that,” I protested.

  “If you can stuff yourself with junk food for three days, sure you can. Who cares if you blow up to Jabba the Hut size and we have to get a crane to get you off the couch in a year.” Marina handed me a spoon.

  Fine, she’d made her point. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, focusing on her and making eye contact for the first time. “Sorry I’ve been a mess.” I took a bite of the bread and felt better.

  “Sometimes you have to be a bitch to make your point. Doesn’t bother me.” Marina shrugged and took the other piece of bread. “You’re only hurting yourself by letting Tim get to you like this.”

  “So what do I do? Hear him out? Forget him?” I asked. The soup smelled so good I dug in. Junk food was not enough to live on.

  “I don’t know,” Marina admitted. “Both would be a step. Which step is right is up to you. Do you want to hear him out? Do you care? If it’ll help you get over what he did, do it. If you’re better off just forgetting about him, then get back to your routine.”

  I chewed and thought. “Too soon to tell,” I concluded. It was nice that, for once, Marina didn’t have the answer. Part of me wanted her to tell me what to do but I had to be an adult about this.

  “Fair enough. You won’t find the answer here.” Marina took the salad and ate, careful not to spill on the floor. “You might want to start cleaning here first and then get back to work on Monday.”

  “Wow.” I stared at Marina in disbelief.

  “What?” she asked.

  “If you’re telling me I need to clean, I’m really out of control.” I started to laugh.

  Marina took one of my throw pillows and smacked my shoulder. “You’re lucky Lori will be here soon. I can’t take much more of the Tim and Lucas drama.”

  “I don’t need to be babysat by both of you,” I argued. “I can wallow on my own.”

  “No, just one babysitter. I have to go get my mother’s car from Nick’s garage. I told Mom I’d go with her. So Lori will be here soon for her shift.” Marina went to the fridge and got a can of Diet Coke.

  “I’ll be fine until Lori gets here,” I said. “Don’t be late on my account.”

  Marina studied me, her hand on her hip and long fingernails tapping. I could tell she was trying to decide if she should trust me or not.

  “I have real food, the soap opera channel, and cleaning to do. I’ll be fine. And Lori won’t let me get away with acting stupid either.”

  “You promise you’ll be good?” she asked.

  “I swear, Mom.” I gave her my most angelic face and fluttered my eyelashes.

  “Fine, I don’t believe you. I’ll check in on you tomorrow after work.” Marina left and I locked the door behind her. Five minutes later I was back on the couch, blanket over my head, asleep.

  ~* * *~

  The loud pounding on my door dragged me from my weird dreams about Tim. Lori shouted at me from the other side. She sounded pissed.

  I rolled off the couch and dragged myself to the door. Lack of movement made your muscles hurt worse than going to the gym. I didn't like this feeling at all.

  "What’s wrong with you?" I opened the door and Lori stumbled in.

  "I've been knocking for ten minutes." Lori stopped cold. "Marina wasn't exaggerating."

  "I know, I know, it’s a mess. A disaster area. You still didn't have to pound on the door like I'd swallowed a whole bottle of aspirin. I'm not that bad to be suicidal over a man."

  "Glad to hear that." Lori dug into the salad and soup then handed me a large envelope.

  "What is it?" I asked.

  "How the hell should I know?" Lori shrugged. "It was stuck under your door. Too big for our little mailboxes downstairs, I guess."

  I looked at it. There was no return address or postage. I had a funny feeling that it was from Tim. He’d gone from flowers to who knew what.

  "Are you psychic or are you going to open it?" Lori settled in an overstuffed chair since I'd clearly taken over the couch.

  "You open it." I handed it to her.

  "It's not mine," she argued.

  "Please," I begged.

  "No," she refused.

  "It's from Tim. I know it is. I don't want to backslide." It sounded good and rational, I hoped.

  "You'll go to work on Monday?" Lori asked. Clearly Marina had briefed her via cell phone before the handoff of babysitting shifts.

  "I promise. Cleaning tomorrow and work on Monday." I crossed my heart.

  "Fine." Lori ripped open the envelope and scanned the top page of a thick stack stapled together.

  "Well?" I asked.

  "You said you didn't want to know." Lori set it aside and looked around the room. "You do need to clean in here, Jen. It's not like you at all."

  She really wasn't going to tell me. How could she do this? I stopped the panic. I could handle this or pretend to. "I know. I'll do it tomorrow."

  "Good." Lori nodded and kept eating.

  "You don't have to stay late with me. I know you have to go to work tomorrow." Maybe if I got her to go I could peek at the papers. They had to be from Tim or she’d have told me what they really were.

  "No, I don't. I took the day off." Lori smiled and kept reading.

  "Why? What are you doing?" That wasn't like Lori. An unscheduled day off. Any day off was weird but normally they were carefully planned.


  "I have something I need to do." She shrugged.

  "What?" I persisted.

  "I thought I might go and talk to Nick." Her eyes stayed glued to the paper.

  "Really? That’s great." I couldn't hide my smile and hugged her tightly.

  "Calm down. We aren't back together yet. And you can't tell Marina." Lori's face went dead serious at that and her lawyer finger jabbed at me.

  "Why not?" I pouted.

  "She doesn't need to know about this until the results are in." Lori got out of the chair and rummaged through my freezer. Of course, she took the papers with her. She was going to torture me.

  "What are you looking for?" I asked.

  "Ice cream."

  "That won't help your nerves." I helped her anyway and found chocolate ice cream for her.

  "You're one to talk. You've got more wrappers and chip bags than a convenience store." She finally settled down in the chair again and dug into the carton. “I need a little comfort food.”

  I started to clean up the garbage. After a few minutes of quiet, I couldn't wait anymore.

  "Lori, what was in the envelope?" I demanded.

  "A background check complete with criminal record." She shrugged.

  "What? Whose?" I flopped on the couch confused.

  "Tim's. There's a note too. Basically he had a background check run on himself for your review."

  "Like that matters. He lied and at the last minute tried to save his ass." I fumed as I tried to take the papers. Lori quickly sat on them.

  "Give it. It's going in the trash." I grabbed again. I had to get rid of Tim.

  "No, that's not the right attitude," Lori scolded.

  "Excuse me? He's a liar and my attitude is very much justified."

  "If Nick feels that way, he won't even hear me out tomorrow. I didn’t lie. By believing him, I screwed up our relationship. Do you want to ruin my hopes? Why should I ever go then?" Lori was such a lawyer! Too smooth and went for the jugular. I felt like I’d walked right into it.

  "I don't know what to do about it. I barely know the guy." I wrapped the blanket around myself again. He felt like a stranger and yet not.

  "No, no getting sad again. You’re not allowed." Lori caught the tail of my blanket and unraveled me with freakish strength.