The Thursday clinic

by Anne Lorraine

  CHAPTER TEN

  THEN BEGAN FOR Salty, for the second time in her life, nightmare hours of pain and delirium. Sometimes she confused the acddent with the previous tragedy, and dien she would call wildly for her father, would weep because her mother did not come to her. At other times she knew nobody, was consdous only of waves of pain and exhaustion, almost too great to bear. Then would come a period of drifting, when she felt utterly at peace. One of her first sensible, coherent thoughts was that Laurence Chesfield was free. She lay for a time, letting this realization soak into her brain, permeate her being. Joan was dead poor, unhappy Joan. They had said something about her being too ill to stand up to the shock, and so Laurence was free to love, and be loved, by Salty. She could be proud of her love now, no longer furtive and ashamed. Nodiing and nobody stood between them, not any longer. ,. . She waited for the great moment of complete realization, of unutterable joy which must surely come to her now. Laurence was free Laurence was free! -She repeated the words to herself, over and over again, like a chant, persuading herself that they were too wonderful to beheve, telling herself that when she dared to believe, then and only then, would she experience the full wonder and joy of this new freedom. She had grown fond of Joan and she mourned her loss in all honesty and Sincerity, but it Joan was ill, as they seemed to think, maybe she would have died, soon in any case? Anyway, the result was the same Laurence was free. She waited, patiently at first, then with growing fever and anxiety for the great joy to come to her. Her dream 181 was about to be realized, and what happened? She feltnothing . . . nodting! Panic mounted in her steadily, setting her pulses bounding, her temperature rising. She slipped back into ddirium again, and called weakly the only name she could remember the name which she had came to associate with help and advice. "Alan " she called fretfully, and with increasing petulance, "I want to talk to Allan! Why don't you let him come to me? You're keeping him away, and you know I want him. He'd come if you,told him I wanted him. It's janie " she remembered Janie with a jolt. "It's Janie who won't let him come! That's what it is, of course it's Janie " She grew weaker, and die hours of delirium longer. She did not know when Matron came and sat by the bed,-for hours at a time, watching Sally grow thinner and paler, with every hour that passed. She saw nothing of Laurence, when he bent over her bed, calling her name, imploring her to answer him. Nurses came and went, but she knew none of them. When Alan Trenton came to her bedside she stared at him blankly, and continued to call his name fretfully, demanding to know why be was being kept away so long.The crisis came at last, a night of never-ending pain, when she wept from sheer weariness and despair. She had been put in a private room, and the night nurse had left the door ajar whilst she slipped into the kitchen to make tea. Sally opened her eyes to ari empty room, and panic swept down upon her a panic which was, though she did not know it, chiefly composed of the subconscious memory of the last time she had been in such a plight. Instantly she new a great longing for something to hold on to, something to ward off the awful blackness which threatened to submerge her if she closed her eyes again ... "Hold my hand!" she cried pitifully, "Hold my hand . . . please. ..."; And miraculously he was there, holding on to her, clasping her weak, useless fingers with strength ,and reassurance."It's all right. Sally," whispered that same wonderful voice. "Hold on I'm here. I'll be here all the time, dar182 ling so just hold on for all you're worth. It's going S be all right, I promise " "Of course it is," she said petulantly, wondering how anyone could be so stupid. "I'll be all right now " The fingers tightened slightly, and the voice grew softer, more entreating. "I know you will, darling," the voice said, eargerly, lovingly. "You just remember that I love you that I am waiting for you. Come back to me. Sally, darling come back to me! I'm waiting for you, remember diat " She didn't quite understand, not yet. Somehow it was all as before, and she was safe. With that hand to hold her she would always be safe, but there was somediing she did not understand, only Alan could explain it to her. If he could come now, whilst this wonderful hand held her safe, he could make her understand everydiing. He would tell 'her why she couldn't feel happy now diat Laurence ' was free he would explain why she could only remember that Joan had been very ill, and unhappy. Alan could always explain Her hand fluttered inside the strong fingers, and she whispered die name which had been so constantly on her lips. "Alan " "Don't worry, dearest," the voice urged her gently. "Just hold on to me, and go to sleep. You'll understand everything when you wake up. I promise." Dear Larry, she diought confusedly he was always so kind. In the morning she would wake up loving him as she used to do, free of all this stupid bewilderment and pain. So long as he held her hand she would be all right. Hadn't he said so? She slept quietly, for the first time free of fever and Eain. In the early hours of die morning she awakened, lissfully, comfortable, her mind dear and comprehending at last. She made to turn over in the bed, and felt fingers tighten convulsively around her hand. Surprised, she turned her head to see who held her. Memory flooded back, and with it gratitude which was like a rush of warm blood to her cheeks. Laurence had saved her life again . . . She turned her head to look at him, and there, in the 183 chair by the bed, still holding her hand although he was asleep, was Alan Trenton. Sally lay quiet, staring at him, wrapped in a haze of bewilderment and wonder. Alan! It had been Alan who had come to her in the nightmare hours, who had sat beside her and kept her clinging on to life, filling her with his strength, his determination, his will for her to live! Not Laurence, as she had supposed but Alan! A great peace seemed to be filling her, an utter and overwhelming serenity such as she had never known before. She knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the man sitting there so silently by the bed, was the man she loved. This was the reason she had been so tormented and vexed all through the long months now past here was the reason why she could capture no real delight at knowing Laurence was free. Here, at last, was the realization of her dreams, the end of all her seeking. It was too late, she realized tenderly, but even that did not matter. Alan might not love her any more, but nothing in the world could alter the fact that she loved him. All too long she had been blinded by her feelings for Laurence, but now she could look at them dispassionately, know them for what they were. And what were diey? She tried, desperately hard, to sort out her emotions regarding Laurence, to strip them of their fancy names, their exaggerated importance. She smiled to herself, wistfully, recognizing, at last, the blind hero-worship widi which she had surrounded Laurence the childish gratitude because he had saved her life, and offered an incentive for living the infatuation because he became associated for ever in her mind with powers of healing and saving. To a child he had become someone to be placed on a pedestal, or a leader whom she would gladly and humbly follow. But not the man she loved, now that she was a woman. In Laurence, she decided, groping towards the truth with great care, she had tried to find her lost parents, her lost home. and all that made life worth living. She had thought to find again, in him, all that she had thought lost for ever. His immediate liking for her, his praise of her work, had filled her with ambitious thoughts, and wild fancies. Now all that was over. She saw Laurence in his true colors a fine surgeon, 184 ' a splendid doctor, an affectionate and good friend. But no more. She tried, quite gently, to pull her hand from Alan's restraining grasp. But he started violently, and opened his eyes in swift concern. "Salty?" "It's all right," she told him quickly, touched by the fear in his eyes. "I mean that, Alan I am extraordinarily well this morning. I can scarcely believe it " "Oh, Sally Sally- " To her shocked surprise he knelt down beside her bed, and put his head down between his hands. "Dear God thank You!" she heard him say fervently, "thank You thank You!" He lifted his head then, and looked at her, and she saw the unashamed tears in his eyes, "Sally, oh, my dear, if you knew if you knew " "Alan get up!" she urged him tenderly. "Please get up! I'm so sorry waking you suddenly like that. It can be so upsetting " She talked on, anxious to give him time to regain his composure. He walked over to the window, and stood looking down into the yard outs
ide. Presently he turned and came back to her, his eyes slightly ashamed. "Fine fool I made of myself, eh, Sally?" he demanded briskly. "As you say, I was tired and you made me jump almost out of my skin. Truth to tell, I was scared stiff, last night, that you were going to give us the slip, and that's a fact. But now " he laughed uncertainly, and picked up her wrist, "mighty good doctor I'm turning out to be, eh? Haven't even checked your pulse. Nurse will be coming in, and I'll get roundly scolded, I'll be bound. And not for the first time, you wretched girl. Don't make a habit of dinging to me, literally, for dear life, will you?"She frowned a little, bewildered by his words. 'Vague memories came drifting back to her memories of the night before, when strong fingers had gripped hers, a voice had urged her to come back. If it had been Alan, how was it that it had been so exactly as before? Impulsively she took his hand in hers and held it, feeling the strong, square185 tipped fingers, the hard skin of the thumb. He watched her, amused by her, probing. "Well?" he prompted. "What's the verdict, or do you need finger-prints to convince you?" "But it couldn't have been " she began worriedly, "that first time you weren't even there " He sat down and, laughing, took her hands in his and held them tighdy. "I was there all right," he told her softly, "but such small fry that not even you, as a patient, would have noticed me. I was a very raw student, Sally and I mean raw! It was at the Kenson Hospital when you were brought in I was pretty bowled over by it all, you know I was very young, and I knew that your father had died, and that your mother was likely to die, and you oh. Lord " he laughed reminiscently. "You were such a funny little kid and I was so worried about you. Naturally when I knew Chesfield was looking after you, I felt pretty sure you'd he all right, but one night I wasn't supposed to be in the ward at all, mind you, but I just had to find out how you were getting on. I discovered they had put you in a Erivate room, so that gave me the chance I wanted. The ttle nurse was a good sort, poor kid she let me in to see you. I sat by you for a long time, and when you kept asking me to hold your hand . . . well, I did just that. The nurse came to warn me when Chesfield was on his way to see you, and naturally I beat a hasty retreat. I never saw you again not until you joined the staff at Merry's. For a time I wondered where on earth I had seen you before and when I realized, well " he shrugged his broad shoulders, "what could I do about it?" "You could have told me!" she cried indignantly. "Why on earth didn't you?" He smiled wryly."If was too late," he said simply. "I was already in love with you, and I didn't want to use any hero-worship stuff to better my case with you. Not that I need have bothered , he turned away. "It was always Chesfield, from the moment he came back into your life, wasn't it, Sally? I I want you to know that I'm glad you're going to be happy, dear, Laurence Chesfield is a fine chap, and now that he's 186 s. free you can be happy together. That's the main thing, that you should be happy and now you are free to accept diat happiness, both of you " "I'm not free," she began slowly, "I m not going to marry Laurence, Alan not that he has asked me to do so, but if he does I still can't marry him not now." He swung round to look at her, his eyes troubled. "But that's foolish, dear," he told her softly. "Listen, Salty if you have any mistaken idea about Joan, I can put your mind at rest. What happened was actually a godsend to the poor girl. She knew she was dying her own doctor told her so that day she went to see him in London, remember? The day you and Chesfield came to the Clinic, and left her at home, she went to her doctor and heard the verdict. She had only a few months to live and to die as she did, rather than linger on for a few months that was the better way, wasn't it?" "She knew?" she repeated in horror. "All the time, she knew? Oh, Alan I can't bear it for her! She knew that, and all she wanted was for Laurence to love her " He sat down again and. took her hands, as if she were a child. "Laurence did love her," he told her slowly, "in his own way. Before she died, he managed to persuade her that he loved her, Salty. She died very happy. Neither of them had found much happiness together but he was able to make her happy before it was too late. You mustn't worry about that, darling all you have to do now is to think of the future and all it holds for you. Ah" he got up hastily "here comes Nurse " "Janie- " Sally's swift cry of surprise brought a glad smile to the lips of the little nurse who had come in. She glanced quickly from Salty to the doctor, then nodded contentedly. "So you're really better this morning," she said happily, "I tried my hardest to get Alan to slacken off and let me take over during the night, but would he? Not on your life. Sally you have no idea what a job we've had with him! Couldn't keep him away from your bedside day or night a regular nuisance, and he a doctor, too!" 187 Salty gazed at them rather bewilderedly. Janie, she noted, was looking radiantly happy, and even as Sally was staring at her, the nurse took a ring from her pocket and held it out for Sally to see. "Like it?" she asked eagerly. "Daren't wear it on duty but I've been longing to show it to you." Salty swallowed hard,'then forced a bright smile to her lips. "And I've been longing to wish you both all the happiness in the world!" she said firmly. "I can't think of two people I like more than you and Alan, Janie dear I know you'll be happy- " Janie stared at her blankly, then, flushing rosily, she turned to look at the doctor. "Sally, darling with all due respect, I scarcely think my Bill would want to have Alan included in your felicitations! He's not a jealous man, granted, but even so well, he has his limitations, you know. Where on earth did you get the idea of me and Alan?" "You mean it's not Alan?" The doctor frowned sharply, staring at Sally's dazed face. Janie, a dimple appearing in her cheek, laughed softly. "Of course not " she said lightly. "You don't think I'd trespass on your property, do you? Oh that was unkind of me " her face sobered suddenly, "I had forgotten Laurence Chesfield for the moment. I suppose it's just that well, we all got used to coupling your name with Alan's and as far as I'm concerned, I could never get used to the idea of you and Chesfield. I I'm afraid I showed my feelings in that respect rather too plainly at the Clinic, didn't I? I'm terribly sorry. But I can't think why you supposed that Alan was in love with me. We've been friends, admittedly Alan helped me a tremendous lot, especially when I had an idiotic row with Bill. Alan is a great friend of Bill's you see he's going to be our best man when the great day comes " She stopped suddenly, aware that Sally was no longer listening to her. Glancing at the doctor, she saw that he, too, was practically oblivious of her presence. She shrugged her shoulders and, with a loving look at Salty, went quietly 188 out, dosing the door behind her. There was a long silence in the little room, and then Sally said quietly. "I've been all kinds of a fool, Alan. But I love you if it's not too late." He took her hands, gazing down into her face anxiously. "I don't believe it," he objected hesitantly. "Look, dear, if it's just because of what happened last night because of some daft idea that I saved your life or something " She smiled up at him, holding tightly to his hands, as if never to let him go again. "It happened long before last night," she told him simply, "when I thought that you and Janie were in love, Alan, I felt as if the bottom had dropped out of my world. And, can you believe this? I couldn't think why I should be so upset. Oh, Alan you did mean to tell me you loved me, didn't you? I always suspected it, especially when you asked me to your home, but if you didn't if you don't love me after all " He knelt down beside her and gathered her into his arms."If I don't love you!" he scoffed, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Just how blind can you be, you little idiot? Oh, Sally if Matron sees us now, she'll probably telfus never to darken the doors of Merry's again but who cares? Salty " he kissed'her gently, "I can't let you make up your mind like this. You don't seem to realize that Laurence is free " "I only know that I'm not," she whispered, touching his cheek with her finger-tips. "I don't even want to be free, darling not any more. You won't let me be, will you? Promise? I still want you to tell me you love me " He held her dose to him, and she felt his lips on her cheek, on her brow, and then, at last, on her lips. He whispered her name again and again, wonderingty, as if still half afraid it could not be true that she-loved him. "Sally you do realize I'll never be half the success that Laurence is?" he asked regretfully, whe
n she was resting against his shoulder, in happy contentment. "You know how it always upsets you, when I don't talk 'shop' outside the hospital? I'm content to jog along here at the hospital you told me once I was in a rut " She laughed softly, snuggling closer to him. "I adore ruts!" she teased him softly. "Especially if you'll let me share the rut with you, darling! I don't want success, if you don't I just want to love you, and be loved by you. Isn't that enough?" "Enough?" she saw the wonder in his eyes as he bent over her, "Salty my dearest!" Laurence Chesfield came down the corridor with the Matron. Together they paused outside the door of Sally's room. He opened the door quietly, and they stood there, looking in. "Well, for goodness' sake " the Matron began, hastily changing the tender smile on her lips to an indignant look. ''We can't have this sort of thing in Merry's, my dear doctor! If you will allow me " Laurence put out a hand to stay her. For a moment he stood looking in,, noting the great happiness in Sally's eyes, the worship which was so clearly expressed on the young doctor's face. There was a look of sadness in his own eyes, and a touch of envy. Then, turning to the Matron, he said casually. "Let's go up to the theatre first. Matron, shall we? I think my patient is being more than well looked after at present. Now, how about my operations for today ? Rather a heavy list, I believe? And that reminds me I suppose, quite soon now, I shall have to start looking around for a new Sister." "A new Sister?" Matron looked at him inquiringly. Laurence was staring down the corridor ahead of them, and in that moment he appeared to Matron, a lonely, isolated figure. Then he turned to smile at her, and she told herself she had been imagining things. This was the great Laurence Chesfield how could a man in his position, envied and admired throughout the country, be lonely? True, he had lost his young wife, but somehow there had never seemed to be much room in his life for marriage it was as if he were dedicated to his work, to the exclusion of all else. -, "Well," he explained lightly, turning to smile at her, "it would appear that my present Clinic Sister has other ideas about the future than devoting it to my service, don't you 190 agree. Matron? I don't imagine, somehow, that she will want to continue here after she.is married." "It isn't going to be easy,''" Matron said worriedly, frowning. "I shan't find it at all easy to put somebody in Sally Marthorpe's place, my dear doctor." "And I," he said enigmatically, almost as if he spoke to himself, "I shall find it quite impossible." She looked at him sharply, but he had turned away from her and she could not see his face. Later, after she had seen Sally, and shared her joy in her engagement to Alan, she went back to her own room and stood for a long time staring rather wistfully out of the window. Then, unconsciously bracing her shoulders, she returned to her desk and jotted down on her memorandum pad, "Remember to think of somebody to take Sister Marthorpe's place in Mr. Chesfield's Thursday Clinic." 191