Hidden Miles: The Miles Family Book 4

by Kingsley, Claire

  “You do? Lovely. Then what’s going on? Are we just friends, or roommates, or…”

  Here was my chance. A few words, and I’d friend-zone her for good. It was the right thing to do. She deserved so much better than me.

  Tell her. Say it. Do the right thing, even if it hurts.

  “No. I don’t want to be just friends.” I stood, turning away, and ran my fingers through my hair. There went that plan. “This whole thing is fucking killing me, Hannah. I like you. You’re basically my every fantasy come true, and you’re right here, under my roof. Sleeping in my fucking bed. But I’m a goddamn mess. And you just got out of a shitty relationship. I can’t ask you to jump into another one.”

  “Okay, first of all, my shitty relationship ended long before Jace hit me,” she said. “I was afraid to actually leave, but it was over with him a long time ago. And second, you’re nothing like Jace.”

  “You don’t understand. My life is a disaster and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fix it.”

  “It’s not as bad as you think. You’ve been doing so well.”

  “Sure, when we’re together. When you’re with me, it’s not so bad. But I left with my mom today and I felt like I would have chewed my own arm off to get home. What am I supposed to do, keep you like my little sidekick so I can try to live a normal life? How is that fair to you?”

  “Maybe I want to be your little sidekick.”

  “We both know that’s not going to work,” I said. “You’re going to get sick of being my crutch.”

  “That’s the thing about crutches, though. You don’t need them forever. Just until you can walk on your own again.”

  “What if I can’t ever walk on my own?”

  She hesitated, her lips parted. “Two months ago, did you think you’d ever leave Salishan?”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “But a part of you thought you probably wouldn’t, right? Part of you had accepted that.”

  “Yes.”

  “But you did. You left.”

  “Only because you needed me,” I said.

  “That was just the catalyst. If it hadn’t been me, maybe it would have been something else. The important thing is that you did. And every time you do it again, you get a little closer to that being a normal thing you do.”

  “I don’t think it’s ever going to be normal, Hannah. That’s my point.”

  “But my point is that this is a process. You’re healing. And yeah, maybe it’s hard, and maybe it’s slower than you want. But my crutches analogy stands. You use them now and soon you won’t need them anymore.”

  “It’s not just leaving Salishan. I’m not okay. I have panic attacks and an unhealthy obsession with security. It feels like needles when people touch me and—”

  “Wait.” She held up a hand. “It feels like needles when someone touches you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh my god, Leo, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize.”

  “No, not you. It doesn’t happen when you touch me.”

  “Really?”

  Fuck, why was I telling her all this? This was the opposite of what I should be doing. I needed to keep her out, not let her in.

  But I’d already said it. “Yes, really. People touching me is jarring. It’s almost like I’m overly sensitive or something. It hurts, so I avoid it. I can handle brief touches from certain people. But when you touch me…”

  “What?” she asked, her voice soft.

  I closed my eyes. “It feels good.”

  A heartbeat later, her arms slid around my waist and she rested her head on my chest. Her body nestled against me, so warm and comforting. I leaned my head down to rest my cheek against the top of her head, and wrapped my arms around her.

  Well, shit. This wasn’t what I’d meant to do. But god, it felt good.

  “I’m a mess, Hannah,” I said softly. “You don’t even know the half of it.”

  “I know you are. But I’m kind of a mess, too.”

  I wasn’t ready for this. For a relationship. Hannah deserved a man who was whole. Not a broken shell. But I couldn’t resist her. Couldn’t resist this. It felt too fucking good.

  And would that be so bad? To have something that felt good for once?

  I pulled her close again, wrapping my arms around her. Breathed in her scent. “Please stay with me. Don’t go.”

  “I’ll stay on one condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You stop sleeping on the couch.”

  “I’m not making you sleep on the couch.”

  She laughed, her body vibrating against me. “No, dork. I mean sleep in your room with me. The bed is huge. We can both sleep in there.”

  She had no idea how tempting that was. Or how terrifying.

  “I’m not trying to get in your pants,” she said, pulling back to look up at me again. “I just mean if we’re both going to live here, we should be comfortable. If we can’t be, then it’s not going to work.”

  I was saying yes to a long list of things I should be saying no to. But I didn’t think I could deny Hannah anything when she was pressed against me like this. It was almost euphoric. I hadn’t felt this good in… I had no idea how long.

  “Okay, I’ll stop sleeping on the couch. Is that all? You’ll stay?”

  “Yes. I’ll stay.”

  Nineteen

  Hannah

  The bed moved slightly, and I blinked my eyes open. Morning light peeked through the blinds, casting a soft glow. The bed moved again, and I held my breath.

  Oh my god, was he actually in here?

  Ostensibly, Leo had started sleeping in his room with me. But for the past few nights, he’d gone to bed well after I had, and been up before I’d awoken.

  I carefully turned over. If he was still asleep, I didn’t want to wake him.

  There he was, in all his beautiful, bearded glory.

  He was dressed in a long-sleeved shirt—as usual—but surprisingly, he wasn’t turned away from me. He was on his back, his right arm stretched out, almost as if he were reaching for me.

  Of course, he wasn’t. He was asleep. But his warm body beckoned to me. I wanted to tuck myself next to him. Curl around him and breathe him in.

  Would he let me? I wasn’t sure—and wasn’t sure if I wanted to deal with the rejection if he pulled away.

  I decided to take the chance anyway.

  Lifting the covers so I wouldn’t get tangled, I scooted closer. The sheets near him were warm. I moved past his arm and snuggled next to his body, gently resting my head where his shoulder met his chest.

  He inhaled a sharp breath and his body stiffened. I slipped my arm across his stomach—I’d hugged him around the waist before—and nestled against him, almost afraid to look up.

  As he exhaled, his body didn’t just relax. It melted. He groaned softly, a low noise in his throat, and wrapped his right arm around me. His muscles clenched and released, and he rested his cheek against the top of my head.

  I closed my eyes in bliss. Neither of us said anything, but we didn’t need to. I stretched my top leg across his so I could get closer. His arm flexed in response, tightening me against him.

  I was fully awake now, my lady parts singing. With a deep breath to inhale that insanely masculine scent, I opened my eyes.

  The sheets were down below his waist, and there was a sliver of skin showing between his shirt and pajama pants. It felt almost scandalous to see it. He was always so careful to keep his body covered, seeing a glimpse of skin was exhilarating.

  Not just skin. A hint of dark hair, right in the center.

  Oh good fucking god. Leo had a happy trail.

  I would have given just about anything to trace my fingers through that delicious little patch of body hair. He was so relaxed. So calm. There wasn’t an ounce of tension in his body. Maybe I could just try…

  With painful slowness, I moved my hand across the waistband of his pants. Nibbled my lip as my fingers found skin. It was the tiniest brush
of contact, but Leo shivered.

  He shivered at my touch.

  My heart sped up and heat rushed between my legs. It was all I could do to keep from dry-humping him like an overly excited puppy. Forcing myself to stay calm and move slowly, I spread my fingers across his skin.

  Leo growled, his chest vibrating against my cheek. His arm flexed, like hot steel around me, clamping my body against his.

  His coarse patch of hair tickled my fingertips. How far did it extend? What would he do if I kept going? Slipped my hand up his shirt?

  Or down his pants?

  I could slide my hand into those adorable pajama pants and wrap my fingers around his cock. I salivated at the thought of my hand pumping him. My mouth around him. What a rush it would be to make him come. To feel him let go for me. I’d swallow every bit of it and then beg him to fuck me senseless as soon as he was hard again.

  But I had a feeling I’d need to coax him into it. Turning my face slightly, I pressed my lips against his neck. His chin lifted, tilting his jaw to the side ever so slightly. Giving me access. Inviting me in.

  Oh my god, yes.

  I kissed his neck again, his beard prickling my skin. His chest rose and fell with a deep breath and he traced his hand up and down my back, another low groan in his throat.

  I glanced down the length of his body, to the bulge in his pants. Licked my lips. Daring to explore a little further, I slipped the tips of my fingers beneath his waistband. It was a tiny movement, almost nothing at all. But his body reacted, his hips lifting.

  Noise blared from the bedside table—the obnoxious techno music I used as an alarm—and we both jerked at the sound.

  Fuck.

  His arm dropped and I rolled over to turn it off, severing contact.

  I felt the absence of his warm body as I fumbled for my stupid phone. It took me three tries to turn off the alarm while the harsh electronic sounds mocked me.

  “I’m so sorry.” I rolled back over, but I already knew the moment had passed. “I’m meeting your mom for breakfast and I didn’t want to be late.”

  He’d pulled his shirt down—no more tantalizing peek at his happy trail. But he tilted his face—not quite enough that I’d see him straight on—and smiled. “It’s okay. I needed to get up anyway.”

  I was torn between the intense desire to Velcro myself to him—scars be damned—and the need to get up and get ready for breakfast. I wasn’t sure why Shannon had asked me to meet her, but the last thing I wanted was to be late.

  Reaching over with my foot, I brushed my toes against his leg. “You’re nice to snuggle with.”

  “Am I?”

  “Yeah. Who would have thought Mister Broody-Don’t-Touch-Me would be so cuddly?”

  He let out a soft laugh. “Thanks, I think.”

  I wiggled my toes against him again. “You’re welcome.”

  “It felt really good…”

  My heart lit up like a sparkler, although I could hear his unspoken but. It felt really good, but… But what, I wasn’t sure. But we couldn’t take it further? But he wouldn’t take his clothes off? But he wasn’t ever going to let me close enough to his face to kiss him properly?

  I didn’t know, but I didn’t have time to figure it out right now. I had set the alarm as a just-in-case safety measure, thinking I’d probably be up before it went off. I needed to get moving so I wouldn’t be late meeting his mom.

  “It felt good to me, too.”

  * * *

  I hugged my coat around me as I walked across the winery grounds to Shannon’s house. Clear skies overnight had dropped the temperature below freezing, leaving a coating of frost all over the ground. I wondered if we’d get snow this winter. It had been a long time since I’d lived somewhere that snowed regularly. It sounded nice. A great excuse to stay in bed, cozied up with Leo.

  God, that man.

  My hand still tingled with the memory of his skin. That delicious patch of body hair. Who knew what would have happened if my stupid alarm hadn’t ruined everything. He’d wanted me. I’d felt him responding, felt his walls coming down.

  The frustrating interruption simply hardened my determination to try again.

  Shannon’s house was a short walk from the main area of the winery, set apart just enough to give her privacy from the guests. It loomed over the landscape, looking more like a bed and breakfast than a single person’s house.

  Of course, she hadn’t always lived here alone. She’d raised her family here. And from what Leo had told me, her parents had lived there too, until they’d passed away.

  I walked up the steps to the wide porch. What must it have been like to grow up here? From the outside, it looked like paradise. Beautiful surroundings. Acres of vineyards, with the mountains in the background. A town small enough to still feel safe. A big house with plenty of space. Room for children to roam and play.

  But I also knew it hadn’t been as idyllic as the setting. Shannon had been through a lot in her life, as had her kids. I could sympathize with that to a degree. Not that I could compare my ill-fated relationship with Jace to everything Leo’s father had put them through. But I knew what it was like to feel trapped, and I suspected she’d spent many years feeling that way.

  I knocked and a few seconds later, Shannon answered, wearing a blue apron over her t-shirt and jeans.

  “Hi, Hannah,” she said with a smile, stepping aside to let me in. “Thanks for coming over.”

  “Thanks for having me.”

  Leo’s mom was beautiful, with streaks of silver in her hair that sparkled in the light and tiny lines around her eyes that crinkled with her smile. I liked Shannon, and I desperately wanted her to like me. I’d seen her with Zoe and Amelia, and felt a brush of envy at their closeness. When we’d met, I’d been such a mess—black and blue from the man who’d hit me—and I wondered if she’d ever see me as being good enough for Leo.

  I went inside and took off my coat, hanging it up on a hook near the door.

  Shannon waved me into the kitchen. “The dining table is so big. It’s nice for when everyone comes over, but it’s cozier in here.”

  Her kitchen was bright and cheerful, with dark wood cabinets and light gray countertops. It was dated in a charming way. The appliances weren’t new and there were dull spots where bits of wood looked worn from years of use. She had vintage tea towels hanging from a rack and a cupboard with glass doors displayed a collection of tea cups on one side, wine glasses on the other.

  She’d set out breakfast on a round table in a nook next to the window. A basket of blueberry muffins, still steaming, sat next to a butter dish. There were scrambled eggs and a plate piled with bacon, plus a stack of toast and a bowl of sliced fruit.

  “I always make too much food,” she said, gesturing at the table. It was probably enough for at least four, if not more. “But it’s fine. At least one of my boys will wind up eating the leftovers. Probably Cooper. Or Chase, if he wanders over here first.”

  “It looks amazing.”

  “Thank you. Can I get you tea, or coffee?”

  I sat down at the table. “I like both, so whatever you’re having is fine.”

  “Tea it is, then.”

  She brought over two mismatched tea cups and a teapot. There was already a little basket of tea bags on the table. I chose one and she poured hot water for me.

  My tummy tingled with nerves and I nibbled on my lip as she sat down. I’d spent time with Shannon before, but always with Leo. This was just the two of us, and I didn’t know why she’d asked to see me. For all I knew, she was about to very sweetly ask me to get out of her son’s life forever.

  God, I hoped not.

  “You’re probably wondering why I asked you here,” she said.

  “Yes, actually.”

  She smiled. “I was looking at your website the other day. You do beautiful work.”

  My website? So it wasn’t about Leo? “Oh… thank you.”

  “I’ve been thinking that Salishan needs a new look.
We’ve been using the same logo for years, and our website needs refreshing. I thought maybe you could help us with that.”

  This was about work? Relief washed over me. “I can definitely do that. Do you have anything specific in mind?”

  “I’m not sure,” she said. “Graphics aren’t my strength. I’m just thinking something simple and clean. Elegant. Something that signifies that this is a new chapter for us.”

  “A new chapter. I like that.”

  She dunked her tea bag a few times, then took it out and set it on the saucer. “The last time we updated our branding was probably… ten years ago? Maybe more. It’s definitely time.”

  I had a feeling it wasn’t just the passage of time that had prompted her to pursue this change. Her husband was out of the picture, her divorce about to be finalized. Maybe this was one of the ways she was moving forward.

  “So, full disclosure,” I said. “I have a packed client list right now, so I can’t get to it immediately. But I’d really love to work on this. If you can wait just a little while, I’ll come up with a few concepts and get your feedback. Once we hit on something you like, we can take it from there.”

  “That sounds great. It’s not an urgent project. We can certainly wait until your schedule opens up.”

  “Great, thank you.”

  She blew on her tea and took a sip. “How’s winery life treating you?”

  That prickle of anxiety was back. Things with Leo were so tenuous. I wasn’t sure what it all meant. But all I could do was be honest. “It’s wonderful. I love it here.”

  Shannon smiled. “That’s good to hear.”

  “Thanks for letting me stay.”

  “Of course. Although I should be thanking you.”

  “Why?”

  She paused, glancing down at her tea. “I don’t suppose it would surprise anyone that of all my children, I worry about Leo the most.”

  It wasn’t surprising at all. “I can understand that.”

  “I never expected parenting adults to be so challenging.” She laughed softly, shaking her head. “In some ways, it’s harder than when they were little. And parenting those four when they were small wasn’t easy.”