Rowan's Lady

by Tisdale Suzan

  He had made his decision, quietly and without consulting Ona. Garrick would make certain the son suffered for the sins of the father.

  Eighteen

  Winter did not come gradually nor softly in the night. Nay, it came roaring in just before dawn, with gale force winds that battered against the stone walls with a fury that sounded like a thousand Trojan warriors with battering rams were trying to gain entry. The winds were so loud and strong, that the many inhabitants of Áit na Síochána woke wondering if the walls could withstand it.

  For three long days, the wind beat against the walls and roof of the keep. The snow whirled in through the fur-covered windows, leaving the floors beneath them covered in the heavy, cold substance. The children, of course, loved the excitement. The adults left cleaning up the mess and looking for better ways to keep the snow out did not hold the same level of excitement as the children.

  Some of the older clansmen could remember a blizzard of similar force and destruction from their childhood. These older people did worry that the affects of this storm would be similar to the storm they had survived in ’23. At least a dozen people had died from exposure and lack of food back then.

  Rowan did his best to assure them that no one would lose their lives this time, as long as they stayed within the keep and near the fires.

  Their larders were full with dried fruits, cheeses and meat. He reckoned they could survive for three months without having to go in search of meat. Had this blizzard happened last year, or worse yet, the year before? They would not have made it past the first week.

  Arline and Selina helped keep the children occupied with games and stories and activities that could be done in the gathering room. He was glad to see that a good number of his people had begun to change their opinions of Arline. Over the past weeks, they had come to see that she was a fine woman, intelligent, kind, and above all else, giving and honorable.

  There remained just a handful of people, however, who still believed Mrs. McGregor’s lies. They still held on to the opinion that Arline was a spy sent to ferret out whatever information she could to benefit Garrick Blackthorn. They kept their children away from Arline. Though she would not openly admit to it, Rowan knew their actions hurt her deeply. She also pretended not to hear the vulgar whispers that were said behind her back.

  While Rowan could order them to treat her with nothing but respect, he knew he could not change their hearts. Only Arline could do that.

  Rowan could only hope that eventually they, too, would come to the same conclusion as the rest of the clan -- that Lady Arline was in fact a beautiful and good woman.

  Christmas time was not far away and Lady Arline’s birthday was even closer. He had learned through his most favorite spy -- his daughter Lily -- that Lady Arline’s birthday was just three days before the winter solstice.

  Though he had tried on numerous occasions to get Arline to discuss more of herself with him, she usually ended up changing the subject. Why she was more comfortable giving Lily more personal information than she did him, he did not know.

  Rowan did feel a connection with Lady Arline, a connection he had never felt with anyone before, not even his beloved Kate. They had come together over Lily and as time went on their friendship grew.

  He felt he could talk to Arline about nearly any topic, save for what he was feeling in his heart as it pertained to her. Those feelings and thoughts he kept closely guarded, safely hidden away in the deepest recesses of his heart.

  It was more than just a simple friendship, at least that is how he felt about it. He had no idea what Arline thought for she was not one to share her feelings, unless they pertained to Lily, the keep, and general every day life.

  Rowan wanted to do something special for Arline for all that she had done for him and for Lily. He had begun planning a very special gift for her the day after they had returned from Blackthorn lands. He hadn’t planned for it to be a birthday gift but things were working out in such a manner that it would arrive in time for her birthday.

  Knowing his daughter’s inability to keep a secret, he hadn’t shared the surprise with anyone but Frederick, Daniel and Thomas. They had all agreed that it was in fact the most appropriate gift and one that would show Arline the depths of his gratitude.

  As time had passed, Rowan grew more and more fond of his daughter’s governess. Fond to the point of distraction. So fond in fact, that her image began to invade his dreams, making sleep nearly impossible.

  Before the blizzard had hit, he was able to work off his physical desires by training with his men. In practice he would not have time to think of Arline and it also gave him the opportunity to work out his frustrations. If he could get to the point of exhaustion then mayhap he could sleep at night. It wasn’t working.

  Matters were made worse by the blizzard. Unable to leave the keep, unable to work off the pent up frustrations was beginning to wreak havoc on his otherwise happy disposition.

  He was beginning to feel less and less guilty over having these strong feelings and desires toward Arline. It wasn’t just Arline who visited him in his dreams. Kate was often there, chastising him for being a foolish man and telling him to move on with his life.

  Last night’s dream had been the most vivid and terrifying of his life. In it, Kate was holding Arline’s hand. They were standing in a field of spring grass and bluebells. They were both smiling at him, adoringly. Kate was telling him he had to move on, to love again, and that she believed he had made a fine choice in Arline.

  I couldna have picked a better woman to be a mum to our daughter than Arline. Rowan, ye must not keep yer heart to me and me alone. Ye be too lonely. I ken it and it breaks me heart. Ye promised me, Rowan Graham, on me deathbed that ye would give yer heart to another some day. Please, Rowan, give it to Arline.

  And then they were both gone. Blackness had filled the space where the two beautiful women had floated in the air. The happiness and joy he had felt with seeing Kate and hearing her speak Arline’s praises were replaced with something ugly, dark, ominous. They were both gone, and he had the sense that Lily was with them. The three women that he loved and adored most in his life, were gone.

  His hands were filled with dust, little particles of memories, hopes, dreams. He was left with the impression that these three beautiful lasses had been taken somewhere far away where they would never be found. In his dream, he knew they were being tortured and there was nothing he could do to save them.

  Then Kate was back, telling him it was not too late, he could change the tide, he could save Lily and Arline, if only he would open his heart. The only way ye can save them both is to love Arline with all of yer heart.

  He woke then, long before dawn, shooting upright in his empty bed. He was covered in sweat, his heart feeling as though it were about to explode and gulping for air.

  He tossed back the covers and sat on the edge of his bed, willing his mind and heart to settle. He took in deep, slow breaths and tried to shake the images from his mind and the sense of impending doom from his heart.

  He failed at both.

  Something niggled at the back of his mind and made the hair on his neck stand up. He had to check on Lily. Quickly, he grabbed his tunic from the back of the chair by his fireplace. He tugged it on over his head, punching his arms through the sleeves. He grabbed his plaid and wrapped it around his shoulder and waist before snatching his dagger from the table by his bed.

  Lily’s room was connected to his. With his dagger in hand, he silently opened the door and stepped inside. He noticed first that there was no lit candle. The last he had known, she could not sleep without one for she was terrified that the bad men would come for her again.

  The embers from the fireplace however, cast enough light into the dark room that he could make out her bed. He took a few quiet steps forward.

  His pounding heart stilled at the sight before him.

  Lily was, as always, curled into a ball, thumb in her mouth and hair twisted around her finger. B
ut it was not her own hair twined around her finger. Nay. The long auburn locks belonged to Arline.

  They were lying under the furs, with Lily nestled into Arline’s chest. Arline had one hand resting on Lily’s stomach and they looked so content and at peace that it stole his breath away.

  No wonder Lily did not come to him with her nightmares anymore. Arline was there to chase the demons away.

  He felt the dread and despair leave him, taking with them the guilt and fear he had been dueling with for weeks. He was tempted to climb into the bed with them and wrap them both in his arms. He wanted to promise them that he would never allow either of them to be hurt or taken away. In his arms, in his heart, they could always find comfort and protection.

  He stood for a time listening to the soft crackle of the embers in the fireplace and watching these two beautiful women sleeping. Occasionally, Lily would sigh and suck on her thumb for a few moments. Arline barely moved save for an occasional soft, contented sigh.

  A sense of peace fell over him, like a warm length of plaid or an old familiar blanket. He found that he liked the way he felt, but he wanted more. He wanted to know that this beautiful, smart, witty and strong auburn-haired woman would be with him for the rest of his life.

  Soon, very soon, he would tell her how he felt. He could only pray that she had the same feelings toward him.

  He left them then, as quietly as he had entered. He went back to his room, but not back to his bed.

  For the first time in many years, he knelt beside his bed and prayed. He prayed for guidance, strength and courage. He prayed for the ability to protect his people, his daughter and Arline.

  But his most fervent prayer would be that Arline would say yes when he asked her to become his wife.

  Arline suffered with delightfully disturbing dreams of her own. The dreams left her feeling like two separate people stuck inside one body. There was the good, decent, righteous Arline who hated how the dreams left her feeling. The good Arline wanted nothing more than to live a clean, wholesome life. A life that would have made Minnie quite proud.

  Then there was the less than wholesome, less than godly Arline. The one who thoroughly enjoyed the dreams, relished them. The Arline with the fluttering, swooning, happy insides. The Arline who wanted nothing more than to sneak into Rowan’s room in the middle of the night and strip him bare just to see if her dreams had been accurate. In them, he was as perfect. There was also the strong desire to see if all the things she had dreamt were in fact physically possible. She desperately wanted to know if she would feel the same delightful, wicked, excited sensations while awake as she did when she was asleep.

  It was becoming more and more difficult to look at him. She was certain he must think her an absent-minded fool, she was certain of it. There were many times when he had to repeat questions for she simply wasn’t paying any attention to what was coming out of his mouth, though she was fully aware of his mouth. It could not escape notice for those lips were full and his teeth perfectly straight and white. Had God designed that mouth to test a woman’s virtue? Or had the devil, for the same purpose? Either way, it seemed wholly unfair to have such a temptation staring her in the face.

  Nineteen

  The blizzard finally laid and dawn broke over the horizon, casting the lands in vibrant shades of pinks, oranges, and purples. As the sun rose over the horizon, it turned the snow a brilliant shade of gold.

  Rowan felt it was a most magnificent morning, a perfect day to ask a beautiful young woman to be his wife.

  He pulled Frederick, Daniel and Thomas into his library just after they broke their fast. There were several items they needed to discuss, the best one he would save for last.

  Thomas reported that Mrs. McGregor was getting along nicely in her new quarters. She had been removed from the dungeon -- per Arline’s incessant requests -- more than a week ago. They had her locked away in a small room on the third floor. Still, she refused to apologize or tell anyone anything.

  “I dunna think I ever met a more stubborn woman in all me days,” Thomas said, clearly exasperated by the situation. “Not even yer mum was that stubborn!”

  Rowan laughed heartily at Thomas’ comparison of Mrs. McGregor to his mother, Enndolynn Graham. “Mayhap my mum was no’ as stubborn, but clearly she would have been much smarter about things. Mum had a way of letting everyone ken just how angry she be without utterin’ a word.”

  They spoke for a time, reminiscing about days past before finally getting on with matters at hand.

  “Daniel,” Rowan said as he gave the man a pat on the back. “I want ye to send a group of men to relieve our lads on the perimeters.” Rowan said as he made his way to his seat. They had men located around the outer regions of Graham lands, though not nearly as many as he would have liked. He knew his men were smart enough to take refuge in the tiny huts placed along their borders. Hopefully they had been able to do so before the snow had become too difficult to traverse.

  “And take a few men out to check on the crofters. Make sure they be well-stocked. If their supplies are low, ye can offer them to stay in the keep. We may get more blizzards and I do no’ want to lose anyone.”

  Daniel happily agreed. “’Twill be good to get out of the keep fer the day. I was goin’ daft with nothin’ to do.”

  “Aye, and ’tis been four days since ye’ve seen that bonny little MacKenzie girl!” Frederick teased him.

  Daniel’s face burned with embarrassment. “Yer daft,” he grumbled.

  Frederick pretended to be confused. “Are ye sure? I mean, if ye are no’ interested in Anna MacKenzie, I wouldn’t mind askin’ her to take a walk in the moonlight.”

  Daniel’s eyes flew open. “Ye stay away from Anna MacKenzie! She’s too good a lass fer the likes of ye.”

  Frederick laughed and slapped Daniel on the back. “’Tis just as I thought. Ye’ve takin’ a likin’ to the lass. I can’t say that I blame ye, fer she is a bonny thing. But, I wonder,” he let his words trail off.

  Daniel raised an eyebrow. “Wonder? Wonder over what?”

  “If her da will let her marry a man like ye!” he answered playfully.

  Daniel rolled his eyes and sighed with indifference. “Who says I want to marry the girl?”

  Frederick gave a wink to Rowan before he answered the question. “Ye do. Ye talk in yer sleep, ye eejit!”

  Daniel had had enough of Frederick’s needling. In one swift motion, he had Frederick in a headlock, threatening to part him from his manhood if he did not cease his teasing.

  Frederick was laughing so hard at Daniel’s distress that he could not answer at first. “Aye, aye, aye,” he said between fits of laughter.

  Thomas smacked them both on the tops of their heads. “Settle down, ye heathens. There’s work to be done.”

  Daniel and Frederick finally regained their composure and settled down to listen to their chief. Rowan took his seat behind his desk and tried to settle the wave of excitement that had plagued him since the early morning hours.

  “I wanted to let the three of ye know that I have made a decision.” He paused for a moment, looking to make certain he had their full attention. “I’m going to ask Lady Arline to marry me.”

  Three stunned men looked back at him. Thomas tried to started to speak, stopped and tried again. “Ye canna be serious?” there was no denying the fact that he was astonished.

  “I am. I plan on askin’ her after the evenin’ meal this night. I’ve made up me mind.”

  “Then unmake it!” Thomas said. “Ye canna marry a woman known to be barren, Rowan. The clan council will no’ allow it.”

  Rowan tilted his head sideways and raised an eyebrow. “I wasna aware I had to ask the council permission to marry, Thomas.”

  “Ye dunna have to ask permission, but ye need their approval!”

  “Och! Now yer tryin’ to separate the fly shite from the pepper!” He had hoped, after all these weeks, that Thomas would have changed his mind about Arline. “Mayhap it be
yer opinion of Lady Arline that skews yer opinion of me marryin’ her.”

  Thomas ran a hand through his unruly brown hair. “I do no’ hold the same opinion of her that I did when she first arrived, Rowan. She is a fine woman and aye, she’d make almost any man a fine wife. But she’s no’ fer ye! Ye need sons, sons who can become chief of this clan some day. Lady Arline canna give ye that.”

  It mattered not to Rowan if Arline was barren or as fertile as a rabbit. He loved her, plain and simple. With or without the council’s permission, he would marry her. While he did not relish the argument or fighting his decision might cause, it was a fight he would not back away from.

  “I’ll no’ change me mind, Thomas,” Rowan said as he clenched his jaw. “She’s good fer Lily and fer me.”

  “Aye, she’s a good governess, I’ll grant ye that. And there is nothin’ that says she canna remain her governess. If it’s a wife ye be wantin’, there be women here who’d give their right arm to be yer wife.”

  Rowan let out a long, heavy sigh of frustration. “But I do no’ want those women to be me wife, Thomas. I’ll no’ marry a woman I do no’ love.”

  “Did ye love Kate when ye married her?” Thomas growled.

  Rowan shot to his feet. “That was different! That was an arranged marriage. I may no’ have loved Kate the day we took our vows, but I grew to love her shortly after.”

  Thomas shook his head in befuddlement. “What if the council does no’ give their blessin’? What will ye do then? Give up yer chiefdom? Give up yer clan, yer family’s legacy? Give up all the hard work of yer father, and his father, and his? Does none of that mean anythin’ to ye?”

  It meant a great deal more to him than Thomas realized. Rowan was dedicated to his people, to the clan. But must he sacrifice his own happiness in order to remain chief and continue the Graham legacy?