by Leigh Walker
“Girl fight!” Josh yelled, sounding way too excited. “Get her, Maya!”
Maya shoved my shoulder, sending my rope swinging out.
“What the hell!”
She waited, poised to shove me again.
“Get her, Maya!” Emma hollered.
Emma’s earlier words came back to me. …I know you don’t believe it, but we’re going to have to prove it to you. And it’s not going to be fun for any of us.
I managed to angle the rope away from Maya as I swung back. “Don’t TOUCH me!” I shrieked as I held onto the rope for dear life.
She laughed as she slid the rest of the way to the ground. “See you at the bottom, sissy. Looking forward to it.”
Thunderous applause erupted from the crowd as she landed on the mat and dropped into a curtsy.
“Maya! MAYA!”
I looked over to see them yelling, even Kyan—everyone except Finn. He stared at the floor as if he couldn’t bear to watch.
But Cranston was watching me.
“Is that okay? Can she hit me?” I asked him. It came out like a cry.
“I told you. Nothing’s off limits. Ignore everything but the course. Now get moving, soldier! You’re about to lose!” His voice boomed.
Rage filled me as I dropped back down to the mat. The list of people I needed to beat up was growing. Cranston was going to get it and Maya and Josh, not to mention Rachel…
I stood and steadied myself. The next part of the course was a climbing wall, which looked over twelve-feet tall. Maya was already at the top of it, springing over to the other side. She was winning. She was winning by a mile.
She was winning by a mile, and she’d tried to knock me off my rope. That Amazon bitch...
I took a step back and got a running start. I jumped up, trying to find a place to hold on or to reach the top of the wall. I couldn’t grab onto anything and slid immediately back down. My lungs burned as I took another deep breath and another running start. This time, I jumped higher, and my fingers found purchase on the wood. I pulled myself up, arms shaking, until I reached the top. Breathing a sigh of relief, I swung my leg over and steadied myself. I put my head down, catching my breath. I’d made it to the top. I’d made it!
Maya was on the other side. As I prepared to jump down to join her, she reached up and shoved me backward. Hard.
I screamed as I fell, collapsing in a heap on the other side. I lay there for a second, stunned and wondering if my ribs were broken.
“I told you you sucked, Hanover!” Josh yelled.
I sat up, wincing at the pain, and glared at him. I had some choice words for Josh, but they would have to wait. I needed to kick Maya’s butt first.
My body ached from the fall, but I ignored it. I took another running start and grabbed the top of the wall. I catapulted over the top, not even stopping as I threw myself over to the other side.
I landed in a crouch, and it hurt. Everything hurt. I didn’t care. There was only the pounding in my head, my singular focus on finding Maya.
She was already jumping rope. We were supposed to do a set of one hundred before moving on to the next part of the course. I ran to her and punched her, hard, in the stomach. Cranston wrote something on his clipboard. Maya doubled over, and I elbowed her in the back, knocking her to the ground.
I’d never hit another person before, but I didn’t stop to think about it and acted purely on instinct. I put my knee on Maya’s back to hold her in place, and before she could move, I took her jump rope and grabbed her hands, tying them together. Then I grabbed another jump rope and tied her feet, even as she tried to kick me.
She kept fighting, but I didn’t stop. I realized I was cackling.
Cranston scribbled something else. Finn looked up from the ground to watch, a faint scowl on his handsome face.
“What the hell?” Maya screamed, writhing on the ground as I tightened the knots.
She tried to head-butt me as I finished, but I jumped out of her way.
“Do something!” she yelled at Cranston.
He stuck his pen behind his ear and sighed. “That’s your job, young lady.”
I grabbed my jump rope and moved safely away from her, counting each jump out loud to one hundred. “Take that, cupcake!”
I grinned as I stepped around her and moved on to the next obstacle and the next. I didn’t look back.
And then I beat her. I beat her by a mile.
Someone untied Maya and let her loose while I got some water. I didn’t look at the stands. The audience had hooted and hollered when I won, but I couldn’t forget that they’d cheered for my competition first. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
I’d won, but I was ashamed of myself.
Cranston intercepted me coming out of the kitchen. “You got an almost perfect score.”
“Does that mean I have to stay?”
He scratched his head. “Do you even think you can go back to normal after that performance?”
“I don’t know. But I do know Maya’s probably going to kill me.”
“Maya!” he barked, making me jump.
She stalked over, rubbing her wrists and sniffling. “Don’t even look at me.”
I turned away while Cranston cleared his throat. “Maya, you’re a professional. Please tell Riley that you aren’t going to kill her for beating you and putting you to shame.”
Maya cursed under her breath.
“That’s not very professional, soldier,” Cranston warned.
“I’m sorry, sir, but she took me by surprise today.”
“No one was more surprised than me,” I mumbled. I’d never been in a fight before. The fact that I’d beaten the tall redhead baffled me.
“You rose to the occasion, Riley. It was good work.” He faced Maya. “And you were taken by surprise, that’s all. It was a good lesson for both of you.”
“Yes, sir. And I promise I won’t kill her…but only because you said I had to.” She sounded miserable.
Cranston shrugged. “Works for me. Riley? Is that good enough for you?”
“Yes, sir.” My gaze flicked to Maya. “I’m sorry I hit you and tied you up.”
She tossed her ponytail over her shoulder. “Don’t be. I’ll make you pay for it soon enough.” She stalked away.
“I told you she’d kill me.”
Cranston rolled his eyes. “Enough with the drama. She’s not allowed to kill you. Now, go get some dinner. You did great today, soldier.”
I didn’t bother to ask him not to call me soldier as he turned and walked away.
I’d crossed a line, and I didn’t know if I could go back.
11
In Which I Seriously Consider Scaling The Fence
At dinner, I grabbed a plate of food and a table in the corner of the dining room. I felt some of the others watching me, but I didn’t make eye contact. I wanted to be alone. I also wanted to go home, but it appeared that I’d done too well for that.
It was my own stupid fault. Me and my pride.
“Riley! There you are.” Emma ran over and patted me on the back, breaking my reverie. “You did so great today!”
I glared at her, my brow furrowed.
She nodded, as if she understood my expression perfectly. “Right. I told you it was going to be a rough one, didn’t I?”
“You didn’t tell me I was going to have to fight someone—”
“You’re going to have to show me how to tie a knot like that!” She interrupted, gleefully. “Okay, I’m going into town with Maya to run some errands. I’ll catch you later.”
She skipped off before I could complain about her rude jeering or more importantly, ask her any follow-up questions.
Josh came and sat down next to me. I refused to look up from my spaghetti. “You have some nerve, coming over here.”
He played with his food, but otherwise, he didn’t budge. “I had to do that. We all did, and it’s no big deal. You were being hazed. We’ve all been through the same thing. It’s a rite
of passage.”
“I’m still not speaking to you.”
“Suit yourself, but I’m not leaving.” He shoveled spaghetti into his mouth, the way large, skinny, perpetually starving boys do. Half of his food disappeared in three bites, and if I still cared about him, I’d be worried he was going to choke.
Josh finished chew-inhaling and looked at me, his eyes shining. “You kicked ass, Hanover. Seriously. I had money on you anyway, but I didn’t expect such an explosive performance. It was righteous.”
Unable to stop myself, I asked, “You put money on me?”
“And I lost to him,” Morgan huffed, slamming her plate down and sitting right next to me. “No one beats my sister that way!”
Worried she might seek revenge for her twin’s humiliation, I shrank away.
Morgan looked wounded. “I’m not going to hurt you. I think you’re awesome.” She looked at Josh. “Right? It was worth losing twenty bucks to see Maya tied up like that. Ooh, and I got pictures. Blackmail!”
Josh held his hand out for the phone. “Let me see!”
I stopped eating and watched them, confused by how friendly and normal they were acting. “Weren’t you guys both rooting for me to die earlier?”
Morgan shrugged. “The word ‘die’ is too harsh—although I was sort of hoping you’d get knocked from the rope. That would’ve been cool!”
“Cool? I could’ve broken my neck!”
She scrunched up her nose. “You would’ve been fine. You’re tougher than you think.”
Josh looked up from the pictures. “Can you please forgive me? I had to tell you that you sucked. It’s part of the stress test!”
I put down my fork. “Why is it part of the stress test? And why did my supposed teammate have to fight me?”
He looked excited. “This is good. Now that you finally passed, we can tell you more.”
“Well, please do because I don’t understand.” Except that the test was supposed to stress me out, which it certainly did.
Josh leaned forward. “In early training, we work to open recruit’s minds to…other possibilities. For instance, you wouldn’t expect your own teammates to turn on you. That’s a surprise, and surprises are stressors.”
I nodded. “Go on.”
The test measures your response to stress. What they’re looking for is a positive response, which you showed today by the boatload. You turned something potentially negative into a positive, and you did it fast. Unusually fast.”
I swallowed a bite of spaghetti. “That was unusual?”
“Very,” Morgan said. “Usually new recruits fail the stress test the first couple of times. They cry, they vomit, like little Joshy over here—”
“You don’t have to advertise that.” Josh’s cheeks flamed.
Morgan ignored him, smiling at me. “But you knocked it out of the park.”
“Oh. Huh.” I went back to toying with my food.
“Tomorrow morning should be interesting,” Josh said.
I looked at him sharply. “What do you mean?”
“There’s another test.”
“Cranston didn’t mention it—”
His plate clean, Josh abruptly stood to go. “Then neither did I.” He grinned and loped away before I could question him further.
Morgan shoveled one last bite into her mouth. “That’s my cue. See you tomorrow.” She scurried off, too.
Sighing, I brought my plate and utensils to the restaurant-grade dishwasher, stuffed everything inside, and shuffled to my room. Today weighed on me, and my limbs were heavy. I needed to get to bed, to physically rest and mentally take a break from this weird reality.
As I headed down the hallway to brush my teeth, I ran into Finn. He had on a gray T-shirt and sweats and looked ready for bed. He stopped, raising his arm to scratch the back of his neck, his bicep popping out.
My face flushed before I could even open my mouth.
“Hey.” He sounded miserable.
“Hey?”
“Good job today.”
My stupid heart pounded in my chest. “Thanks.”
His gaze met mine, and the muscle in his jaw jumped. “Well, see you tomorrow.”
He hustled off before I could ask him what was wrong.
Maybe he had a fight with Rachel, I thought as I brushed my teeth. I wished the thought brought me some satisfaction, hope or a sense of relief. But thinking about them together, even fighting, made me feel slightly sick.
On the way back, I ran into Kyan. “You did well today. Tomorrow’s going to suck even worse, you know.”
“Great?”
He rolled his eyes. “Talk to me after tomorrow. You might want to hear more of what I was trying to tell you the other night.”
“Okay.” Of course, nothing was okay.
I shuffled back to the dorm room, still wondering what Finn’s problem was and what Kyan meant, to find the bunks quiet and dark. None of the other girls were in bed. Again, it seemed planned. Maybe they wanted me to fall asleep so I couldn’t ask any more questions.
Tired of all the fighting, I let them win. I drifted off to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and dreamed of the obstacle course all night long. Maya’s red hair floated in front of me, just out of reach.
It was quiet when I woke up the next morning. The other girls were all still asleep. I grabbed my running clothes and sneakers and snuck out quietly. My muscles ached, but I’d gotten used to it. I wanted to go for a run and collect my thoughts before Cranston made me do the next test.
I quietly left the building and popped only one ear bud in, I’d learned my lesson. This way, I could listen to my music and still hear the world around me. I didn’t want our leader to sneak up on me again and chastise me. I needed this run. I had to process what had happened yesterday, how I felt about it, and what I planned to do.
My win yesterday had surprised me. Even more shocking? Once I’d gotten over my initial shame about hitting Maya, I’d been pleased. Winning thrilled me…and fighting her had felt good.
That was messed up, and I knew it.
But it didn’t make it any less true.
Something else about the test bothered me. I’d known that winning would make it harder for me to go back to Hollingsworth, but I’d wanted to win, anyway. I’d wanted to win. Bad.
Then afterward, what Morgan had told me…pride surged through me for being one of the few recruits to pass the Stress Test on the first try. It gave me the patina of specialness I needed to feel as though I belonged here—here, with The Division.
Belonging felt nice. It was new to me.
But what I really needed to process was this: at some point, I’d suspended disbelief about the organization. It couldn’t be real, and yet, my teammates believed they were working for a secret government organization. I knew when someone lied to me. I’d always had a knack for it. I didn’t know if The Division was real, but I believed they believed in it.
And I had a bad feeling they were right.
I followed the path down by the stream, enjoying the cool dampness of the morning even as the thoughts swirled in my head. Let’s say it IS real…
I considered the argument: The Division is legitimate. It’s an agency so secret I’ve never heard of it, and no one else has either. Its members are exclusively young and exceptionally attractive, and they’re recruited at a young age. The agency runs covert recruitment operations through a front of private schools, quietly growing its ranks as it trains its recruits to deal with domestic terrorist threats. Finn, Josh, Emma, and the others had been drafted into the agency at a young age and indoctrinated. They’d trained for years to defend our country against terrorist threats.
I ran through the opposing argument: The Division was a complete fabrication. Emma and the others believed the government-agency story because they’d been brainwashed, lied to, or some combination thereof.
Or maybe I was wrong. Maybe they were all lying to me, and I just couldn’t tell.
Whatever
the truth was, I still couldn’t understand what they wanted from me. If the Division was a lie, and this was an attempt to brainwash me into some sort of cult, they’d be disappointed. I had no money and no connections, nothing to offer them. Maybe they saw me as vulnerable, I mused, an easy target because I was alone. Maybe they were right. Still, there was no reason for them to come after me. I didn’t believe for a moment anyone would orchestrate a façade so elaborate just to recruit the likes of little old me into a cult, when I had no money and no family to speak of to blackmail.
On the other hand, if The Division was real, they’d still tapped the wrong person to recruit. As far as I knew, I had no special skills. I kept running, breathing hard, struggling to make sense of the situation.
I believed I’d beaten Maya based on sheer force of will. If that was a special, recruit-worthy skill, I had it. It and only it. I believed Finn, Emma, Kyan and Josh were telling me the truth, as they understood it. I also believed they were leaving out a lot.
I believed I had a crush on Finn, for better or more likely, for worse. And there was something between him and Rachel. But what did I actually know?
There was nothing waiting for me at home, except my drunk mother and a houseful of memories I yearned to forget.
But…
Do you even think you can go back to normal? Cranston’s words echoed in my mind as I ran up the hill. I turned left and headed for the fence at the edge of the base. You could see the road from here and people heading to their offices to start their days—normal people, who’d probably dropped their kids off at school and were eager to start their second cups of coffee and dive into their work. They probably had plans for the afternoon, taking their sons and daughters to sports practice, meeting a friend at the gym, making dinner then watching a show.
I stopped and laced my fingers through the chain-link fence, watching the cars. Since Dad and Katie died, I hadn’t thought much about the future. I’d only worried about my grades, getting into Hollingsworth and getting the hell out of my house. I’d had no friends to speak of. I’d completely closed myself off. I’d tried to focus on one step at a time, probably because I couldn’t bear to imagine the future without the people I loved.