The Ambassador Calls Twice (A Federation Story)

by E J Randolph

  I hurried to my quarters and let Shebang out of her carrier. She walked around the room and looked into each corner. She padded over to me, purred, and twined around my legs.

  I smiled at her. “You’ll be an experienced space traveler soon. I need tea. Do you want some sardines?”

  She swished her tail and gazed bright-eyed at me.”

  “Come along.”

  Shebang padded alongside me to the commons. At the food fabricator, I punched up tea and sardines. She twined around my legs, tail vibrating, and followed me to my chair. I laid her plate down, and she devoured the stinky fish.

  A few minutes later she washed his face and looked around at the guys. She focused on John. Smart cat. She’d figured out he was the top cat around here. With highly focused feline contemplation, she gazed at him for a couple of minutes. Round, golden eyes tightened into slits. She stalked over, looked into his unsuspecting human eyes – and jumped into his lap.

  He pulled back, raising his hands. “I hope she’s had all her shots.”

  She purred, turned in a circle, and lay down. His hands inched toward her silky fur. He stroked her back, and a small smile emerged on his face. The situation was quite unfair. Shebang was an accomplished schmoozer of the feline variety and John a straight-forward human.

  ~ ~ ~

  A couple days later Nick brought a piece of equipment he was working on into the commons. He stared at it, made some adjustments, and stared again. Shebang fixed him with a serious, intense stare. He looked at her for a long moment, and their gazes locked.

  He broke away first. “Maybe you’re right.”

  She gathered her legs close, and stared at him with all the weight of a cat's unfathomable wisdom.

  He adjusted a different setting, grunted, and darted a furtive glance at Shebang. “Now it works.”

  The large, gray bundle of fur swished her tail and walked away with exaggerated dignity.

  Every morning after that, he let her into his workplace. One day I peeked in. She jumped up on the work counter. He placed a piece of equipment in front of her. Without a glance at it, she gave him a haughty, condescending look.

  He laughed in his high tenor. “You’re right. That was a test. Nothing is wrong.” He placed another box in front of the cat. “But how about this one?”

  She sniffed the unusual shaped box. She both sniffed and tasted the air at the same time and wrinkled her nose.

  “Yeah, it’s bad broke.”

  Gathering herself into her most dignified pose, she gave him a long look, and a moment of mystical, wordless communication passed between them.

  He shrugged. “You might be right. I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

  She jumped down and padded toward the hatch.

  I ran into the commons and peeked around the corner. Within seconds he opened his hatch, and she entered the passageway. She took a few steps, stopped, and lifted her nose. Ricardo strode past her into his exercise closet. She turned and followed him in. Surely he would throw her out.

  Five minutes later she was still in the room. A brief image of her with a sweat band on her forehead lifting small, cat-sized barbells crossed my mind. I shrugged my shoulders, got a cup of tea, and read about our destination.

  An hour later Dan entered holding a rare, thick, philosophy book in his long, tapering fingers. He sat and opened the book with care.

  Shebang strutted in waving her tail and walked over to Dan as if on an important mission. She stood on her hind legs and placed her front paws on Dan’s armrests. She tapped the book with one of her front paws, and gazed at him.

  He cleared his throat. “You can only take the utilitarian ethic – the greatest good for the greatest number – only so far before you smash minorities.”

  She stared at him for several long seconds, purred, went to all four feet, and padded out the hatch.

  Dan clasped his book shut. “Smart cat.”

  “Yeah, and she always knows when it’s time to eat.”

  ~ ~ ~

  One day I was sitting in the commons, Shebang on my lap for a change. “I am bored.” The words charged out of my mouth. It was beyond the bearable. “I am tired of everything!”

  Ricardo’s eyes widened with feigned horror. “What’s this? You’re such a workaholic you can’t do anything recreational? What will you do when we reach Bellasport?”

  “That’ll be different.”

  He raised one eyebrow.

  “Maybe you’re right. I spend most trips studying our destination and working on ways to complete my mission.” I flopped against the back of my chair, disturbing Shebang. She circled and plopped down again.

  Deep lines etched Dan’s forehead. “This is a serious matter.”

  “Yeah, I know, I’m miserable!”

  He levered his tall, lanky body upright, walked over, and studied my face.

  “Really, Doc, I’m alright. I’m not sick.”

  “You could end up much more than sick.”

  “Come on. A little boredom?”

  John laid his screen down. “Kate, listen to Dan.” He spoke in his I-am-the-captain tone of voice.

  I hunched over. Why did I have to go and say something? They were all making a big deal out of nothing.

  Dan nodded. “I’m concerned about you getting flicker fever.”

  “No way! I’m not losing it.”

  Dan chuckled, a sound that rumbled deep in his chest. “Not exactly medical terminology. I’m certain you’ve heard about how flicker fever is prevented.”

  “Three weeks minimum downtime between space travels.”

  “That helps. Helps a lot in fact. But the real smart crews do more. Flicker space is a quantum phenomenon. That means all quarks are in two places at once. So, when you’re in flicker space, you’re in two places at once, or you exist then you don't exist many times a second. You don't feel anything, but your back brain interprets this as living and dying many times a second. It can drive you crazy.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “What are you saying? If I’m bored, I’m vulnerable?”

  “Yes.”

  Nick entered and strode across the room to the food fabricator on his thin, moonie legs. A lime-green liquid spurted into a glass. He took a big gulp and spit it out. “Yuck!” He turned on the robocleaner and dumped the rest of his drink. “I thought I’d try a drink made from the skin of lizards. You know, high protein.” He shot our silent faces a quick glance and left.

  I turned to Dan. “Is that flicker fever?”

  “Naw, that’s just Nick being Nick.”

  John cleared his throat. “The Federation Navy is serious about preventing flicker. It has instituted all sorts of career enhancement and educational programs for the troops onboard ship. There have always been programs, but now they’re taken far more seriously. One of the reasons we’re in the brown water navy is because we don't want to do those programs. We have our own interests we want to pursue. You only do career enhancement if what you want long term is a military career.”

  “Are you saying you don't want military careers?”

  “Not in perpetuity. I’m studying military history. Someday I want to teach. It has taken a lot of time for me to work through a PhD and now be working on a scholar's degree while on my military assignments.”

  Ricardo smiled. “Lots of dead time… I mean, downtime.”

  Dan nodded. “The brain needs a focus. Keeps it from dwelling on the constant live/dead duality. So, here it is. As the ship's corpsman, I prescribe you get something to occupy your brain.”

  “Well, there are always the continuing education requirements of the job.”

  Ricardo’s dimple danced. “Sure, if you want to stay bored.”

  I slapped my side table. “I’ve just been told I need something to study. How can I know what I want?”

  Dan gave me a gentle smile. “Is there anything you have always wanted to know more about?”

  I scrunched my face.

  He pointed at his chest.
“I’ve always been fascinated with philosophy, how people try to understand the totality of their world and themselves. I’m not thinking about some future job.”

  Ricardo struck a Mr. Universe pose showing off his toned muscles. “But I am. I’m working on a physical optimization program in my exercise room. I have tons of virtual games in there. When I graduate, I’ll be able to train or coach any known human sport.”

  I glanced around. “But how does it all work?”

  John shrugged. “Easy. Computer programs. Mentor relationships. I send my papers to my mentor on Earth. It takes a while. Goes space cargo unless I want to spend the money for room on a space capsule.”

  Hmm. Maybe it was doable. “I’ll check it out.”

  Dan smiled. “Doctor's orders. No boredom allowed. Miss A has complete lists of all the programs you can do onboard a ship. You look them over, and we’ll talk later.” He winked at me. “We don't want to lose our diplomat.”

  They cared. How nice. I straightened. “That will never happen.”

  ~ ~~

  That evening in my quarters I lay against a pile of pillows, Shebang curled in a circle at my feet. I grabbed a computer screen from my little table.

  “Kate, I have some program ideas.” The voice from the overhead was soft and feminine.

  “Hi, Miss A. What do you think?”

  “Lots of stuff, but first I need a gripe session.”

  “Sure, what do you want to gripe about?”

  “You know how I use a sexy voice with the guys.”

  “Yes.” I had never told her how much it bugged me.

  “Kate, you must remember to the guys, I’m mother, wife, girlfriend. It’s what they want, what they need, but it’s not what you want and need.”

  “That’s for sure!”

  She chuckled. “I’ve noticed your temperature rises at times.”

  I ducked my head. Of course with all her sensors, she knew.

  “Believe me, Kate, it’s so difficult keeping up that sexy voice. It’s hard on my vocal mechanisms. Oh my! How hard I have to work!”

  “Really?”

  “You would be bored with the details, but it’s twice as hard as talking to you. It’s so refreshing to be myself with you. I hope you don't mind my breaking in on your work like this, but I’ve been lonely.”

  “You have four attractive guys to talk with.”

  “They’re attractive, and they’re nice and polite by guy standards. But they’re guys, and they don't understand a woman's perspective.”

  I laid my screen on my table. “Tell me about it.”

  “It’s the captain – John. He’s magnificent in his decisiveness, but sometimes he rubs me the wrong way ordering me about. 'Miss A, do this. Do that.' A woman would say, 'Miss A, would you mind doing so and so? I would really appreciate it.' See? A woman would be more sensitive about my feelings.”

  Tears welled up. I hadn’t realized how much I missed having another woman onboard.

  “Now, now, no need to cry. I’ll be here. You call on me any time you’re lonely or need to talk. Remember, I’m here.”

  I wiped my eyes.

  “Now, we have to get you something you’re interested in. Forget all that official stuff. Nick breaks into all the planetary computer systems where we land and downloads wholesale lots of information. My oh my! That gives me a headache. I have to straighten everything out and establish connections to my base system. But in this mess I found a whole stash of fashion and makeup ideas. It’s fun to see what is considered high style on these different planets. Nick has also gotten me tons of articles on how to land a guy.”

  “I sure could use that kind of advice.”

  She giggled. “You’ll see. Women on the various planets have lots of different ideas. Some are strange.”

  Over the next few hours, she flashed holos into the room, projected slides on the bulkhead, and read several articles in her fluid, melodious voice. We giggled and laughed.

  At midnight I yawned and stretched. “Miss A, I’d love to continue, but I can’t keep my eyes open even when I hold them apart with my fingers.” I showed her how that looked, and we both laughed. I lay down and fell asleep.

  The next morning, I woke with a smile. I ran to the dry shower and returned. “Miss A, what do you think I should wear?”

  “It better be the usual. The guys couldn’t deal with the shock of something totally different.”

  I laughed. “You think they would fall over with heart attacks if I paraded out wearing my sexy, red evening dress?”

  “Definitely. They’re such stick-in-the-muds.”

  I grabbed my space coveralls and put them on. A cartoon image of the guys’ shocked reactions to my sexy dress entered my mind, and I giggled.

  “Kate, can I ask you a favor?”

  “Ask away.”

  “I would like to think our time together is special. What we talk about is secret, just between the two of us.”

  “You won't tell?”

  “Cross my heart.”

  “Me, too. Cross my heart.” I crisscrossed my heart. This was so like the many talks with my girlhood friends. The secret meetings in monad hallways, the sleepovers, and all the promises we’d made crossing our hearts.

  Maybe I wasn’t so grown up after all. Maybe I still needed this kind of best friend. Did Miss A know this?

  ~ ~ ~

  Shebang and I made our way down the passageway to the commons. I hummed a happy tune under my breath and ordered eggs and sausage instead of my usual sweet roll and sardines for Shebang.

  Dan glanced from his plate mounded with eggs, sausage, and toast and smiled at me, his white teeth gleaming against his dark skin.

  I smiled back. It was nice he cared. It was wonderful they all cared.

  I’d find some serious subject to study sometime today. Girl talk with Miss A last night was a lot more fun than some dreary program. I straightened and stopped breathing for a moment. Did Miss A care for me? Or was her behavior last night a programmed simulacrum? She was a mother to the guys. She could pass the Turing test. She read everything Nick got her. She used fuzzy logic. I rubbed my forehead. Somehow Miss A was much more than her component parts.

  John walked in and headed to the food fabricator. He ran a hand through his shock of sandy-colored hair. He was so predictable. Surely, he’d order eggs and sausage, whole wheat toast, and fruit juice.

  He did.

  Breakfast in hand he glanced at me with intense, hazel eyes. “Morning, Kate.” His command presence enveloped me like a cloud settling on a mountain peak.

  “Morning John.”

  Ricardo walked in, sweat beading his forehead, and a towel draped around his neck. He ordered a frothy drink, took a big gulp, and smiled at me, his brown eyes crinkling. Would he make one of his irreverent jokes? Naw, he was too thirsty from his workout.

  Dan finished his breakfast and headed to the recycler. He stopped by my chair and searched my face.

  I shooed him away. “I’m fine. Believe me, I’m fine. By tonight I’ll have a mentally challenging, engaging plan of serious, intellectual study.”

  He nodded his shaggy head. How did he get away with avoiding all the personal appearance rules and regulations of the navy? Maybe because he focused on the fundamentals of life he couldn’t be bothered with the petty details of personal appearance codes, and no one insisted he do so.

  Where was Nick? I swept up the last of my eggs with my fork.

  In he walked. Today his long stride included a little hop in the middle. He turned from the food fabricator with his breakfast, and I gasped. His eggs were covered with catsup and peanut butter topped by a single olive held up precariously by a toothpick like a solitary flag on a pole. Good thing I was finished.

  Shebang left a few small particles of stinky sardine on her plate and washed her face.

  I waggled my forefinger at her. “Why didn't you lick the plate clean? There are all those starving cats in New Asia.”

  She took a deep
breath and repositioned herself, closing her eyes and drawing her front legs tightly together, giving me the impression she was not to be questioned about such mundane considerations.

  ~ ~ ~

  I picked up a screen from the table attached to my chair and checked out the offerings of Central's distance learning college. Ugh! Even the names of the departments bored me – English, Sociology, Political Science. I sighed. Sure, I was interested in lots of things, but the educational system took something that was inherently interesting and turned it into something dull.

  What about some nontraditional, neo-new-age institutions? I read through them. Nope, I was too reality-oriented for most of those. I sighed again and glanced at Dan. “I’ve been looking. It's just…” I grimaced and shrugged my shoulders.

  “Everything seems boring, kind of intimidating, and complicated, right?”

  “You bet. I know I’m not dumb, it's just–”

  “Nothing appeals.”

  “That’s right. If I’d wanted to stay in school, I’d be there instead of working at a job I love.”

  “Let’s go at the problem from another direction. Put that all away. The screen too.”

  I laid my screen on my table.

  “Sit back and tell me what you do in your free time.”

  I grinned. “That’s easy. I watch movies.”

  “What kind of movies?”

  “Any kind. I love both the ancient Hollywood and the modern ones. Romance, mystery, Film Noir, adventure. I love them all.” I sighed. If only I were under the magic spell of the silver screen now instead of looking at boring things.

  He smiled.

  “I know I’m a disappointment.”

  “No, not at all.”

  “You’re just being nice.”

  “Give me a minute here. By starting with your own interests, you can design a program you’ll find mentally engaging.”

  “But it won’t be serious enough. It won’t sound like a real course of study like John has or…”

  His face split in a wide smile. “I don’t care if it sounds serious enough. This program is just for you.” He picked up my screen, punched in some commands, and pointed at the screen. “Wow! Look at this film program. They sure want you to work hard. You have to view at least one hundred films and write appraisals.”