by Mary Wood
‘Have you a name as you’d like to call him, Bert?’
‘Aye. Me half-sister Bridget told me of her da once. He died young, but were a good bloke. He were foreman at pit, and though folk don’t know as I know of him, he’s still talked of. And what they say is good. He were called William. Folk called him Will, but I like Billy, the other short form of his name. So how about that then?’
She didn’t tell him she knew of Will, that Issy had spoken of him on Cissy’s wedding day. That would form a connection that she didn’t want to make, as it could upset him again. ‘Aye, that’s grand. Billy it is, with his christened name as William.’
‘Good. I’ll bring you a brew up, lass.’
As she lay back she wondered how Bert could act as if nothing had been his fault. He hadn’t been sorry or asked how it’d been for her. Their babby could so easily have been born with problems. He hadn’t thought about that, and the last thing she’d expected was for him to want the babby called after his sister’s father. He’d a funny side, had Bert – look at how he’d tried to find the grave of his mam’s lost child. It was as if he wanted some link with family. Mind, she could understand that. He was like her in that and, even though he’d not got any photographs of his family, he’d kept his sister’s letter – hidden away, just like she did with her locket. She’d found the letter when she had been clearing things out. She hadn’t told him, but she’d read it. She’d noted how crumpled it was and thought that Bert must have read it more than a few times himself. It was as if each time he’d thought to throw it away, he’d changed his mind and flattened it out again.
It had been strange reading about her sister-in-law’s life, and it was funny to think that this woman knew nothing about Megan’s marriage to her brother. She wondered about Bridget, and what she was really like. She didn’t sound as bad as Bert had painted her. Her letter read as if she’d been forced to leave him for some reason – happen it was to do with the beatings Bert had mentioned.
At that moment she made up her mind to write to Bridget – to tell her that she and Bert were wed and that he was all right. She’d tell her about Billy. She wouldn’t be able to give their address, or post the letter in Breckton – she’d have to post it in Leeds when she went to see Hattie. And another thing: it wasn’t going to be long before she went to see Hattie, either. She’d go just as soon as she was allowed up. She needed her help on what she had to do so as not to get her belly up again, because she was never going to bring another babby into this world. She had feared for Billy before he was born, and something in her feared for his future. She wished she never again had to do that as had made him . . . at least, not with Bert. But then she let in some of her despair as she told herself, Eeh, lass, you’re to think on, as that isn’t sommat as you have a choice in.
PART FOUR
The Parting
1927
23
A Moment of Joy – a Future of Apprehension
‘By, you’re beautiful, me little lass! I couldn’t believe me eyes when I turned the corner and you were stood there waiting for me.’ Jack pulled Cissy to him. His heart swelled inside his chest and the intensity of his love for her burned through his body. ‘I love you so much, Ciss.’
‘I know you do, Jack, and I love you an’ all. I thought as we could walk over the field by the thicket and back through the ginnal. Have some time on our own next to the beck.’
‘Will Sarah be all right?’
‘Aye, I’ve left her with Megan. Bert’s on late shift, so Megan’s on with her sewing, and Sarah and Billy are playing on the green. Megan’s keeping an eye on them from the window.’
‘Bert’s never found out about her sewing, has he?’
‘No, and I hope as he don’t. Megan’s making a nice bit of money, thou knows. Oh, I hope as she gets enough soon to get out of it.’
‘Aye. She’s no life with Bert Armitage. There’s been many a time I’d have liked to sort him out, but interfering will only make things worse for her. Still, at least we’re doing sommat to help, by letting her use our parlour and Ma’s old sewing machine. And she seems to get a good bit of work from Manny, the owner of the corner shop. What’s she on with now?’
‘It’s Manny’s second grandson’s bar mitzvah, and Megan’s making the frocks for the womenfolk. It’s a big order for her. I’ve been helping her out, though, with hems and stuff. And Manny’s good. He lets the women come to the rooms above his shop for fitting and he tells no one. I took the last batch over. Jenny Ardbuckle from next door leaned over her fence, just as I was taking it down the garden. She asked a few questions, but I just said I were taking in some washing and ironing for Manny, as his wife misses me mam doing it for her. She took that as a truth. No one else has said owt. There’s not a soul as knows, I’m sure.’
‘Well, that’s good. I don’t like to think that folk believe you have to work, but if it helps Megan I’ll put up with that, because if anyone does find out and drops the word into Bert’s ear, she’d suffer.’
Talking about Megan, he knew, was only delaying things. He had to face what was troubling him. ‘Right then, lass. Shall we make a move? It’s a lovely evening, but nights are starting to draw in and it’s on six now.’
‘Aye, we best had, as I’ve brought a picnic for us. And I’ve brought a towel so you can swill yourself under the waterfall.’
‘That sounds grand. It’s been a hard day, and this heat doesn’t help. Besides that, I’ve things on me mind to talk over with you.’
‘I know. I mean . . . I know as sommat’s been at worrying you, love. That’s why I thought up this idea.’
Jack didn’t answer her, but took the basket from her and held Cissy’s tiny hand in his.
As they made their way to the beck, he hoped with all his heart there was no one else with the same idea of picnicking. It was a favourite spot for the folk of Breckton, but then if there were others about, he and Cissy could make their way up Mire Hill after he’d freshened himself under the waterfall. There was always somewhere up there to be on your own.
‘Jack, whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me of it. I might be able to help some.’
He smiled down at her and wished he could tell her all, but she’d be hurt if he did and he couldn’t bear that. He had to tell her, though, of his main worry, and that would help relieve his troubled mind. But of how Mrs Harvey was with him . . . well, that would have to be kept from her.
They settled on a flat, grassy area some way up the hill. There’d been one or two people out for a walk, so they’d had to climb up the hill a bit to find some privacy. Jack felt relaxed. They wouldn’t be overlooked, as they’d had to climb around some rocks and walk through a clump of trees before coming to this clearing.
Cissy handed him a cheese doorstep, and then surprised him as she said, ‘So, come on then – out with it. Are you on with planning to leave me for another?’
‘No! I mean, don’t be daft. I’d never leave you, Ciss. You’re me life.’
‘Jack, you scared me. I were at fun-making.’
‘Aw, me little lass. Come here.’ He took her in his arms. The guilt he felt crept over his whole body. Damn Laura Harvey! Damn her! ‘I were on with being shocked at you saying such a thing, that’s all.’
She moved in his arms and lifted her head, and her beautiful eyes misted over. He felt his heart wrench with pain. He’d never hurt her. Never!
Without either of them seeming to move, his lips were on hers. At first the kiss gave him reassurance, but then it deepened and filled him with a longing. Only Cissy could make him feel like this . . . only Ciss. But then, how was it that Laura—?
Cissy’s soft moan banished all doubts from his mind. The silky feel of her hair and the hardening of her nipple as he cupped her breast in his hand set up feelings within him that he couldn’t deny. As he gently eased her down to lie in his arms, the feeling became an urgent need.
Cissy moved, looked up at him and giggled. ‘Here?’
He moved himself forward to help her, knowing that the place he needed to thrust would be better reached like that. His own feeling was akin to agony. He needed to burst into her. Her legs, wrapped around him like a vice, pulled him ever deeper into her, and his agony increased when her body stiffened and he felt her pulsate. Her cry filled his ears. ‘Jack – ooh, Jack!’
An intense pleasure took over his whole being as he came into her. He couldn’t speak the love that encased him. A moan shuddered forth from the very depths of him.
They lay still a while, unable to part and unable to descend from the ecstasy. When a few moments had passed and they could cope, he gently eased himself out of her.
Cissy curled up into him, her breath wafting onto his face. Her sweat mingled with his. He tasted the salt of it as he kissed every part of her face. They spoke of their love and how it had deepened, not lessened, as the time went by. But then Cissy brought them back to reality. ‘I haven’t me protection in place, Jack.’
She didn’t seem concerned, but he felt a fear set up in him. ‘But what if you get caught? Oh God! Why didn’t you tell me?’
Memories of the pain they’d been through, with two lost babbies since Sarah was born, cut into him. They had vowed never to put themselves through that again, and Cissy had sought Megan’s help to stop it happening. He’d no idea how Megan had known about the contraption or where she got it from, and he hadn’t asked. He’d just been pleased there was a way they could make love without him having to pull himself from Cissy at the very moment he needed to thrust deeper.
‘It’ll be reet. It’s been on three years now since I were caught last. And Megan says as it happened once as Bert took her, afore she’d had time to put her protection in, on account of him not knowing as she uses owt. And she didn’t get caught. We were on with thinking that after a time it makes you so you can’t have babbies.’
‘Oh, lass. I hope so. I’d never be able to forgive meself. I can’t bear to think of you going through all that again. I thought as I were going to lose you the last time. How soon will it be afore we’ll know?’
‘Look, Jack. As I see it, you’ve enough on your mind. Just forget it. Besides, you’ll be spoiling the feelings as are still in me. Tell me what’s at worrying you instead, eh?’
Ignoring the fear that lay in the pit of his stomach, he put his mind to telling her part of his worries. ‘It’s me job, lass. It’s likely as it’s going to be changing some.’
‘Is that all? Why didn’t you tell me afore?’
It wasn’t all, although he wished to God it was. ‘Well, it weren’t sommat as I could say much on. I’d heard rumours, but there’s been them afore, and I didn’t want to worry you on account of rumours. But Mrs Harvey’s had a word with me. She’s no choice but to sell the stud horses. She says it’s the recession, and the miners being out for so long last year, that’s brought it about.’
‘But what will your job be then? You will have a job, Jack?’
‘Oh, aye.’ He’d have a job all right, but not one that he wanted. In fact, the way Laura Harvey had said it would work out worried him deeply. ‘Mrs Harvey’s on with thinking of buying a motor-car, and I’m to learn to drive it and take care of it. I’m to be a chauffeur!’
‘But that’s grand. I can’t understand why you’re on with worrying. It’s like a promotion. Oh, I know as you love the horses, but – a chauffeur!’
‘That’s not all there is to it, though, love. It’ll mean me going away a lot, taking her places as she now takes the train to, and staying away nights to be on hand when she needs me to be.’
‘Oh, no! Oh, Jack, I couldn’t bear it. Is there no other job in the offing? There’ll still be horses to be seen to. The farm horses and—’
‘No, love. It’s the only option she has for me. Gary’s to take care of the horses as are left – thou knows, the farm horses and Mrs Harvey’s own horse – and I think she’s keeping another two for when her sister visits.’
Cissy was quiet for a long time, and he didn’t break the silence. He held her close, trying to put out of his mind what might happen if he spent days away from her, and Laura Harvey got up to her tricks. To his shame, she was getting at him. Oh God! He held Cissy even tighter.
‘No wonder you were on with worrying. Let’s think on it some, eh? How long will it be afore it happens?’
‘Oh, it’ll be a good few months. It’ll take a while to sell the stables, and then the motor-car has to be made. Them as top-drawer have are made to order.’
‘Well, we’ve time to think on. I’ll write to Mam and arrange a visit to hers. She might know of sommat going on the estate as she works for. We’ve not been since the beginning of the summer, and it’ll be good to see her. It’s been tough since she changed her job. We hardly ever see her now and it’ll make a nice day out for us.’
‘Eeh, me little lass. Nowt gets you down for long. You’re always at seeing another road. I feel better already. Come on, we’d best get back, as the sooner you write to Ma, the better.’
He hoped with all that was in him that his ma-in-law would know of something going. A part of him was unsettled by Laura Harvey. He didn’t know how it could be so, but Mrs Harvey wouldn’t let up on him, and he wasn’t in a position to do anything about it.
24
The Loss of the Past Comes Home
‘Megan! Oh, Megan love. Come on in. It’s good to see you. It’s been a while.’
Hattie’s heart lurched. Megan’s eyes, pitted with pain, sank into her hollow face. She thought better of asking how Megan was, at least until they were in her rooms. She had a feeling that broaching the subject would undo her friend. She’d give Megan time to compose herself. Talk about other things for a while.
‘Cissy hasn’t come with you this time then. Is she all right?’
‘No. She’s having a babby, and I’m worried over her. Like the other times, she’s not carrying good. She’s not expected until June, some eight weeks or more away, but she’s had a couple of shows already.’
‘Oh, no! I’m sorry. Please God she’ll be all right this time!’ The thought crossed Hattie’s mind as to how it was that the cap had let Cissy down, but her worry for Megan took over.
As soon as she opened the door to her room, she took Megan in her arms. ‘Oh, Megan lass, come here.’
Safely inside Hattie’s comforting embrace, Megan let out her fears. ‘Oh, Hattie, Hattie . . .’
‘It’s still going on then, love?’
‘Aye. It’s got worse as time’s gone on. There seems no pleasing him. I try, Hattie. I do try.’
‘I know, love. Don’t cry. Come on, sit down by the fire and warm yourself.’
She helped Megan off with her coat, and as she did so, the pain showed again in Megan’s slow movements. She felt a deep anger towards Bert Armitage. ‘If I could get me hands on the bastard, he’d not hit you again. I could get sommat done, Megan. I know folk . . .’
‘No, Hattie, don’t.’
‘I won’t, though I don’t mind saying as nowt would give me more pleasure. Oh, Megan, I wish as you’d leave him.’
‘I am on with a plan to, Hattie.’
‘Really?’
‘Aye. It were Cissy’s doing. It were back end of ’26, just after strike finished. Me and Ciss were on with remembering how it were when we worked at Madame Marie’s, and I told Ciss as I still did me drawings. When she saw them, she said I should be doing sommat with them.’
‘And you have? Oh, Megan lass, I’m so pleased! I can’t believe it’s more than a year since I saw you. I’ve been on with worrying meself sick. Couldn’t you at least wri
te to me, love? Just to let me know how things are, with you and the lad?’
‘I’m sorry, but with Ciss as she is and me sewing and everything, it’s not been easy to get away. I thought meself about taking your address down this time, so as I could write. It’s funny as I’ve never taken it down afore. I just knew where it were, and that were that. Mind, you’ll not be able to write back, unless . . . I’ll tell you what. I’ll ask Ciss if I can have letters at hers, because if Bert found out about you, I’d never get to see you again, Hattie. He’d not like me having a friend. He hates me seeing Cissy, and I’ve never told him of you.’
‘I know, but me mind would be at rest if I heard from you. Now, I’ll make us a brew whilst you tell me what you’ve been up to.’
At the end of her telling of how Cissy had shown her drawings to Manny and he’d taken them home to his wife, and how she now sewed for Manny’s family and friends, Megan said, ‘Eeh, Hattie. It’s like me dreams’ve come alive again.’
‘Good for Ciss. It sounds just the thing. I’m reet glad for you, love. So what’re you aiming for?’
‘I keep thinking on getting a place. A shop, p’raps with some rooms above, as me and Billy could live in.’
‘That’d take some money, wouldn’t it, love?’
‘Aye, I know, but I don’t care how long as it takes. I’m not going to give up.’
‘What have you got so far?’
‘Six pounds . . . I know it isn’t much, but I only have the one lot of customers. I know as I’d have a customer in Mrs Harvey at the big house, as she was a regular at Madame Marie’s. She liked me designs, though she didn’t know they were mine – or know me for that matter. But trouble is, with half the daily staff at the house coming from The Row, it’d be too risky and Bert’d be bound to find out. And I can’t sell me stuff to the lassies around me. They can’t afford to have clothes made. They get their stuff from jumbles and the tallyman.’
‘Ah, but my lassies can afford to have clothes made for them. And they’d pay good money an’ all. They have to get what they want from a catalogue, as they can’t get it round here. Stuff comes up from London, but it’s at a price. You’d have no trouble making what they like.’