by Mary Wood
Billy just smiled and closed his eyes again and she saw his body relax. Her own body couldn’t relax; she felt the tension in every sinew.
The rhythm of the wheels on the track took her back in time. She was ten years old. She and Hattie were part of a group on a trip out for the day, which had been paid for by a charity. Sister Bernadette was there, too.
Something about the way she felt today was like the way she’d felt when she’d finally parted from Sister Bernadette and had gone to make her way in the world. She put her hand in her bag and found the locket, tucked in one of the pockets. She pulled it out and put it around her neck. She suddenly felt safer, more able to face the future. Her granny and granddad would look after her.
A little ditty started to go round in her head. She and Hattie had chanted it in time to the noise the train had made that day of the outing:
Where are we going, Hattie and Megan?
Where are we going, Hattie and Megan?
And, as the train had gone faster, it had changed to:
You two wait and see.
Wait and see . . . wait and see . . .
Where were she and Hattie going? Were they on the up and up? She had to believe they were. She had to conquer the fear and uncertainty that lay within her.
Issy took the steaming mug of cocoa Jack offered her, and he watched as she relaxed back in her chair. They’d been home almost an hour, but had hardly spoken. The air needed clearing between them, he knew that. But getting Sarah settled, and rekindling the fire, as well as a few other chores they’d been doing in readiness for the next day, had helped him to avoid the issue. He could do so no longer.
‘Now then, Ma, I s’pose as you’ve sommat to say to me?’
‘Aye, but it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m not disapproving. In fact, I’m glad. As I told Megan, I’ve known a good while how she felt, and I’ve come to see it in you of late an’ all. But I’m reet worried, Jack. How’s it all to work out? You need to think on. Don’t do owt as’d bring shame down on them young ’uns. Billy’s out of it in a sense, as no one knows him where he’s gone, but Sarah . . .’
‘I hear what you’re saying, Ma, and I agree with you. But, thou knows, love and need sometimes make morals take a back seat. And you’ve said many a time as God has given Megan a rough deal up to now, so surely she deserves some happiness.’
‘You’re reet there. I’ve ranted and raved at Him above on Megan’s behalf, and I’d have nowt to say about the pair of you finding happiness together, no matter how you found it. Circumstances weren’t of yours or Megan’s making, but folk don’t take breaking marriage vows lightly. Even if the law does sanction divorce, it isn’t sanctioned by us Catholics, nor Methodists, and most folk around here are one or t’other.’
‘Aye, I know.’ He sipped his cocoa. The steam blurred his vision for a moment. He sat back in his chair. Neither his body nor his mind would relax, and his needs conflicted with reality. His affair with Laura had ended inside him the moment he’d held Megan in his arms, but, in truth, would Laura let it end? Would she understand if he told her he’d found love? Somehow he knew she wouldn’t. And he knew that having an adulterous affair with him wouldn’t sit easily with Megan, either. She was made of different stuff from Laura. That wouldn’t stop it happening, he knew that, as he’d felt Megan’s need in her kiss, but as time went on, the conflict inside her would make her unhappy. He heaved a deep sigh of frustration.
‘Don’t worry, Jack, these things have a way of working themselves out. I’ve told Megan and I’ll tell you: I’m for you both, and I’ll help all I can. Love’s a powerful thing and they say as it conquers all, so just hold on to that.’
‘Thanks, Ma. It’d be a lot harder for us if you were against us. I don’t know how—’ He jumped up as the sound of a heavy banging on the door filled the room.
‘Fellam – Fellam, you bastard! Open this door, I’m gonna kill you! Open this fucking door.’
‘Ma, go upstairs, I’ll deal with Bert. Go on now. Thou knows what he can be like, and I’ll not have you getting hurt.’
‘No, Jack, I’m staying. I’m not afraid of the likes of Bert Armitage!’
Issy’s anger gave fresh life to her body. She shot off her chair and was through the door that led to the outhouse before Jack had crossed the room. And just as Jack opened the front door, she was back again, armed with her thick wooden copper stick, which – though worn down at one end from poking and lifting laundry – presented itself as a mean weapon as she swished it back and forth through the air. ‘Bugger off out of here, Bert Armitage. We don’t want the likes of you in our house, shouting your bloody mouth off.’
Bert stopped in his tracks. ‘Get out of the way, you demented fat bitch! Come near me with that thing and you’ll be on your fat arse afore you know it. Where’s Megan? And don’t say as you don’t fucking know.’
Bert turned. His fist sank into Jack’s stomach. Jack’s knees buckled and the air left his lungs. He’d no time to recover before Bert’s fist crashed into his left ear and sent him reeling to the floor.
‘I’ll fucking kill you, you bastard. Where is she?’
The kick he’d been about to give to Jack’s head never landed, as Issy got to him first. The copper stick smashed across his back.
‘Stop that, you bloody bugger. If anyone’s a bastard, it’s you! What are you talking of? We know nothing about Megan’s whereabouts. Get out of here.’
Bert turned and raised his fist. Issy was ready. The copper stick cracked down on his raised arm, and then another blow caught his shoulder. ‘You just bloody try it, you bastard! Get out, you filthy scum, you slimy bastard. Only one as is going to get killed round here is you! Get out, I tell you!’
Jack was on his feet again. He grabbed Bert and locked his arms behind his back. ‘All right, Ma, that’s enough. Open door and let’s get him out.’
Issy did as she was bid. Jack could see her body was shaking, but she stood tall, her head high as she held the door.
Bert didn’t struggle. When Jack got him to the door, he pushed him so hard he fell like a rag doll down the steps leading to the gate.
‘What’s to do, Jack? Issy? Are you all right?’ Henry was at the gate with Gertie.
Bert got himself up and pushed past them. ‘I’ll get you, Fellam – and that fucking bitch of a mother-in-law of yours. You’ll not pull one over me. Just watch your backs, because I’ll get you!’
‘What’s going on? Issy, oh, Issy, you’re shaking! Come on, sit yourself down.’ Gertie had almost leapt up the steps. She held the trembling Issy by the arm.
Henry had followed behind her. ‘What’s got him going, Jack?’ he asked.
Jack closed the door. He’d have to be careful what he said. No one must suspect that he and Issy knew where Megan was.
‘It seems Megan’s left, from what he was saying, but Ma . . .’
The story they’d concocted rolled easily off his tongue. It sounded that convincing, he almost believed it to be a truth himself, and Issy played her part like she was going for an acting award as she said, ‘We knew as Megan were planning to go, but that’s all she told us – not when, nor how, nor where to. In fact I didn’t really believe as she’d do it. God! I hope she finds some way of letting me know as she’s all right. She’s like a daughter to me.’
Jack almost clapped her performance. ‘Don’t upset yourself, Ma. Be happy for her. She deserves some happiness in her life, and she’ll not get it with Bert Armitage. She’d not have done this lightly – not leave you, she wouldn’t.’
‘But where would she go? She’d no money or owt. She wouldn’t go to workhouse, would she? Oh God, surely not? Even living with Bert would be better than that,’ Gertie said.
‘Happen she’s gone into one of them big houses,’ Issy said. ‘I were always telling her they’d snatch her up as soon as they looked at her. They can’t get servants these days and are taking on without references.’
Jack walked over to the sink a
nd turned on the tap. He dipped his head under the cold running water. Their speculation was only the beginning, as talk would be rife tomorrow and for weeks ahead. His actions distracted them. Henry was beside him, asking if he needed him to fetch the doctor, and Gertie resorted to her cure for all ills.
‘Put kettle back on the hob, Henry,’ she instructed. ‘I’ll fetch bottle over. It’s not the doctor as is needed, but a hot sweet drink and a good stiff tipple!’
When she’d gone, Issy asked, ‘Is your head all right, Jack? Are you sure you’ll not need doctor?’
‘I’m fine, Ma. Anyroad, I bet mine’s not as sore as Bert’s. Ha, I’m glad as I never made you mad like that! I thought as you’d kill him with that copper stick. And swearing! I’ve never heard likes of it, nor I bet has Bert, not even down pit.’
Issy laughed with him.
Jack winked at her. It’s funny, he thought, but despite the Bert episode, they could laugh. They’d had a grand day, and Megan was away and safe. He never knew he was such a good liar. Well, before his affair with Laura, that was. Carrying on like he was with her always called for untruths to be told, or implied.
Still, all that mattered was that Gertie and Henry were taken in by the story. And if he knew anything of Gertie, it’d be gossiped around and would be the truth of what happened, by the time the cock crowed in the morning. He sank back in his chair. I’m going to miss you, lass. But I wouldn’t bring you back to that man for all the coal down pit. Things will turn out well for us. I know they will.
42
A Fragile Canopy of Lace
It was two weeks to the day before Megan saw Jack, Issy and Sarah again, and she couldn’t believe they were with her so soon. She’d thought it would be months before she saw them again. After hugs, kisses and squeals of excitement, Jack explained that he’d told Hamilton he had to give the car a good run out, to stop it seizing up, because with Mrs Harvey still away, the car was hardly moving.
Issy chipped in with her part of the story. She and Sarah had had to catch the train to Leeds, and Jack had picked them up at the station.
‘I tell you, Megan, fooling that lot back in Breckton is as easy as taking a titty from a babby’s mouth. And Sarah was that excited when I told her on train where we were coming.’
‘How’s she been, Issy?’
‘Not good. She’s missing Bella and Billy, and you. Mind, young Annie Bradshaw helps, but . . .’
‘Well, that’s good. She needs someone.’ Megan took Issy’s hand. ‘There’s only time as’ll heal her – well, all of us really. Bella’s loss is still like a big knot inside me. So God knows how you all feel.’
Issy nodded. Megan knew she was struggling with her emotions, and changed the subject.
‘Anyroad, let’s not waste any of your visit. It’s just on eleven, so I’ll shut early. It’s half-day closing in this area, so I’ve all afternoon for you. Come on, I’m dying to show you all around. Eeh, Hattie’s going to be mad at missing you! Her and Harry have gone off for the afternoon. Things are moving along nicely in that direction. Sally’s here, though. She’s at stitching some hems. I’ll call her. We were both going to be working at our stitching this afternoon, but we’ll not now.’
‘You mean you’re trading already? By, lass, it didn’t take you long!’
‘Well, not trading exactly, Issy. As soon as the flat were ready and me stock of material and stuff arrived, I dressed the window with the garments as I’d made, and within two days I had me first customer call. And what a customer! It was a lady’s maid. She’d come to see if I’d go to her mistress’s house and discuss making her a new wardrobe. Come upstairs and I’ll tell you all about it.’
The tour of the shop and flat complete, Megan asked Sally to take everyone through to the front room. ‘I’ll make a brew. Go on, there’s a good lass.’
Sally had started to protest, and Megan knew she was about to offer to make the tea, but she needed a little time to herself. She felt suddenly very shy of Jack. She couldn’t have said why, but by the time she’d poured the tea out for them all she felt better able to cope.
‘So how’ve you been in yourself, Megan?’
‘I’ve been grand, Issy – better than I thought. Every day’s been a new adventure. I’ve so much to tell you.’
‘You’re looking lovely, Megan. Your new life suits you.’
‘It does, Jack, it does, but thou knows it’s not complete. Not without you. I – I mean . . .’ A hot colour flushed her face. ‘I mean, all of you.’
‘We know what you mean, lass. Look, your news can wait. Jack, take Megan for a walk in that park as we passed up the road. I’ll stay here with Sally, and Billy and Sarah can play together. Go on – get yourselves off. Have an hour on your own.’
‘Are you sure, Issy?’ Megan’s heart leapt at the chance to have Jack to herself, but the feeling of shyness and uncertainty she’d felt earlier gripped her afresh. Jack seemed a little distant to her. He’d never been far from her thoughts, and her body had longed for him at night. But now that he was here, she felt unsure.
‘Go on, pair of you. You’re acting like you’ve just met or sommat.’
Once out on the street, she felt her shyness increase. It was as if she’d imagined what had passed between them before, and she was back to the days when she loved him and he didn’t know it. Some of this dissipated when he took her hand.
‘It’s good to see you, Megan, and you’re looking more beautiful than ever.’ He lifted her hand to his lips.
‘Oh, Jack, I’ve missed you.’ Jack did love her. She hadn’t imagined it.
‘I’ve missed you an’ all, me little lass. Come on, let’s get to that park and find a big tree to hide behind, so as I can hold you. I’m so near bursting to do so. I’ll do it right here in the street, if I’ve to wait much longer.’
The barriers were lifted. The awkwardness had gone. Laughter bubbled up in her and burst out as they ran towards the park. Never before had she been so glad of a bad-weather day as she was now. The slow drizzle meant the park was deserted.
They found their tree – a sprawling old oak. It was majestic, surrounded by poplars and elms. Its wizened roots had pushed through the surface and accepted them like huge arms. Its dense foliage sheltered them from the drizzle.
They didn’t speak, just clung together in a kiss so deep that Megan felt her very heart being tugged from her and pressed into Jack.
Jacks actions weren’t those of a normal taking of a woman. It was more like a giving. A giving of body and soul to each other. Jack whispered his love between every kiss and with every touch. ‘This is meant to be, my darling Megan. Tell me you feel it too.’
‘I do, I do. Oh, Jack.’
Her heart burst with her love for him. She wanted him to stay inside her forever. When the sensation rose, she did not deny it, and rode the wave of love with him. It was so right it should be Jack who took her to those heights, the first time she experienced them. ‘Oh, Jack . . . Jack, oh . . .’
She clung to him as she tried to cope with the spasms of pleasure. She knew she was holding him in a vice-like grip, but she didn’t want him to move. She’d not be able to bear it. As the waves subsided, she felt her inner being let go. Her limbs shook, her body heaved and huge sobs racked her. It was a kind of crying she’d never known in her life – a crying of great joy.
Through it all she felt Jack covering her face in kisses and licking her tears, while calling her his love, his own sweet Megan, and thrusting himself ever deeper into her, until she felt she would die with the pleasure and the love she had inside her.
The feeling started to build again. She heard Jack’s name coming in a moan of pleasure from her lips. Heard her own name being spoken in love. Felt his movements become stronger and . . . she was lost. Lost in a world of pleasure so deep it fragmented her very being. Jack was making her his own. Their souls were fusing together.
There was a quiet moment – a moment broken by the sound of gentle sobs. Her Jack was
crying. She moved herself, just a little, not wanting him to take himself from her, but needing to hold him.
‘Jack?’
His arms encircled her. His weight pressed down on her. ‘Megan, Megan, Megan.’ He kissed her nose. His tears rolled onto her cheek. She put a hand up and wiped them away. She didn’t have to ask. She knew they were tears of joy, just as hers had been, but knew, too, that there was an anguish mixed with the joy. Once he’d found control, he smiled down at her, then rolled to her side, taking himself from her.
‘Megan, I love you beyond all I know. Thou knows that, don’t you?’
‘Aye, I does.’
The small worry she’d felt over the anguish she’d detected dissolved, and she lifted herself onto her elbow and looked down on him. ‘And I accept your love with all me heart and body. I love you, Jack. And, like I said afore, I have done since I first set eyes on you.’
‘Oh, Megan.’ He pulled her down and rested her head on his chest and stroked her hair.
Stillness surrounded them and she knew she’d remember the feeling she had inside her forever, and knew the love that encased her body would be with her till the end of her days.
The drizzle had stopped, but she couldn’t have said when. The sun dappled down through the leaves, and as she looked up the pattern it made was like that of a lace canopy. Please, God, let this canopy cover us forever, shrouding our love with protection.
Without warning, her peace was shattered. An ugly image of Bert shot into her mind and fear rippled through her. Jack stirred.
‘Are you cold, love?’ He took her hand and sat up. ‘I s’pose as we’d be best to get back.’
He helped her to her feet, and held her near-naked body to his. It felt so right. The fear left her. Bert could never hurt her again, not now – not now that she belonged to Jack.
Her frock was one that buttoned at the front from the hem to the scooped-out neckline. Jack helped her to button it up, and their giggles at his clumsy attempts lightened the moment until he stopped and pulled her to him. ‘Are you alreet, lass?’ His hand came up to her chin and he lifted her head until she was looking at him. ‘I mean, no regrets?’