To Hell and Back

by Leigha Taylor

  “Dad, I…” But I’m too late to distract him. His eyes have landed on the paper and he’s picking it up, squinting at the small writing on it through the haze of alcohol and anger.

  “WHO THE FUCK IS CARSON? Is he the guy you’ve been fucking? Do you think being a whore is a good reason to leave your father at home starving and alone? You want to use my phone to call some asshole? Why? So he can put a baby inside you with his fat, dirty dick? I put a roof over your head and clothes on your back and you’re out taking them off for some little asswipe named Carson? And then what? What happens when he’s had enough of your dirty cunt and he leaves you alone with his bastard? I’m already sick of raising you and I am NOT going to raise your goddamn bastard child!”

  I don’t even have time to protect myself before the first blow hits. His fist hits my stomach with what feels like the force of ten men and the wind is knocked out of me. “That’s what I think of your bastard! You wanna go get knocked up, well, no fucking way am I letting that happen!” Another blow hits me, this time a bit lower. I fall to my knees, trying to get a breath in, and throw up all over the kitchen floor. There are streaks of blood in the vomit but it’s not the first time I’ve thrown up blood and it probably won’t be the last. I’ll be alright if he just leaves me alone now, but I’m not that lucky. Hank grabs my hair and pushes my face down close to the pool of my own stomach contents screaming, “Well, who the hell do you think is going to clean that up? Get up, you miserable slut!”

  I try to get to my feet, but I struggle to catch my balance and Hank gets even more furious at my inability to follow his instructions. With his hand still in my hair, he yanks me to my feet and shoves me backward. I hit the kitchen table and grab the edge, trying to keep from falling over again. Hank is still screaming at me but I can no longer hear the words. It’s like this is happening to someone else and I’m just stuck here as a witness. I feel a couple more blows to my abdomen and pain flows through my ribs from yet another. I’m dizzy and can’t take in a deep breath. Hank shoves me back again but there is nowhere to go. I lose my balance and hit the floor.

  “Just lay there, skank. Maybe you’ll think about this the next time you want to get fucked.” I see his boot heading for my face but I can’t react. The pain in my head is incredible and I feel myself ready to vomit again. He kicks me again and then, nothing…

  Chapter Six

  Brielle

  My throat is dry and I can’t seem to open my eyes. I hear a beeping sound and it just won’t stop. Sometimes I hear voices and at other times it’s quiet. Right now there is someone in the room with me. It’s a woman and she’s talking to me, saying something about her son’s basketball game. She’s touching me, but I’m not sure why. She lifts my hand and sets it back down. She gently pulls one eye open and shines a light in it. I want to flinch but it’s like I’m not really awake, like I have no control over my body. The light goes away and so does the woman’s chattering. It’s quiet again now. I liked her voice. I’m just so tired.

  ***

  I can hear voices again. The beeping is still steady and I now realize I must be in the hospital. One of the voices definitely belongs to my father. It’s odd that he doesn’t sound angry. I’m so used to his anger. Anything else just seems wrong. In fact, the last thing I remember before the beeping started was his anger. And Carson. Oh God, Carson. My purse. I know why I’m here. If he’s here, too, then they must have believed whatever he told them. They’ve believed him again. I don’t want to think about this. It’s better to stay tired. I’m going back to sleep. My eyes don’t want to open yet, anyway.

  ***

  The room is dark and still when I am finally able to pry my eyes open. The infernal beep, beep, beep reassures me that my heart is still steadily beating. It feels like I have swallowed a bag of cotton balls. I try to look around but my head throbs when I lift it off the pillow. I’m just laying my head back down when I hear the door open.

  “So, Sleeping Fucking Beauty finally decided to wake up. No sign of that Prince you were all over, so it’s a good thing he didn’t knock you up after all. I’ve been stuck here for the last four goddamn days waiting for you to wake up. Four days, Brielle. Sheila is pissed that I’ve been spending so much time away from her. She came with me the first day, but after that she just couldn’t understand why I’d want to stay here and watch you sleep. She’s a lot more fun than you, but I couldn’t take the chance that you’d wake up while I wasn’t here. Lord knows you’d just fuck things up.” Hank leans in toward the side of my bed and I instinctively cringe away from the fat finger he points up in my face. “Listen to me carefully, you little bitch,” he spits. “If anyone so much as thinks I could have done this, I’ll put you right back in here. Or worse. It’s your own damned fault this happened so you had better make sure you get your story straight.”

  I try to focus, but it’s so hard. I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open and I try to rest them, just for a minute. Hank grabs my face and the pain in my head intensifies. “You had better make sure you hear every word I say,” he hisses angrily, releasing the grip on my chin. “This is all you need to know. I was upstairs sleeping when the house was robbed. A man came in and dumped your purse, probably looking for cash. You remember coming into the room and him charging at you. He beat the hell out of you and you remember nothing else after that. But I’ll tell you what happened. I saved your ass. I came running when I heard you scream from downstairs. I had to do something to save my little princess. The man ran out the side door, but I was just too worried about you to go after him. I called 911, then I called my good friend Chief Davis, and he came right over. An ambulance showed up, some uniforms, the works. It was a real show. You’d have loved the attention. And now, you’re here, and you only remember walking in on a man going through your purse. Not another fucking thing or so help me, Brielle, so help me.”

  It’s a lot to take in. I know better than to even think about telling anyone this was my father’s work. Chief Davis has been his buddy since the academy. I’m sure he knows something isn’t right in the Douglas house, but he would never believe that my father is capable of doing this to me. I just close my eyes again and lie there. The cotton in my throat probably wouldn’t let me speak, if I even had the urge to try.

  “I’m going to get a nurse. You stay there and think about what not to say,” Hank growls as he leaves the room. In my head, I start counting the beeps. One, this is my life, two, things have to change, three, I can’t go home with him, four, my plan isn’t working, five, God, help me.

  Hank comes back in with a young nurse who smiles at me like she means it. She says, “Hello, Brielle. I’m Claire, your nurse. I am so happy you’re awake! We were worried about you, you know.” Her voice sounds familiar and I remember something about basketball, but the memory is gone before it’s fully formed. “Did your father tell you anything about your condition?”

  I shake my head as little as possible and try to talk to her. A slight whisper comes out and I manage, “Water… please.”

  “As soon as the doctor checks you out I can bring some water and maybe some clear broth. For now I can manage a couple of ice chips for you. I’ll go get them. Doctor Stevens should be by in the next few minutes. I know there are some police officers who have been waiting to talk to you, so I’ll let them know you’re awake.”

  “I’ve already called the Chief,” Hank tells her. “He’s going to come by personally and talk to Brielle. We all want to find out who did this to my baby.”

  “I’m sure you do, sir.” Claire stops on her way to the door and turns to me, “Don’t worry, honey. I’m sure they’ll find whoever hurt you and he’ll pay for what he did. Your daddy has some good friends.”

  They won’t have to look very hard to find the man who hurt me. He’s right here. But he’ll never pay for any of it.

  Claire is gone and I start to panic. I’m afraid to be alone with my father. I inch my fingers toward the call button, but the doctor comes
in before I get very far. For the moment, I’m saved from any more threats.

  “Brielle! I’m Doctor Stevens. I’m glad to see you’re awake. You have a few injuries that will take some time to heal but pretty soon you will be as good as new. You came in with a concussion, some severely bruised ribs, quite a few scrapes and bruises and a lot of swelling in your abdomen. We’ve done an ultrasound and it looks like you got lucky. There was no permanent damage to any of your internal organs. There was some bleeding in your stomach, but that has subsided. We’ve hooked you up to a machine that dispenses pain medication for you.” He hands me a button that connects to the IV stand near my bed. “Press this when you feel you need it. It’s set for the proper dose and it will only dispense after enough time has passed, so don’t worry that you’ll press it too often. I really don’t think you’ll have to be here more than four or five more days if you continue to improve. The neurologist will be coming in to talk to you sometime this afternoon. He will be checking to make sure your brain is functioning properly and will ask you a bunch of questions. Other than that, we just want you to rest. The swelling has gone down quite a bit on your face and things are looking good. You did have a few stitches along your hairline but that shouldn’t be noticeable after a few weeks.”

  I am listening to all of this, but it’s like he is talking about someone else. It doesn’t really matter what my injuries are. The most important thing he said is that I only have four or five more days to figure out a plan that does not include going home with my father. I’m eighteen – technically, I could sign myself out of here and go wherever I please, but it’s not that simple. I have no money, no car, no friends, and nowhere to go. Hank knows almost everyone in town and even though I’m sure many of them suspect what he’s been up to they would never say so. It isn’t worth accusing a man like Hank. Nothing would ever stick and he’d just have another reason to come after me. He would never just let me leave. Having a daughter in college is respectable; being the father of a teenage runaway is not. My fear has never been leaving. It has always been what would happen if he found me.

  Nurse Claire has returned with the ice chips, but Doctor Stevens tells her he’s putting me on a clear liquid diet, so she fills the water pitcher from my bedside table and brings me a drink. She brings the head of my bed up and the motion is painful but bearable. I reach for the cup and spill a little with my shaking hand as I bring the straw to my lips. The cold liquid feels like Heaven as I take a few small sips and try to ignore my father’s glare. Hank has been watching all of this with narrowed eyes, and I’m sure he hates every second of it. He always accuses me of being melodramatic. I’m sure that if it was up to him I’d be home washing dishes by tomorrow. Who knows, maybe he’s wishing he had just killed me, but I’m still here and I’m going to survive.

  ***

  Carson

  It has been a whole week since I was with her. Seven days without a word from her. Last Sunday feels like it could have been years ago at this point. I know she said she would call me, but I’m going crazy waiting for my phone to ring. I’ve been bringing my phone to the set with me and finding it hard to focus on my lines. The second the director says “cut”, I check my phone, hoping I haven’t missed her call. I’m not usually someone who waits by the phone like this, but I worry about her. I don’t know all the details of life with her father, but I know enough to make me very concerned. I haven’t even been back to Mrs. Hanley’s B&B. I stayed at the trailer this weekend, knowing I couldn’t be so close to her and still manage to stay away. This morning I woke up and decided I couldn’t just sit around any longer. I had Lucy bring me the car and I drove myself into town. Maybe I’m too impatient, maybe it seems pathetic, but I need to see her. I got lucky last time, so I’m heading back to Miller’s.

  I walk into the store and it’s so damn hot in here that I decide I can’t handle coffee today. Instead, I buy a newspaper and a Pepsi before sitting down at one of the tables. Edith comes walking out from the back and heads over toward me. I just hope the granddaughter she wants me to meet isn’t around. I like Edith, but since I’m waiting for Brie that could get kind of awkward.

  “If you’re waiting for Brielle again you’re wasting your time. She’s not coming in here today, no sir.”

  “Well, I was kind of hoping to see her again, Mrs. Miller. What makes you so sure she won’t be in?”

  “You didn’t hear? The whole town has been talking. Someone hurt that poor girl. They say it was some house robber, but I don’t believe a word of it. The only evil man in her life is her own father. Of course, no one would listen to an old biddy like me. Always getting hurt, that Brie. Bumps and bruises. He really did it this time, that’s for sure. Those damned police officers in this town can’t see what’s right in their faces. Just because Hank Douglas used to be one of them doesn’t make him a saint. I’m telling you, he…”

  My blood runs cold and I can feel it drain from my face. Edith must see what the news has done to me because she just stops talking and stares at me. She reaches over to pat my hand and says, “She’s going to be okay, you know. Should be out of the hospital soon, I hear. She’s been in there a while. It took her four days to wake up, but she will be just fine. I can see you care about that girl. About time someone did. She could use a friend. She really could.”

  Edith gives my hand a couple more pats and walks away, shaking her head. By the time she reaches the door to the back office she’s humming to herself and I’m still just sitting in my seat, trying to register what I just heard.

  I finally shake off the shock and head for my car, thinking, please, God, let her be okay. I know Edith said she would be fine, but please, let her really be okay. I think I could love her. I think I could help her. But she needs to be okay. I have the sinking feeling that this is all my fault. I don’t know all the details of what happened yet. I don’t know where or when she was hurt, but I know I might never forgive myself if this happened because of me.

  Chapter Seven

  Brielle

  It has been three days since I first woke up. Hank stuck around while I talked to Chief Davis, but the Chief didn’t stay long since I couldn’t “remember” much anyway. The two of them left together and I haven’t seen Hank since. I’m sure he’s off apologizing to Sheila for ignoring her, I mean, how dare he be with his daughter, right? I actually find that I’m grateful for her since she’s likely the one keeping Hank off my back.

  Claire says that the whole town is talking about what happened to me. People are talking about being more careful to lock their doors, talking about how “lucky” I am to have survived. They’ve been talking about me all week. But no one has come to visit. No one knows what really happened, and anyone who suspects anything doesn’t want to come see it in person. No one wants to know about it when there is a problem. No one wants to think about bad things. I don’t get that choice. I’ve done nothing but think about this. I still don’t know what I’m going to do. The thought of going home to Hank terrifies me. I never want to set foot in that house again.

  It’s lunchtime and since my clear liquid diet has ended, I’m receiving real food. If you can call cafeteria beef stew real food. I pick at the bits of the stuff they’re calling beef and just end up doodling on my napkin. I hear the doorknob turn, but I don’t even bother to look up. So many nurses, doctors, cafeteria workers and other hospital staff have been in here that it’s practically a revolving door, anyway.

  My hand stills when a small gasp from the doorway gets my attention. I stare at my visitor as he stares back at me, and for what seems like forever neither of us moves or says anything. Finally, Carson lets the door close behind him. He walks over to sit in the chair at my bedside and there are tears in his eyes. It should be sweet, but instead I just feel confused. My heart is pounding at his presence and, despite its current state, my body seems to remember him. I move my hair so it partially covers my face. I’m so embarrassed for him to see me here, like this.

  “Brielle
.” He breathes my name and it just hangs in the air between us. I’m not sure what to say but it seems like one of us should say something, so I try for humor.

  “I guess you missed me, huh? Welcome to my luxurious suite at the beautiful H. R. Marshall Memorial Hospital. The view isn’t great and the food is worse but at least the staff is attentive.”

  “Oh, Brie,” Carson breathes again. “Is this my fault? Please tell me. I heard that you’re going to be okay and I’m thanking God that I can be here with you right now, but I have to know. Did this happen because of me?”

  “No, Carson. This happened because Hank is a monster. It isn’t my fault and it certainly isn’t yours. It is Hank’s fault and his alone.”

  “Dammit!” he swears, standing up and starting to pace. “I knew that asshole was behind this. I’ll fucking kill him myself, Brie. Please tell me that he has been locked up. Edith said she heard it was a home invasion, that they’re looking for a thief to pin this on. Please tell me she got the story wrong and that Hank is being punished for this.” It’s scary how fast he went from sad to angry. The rage in his eyes is a little unsettling and I dread telling him the truth.

  “Of course he isn’t, Carson. My father is an ex-cop with a lot of old buddies to count on. The official story is that we were robbed and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Please just leave it alone. I am not about to let it happen again, so please just let it go.”

  “Just how do you plan to stop him, Brielle? You have to make him pay for this!” Carson continues pacing back and forth in the small room, raking his hand through his hair in frustration. “Brie, he won’t stop, he…”

  “Carson, I have no intention of going home with him again. I had a plan and it didn’t work; it didn’t keep me safe. So I will come up with a new plan. But maybe now you see what my life is like. I can’t afford distractions and I can’t afford to bring other people into my misery. I’m not sure what I’ll do from here on out, but I will take care of myself.”