What if Gil really was psychic? What if ghosts actually do exist? What if there is a Bigfoot? What if… Could these things be true? In her search for truth shouldn’t she acknowledge that she could be wrong about things she was convinced she was right about? Shouldn’t skeptics be skeptical of themselves?
Belief in the paranormal is common, not unusual. As a skeptic, she was in the minority, not the majority. The realization that she could be mistaken threw her into a feeling of vertigo in which she suddenly understood clearly how and why people believe. It all made sense.
…Or was something else going on with Gil? Her mind played devil’s advocate.
She could see him walking beside her on the beach in Australia, rubbing his forehead and complaining of headaches. She could see him sitting across from her at the restaurant the night before the final show, massaging his temples and still complaining of headaches. Did he have some sort of condition, a tumor, or a brain injury that was affecting his thinking and behavior? Gil’s words at the end of his final show echoed in her head.
I need to turn the voices off.
Was he experiencing hallucinations and delusions? That would explain why he was hearing voices that no one else could hear and seeing things that no one else could see. That might also explain his paranoia and desperation to get away. Kate and Abby both believed that his body was taken over by the spirits of their deceased husbands. They said he’d suffered seizure-like attacks and afterwards he couldn’t remember what had happened. Sure it sounded self-serving at the time, and that may be the case still, or did he have a mental illness? Were these voices commanding him to perform these destructive acts? Did he stay in a drug rehabilitation clinic as a youth, or was he really a patient in a psychiatric hospital? When people hear voices they’re diagnosed as schizophrenic and put on antipsychotic medication to stop the voices. Was Gil celebrated for this instead?
Was his “gift” really a curse?
Claudia remembered the Gil she knew when they were together. He believed he was psychic, but he hadn’t completely lost touch with reality. He wasn’t a monster back then. He was a different man. He was sweet and kind and loving. It didn’t work out because they had a different outlook on life. But should she have stayed with Gil all those years ago? Perhaps she could have protected him from himself. Or was she looking for a way to absolve Gil in her own mind because she still had feelings for him?
Claudia didn’t feel well in the stomach. If anything, the pain was getting worse, so she took some painkillers and hit the sack. As she lay in bed in the darkness she heard her phone ping and the room lit up from the glow of her phone.
It was a text message from Gil.
He said simply, “Claudia, see a doctor immediately. Please.”
She stared at the message for a while, and then replied, “I will if you will.”
Chapter 33
Claudia woke up feeling sharp cramps on the right side of her stomach. She wondered if she had gastroenteritis or appendicitis. Maybe she was about to get her period, but she’d never had menstrual pains this severe before. When was her last period anyway? It seemed to be late by a few days, if not a few weeks.
Gil’s words echoed in her mind.
Did you know that you’re pregnant?
She gave a little laugh. That was impossible.
She finally roused herself to get out of bed and get dressed. She wasn’t going into work that day, she felt too sick for that, but she made a visit to the pharmacy to buy some medication for her upset stomach. In the store she peeked down the aisle where they kept the pregnancy tests, but she hurried past in search of a hot water bottle. She didn’t often listen to her intuition, but a nagging voice inside kept telling her that something wasn’t right. She dashed back to the women’s health aisle where there was a confusing array of pregnancy tests. One was probably as good as another, she thought, so she grabbed a box and headed towards the checkout.
As soon as she entered the front door of her apartment she ripped open the pregnancy test and read the instructions. She whisked off her jeans and panties and threw them aside. She tried to pee on the stick both sitting down and standing up but her aim wasn’t very precise and she made a mess all over the toilet seat and the floor.
Pregnancy tests were designed for men, she thought.
When she was done she closed the toilet lid and sat down on it. She held the test stick and stared at the window in which there was a pink control line.
The idea that she was pregnant was ridiculous. She wore an IUD and she and Jeremy used condoms as a backup. Why was she even bothering to do a pregnancy test? Well, she wanted to prove Gil wrong. Her period was definitely late, but there were lots of possible explanations for that. She had been under a lot of stress the past few months.
Claudia watched the window and waited for five whole minutes…but no second pink line appeared.
She breathed a sigh of relief and tossed the stick into the trashcan.
Gil was wrong! But of course he was. He certainly wasn’t psychic. She must have a stomach bug after all. She would visit a doctor in a day or two if she didn’t start to feel better. She popped a few pills and crawled back into bed clutching her hot water bottle.
Her bed was warm and cozy and she fell asleep quickly. Soon she began to dream. She dreamed that she and Gil were together in a Catholic church. It was nighttime and the church was candlelit, giving an eerie glow to the room. They sat on a pew, facing each other as they played a game of Go Fish.
Claudia was annoyed with Gil because he kept predicting her cards.
“Give me that four you’ve got in your hand,” he said with a grin.
Claudia rolled her eyes and threw the card at him.
“I took a pregnancy test, Gil,” she said. “Do you want to know the result?”
“The pregnancy test is a modern invention, but for millennia, women have used various methods to try to determine whether they were pregnant or not,” he said, ignoring her question. “In ancient Egypt, women believed to be pregnant urinated on wheat and barley seeds. If the wheat grew, she was having a girl. If the barely grew, she was having a boy. If neither plant sprouted, then she wasn’t pregnant. In ancient Greece, if a woman suspected she was pregnant she would insert an onion into her vagina and leave it there overnight. If she had onion breath the next morning, she believed she was pregnant… and I’ll take that nine you have too…”
Claudia shook her head at his weird little lecture.
“You’re good at predicting cards,” she said as she flicked the card at him, “but you’re bad at predicting the results of pregnancy tests. It was negative. You were wrong.”
Gil looked at her with his piercing blue eyes and threw down a card.
Claudia looked at it. It was a Queen.
She looked up at Gil quizzically.
“Look again, Claudia,” he said, his deep voice echoing around the church.
She looked at the card again. It was a Joker.
Claudia woke up with a start. Wow! That was a bizarre dream… But she didn’t assign any significance to it. It was just a brain dump. Besides, she had more pressing matters to which she had to attend. Her stomach still hurt and she needed to go to the toilet. She stumbled into the bathroom and flicked on the light switch. As she sat down on the toilet she saw the test sitting in the trashcan.
Look again, Claudia.
She fished out the stick and stared at it blearily. Wait… was that a second pink line in the test window? She rubbed her eyes and looked again. Yes, there was a second line.
No. It was impossible. No.
She was in denial. It must be a false positive, she thought. Had she done the test the wrong way? Maybe it was an evaporation line or the product was past its expiration date. Maybe she was reading it the wrong way. She read the instructions again. No, she did everything correctly, if messily. Then she held up the stick to the bathroom light. She took it into the living room and held it under a lamp. She looked at it under the kitch
en lighting. She shined a flashlight on it. Every time she checked the second pink line was clearly visible. There was no doubt about it, the pregnancy test was positive.
She was pregnant.
Okay, she admitted to herself that she felt nauseous, tired, and a little moody. She was definitely going to the bathroom more often. She did have some food aversions…and maybe her breasts were a little bigger…
Then Claudia remembered Gil’s text message from the night before.
Claudia, see a doctor immediately. Please.
That was sensible advice, she thought. She knew that pregnancy symptoms were normal, but surely all of this pain couldn’t be a good sign. Perhaps she should see a doctor, just to confirm the pregnancy and make sure everything was okay.
Claudia called her gynecologist, Dr. Fritz, and spoke with a nurse who seemed alarmed by her symptoms and told her to come into the office right away. Within an hour she was sitting on a bed in a treatment room under bright fluorescent lights. She was naked except for a hospital gown and a pair of socks.
“Doctor, you know I wear an IUD,” Claudia said. “We also used condoms every time we had sex. How could I possibly be pregnant?”
“No method is foolproof. The only birth control that is 100% effective is abstinence,” Dr. Fritz said in a well-rehearsed tone. “Please lie down. I’m going to give you a pelvic exam.”
She started pressing down on the right side of Claudia’s stomach.
“Ow!” Claudia cried out, wincing at the stabbing pain.
Dr. Fritz looked concerned.
“I’m ordering some blood tests and then we’ll know more. I’ll be back soon.”
A nurse came into the room, took a few vials of blood, and left Claudia alone to wait for the results. She stared around the walls at the diagrams of the female reproductive system, the pregnancy posters, and the racks of parenting magazines. She had always wanted to have kids, but she kept putting it off. Well, having a boyfriend would have been a good start. Many of her friends already had babies, while those who didn’t were desperately seeking fertility treatments. They would do anything to be pregnant. She didn’t want to leave it too late. Sure, she could hear her biological clock ticking, and loudly at times, but she was always busy doing something. It never seemed to be the right time. Now would have to be the right time to have a baby, whether she was ready or not.
She took a deep breath and made her decision. She would keep this baby!
Claudia thought about all of the changes she needed to make in her life to become a responsible parent. She had to start thinking about prenatal care and childbirth classes. She would begin taking prenatal vitamins immediately, cut back on coffee, and stop drinking alcohol, although she already had an aversion to it. She exercised and had a healthy diet as a rule, but now she needed to avoid raw fish and unpasteurized cheeses. She thought of that night with Gil at the restaurant when he ordered the cheese platter without the soft cheeses. She gave a little laugh.
She couldn’t wait to spill the beans to everyone! When would she announce her pregnancy? She heard it was good form to wait until the second trimester to make sure everything was okay, but she needed to tell Jeremy as soon as possible. He was the father. He had a right to know. What was the proper etiquette for having a vacation fling that resulted in pregnancy?
Claudia fantasized about being pregnant. She pictured herself wearing a maternity dress, her hands wrapped protectively around her baby bump. She wondered if she was having a boy or a girl, or should she keep it a surprise until the birth? She didn’t think she could wait that long to find out because she needed to start writing a list of baby names. She had always liked Charlotte for a girl, or Aiden for a boy. She imagined herself shopping for baby toys, for rattles and teddy bears, and buying baby clothes and tiny baby shoes. She could see herself celebrating with her friends and family at her baby shower, gushing over their gifts and laughing as they ate cake and played silly games. She daydreamed of being with Jeremy and seeing her baby’s heartbeat on an ultrasound. She saw his hands on her stomach and the joy in his vivid green eyes as they felt the baby kick for the first time. She could see herself lying in a hospital bed after her labor with Jeremy’s arms around her. She looked tired and sweaty yet deliriously happy as she held and kissed her precious newborn.
Her heart skipped a beat. She could do this. She wanted this.
“I’m pregnant,” she said nervously, an excited smile spreading across her face.
It was the right time to have a baby.
Finally, Dr. Fritz came back into the room with her results.
“You’re pregnant,” she confirmed.
But there were no congratulations. Claudia could tell that something was wrong.
“Based on the date of your last period you’re about 8 weeks along, but your HCG levels are low for where they should be,” said Dr. Fritz. “I’m going to do an ultrasound.”
She disappeared and returned wheeling a portable ultrasound machine into the room. Claudia was afraid but she tried to keep calm. Everything would be fine. She lifted up her hospital gown, bracing herself for cold gel to be squirted across her stomach.
“It’s too early for an abdominal ultrasound,” Dr. Fritz said apologetically as she slid a condom over a probe. “I need you to put your feet into the stirrups.”
Claudia shuffled down into place and stared at the monitor. She could see a black circle. Was that her uterus? An ovary? She could never decipher those shadowy images.
Dr. Fritz was silent for the longest time and it made Claudia more nervous.
“It’s just as I’d feared,” the doctor said. “There’s no gestational sac in your uterus, but I can see a mass near your right fallopian tube.”
Claudia didn’t know what was going on, but judging by the tone of the doctor’s voice, it didn’t sound good.
“What does this mean?”
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Fritz said softly. “You have an ectopic pregnancy. This is when a fertilized egg attaches outside of the uterus. Pregnancy when using an IUD is rare, but when it happens it’s more likely to be ectopic. Unfortunately, it’s not a viable pregnancy.”
Claudia felt tears welling up in her eyes.
“What happens next?” she asked.
Her voice sounded strange to her.
“Often we can use medication to terminate an ectopic pregnancy, but this is an advanced case. You’re probably going to need emergency surgery. It looks like the embryo has implanted in your fallopian tube and you’re experiencing a lot of pain. The tube might rupture and you could… well, let’s just say that I’m glad you came in to see me when you did.”
Claudia was in a state of shock.
Now wasn’t the right time to have a baby.
She was rushed to the hospital. The next few hours were a whirlwind of cold hospital rooms and a barrage of tests, while kind doctors and nurses hovered over her in a panic. She was feeling worse. She had developed a fever, her blood pressure was very low and she was light headed. She started having pains in her shoulder and back.
Everything was happening too fast. She wished Jeremy was there with her.
She felt sad, scared, and alone.
As she sat there in a daze her phone pinged. It was a text message from Gil.
“You’re not alone. I’m with you.”
Did he know what was happening? How did he know? She didn’t have time to think about it any further. She was wheeled off to the operating room and prepped for surgery. She stared up at the ceiling with tears in her eyes until she went under the anesthetic.
Hours later Claudia woke up in the recovery room feeling sore and disoriented. A doctor pulled back the curtain railing of her cubicle and explained what had happened during the surgery. She had been given an emergency laparotomy. Dr. Fritz’s diagnosis was correct; Claudia had an embryo that had implanted in her right fallopian tube instead of her womb. When they opened her up they found that the tube had ruptured and she was bleeding internally, which e
xplained why she had been in so much pain. The tube and ovary were so damaged they had to be removed.
She was lucky to be alive.
Claudia was transferred to a private room where she lay in bed, deep in thought. Now that her ordeal was over should she confide in anyone about this? She’d told her receptionist, but did anyone else need to know? Should she tell Jeremy? He had been the father. Didn’t he have a right to know? What was the proper etiquette for having a vacation fling that resulted in an ectopic pregnancy and emergency termination surgery?
Before she told anyone else she needed to come to terms with the situation herself. She barely had time to process what had just happened to her. That morning she didn’t even know she was pregnant. Then she suddenly was, but now she wasn’t. Not only had she lost her baby, she had also lost half of her reproductive organs. She blamed herself. She should have paid better attention to her body. Maybe she could have prevented this from happening. Claudia felt empty and lost. Nothing could have prepared her for this and it was going to take her some time to get over the experience.
Her body ached, but her heart was aching more.
Her nurse, Nicole, brought her a meal on a tray and Claudia asked her for some painkillers and a sedative. She nibbled on a piece of dry toast and sipped a cup of tea. She watched some television and flicked through a trashy magazine until she finally felt sleepy. It had been a long day and she tried not to think anymore, but she had one final thought before she drifted off into sleep.
How did Gil know that she was pregnant?
When Claudia awoke from a short nap she was startled to find Gil sitting on the bed and holding her hand.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as she tried to sit up.
“I’m here to see you.”
The genuine concern in his eyes reminded her of the days when they were in love. All of a sudden she felt overwhelmed by her emotions and on the verge of tears.
“I… lost my baby.”
Hits & Mrs. Page 31