Ashes & Embers Series Collection (Books 1 to 4)

by Carian Cole

  “No, but it looks really nice.”

  I cross my arms. “What do you want exactly? I’d like to eat dinner with my kids.”

  He rubs the back of his head. “What’s going on with you?” he asks in a hushed tone.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You’re dating? Spending the night with other men?”

  I gape at him. “Are you serious? What business is that of yours? And it’s one man, not ‘other men’.”

  “We’re still legally married.”

  “You left me and your kids to move into a condo with some home wrecker, Paul. You filed for divorce a week later. That was months ago, and I’ve been alone this entire time. I think it’s acceptable for me to date.”

  “She’s not a home wrecker.”

  “She knew you were married. She met your kids and me several times, and yet she slept with you anyway. Even if you were pig enough to pursue her, she should have stayed away from you, knowing you were married.”

  He glares at me. “I met your so-called boyfriend. What in the hell are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking he’s an amazing man who treats me like a princess and actually cares about me.”

  “He’s a fucking punk kid. He looks like a Goddamn circus act.”

  I bite my tongue and try not to explode. I am really sick of people judging Lukas just by the way he looks, and not seeing him for the amazing person he is. I didn’t know people with body art were so judged by others. “You don’t know him, Paul. He’s extremely talented, successful, loyal, and polite. You could take some lessons from him.”

  He leans in close to me, his breath hot against my face. “I don’t want that freak show near my kids.”

  “You don’t get a say in that. You left us for some little whore. You had an affair and lied to us for a year. You have no right to pass judgement on someone else, just because they have tattoos and piercings. He’s a good person.”

  “He’s a fucking kid. Are you really that desperate?”

  “Are you? I think he’s older than your girlfriend, just for the record.”

  He shakes his head and paces the hallway. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Ivy.”

  “Me? What happened to you? You destroyed an eighteen-year marriage. And now you’re stalking me? You threw me away. You have no right to follow me around or make comments about who I choose to spend my time with.”

  “I didn’t think you’d do something like this.”

  “Like what? Find someone to make me happy?”

  He stops pacing and stares at me. “What could you possibly have in common with someone like that? He’s going to fuck you and get rid of you. You’ll probably end up with a disease.”

  I sigh, bored with his tantrum and lame attempts to turn me away from Lukas. “We get along great and he makes me laugh. We want the same things in life. We both value and want commitment. Most of all, I’m happy, and that’s all that matters right now. You’re the one who got rid of me.”

  He edges closer to me and puts his hand on my arm. “I’m sorry I did that, Ivy. I think about it all the time, and I feel like shit about it. I never wanted to hurt you like that.”

  There was a time I would care about his apology, when it may have meant something to me, but now, I just don’t. I’m numb to him now and only feel irritation toward him. “Well, you did what you did, Paul, and we’re both moving on now. I’d like the divorce finalized soon. We need to work out a visitation schedule and figure out what we’re going to do with this house. Then we can be free of each other.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “It’s what you wanted, Paul. I never wanted any of this, but this is where I ended up.”

  He leans back against the wall and lowers his head. “The thought of that guy touching you is driving me crazy. You’ve always been just mine. Knowing that kid with long hair and tattoos is crawling all over you makes me feel sick.”

  I blink back the unwanted tears that threaten to start. “I felt the same way. We were each other’s firsts, and were supposed to be each other’s lasts. How do you think I felt, knowing you were sleeping with another woman behind my back?” My voice cracks, and I swallow hard. “I heard you telling her you wanted to fuck her. Do you know how much that hurt me?”

  He licks his lips and nods slowly, my words sinking in. “I do now.”

  “Well, good. You deserve it.”

  He meets my eyes, and I see regret and sadness there, but it’s too late. A few months ago, I would have taken this opportunity to try to make him see how much I love him and what we had together. I would have asked him to come back, and tried to start over fresh. I would have begged him to leave Charlene, and I would have forgiven him.

  But not any longer, because now, my heart belongs to a man who’s woken up way too many new desires in me. I want to see his hair falling into his deep, emotional eyes. I want to feel that hard, inked skin against mine. I want to be held like a doll one moment and taken up against a wall the next. I want to hear more beautiful music from him, and to see more of his incredible art. But most of all, I want to be the keeper of his damaged heart.

  “You should go,” I say, straightening my spine. “I want to spend some time with the kids.”

  I turn and leave him in the hall, and hear the click of the door by the time I reach the kitchen to enjoy dinner with my kids.

  Lukas: I had the best night with you. I miss you.

  Me: So did I, and I miss you, too. So much. Xo

  Lukas: How did your night go?

  Me: It was interesting. I told Macy about you. She was shocked, but I think she’s ok with it. She loves the band, especially Talon. :-)

  Lukas: Oh, hell no. He’d be all over her.

  Me: Yes, let’s keep them apart please.

  Lukas: How was everything else?

  I know he’s hinting at how it went with Paul, and he wants to know if anything has changed.

  Me: Paul came in when he dropped Tommy off. He was freaking out about me being with you. You were right, he’s jealous. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with before, so he’s having a hard time dealing that I was with you.

  Lukas: Tuff shit. He let you go.

  Me: I know. That’s pretty much what I said.

  Lukas: I’m proud of you. I know this is hard on you.

  Me: It is. I feel a little beat up.

  Lukas: I wish I could hug you and make you feel better

  Me: I do, too. I could use it right now. You give the best hugs.

  He doesn’t reply, so I check on the kids, change into my pajamas, and snuggle up in bed to read for a while, hoping it will take my mind off everything so I can get a good night’s sleep. As I’m climbing into bed, my phone buzzes.

  Lukas: What are you doing?

  Me: Just sitting in bed reading. I thought you fell asleep. :)

  Lukas: Come to your front door.

  Me: What?

  Lukas: Just do it ;)

  Oh my God! He’s here?

  I throw on my robe and quietly go downstairs. When I open the front door, I step outside to find him standing there, smiling.

  “Lukas! You’re crazy!”

  He pulls me to him and hugs me tight. “Hey, if my girl needs a hug, she gets a hug.”

  “You. Are. The. Best,” I say, winding my arms around his waist and squeezing him.

  Putting a hand under my chin, he lifts my head up to face him. “You okay, baby doll?”

  “I am now. You are so sweet, Lukas. And I’m so scared.” I start to cry, and I really don’t even know why. I just feel totally overwhelmed by my feelings for him. Everything feels so intense and so perfect.

  “Hey, hey, hey. Everything’s all right,” he whispers. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take care of you, Ivy.” He kisses my lips softly. “I think that’s what you need, someone to take care of you for a while.”

  My heart bursts as I bury my face in his warm chest. He’s the stuff women dream about, and he’s
right here, on my steps, hugging me. And he’s real—not a dream, not a book, not a movie. And he’s mine.

  CHAPTER 18

  IVY

  “OH MY GOD, Mom, do you think any of the guys from the band will be there?” Macy asks as we stop at a traffic light.

  Shaking my head, I turn the radio down. “No. We’re going to his house so you two can meet him and get to know him. None of the guys will be there.”

  “Can I talk to the bird?” Tommy quips from the back seat. “Will he talk back to me?”

  I smile at him in the rear-view mirror. “Yes, you can talk to Ray, and he’ll probably talk back.” I pray that Ray doesn’t say anything inappropriate.

  Macy turns the radio back up. “I can’t believe we’re going to Lukas Valentine’s house. This is epic. Dad had a major episode when I told him. Charlene’s a fan. Did you know that?”

  “What?” I ask. “You told him?”

  The car behind me blasts their horn at me to move. “Mom, it’s not gonna get any greener. Go,” Macy says, rolling her eyes.

  I step on the gas and grip the wheel, trying to get my sudden anxiety attack under control. My mind is racing in a million different directions. I’m nervous enough bringing the kids over to Lukas’ house for the first time, but knowing Macy told Paul, and that the home wrecker is a fan of Ashes & Embers, is just adding to my anxiety.

  “Honey, I’d rather you didn’t tell your father what I was doing.”

  “I’m sorry. I was just excited. He got really mad, though, when Charlene said she went to one of their concerts last year.”

  “Well, let’s try not to add to the stress of the situation, okay?”

  “I wasn’t trying to. They fight all the time anyway.”

  “Who does?” I ask, turning into Lukas’ parking lot.

  “Dad and Charlene. Every time I’m on the phone with Dad, she’s whining in the background, and the few times I’ve visited, she’s like, the face of misery.” She looks out the window and then at me. “Why are we stopped?”

  I smile at her. “This is where Lukas lives.”

  I watch her face light up like only a crazy excited teenager’s can. “What? You’re dating a guy who lives in an old stone church? Mom, for real, I totally want to be you.”

  “You can live in church?” Tommy asks as we get out of the car.

  I take his hand. “Yes. It’s not a church any more, but it was a very long time ago. Now, it’s been turned into a house.”

  He stares up at the building as we get closer to the door. “Do I have to be quiet? And pray?” he asks.

  I smile down at him and squeeze his hand. “Well, you shouldn’t yell, since it’s his house, but you don’t have to whisper, and you don’t have to pray.”

  “I’m gonna pray he hooks me up with Talon,” Macy jokes.

  I don’t know why I’m always surprised when Macy talks about guys, because I was actually only a few months older than she is now when I became pregnant with her. Was I really that young when I was having sex, thinking I was in love? I felt so old and mature at the time. No wonder my parents were worried sick. I cannot even imagine Macy being pregnant and getting married any time in the near future. I shudder at the thought of it.

  Lukas answers the door with a big smile and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, and I’m grateful that he’s being conservative with the affection in front of my kids. He looks extra hot and cute today, wearing a black beanie on his head, his long hair poking out, a white t-shirt, faded jeans, and my favorite black and white Converse.

  “Hey,” he says, shaking Tommy’s hand. “I’m Lukas.”

  Tommy literally beams at him. “I’m Tommy! Your house is so cool!”

  Lukas laughs. “Well, thanks, Buddy. Come on in.”

  “Holy shit,” Macy gasps, gaping around the house as we move into the living room. “This place is incredible.”

  “Thank you,” Lukas says. “Make yourselves at home.”

  Tommy makes a beeline for the birdcage. “Wow!” he yells. “Look! He’s really real!”

  Ray tilts his head and flaps his wings. “I’m a pretty bird,” he says.

  Tommy looks over at us, his eyes wide and his mouth open. “Wow! He really does talk!”

  “I want you,” Ray says next, and Lukas and I look at each other and try not to laugh.

  Tommy jumps up and down. “He wants me!”

  Macy stands next to her brother and looks at us, crossing her arms with a teasing smile on her face. “What an interesting thing for a bird to say,” she says.

  I grab both of their hands and pull them away from the incriminating bird. “Okay, let’s leave the bird alone so he doesn’t get scared. He’s probably not used to lots of people, right, Lukas?”

  Lukas nods quickly. “That’s right. He gets a little crazy around crowds.”

  I sit on the couch and watch as Lukas shows the kids around his house, answering Tommy’s endless questions about the antiques and statues and Macy’s fawning over the band. He’s patient and sweet with them both, and I can tell they genuinely like him. He wins them over even more by bringing them into the kitchen and letting them build their own mini pizzas to bake with various toppings and dough he made earlier. My mind wanders as I watch them together, going to places that maybe it shouldn’t be going yet, but I can’t help thinking that Lukas will make a great stepfather.

  With every week that goes by, I’m growing more attached to him and falling more in love with him, wanting more of him and more with him. And now, my fears of the kids not liking him have pretty much been obliterated.

  He catches me watching him with the kids and winks at me from across the room. I want to smother him with happy kisses but hold myself back, not wanting to be too kissy and touchy in front of the kids. I’m not sure how Paul and Charlene behave in front of them, but I don’t want them feeling awkward around us.

  After dinner, I help Lukas clean up the kitchen while the kids go hang out in the living room.

  “They’re great kids,” he says, pulling me into his arms for a quick hug. “They both have great personalities.”

  “Thank you. They really like you. I can tell.”

  He grins. “They must take after their mother.”

  I cross the room to the doorway and look out at them in the living room, seeing Tommy sitting on the floor playing a video game and Macy curled up on the couch reading one of Lukas’ art books.

  He comes up and wraps his arms around me from behind, leaning his head against mine. “See? They’re happy here, Ivy. Macy’s reading, not sitting on her phone texting. And your son just made an amazing pizza.”

  I nod and relax back against his muscular body. “You’re right.”

  He gently turns me around to face him. “I’m babysitting Katie tomorrow night, and I have her all day on Sunday. Why don’t you and Tommy come over tomorrow for dinner, stay overnight, and then spend the day with us on Sunday? I have two guest rooms, so they’ll each have their own rooms. It’ll be fun. Katie’s adorable. You’ll love her.”

  I hesitate to answer, not because I don’t want to, but because it feels like another big step in the staircase of this relationship. Tommy and I both spending the night with Lukas, and meeting a child in the family, which is serious to me. It means we’re becoming more involved in each other’s lives and families, and other people’s feelings are at stake.

  His forehead creases as he studies my face. “What’s worrying you?” he asks softly.

  “Getting the kids more involved . . . it’s a big step.”

  “I know that, and I wouldn’t ask you to do it if I wasn’t completely serious about you and wanting to be part of your life. I don’t hurt people.” He squeezes my waist. “And I definitely wouldn’t be wanting to spend time with your kids unless I was sure this was going in the right direction.”

  “I know that. I do.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “All right . . . we’ll stay tomorrow night. I think Tommy will like that. He seems really co
mfortable with you.”

  He looks over my shoulder at the kids in the living room. “I like him, too. This is what I want.”

  “And what’s that?”

  He looks down into my eyes and smiles. “You, the kids . . . All of it.”

  My heartbeats start to quicken as his words sink in. “You’re sure?”

  “I’m positive. No doubts, baby. This is what I’ve always dreamed of.”

  “Okay then. Let’s have a sleepover tomorrow and see how we do with two little kids running around and a bird repeating everything we say.”

  Laughing, he hugs me tighter. “That sounds awesome to me.”

  CHAPTER 19

  IVY

  AFTER SPENDING a few hours with Lukas and two little kids, I begin to think he should be running a day care and not a tattoo parlor. He’s absolutely amazing with kids. His five-year-old niece, Katie, is the sweetest little girl and adores her uncle. We snuggle on the couch with her and Tommy, watching a few Disney movies, and then Lukas helps them make their own ice cream sundaes. At bedtime, I take Tommy to his guest room, while Lukas takes care of Katie.

  “Did you have fun tonight?” I ask Tommy, tucking him into the huge king-sized bed that he looks dwarfed in.

  “I did, Mommy. Lukas is fun, and Katie is, too.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “Can we come back again?”

  I kiss his forehead. “Yes, we definitely will. We’ll probably be spending a lot more time with Lukas. How do you feel about that?”

  A big smile spreads across his face. “And Ray, too?”

  “Yes, and Ray, too.”

  “Mommy, are you going to marry Lukas?”

  “I don’t know, sweetie. We like each other very much, though.”

  “So, you’re like best friends for now?” he asks.