by Sam Kadence
My phone rang. “What?” I demanded, not recognizing the number.
“Is Genesis all right? Is he there? He’s not answering his phone.” It was the guitarist.
“I’m not his keeper.”
“Tell him I’m sorry. Please. Tell him I didn’t mean it. I was drunk.”
What the hell? Had he done something to Genesis? As I hung up, the phone beeped that I had messages. I hit one to play them back.
“Hey, KC! Just wanted to let you know that it’s Rob’s birthday so I’m going to make sure he gets home all right since he’ll probably be drinking a lot. Miss you.” Genesis’s voice filled the line. The mechanical woman took over, asking if I wanted to save the message. I hit nine to save it and then continued to the next message.
“Got Rob home. He’s trashed. I’m a little worried. I don’t want to leave him yet just in case he falls or something. Be home as soon as I can.” Another message from Genesis. That one had been at almost 3:00 a.m. last night.
The friend had been drunk. Extremely drunk, from what Gene said. Damn. Did that mean all the bruises and bite marks…?
My sight turned red with rage I hadn’t felt in a long while. I approached the Park with scattered caution, a fight itching my skin. The air smelled of mischief. Hane had stalked my home all day, leaving his scent in the hall, mixing it across Gene’s trail so I couldn’t follow him. Tonight I needed someone other than my eccentric lover or his stupid friend to pulverize. Someone not human. A smile crossed my lips when a shadow fell into my path. Wish granted.
“About time you showed up. Too busy tucking lover boy in?” Hane leered at me, his black eyes hypnotizing.
“Cut the shit and start swinging.” I threw my fist toward his face. He ducked, swung low, and doubled me over with the force of a truck slamming into my gut. A dark hand swept forward, coiling overly long fingers around my throat.
Air wasn’t necessary; it just took longer for the brain to comprehend that and stop fighting to breathe. He smashed me into the ground hard enough to send stars flashing around my vision. Blood poured from my ears.
“Do you wish for a second death?”
“This time I’ll take you with me.” The metallic taste of blood trickled into my mouth. My blood was never as good.
“The boy has given you a new set of balls.” His foot came down, crushing my chest, snapping rib bones and exploding pain into my heart. I battled the grip, but my fingers flowed over him like water. Michael had been like this in the end. Hane had never shown this dark side of power before. But then, he’d beaten Michael….
“I thought you wanted to die.”
Why was I fighting? Was the brat really worth living for? Sure, the things he made me feel actually gave me a bit of my humanity back. And even though he pissed me off because those haunting eyes kept bringing back my past, something just came up missing without him. His voice was always in my head; I longed to pull musical sighs from his lips. “He’s mine.”
“Yet you let him go.”
“It was a mistake.”
“You make a lot of those where he is concerned.” Hane gripped my hair and slammed my head into the pavement before pulling me up and dragging me out of the Park and toward boisterous noise.
Genesis
I FELL asleep around midnight tucked into Cris’s king-size bed. Mikka slept curled beside me, purring and flicking her tail in contentment. She’d clung to me all night, even while I watched scary movies until the witching hour.
The graveyard dream returned, only the sunlight had vanished. I sat alone in the darkness, tombstones surrounding me like some mini forest of marble. The girl I usually saw had vanished. Her unnerving eyes always reminded me of KC, that liquid amber that saw right through me.
The ground beneath my feet began to move. And a hand broke through the earth, floundering, grabbing for something to hold on to. The watch on its wrist made me scream and jerk awake.
That had been KC’s watch. He was sort of time obsessed, always looking at it.
Mikka stared at me with disdain for waking her, but I couldn’t stay in bed with my heart hammering away and nightmares swirling in my head. What if KC was hurt? I pulled on a shirt and headed to my car. Even if he hated me, I had to make sure he was okay.
It took every last bit of willpower I had to obey the traffic laws. The ride took long enough for me to devise fifteen ways to explain my encounter with Rob last night without getting him killed or me dumped, though I admit to entertaining a few wishful visuals of KC beating the crap out of Rob. Kerstrande would understand. He had a lot of people fuck him over in his life, but he would believe me.
The condo was dark and empty when I arrived. Why I strode up expecting to find him sitting in on the couch, I didn’t know. The door had even been unlocked. Was he hoping someone would break in?
I swiped my key from the counter. The girl ghost stood in the doorway to the bedroom looking somewhat amused. “Not home,” she said.
“Thanks, Captain Obvious. Any idea where he went?”
“Out.”
I groaned. “You’re no help.”
“Help you?”
“Not now!” I left, locking the door behind me, and headed to my next destination. The Park.
After sliding my crappy Honda in its usual spot, right next to KC’s BMW, I jumped out and peered through the darkened windows of his car. He wasn’t inside, not like I thought he would be, just checking….
I ran toward the bench, but it too sat empty.
The dark shadow of a person approached on the path. KC? But when he came into the light, I realized it was Hane.
“Sorry, kid. Not sure what you’re looking for but didn’t mean to disappoint.” He reached out to pat me on the head, but I stepped back, fearing I’d fall apart if someone touched me. KC could be hurt somewhere. My stupid dreams did that sometimes—old me about bad things. Never enough to prevent any of it, though.
“Have you seen Kerstrande?” I asked Hane, praying he’d say yes.
He shook his head. “There’s a party for a bunch of celebs going on. Maybe he stopped in after I left. It’s really not my sort of party.” Hane pointed. “Just a block or two down the road. Can’t miss the noise.”
“Thanks,” I muttered before taking off in that direction. Something was wrong. I couldn’t place it, didn’t know where the trouble was coming from, but knew it had already been shot in our direction. The street didn’t slow me down as I raced across it. Cars honked and the music got louder and louder as I approached.
A lot of people lingered in the street dressed goth-like in black clothes, chains, white face paint. I made my way through the crowd, its bright colors a solid wall to swim through, searching for any sign of KC. The smell of alcohol made my stomach queasy. When I entered the building, it felt like a fun house: oddities, mirrors, the stink of weed and sex. Some people danced, others did shots or drugs, some made out in groups, others looked like orgies of legs and arms flailing about.
A guy with long hair touched my arm. “Help you find something, Bit?”
“Kerstrande,” I told him. “I’m looking for Kerstrande Petterson.”
“Shame,” he replied, then flicked his head in the direction of the stairs. “First door on the left.”
“Thanks.” I headed upward, fearing the worst. None of this seemed like KC’s scene. His severely introverted, snarky nature would have him breathing scathing remarks and heading for the nearest exit. He’d never go to a party like this.
The door at the top of the stairs stood partially open. The room reeked of sex, pot, cigarettes, and blood. KC sat in the middle of a king-size bed, men and women moving around him like some sort of cocoon of flesh. Shadows covered his face. Blood smeared his lower jaw and bare chest, a clichéd horror movie come to life.
Did he see me standing right in front of him? Did he realize just how this moment stabbed like a dagger through my very soul? I turned from the scene and made my way back to the Park, numb, broken, and defeated.<
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I got into my car, not sure how I’d even made it there. Not that it mattered. When I turned the key, an explosion hit me with a wave of color, heat, and then silence.
Chapter 23
Kerstrande
MY WATCH stopped when the sound of an explosion rocked the entire building. Everyone froze, turning in unison toward the sound, but walls blocked the view. My stomach churned with the mix of blood in my gut. The bodies around me stank of sex, drugs, and unwashed flesh. I shoved the wall of bodies away from me. People yelped when they fell off the bed, but I’d never been so happy to find myself mostly clothed.
I stumbled for the door, buttoned my shirt, and pondered all the blood I’d had and the lingering ache in my bones. That’s right, Hane had broken me quite thoroughly. Why would he want me to heal so fast?
At the top of the stairway, I caught Genesis’s scent—incense and rain. He’d been here. Had he seen the corruption I’d been a part of? My head spun, nearly sending me tumbling down the stairs. I had to get to him. Explain, see if he would forgive me for not stopping him from leaving this morning.
The crowd moved in a mass exodus of vampires and groupies, dragging me along with them toward the Park. A mushroom cloud of smoke ballooned up from the parking area. Everyone stopped, keeping me farther back than I wanted. Was he there? Was Genesis okay?
I pushed my way through, letting them curse and glower. I got to the edge and saw the horror with my own two eyes. My BMW smoldered, damaged, but not nearly the twisted metal mess that had been the Honda parked next to it. The sirens and flashing lights of the police flashed like a strobe in my head, slowing down my world to a crawling speed.
The black smoke poured heavily from the car. No one could have survived that. The letters PG for Preservation Group flickered on the pavement two feet from the car, burning in gasoline.
I sunk to my knees, utterly destroyed. Maybe if I walked up to the cops right at this moment and proclaimed myself an illegal vamp, they’d let me jump in the burning car too. Finish me off. End me as surely as losing him would….
Genesis
THE graveyard again. Only this time there was no end to the darkness. The girl reappeared, took my hand, and walked with me for a while. Neither of us spoke, but it was a moment of complete contentment. I didn’t feel dead, but nothing hurt, and my soul felt at peace. Odd. Especially if this graveyard of gray endless headstones was all I would get until I was born into my next life.
Kerstrande’s betrayal felt so far away. Something about it all felt wrong. He would never have gone to that party on his own. I knew him well enough to know that. He went to the grocery store after midnight just to avoid other people. So what had happened? Finally I said, “Can you tell me anything?”
The girl turned my way and smiled, showing the dead part of her face as well as the radiant part. “Memories.”
“Good ones or bad ones?”
“What do you choose?”
“KC.”
“Even when he has hurt you?”
“I don’t think it was his choice. Something wasn’t right. That wasn’t him.”
She smiled again and kept walking, pulling me along with her. I had to pause when I suddenly felt our first kiss again. KC had breathed life into my life that day, awakened things in me I’d feared I’d never find.
It changed to him stumbling through the rain, feeding on three girls, having sex with them, but so completely blank-eyed I was sure he probably didn’t remember what he’d done. Then the night he’d taken me from my flat and into his home. His panic when he’d finally become aware of his surroundings made my heart hurt. He’d feared he’d killed me, sat wrapped around me, weeping until I stirred in my sleep, probably from some dream I didn’t remember.
“So he is a vampire,” I whispered to the girl.
“He is eternal, just in a different way than you are.”
Another vision appeared. This one was more horrific than the others, but it explained Michael Shuon’s death. Michael turned into something really dark, a heap of shadows piled upon itself. It left a trail of dark ooze that killed the grass as he moved through it, stalking KC, who already dripped blood. Michael’s hands changed, turning into claws or talons like an eagle might have. He flew across the distance to slam KC to the ground and tear into his back, slashing through the leather duster and his skin as easily as if it were paper.
KC’s shriek of pain made my eyes begin to water. He responded with a blindingly fast turn to smash his fist like a hammer into Michael’s face. Michael flew back, thudding against a tree, but spun around in some crazy martial arts move to meet KC’s foot, which was raised to deliver a deadly kick. Michael twisted the caught leg. An audible crack sent KC tumbling to the ground, crying in agony.
Michael dropped the dislocated foot and hacked into KC, cackling like some madman in a horror movie. Then the motion stopped suddenly. Blood began to pour from the black heap that was Michael. It poured over KC’s leg. He hissed and dragged himself away from the nasty flow.
Hane stood behind Michael, hand through the man’s chest, gripping his heart. When he pulled the bloody pulp free, Michael should have been done, but he turned, a horror show of death and evil, and struck out at Hane. Hane returned his deadly slash with a swipe of some flashing steel. Michael’s head toppled from his body, thunking to the ground like the dead weight it was.
KC crawled farther away while he watched Hane devour Michael’s awful blood and then rip him apart. I felt KC’s pain and wished I could touch him. He yanked his leg back into place, stifling the scream that wanted to break through. Tears clouded his vision. Not only had he lost Michael to the monster who’d been eating him slowly from the inside out for years, he would now watch the same thing happen to Hane. He wished he had never been changed, never given another life.
“It hurts him to be this way,” I said, hating that I had to watch him in pain. “Isn’t there a way to stop it?”
“Only when Yin meets Yang will you stop the cycle of destruction.” Her words made more sense than anything else I’d heard so far. KC’s aggression made him heavy with Yang. I remembered how often my grandfather told me of the necessity of balance. The question was, could I be KC’s Yin? Was I enough to form a wall between him and that endless battle for his soul?
So much swam through my head, I began to feel a little dizzy and had to sit down. Something else she said finally clicked. “What do you mean I’m eternal? Do you mean like rebirth and stuff?”
“Yes, and yet no.” She leaned down and kissed my forehead. “You should go.”
“Huh?” I felt totally lost as her beautiful eyes expanded, filling the world around me. And then I was falling, plunging from the sky, the golden sun tinged with the red glow of a fading day. I sucked in a deep breath and flailed as the ground approached at a deadly speed. The wind seemed to catch me, letting me glide a way across the city. I flapped my wings, not understanding where I was for a few minutes, or better yet, what I was.
I felt like I was floating on a breeze so warm and gentle, a soul free of all bonds. Was this Nirvana? Had I achieved the ultimate in enlightenment? I soared above everything, a tug of some invisible bond leading me to swing in another direction.
A familiar form waved to me from below, offering a large, soft, white blanket in his arms for me to land in. I tumbled into that waiting embrace, felt the blanket wrapped around me, and was shoved into a car.
A wet nose dug through the folds of fabric before finally meeting mine. Mikka crawled in beside me and curled up around me, purring while she licked my feathers clean. It should have been odd to be smaller than Mikka, or to see myself covered in feathers, but I was too tired to care. I let the warmth of my furry companion’s embrace lull me to sleep.
Chapter 24
I WOKE up in bed, wondering if it had all been a dream. Cris dozed beside me, arm wrapped around my waist, Mikka curled up near my head, still purring, tail flicking in happy tandem. The white blanket still covered my hips, but
Cris lay on top of the blankets fully dressed except for shoes. Had he known? And how much did he know? Mikka had only come into my life after I’d met Cris that first time. So maybe he knew this was coming. Maybe even sent Mikka to me to care for me.
He stirred, opening sleepy eyes. Groaning, he tucked himself tighter against me, face buried against my neck. “It’s too early, Gene. I’m a night owl, remember?”
“Like a real owl?”
He chuckled. The sound was warm and made me smile. “Nope. What you see is what you get.”
I eyed Mikka, like maybe she was not telling me something. She just gave me a sleepy glare. “So what am I exactly?”
“Big questions first, eh? Meaning of life and all that?”
“I died. I turned into a bird. Was it all some sort of dream?”
“You didn’t die. You were reborn.” He grabbed the blanket from behind him and flung it over both of us, resulting in a startled mew from Mikka, who had to adjust her position. It also brought us closer. “You, my friend, are a phoenix.”
The only memory I could place with the word was a kid’s movie that had exploding birds with healing tears. How had I become this thing? My grandfather never mentioned anything, nor had my mother. Maybe they didn’t know. Maybe my dad had been a phoenix too.
“I can see the wheels turning like crazy in your head. You’re overworking your hamsters,” Cris joked.
“How did you know I would change?”
“First time I touched you, your energy was off the chart. I could take all I wanted, and you’d just keep shrugging off more.”
I turned toward him, disrupting Mikka even more, but facing Cris’s rueful expression. “What are you?”
“You wouldn’t recognize the word. Never were big on school.” He brushed my hair out of my eyes. “I think I understand your lack of focus now. Having all that life flowing through you must keep you bouncing off the walls. My life is sex. Without sex I will wither and die.” He shrugged. “Intimacy works too, but not as well as the real thing. It’s how I knew that no matter how much I love you, you’ll never be mine.”