by Sam Kadence
“I do love you.” He was one of my best friends. Even if we weren’t lovers anymore, I felt closer to him than most anyone.
“But you’re not in love with me. I’m not enough of an opposite to balance you.”
Rob had said something about me needing an opposite as well. “If I am life, what exactly is my opposite, then? Death?”
He sighed and yanked me into a hug. “Promise you’ll remain my friend and come to me whenever you need.”
“Of course. That’s a dumb thing to ask.”
He chuckled. “Not to me. I’ve been alone a long time. I was hoping you’d be my balance.”
“I’m sorry.” And I really was.
Cris ruffled my hair, then rolled away. He smoothed the blankets back in place and rounded the bed to scratch under Mikka’s chin. “Twilight is falling. I have to go hunt. You should call your record label and your family to let them know you’re alive. They think you’re dead.” He clicked on the TV, and the news filled the flat screen with images of my car, burned to a shattered hull, being towed away from the Park. “Best to not tell everyone what you are.” Flickering flames that read “PG” filled the screen for a moment before firefighters put out the fire. “Not everyone appreciates those of us who are different.” He vanished into the living room, and a moment later I heard the door open and close as he left.
I stared at Mikka, feeling so overwhelmed my thoughts were blank. Instead of facing the day, I just rolled over, pulled the blankets over my head, and tried to not feel overwhelmed by the past twenty-four hours of my life. Now I was on PG’s radar, instead of just being a freak who saw things. I now changed into something weird, and KC had been involved in an orgy. Crap.
Tears filled my eyes. Oh no. I was so not letting this whole thing rip me apart again. So love didn’t conquer all. Big deal. I’d lived this long just fine without it. I moved away from Mikka, ignored the messy bed, and stood in the middle of the bedroom thinking about the change I’d been through. Could I do it at will? I concentrated really hard, imagining I had feathers and could fly, but nothing happened. Dammit.
I picked up Cris’s landline and called my mom. She responded with weepy joy when I told her I was alive and fine. She asked about the car, and I told her I had left it there to go for a walk but had found my way home instead of returning to it. It was only a partial lie, but I still felt awful about it. She made me promise to visit as soon as I could and to call my grandfather. The call to him was much the same. No one answered at the studio, and I didn’t dare call Rob. So I threw on some clothes and headed down to hail a cab.
The ride went faster than I thought it would, mostly because I spent the whole time thinking about what to say. Truth was always easier to remember than lies. But the truth would likely get me killed. The time in the graveyard had reminded me of all the good times with KC, but being back in the real world made me mad just thinking about him with someone else. He’d never promised that he just belonged to me. Heck, he wouldn’t even touch me other than an occasional kiss. What made me think he owed me anything? I sighed as the cab pulled up outside the studio.
The guard who let me in stared like he’d never seen me before. Did I look different? I hadn’t had a chance to glance in the mirror. He radioed for Mr. Tokie, who appeared in the hallway just minutes later and wrapped his arms around me.
“We thought you were dead.”
“I wasn’t in the car. I went for a walk and then fell asleep. I came as soon as I heard the news.” I gave him the same story I had told my family.
Rob appeared in the hallway behind him, as did a lot of the other staff, like my voice coach, and then a dark figure who made me forget to breathe for a few seconds.
“KC.”
His eyes were wide as he stepped forward, moving past me, into the oncoming night. He paused at the door and turned back briefly, amber gaze falling to me, searching me from head to toe. I tried to keep the image of him with the wall of people around him out of my head. An odd mix of fury and sadness gripped my heart and locked me in silence.
Finally he said, “I’ll give you a ride home.”
Home? I didn’t really have one. I suppose Cris’s place was probably as close to home as I would get. “My home. Not yours.”
His shoulders tightened. He exchanged a look with Mr. Tokie, nodded slightly to me, and then walked out the door, not waiting for me. Unease filled the hall. Rob’s silent rage made me turn and follow KC. I didn’t need his anger today. I had enough of my own. Questions. Confusion. And sadly, heartbreak.
I slid in the passenger seat of Kerstrande’s new car. He leaned over, snapped the seat belt into place, and started the car. Again we drove without the radio. At least the people at the studio had been happy to see me. They would spread the word that I was alive.
I glared out the window, not sure what to say, thinking maybe he should talk first but knowing he wouldn’t. “Want to talk about the orgy?” I finally asked.
“No.” The pain in his voice was unmistakable. I sighed.
“You cheated on me.”
“That affects us how?”
“What us? Just take me home. My home.” I rattled off the address. If he heard, I couldn’t tell, but at least he seemed to be heading in the right direction. Was he just going to dump me there and vanish to lick his wounds again? “There is no us. You dragged me from my apartment in the middle of the night, dropped me at your place, only to break my heart with your silent accusations after my best friend tried to rape me. Then you offer to take me home after someone nearly kills me because you’re a vampire trying to pretend not to be! And the home you’re taking me to is not my home but the one I’ve borrowed from my only remaining friend because you destroyed mine!” I clutched the seat belt and fought not to look at him. “Why? You won’t touch me. I just irritate you. Yet you keep dragging me back only to push me away again. Why do you care when you so obviously don’t care?”
He said nothing but his hands tightened on the steering wheel. He pulled into the parking garage below the building but made no move to get out of the car. Everything about him said he wanted to rip the car apart and that still wouldn’t make him happy. “Don’t tell anyone,” he finally said.
“I won’t,” I said, knowing he was talking about his secret vampirism. He might need to hide, but I didn’t. In fact, I planned to be often photographed in the sunlight in front of churches if needed. I got out of the car. “Thanks for the ride.”
He followed me upstairs, not speaking, not even walking beside me, just skulking behind. It made me want to scream, anything but exist in this vacuum of soundlessness. I fished the spare key out of my pocket and opened the door, not inviting him in. He stood in the doorway, leaning on the frame, staring at me like he wanted to say something but couldn’t.
“What?” I finally demanded. “I’m here and safe. Go away. Go mess up someone else’s life and leave me alone. It’s what you’re good at.” A shadow moved across the bedroom door. Dammit. Now they were here too. At least this one had the lines of a human. These ghosts had to be KC’s too, since I didn’t have any of my own.
“What do you see?” Kerstrande asked.
My eyes flicked back to him. “Huh?”
“In me. What do you see in me? Why do you want me?”
“Are you kidding me?” I turned away. “Sometimes I don’t know. You’re mean. You don’t treat me nice. But then sometimes you do. You smile and I feel like everything will be okay. And when you kiss me nothing else matters. But you don’t want to kiss me.”
“I do.”
“Then why don’t you?” I looked back at him, searching his face for answers.
“I’m not safe. People around me die.”
“No kidding.” I’d seen what Michael became and how Hane had taken him out. None of that was KC’s fault.
“What do you see when you look at the bedroom? Me? Robert? Devon? Maybe your model friend, Cris?”
I sank to the floor at his feet. “You.”
“And if I told you I wasn’t interested?”
My heart would rip itself from my chest and batter itself on the floor until it was just a nasty little ball of flat, red goo. “Why? Why do you keep showing up in my life? Why would you say you want to kiss me, if you want nothing else?”
“Temporary lack of judgment.”
“But it keeps happening.” I hugged his legs. It was childish to beg, but I did it anyway. “Whatever you want, I can do it. I’ll be better. I promise.”
“Did Rob rape you?”
The words hit me like a fist in the gut.
“Why didn’t you tell me he hurt you?”
“He tried but didn’t succeed.”
“But he did hurt you.”
“Yeah.” More than I ever thought possible.
That damned silence stretched again, until he said something I was never expecting to hear. “Do you want me to kill him?”
“No!”
He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. “How can you be so forgiving?”
“Death, murder, is not the answer.”
“Your friend Joel killed his family.”
My world flipped over trying to make sense of what he said. “Huh?”
“Sarah brought him over. Apparently he filled out the paperwork and everything needed to be registered as a vampire, but something went wrong. The cops in the city are looking for him, and if they find him it will be a public execution. To REA he is considered dead. And today we thought you were too.” He hid his eyes behind his hair. “When I thought you were dead—”
“I’m not dead. PG—”
“Are denying the bombing. REA has released your health records to prove you’re human. Hopefully PG will feel the backlash of this for a while. But they are denying having any part in it.”
The reality fell into place finally. Joel was a vampire? He’d killed his parents? “Oh God. Joel killed people.” And PG probably still thought I was a vampire.
“It happens to all vampires at some point. Control snaps. The older you are, the better control you have.” Kerstrande sighed. “Mr. Tokie told me he’d replaced Joel at the studio with Hane a long time ago. I thought the tribute was just a one-time thing. You never told me that Hane was trying to force his way into the band.”
We didn’t talk about the music business because it made him grumpy. “Just like you haven’t said anything about that orgy I saw you at.”
“Hane beat me to a pulp. I think he put me there, not to heal, but to get caught by you.”
“Hane?”
“He’s my sire. He’s the head of New York City. Oldest and most powerful vampire around, especially now that Michael is dead.”
He’d never seemed like a bad guy when he’d been around me, but if he’d been hurting KC, he was not okay in my book. “He beat you up?”
“Many times. Fire him. Ban him from your presence. Pack your things. Come home with me, and I will give you everything you want from me.”
Everything?
“Even sex.”
I wanted much more than sex. “I fire Hane, and you’ll be my boyfriend for real? You’ll go on dates with me, kiss me, hold me, and make love to me?”
“Often.”
My body reacted violently, but I stayed on the floor, face pressed to his thigh. “Can I say it now?”
He pulled away, heading toward the stairs. “Only if you need to.”
“I love you, KC.”
He stopped like I’d hit a button in him to turn him off.
“Do you love me?” I know it was asking for a lot.
“You ask too many questions. Complain too much. I’m giving you what you want. Yes, I will date you, be your lover. I’m not asking for much in return.”
Just everything I was, but he already had all that. “I will fire Hane.”
“Good. Go pack.”
“You’ve bitten me, right? Will I turn into a vampire?”
“Takes more than one bite.”
“How many times have you bitten me?”
Kerstrande stared at me now. “You’re thinking. I can tell. It looks like it hurts you. You better stop.”
I sighed. “You could be nicer to me you know. I almost died today.” I would tell him when we got home. Everything, even what I became.
“You wouldn’t like me nice.” He disappeared down the hall toward the parking garage.
Probably true. I scrambled to gather up my things and made my way to the garage, Mikka in my arms. When I arrived downstairs, KC waited in the car.
Chapter 25
KERSTRANDE volunteered to make dinner. The idea of him cooking surprised me. How long had he been a vampire? I guess that’s why there was so much boxed and canned food now. He’d bought those things for me.
“I need a bath. How long will dinner be?”
“An hour.” He chopped vegetables.
I smelled like smoke, but I was sleepy. I didn’t really want to shower, so I headed to his big bathroom and turned on the Jacuzzi. The water rushed in a heated bubbling flow to fill the tub. I stripped out of everything and relaxed onto the bench on one side. The hot jets eased my tight muscles. I laid my head back on the edge of the tub, where I’d placed a folded towel, and just let the heat do its work.
The door opened, waking me from a light, dozing sleep. Kerstrande stood in the doorway, expression unreadable.
“Is dinner done?”
He shook his head.
KC wore just jeans and a button-up pale-blue shirt. He looked so beautiful that I went from groggy to horny in two seconds flat. In just a few strides he crossed the room and sat on the steps connecting to the tub. He picked up a small cup and poured a bit of water over my head to wet my hair, careful not to get it in my eyes. “Let me wash your hair.”
“Okay,” I croaked out. He could wash any part of me he wanted to.
His hands massaging shampoo in my scalp could have been touching another part of my anatomy as strongly as my body reacted.
KC knelt beside the tub. Water seeped down his arms, wetting his sleeves and running down his shirt. I wanted to reach out and rip the buttons off, just to bare his chest to me. Would he let me touch him this time? Could I massage those strong shoulders, follow the lines of muscle down his back with my lips, and press the heat of my skin to his?
His face brushed mine, cheek to cheek, and then he turned my head his way and kissed me. Water splashed from the tub as I grabbed him and pulled him closer. If I could have crawled inside him while we kissed, I would have. He tasted of peppermint and that sweet metallic bite of copper. My hands spread bubbles and wetness all through his hair, which stood up on end.
We both broke the kiss at the same time to take a deep breath. His amber gaze bored into me from half-closed lids. Lust, oh God, that was lust for me! I jammed my mouth up against his again. He took it and gave the passion right back. My body almost seemed to sigh in relief that it was finally happening. KC was touching me. He was letting me touch him.
The stubble on his jaw made him look rough, and his lips were red from being kissed hard. I couldn’t hold back from diving in for another kiss. If we never stopped kissing again, it wouldn’t be long enough.
He let me go to rinse out the shampoo and massage the conditioner through my hair, from scalp all the way to the tips. Each stroke of his long fingers made my nerves sing. Gritting my teeth, I tried to think of things like baseball games or tea with my grandpa.
“KC, you’re killing me,” I told him when he finished with my hair.
He chuckled lightly, the vibration against my back too much. I couldn’t hold back. My face filled with the heat of embarrassment.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He grabbed a towel and dried my hair. Was it over so soon? “You’ve got whisker burn.”
I touched my face. The skin was a little tender. “I’m okay with that.”
KC crossed the room and pulled an old-fashioned shaving kit out of the drawer. He stared in the mirror, obviously
seeing only the stubble and not himself since he didn’t seem to do more than raise his chin from side to side and trail his long fingers over his neck and Adam’s apple. Everything about him was so sleek and perfect.
“Can I do it?” I heard myself ask before I even realized what I was saying.
He raised a brow at me in the mirror. His shirt was soaked, and the knees of his pants were wet. Maybe I could strip him down and have my way with him. I shut off the water and carefully stepped out.
KC mixed up some shaving cream and began patting it over his face. I moved a chair over and pushed him into it.
“Do you even know how to do this?”
“It’s not like you’re using an actual knife to shave. I’ve used razors before.” Not that I’d ever had anything but peach fuzz. My Asian heritage ensured that my hair was fine and that I had very little body hair. “I kind of like you scruffy.”
“And how much makeup will the studio have to put on you to cover up the redness?”
I carefully began to pull the razor in long strokes over his skin, dumping off the cream into the sink. “I wish I didn’t have to go to the studio every day to sing. But I bet you like seeing me in makeup.”
He said nothing, but I felt his cheeks move a little, like he was smiling beneath all that white foam. Shaving him was a bit like a dream. His foot caressed my bare hamstring, and I stood between his legs to get close enough to keep a good grip on the razor. The proximity gave me another woody, but just as before he didn’t seem to notice, though he did watch me in the mirror.
Each stroke of the blade made me harder. I sighed, leaning against him and trying not to hump his leg. Embarrassment burned my face, but his sweet little smile made it all worth it. When I finally washed the last of the foam away with a damp cloth, the grin was unmistakable.
“Why are you smiling so much?” It was starting to worry me.