Afraid

by Mandasue Heller

  A nurse walked over a couple of minutes later and swished it open again. She frowned when she saw him pulling his trousers on and asked him what he thought he was doing.

  ‘Leaving,’ he told her, zipping up his fly and steadying himself on the bed before reaching for his T-shirt.

  ‘You haven’t been discharged yet,’ she reminded him. ‘Doctor Shah wants you to stay for a little while longer.’

  ‘Yeah, well, Doctor Shah’s going to be disappointed,’ Jeff replied tersely.

  ‘I really wouldn’t advise you to leave,’ the nurse persisted. ‘You’re clearly still weak. At least wait until you’ve spoken to Doctor.’

  ‘What, so he can talk me out of it?’ Jeff glanced up at her as he leaned down to retrieve his trainers from under the chair. Then, sighing, he said, ‘Sorry, love, I know you’re only doing your job, and I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me while I’ve been here ’cos you’ve been brilliant. But my daughter’s missing, and I need to go and look for her.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ the nurse apologised. ‘I had no idea.’

  ‘I’ve only just found out myself,’ Jeff told her. ‘And I’d go crazy lying here not knowing where she is, so you can see why I’ve got to go, can’t you?’

  ‘Of course.’ She nodded. ‘Just give me a minute to get your discharge papers. And good luck,’ she added, patting his arm sympathetically. ‘I hope you find her soon.’

  ‘So do I, love.’ Jeff smiled sadly. ‘So do I.’

  Back at the house just then, Skye could hear somebody moving around downstairs. She held her breath when she heard them coming up the stairs, and shuffled deeper into the corner, dragging the quilt with her.

  ‘Front room’s clear,’ she heard a man say after a minute.

  ‘Back room and bathroom are clear, too,’ said another.

  ‘Does it look as if anything’s been taken?’ a woman asked, and Skye breathed in sharply when she recognised the social worker’s voice.

  ‘Hard to tell, the state of this place,’ one of the men replied. ‘No wonder you lot got called in if this is how they’ve been living. I wouldn’t make my dog sleep in those beds, never mind my kids.’

  ‘Unfortunately, some parents aren’t as mindful of their children’s welfare as the rest of us,’ said Val Dunn, her critical words causing Skye to clench her teeth in anger now.

  ‘Well, we’ve looked everywhere,’ the man said. ‘She’s definitely not here.’

  ‘We haven’t checked the attic,’ said Val. ‘I don’t suppose one of you could take a look up there for me, could you?’

  Light-headed with fear, Skye bit down on the quilt to keep from crying out and slid lower down into the shadows.

  A few seconds later, the hatch was pushed open and a man’s silhouetted head appeared. He gazed slowly round for a while, then said, ‘Can’t see much, but I don’t think anyone’s up here. I doubt she’d have been able to get up here without a ladder, anyway. I’m six-one, and I’m struggling.’

  ‘Thanks for looking,’ said Val, her voice much clearer now. ‘But I’ll arrange for someone to fetch a ladder over later – just to be on the safe side.’

  ‘No worries.’

  When the man withdrew his head and jumped down onto the landing, Skye listened as the three went back down the stairs. She stayed where she was after hearing the front door open and close, scared that it might be a trick and they were standing in the hall waiting for her to come out of hiding. But when several minutes had passed with no sound of movement, she crawled over to the hatch and peeked down.

  Relieved to see that the hallway below was empty, she let out a shaky breath and sat back on her heels. That had been too close for comfort, and it was only a matter of time before that bitch social worker came back with a ladder, so there was no way she could stay here now. But where else was she supposed to go? She couldn’t go to Hayley’s now that she knew her friend’s parents intended to hand her over to the police; and there was no way she could risk asking any of the neighbours for help, because they would grass her up as soon as look at her if they thought there might be a reward in it.

  As she sat there with her fantasy of hiding in the attic until her dad came home in tatters, Skye heard a beeping sound on the other side of the attic, and her heart skipped a beat when she glanced across and saw a faint glow in the darkness. Realising that a text message had come through to her mum’s phone, she scrambled over to it quickly, praying that it would be from her dad.

  Hi babes, it’s Q, the message read. Sorry I couldn’t get back to you last night, but all hell broke loose over here so I didn’t get a chance. Are you okay? I’ve been worrying about you all night.

  Just nearly got caught, Skye quickly typed back. Social worker and some men have just been looking for me, and they’re coming back in a bit, so I’ve got to get out of here. Thanks for messaging, she added. It’s nice to know someone cares.

  Course I care, came the instant reply. We’re mates, and mates stand by each other no matter what.

  Skye was touched to know that she wasn’t completely alone in this nightmare. But she still needed to get out of there.

  Thanks, that means a lot, she wrote. But I really need to go now.

  Where?

  Don’t know. Just can’t stay here.

  There was a pause of a few seconds before QTPye’s next message appeared: You can stay with me, if you want?

  Aw, that’s sweet, Skye replied. But you don’t even know me.

  Hey, we’re going through the same shit, so I reckon I know you well enough, QTPye reminded her. You haven’t even told Sugarplum half the stuff you’ve told me, so you obviously trust me.

  Skye felt a bit guilty at the reminder that she’d confided more to this girl than to her best friend in real life. But, like QTPye had just said, she and Skye were going through the same thing, so they had way more in common in that respect.

  Course I trust you, she typed now. But I can’t dump this on you, it wouldn’t be fair. Anyway, what about your mum and dad?

  What about them? They’re so wrapped up in their own shit they don’t even notice me half the time, so they’re deffo not going to notice you, QTPye replied. You can hide under my bed if they come in. Stay as long as you want.

  Do you mean it? Skye asked.

  Wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t, QTPye assured her. Then: Look, I’ll have to go, ’cos the bell’s just rung. I won’t be able to get back to you till after school this afternoon. Will you be okay till then?

  Yeah, I’ll find somewhere to hide, Skye told her. And thanks so much for doing this, you don’t know how much it means to me.

  Awww, you’re welcome babes. Where are you, by the way?

  Old Trafford.

  Wow, that’s freaky! I’m not far from there. Wouldn’t it be weird if we actually already know each other? What’s your real name?

  Skye. Yours?

  Jade, but I deffo don’t know you, ’cos I’d have remembered a cool name like that. Can’t wait to meet you.

  Me too.

  Right, best let you go before you get nicked, QTPye wrote, bringing Skye down off her cloud with a bump. Delete our messages on Whisper before you leave. Don’t want the coppers tracing us through that, ’cos they’d find you in no time and put you straight on lockdown!!!!

  I’ll do it now, Skye replied, terrified at the thought.

  Good, and then get out of there! See you later xxx

  Skye reached for the laptop to do as she’d been told, but remembered that its battery had died when she tried to turn it on and nothing happened. She bit her lip and gazed at the blank screen. She could take it down to her room and plug it in, but then she would have to find the charger and she didn’t really have the time to be searching for anything when the social worker could come back at any time. It would probably be best to leave it up here, she decided. No one ever came up here apart from her, and the social worker would take only a quick look when she came back with the ladder, and then leave
when she saw that no one was here.

  Convinced that it would be safe up here until her dad came home and she was able to retrieve it, Skye slid the laptop under a layer of glass wool. Then, aware that time was running out, she climbed down quickly from the attic and ran into her room to change into warmer clothes before she left the house by the back door.

  Jeff’s bus pulled up at the stop on the corner of his road just after Skye had run past with her hood pulled down low. Unaware that he had missed his daughter by mere seconds, he climbed off the bus and walked home, only to remember when he got to the front door that he’d given his key to the social worker so that she could collect some of Skye’s stuff.

  His back was throbbing by now, and his headache was getting worse, so he wasn’t pleased when he went round to the back yard and discovered that the spare key wasn’t under the brick where he’d left it. Desperate to sit down with a cup of tea and a smoke, he sifted through the junk until he found a rusty old screwdriver and was able to prise open the window.

  After climbing inside, Jeff looked around for the kettle, only to find it in the sink, where it had landed after Andrea had hurled it at him the night before she’d stabbed him. Sighing as he recalled the fight, he filled the kettle and switched it on, then flopped onto a chair to catch his breath.

  He gazed around in disgust as he waited for the water to boil. It stank to high Heaven in here, and the filthy floor was littered with shards of broken crockery. Andrea wasn’t fond of cleaning at the best of times, and there were days when she wouldn’t even get out of bed because of her illness, so the house had never been what anybody would describe as pristine. And Jeff hadn’t exactly pulled his weight, either, if he were honest. He tended to leave his stuff where it landed when he got home from work, more concerned about whether or not he could expect dinner than to check if the pots from the night before had been washed. As he viewed it now, through the eyes of the people who had traipsed through here in the last few days, he guessed he could understand why the coppers had treated him like scum back at the hospital. If it hadn’t become such a habit to live like this, he would probably think that he was scum, too.

  A knock at the front door brought him to his feet, and he wearily made his way into the hall, pulling the kitchen door firmly shut behind him.

  ‘Morning.’ Val Dunn smiled up at him when he answered the door. ‘I called in at the hospital, but they told me you’d discharged yourself.’

  Jeff saw that she was holding his key and, suspecting that she would probably have let herself in if he hadn’t been here, he held out his hand.

  Val passed it over, and asked, ‘May I come in for a minute?’

  ‘If you must,’ Jeff muttered, stepping back. This was the third time he’d met her, and she was wearing the same pleated skirt, spotted blouse, granny shoes and scruffy brown coat that he’d seen her in on both previous occasions – which made him wonder if she actually had a life outside of social work, or just lived to stick her nose into other people’s business.

  Val picked up on his hostility and stayed close to the door when she stepped inside. ‘I know you’ve already been informed about Skye having gone missing,’ she said. ‘And I came round earlier with a couple of police officers to check if she’d been home. There was no sign of her, but we weren’t able to check the attic, so I’ve arranged for someone to fetch a ladder round later this afternoon – if that’s okay?’

  ‘No, it’s not,’ Jeff snapped. ‘I gave you the key so you could get some of her stuff, not to let yourself in whenever you feel like it and snoop around.’

  ‘We only took a quick look,’ Val assured him. ‘Nothing was touched.’

  ‘That’s beside the point,’ said Jeff, shoving the key into his back pocket to let her know that she wouldn’t be getting her hands on it again. ‘You should have asked first. And you can cancel that ladder, ’cos no one’s going into my attic except me.’

  ‘That’s your prerogative,’ Val conceded. ‘As long as you let us know if there’s any sign that Skye’s been here. I’m sure you’re aware that it would be an offence to—’

  ‘You can save the lecture.’ Jeff cut her short. ‘I’ve already had it off the coppers. And to be honest, I think it’s a joke that I’m being treated like I’ve done something wrong when I’m the one who asked for your help in the first place. Which reminds me,’ he added accusingly. ‘You said you were going to put Skye with foster-parents in a proper house, so how come she ended up getting shoved into a children’s home?’

  ‘It’s always our intention to rehome children in a family environment,’ Val explained. ‘Unfortunately, that option wasn’t immediately available for Skye. And, given the circumstances, we decided it was best to place her in a more secure facility until the interim protection order was put into place.’

  ‘You what?’ Jeff drew his head back and peered down at her through narrowed eyes. ‘You never said anything to me about a protection order. This was supposed to be a voluntary arrangement – just till her mum comes home.’

  ‘I’m afraid things have changed since we last spoke,’ Val told him. ‘Given what happened, and the fact that there’s an ongoing police investigation, Skye has been categorised as at risk.’

  ‘I’m the one who got stabbed,’ Jeff reminded her incredulously. ‘So how can you say she’s at risk?’

  ‘Because her mother is the suspect, and it happened in the family home.’

  ‘Says who?’

  ‘Mr Benson, I’ve spoken with the police at length, so I know all I need to know to make an informed decision. And I can assure you that the magistrate wouldn’t have granted the order if we hadn’t been able to show valid cause.’

  ‘Well, you’d best go back and tell them you got it wrong,’ Jeff argued. ‘’Cos, like I’ve already told the police, I wasn’t stabbed in here; I got jumped in the alley.’

  ‘I am aware of what you told the police,’ said Val, choosing not to add that they didn’t believe a word of it and were waiting until his wife was fit enough to be questioned again before deciding whether or not to press for a prosecution. ‘But until a conclusion has been reached, the order stands and Skye remains in our care.’

  ‘Are you for fucking real?’ Jeff spluttered. ‘She isn’t in your care, you stupid cow, ’cos you lot are so useless you’ve lost her! How’s that protecting her? Go on – explain that to me, ’cos I’m dying to know.’

  ‘Calm down, Mr Benson.’ Val slipped her hand into her pocket as she spoke, to check that her mobile phone was there in case she needed to call for urgent assistance. ‘I appreciate that you’re upset, but I have a job to do, and I can’t—’

  ‘That just about sums it up, that,’ Jeff cut in scathingly. ‘It’s just a job to you, and if you lose a kid or two along the way, oh well.’ He raised his hands in a so what gesture.

  ‘It’s unfortunate that Skye managed to slip away,’ Val said evenly. ‘But I assure you that she will be found.’

  ‘Yeah, and when she is she’ll be coming back here where I can keep an eye on her,’ Jeff shot back angrily. ‘I’m her dad; she’s my responsibility, not yours. And I don’t give a toss what you, the police, or the magistrates have got to say about that.’

  Val decided that it was time to stop beating around the bush, and said bluntly, ‘That’s not going to happen, Mr Benson. Whether or not your wife is charged, she has mental-health issues, and we’ll need to assess how that impacts on Skye before we can even begin to talk about her being allowed to come home. There’s also a documented history of domestic violence that we’d need to look into.’

  Infuriated to hear that they had been digging into his private life, Jeff barked, ‘That’s got absolutely nothing to do with this. It’s none of your business what happens between me and my wife.’

  ‘No, but it is our business if Skye has been involved.’

  ‘Which she hasn’t been, because me and Andrea never argue in front of her; she’s always in bed.’

  ‘If that’
s true, then why would you have needed to take Skye to the hospital at midnight last year?’ Val gazed coolly up at him. ‘According to her records, she had a cut to her cheek that required stitches. How could that have happened if she was in bed?’

  ‘She fell out and banged her face on the dresser,’ Jeff lied, unable to remember off the top of his head if that was the excuse they had used at the time.

  ‘Really?’ Val raised an eyebrow. ‘And when her PE teacher reported bruising to her back and arms a few months prior to that, which Skye claimed was the result of falling down the stairs?’

  ‘I don’t know?’ Jeff gave an exasperated shrug. ‘Kids have accidents all the time, don’t they? I can’t be expected to know every little thing that happens to her when I’m at work.’

  ‘And that is precisely where the problem lies.’ Val pounced. ‘You can’t be here because you work, so Skye would be left in the care of your wife if we allowed her to come home; a woman who is currently undergoing psychiatric evaluation, suspected of trying to kill you. That is why we’ve got the protection order, and why we intend to retain custody of Skye until we’re satisfied that she is no longer at risk.’

  Jeff clenched his fists and ground his teeth together. He was trying his damnedest not to fly off the handle, but this bitch was pushing him to the edge. She had obviously been doing her homework and, while he couldn’t deny what she’d said, he was furious that everything had gone so far so fast.

  ‘I think you’d better leave,’ he said quietly, scared that he might snap and say something he would later regret. ‘And don’t bother coming back, ’cos you won’t be getting in.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll go.’ Val gave a tiny nod of acceptance. ‘But just be aware that I won’t need your permission to enter if I have reason to believe that Skye has come home and you’re harbouring her. She’s a minor who’s been identified as being at risk, and the law is fully on my side if I choose to come back.’

  ‘Whatever.’ Jeff reached behind her and yanked the door open.

  Already angry, his blood began to boil when he spotted his landlord’s car pulling up at the kerb. ‘What do you want?’ he asked churlishly when the man climbed out.