Afraid

by Mandasue Heller

  Skye brushed her damp hair out of her eyes with the back of her hand now, and gazed around the kitchen. Determined to earn her keep in case Tom thought she was sponging off him and chucked her out, she had set herself the task of cleaning the house from top to bottom. This was the last room on her list, and it was proving to be the hardest by far. It had taken all morning just to clear the mess off the ledges, and she’d been on her hands and knees ever since, trying to scrub through the thick layer of ingrained dirt and grease that seemed to be coating everything. There was still a way to go before it would be as clean as she wanted it to be, but it would have to wait until tomorrow because Tom would be home from work in a couple of hours. She needed to decide what they were having for dinner and then take a quick bath to rid herself of the smell of bleach.

  After putting the cleaning equipment away, Skye took Bernie’s lead off the hook behind the door. She had never made the mistake of letting him out on his own again after that first time, but she saw no harm in taking him out. Tom didn’t know about it, and she had no intention of telling him since he’d as good as forbidden her to pay the dog any attention. Bernie was a guard dog, he’d said, and if she softened him up by making a fuss of him he wouldn’t protect her if the police came or someone broke in. That thought terrified her, but she still couldn’t bring herself to ignore the poor animal.

  Used to their new routine, Bernie trotted over to her and sat patiently at her feet as she clipped the lead to his collar before reaching for the key that she kept hidden inside an old clock. Tom had confiscated the first one she’d found, but he didn’t know about the other one she’d found in a drawer a few days later. It had taken her a good week to pluck up the courage to use it, because she’d been scared that he might come home early again and catch her. But she knew the sound of his car by now and was sure that she could get back inside before he got anywhere near the house.

  Confident that nobody would spot her, because she’d been here for several weeks now and hadn’t seen a single soul apart from Tom, Skye stepped outside and led Bernie around to the back of the house. The sun was high, and she raised her face to soak up its warmth as Bernie snuffled around. The nastier smells of the countryside no longer bothered her, and she smiled as she picked up the sweet scent of the wild flowers that had started to spring up in the long grass. Her parents had only ever lived in high-rise flats, or terraced houses with tiny backyards, so she’d never had the luxury of sunbathing in an actual garden before. She wished she could spend a whole day out here but she knew that would be a risk too far, so these few stolen minutes would have to do.

  When Tom arrived home that evening, Skye had re-hidden the key and wiped up the muddy paw-prints before taking her bath and getting changed. Unaware that she had been outside, he smiled when he saw that she was wearing his favourite pink dress and had tied her hair up in bunches – just how he liked it.

  ‘Smells good,’ he said, dropping the bags he was carrying onto the table and coming up behind her as she waited for their microwave dinners to finish heating. ‘What we having?’

  ‘Chicken Korma,’ she told him, grimacing when he planted a wet kiss on her neck.

  She could feel the hardness of his penis pressing against her buttocks and prayed that he wasn’t about to demand sex. It wasn’t so bad at night after a couple of cups of wine because the alcohol went straight to her head and stopped her from feeling anything, and the darkness meant that she didn’t have to see his face while he was doing it – or he hers. She still found it strange that she could never remember anything the following morning, but if the confusion blocked her from remembering the gory details she could live with it.

  ‘I lit the fire,’ she told him now, wriggling free of his grasp when the microwave pinged. ‘Why don’t you go and sit down while I plate up. I’ll fetch it in for you.’

  ‘In a minute,’ Tom said. ‘I’ve got something for you.’

  ‘Oh?’ Hoping that it wasn’t another dress, Skye lifted the hot cartons out of the microwave and laid them on the ledge before turning to face him. His taste in clothes was awful, and she hated the new wardrobe he’d bought her after throwing her jeans away. She’d never been one for wearing dresses and skirts, but the ones he’d chosen were particularly flouncy and – it had to be said – childish-looking. She’d have died of shame if any of her old friends were to see her in them.

  ‘Close your eyes,’ Tom ordered, smiling mysteriously.

  Skye did as she’d been told and listened as he rustled around in one of the plastic bags he’d brought in. Confused when he told her to open her eyes and she saw that he was kneeling in front of her, her eyes widened when she saw the small box in his hand containing a ring with a blue stone surrounded by tiny diamonds.

  ‘Skye Benson,’ he said, gazing up into her eyes. ‘Will you do me the honour of being my wife?’

  This was the very last thing Skye had ever expected, and she didn’t know quite how to respond. ‘But I’m not old enough,’ she reminded him when she found her voice.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you,’ Tom said, grinning as he stood up and pulled her into his arms. ‘I told you we’d be together for ever, and I meant it. I just had to know that you’d say yes if I asked. You are saying yes, aren’t you?’

  Skye swallowed deeply when he peered down into her eyes. She did like him, but she’d been a little wary of him since he’d caught her outside and gone mad that day, so the thought of being married to him for ever and ever unnerved her.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Tom demanded, a note of irritation creeping into his voice. ‘You don’t look very excited for someone who’s just been proposed to.’

  ‘I am,’ Skye lied, scared that he might think she was being ungrateful. ‘I just don’t know how we’d manage it. I’d have to leave the house, and someone might recognise me and tell the police.’

  ‘No one’s going to see you,’ Tom assured her, plucking the ring out of the box and sliding it onto her finger as if it were a done deal. ‘No one from Manchester, anyway. We’re going to Gretna Green.’

  ‘Where’s that?’

  ‘Somewhere where people can get married without anyone sticking their noses in. We just have to apply for a copy of your birth certificate and wait till you turn sixteen, then fill the car with petrol and go. And once you’ve got my name, you’ll never have to worry about going to prison because no one will know who you used to be.’

  Skye bit her lip and gazed down at her ring. It was lovely, and she was flattered that Tom had spent so much money on her because no one had ever bought her anything so precious before. But a little voice in her head was telling her that it was all happening too fast.

  ‘I’ve got another surprise for you,’ Tom said suddenly. ‘Jade’s coming with us; she’s going to be your bridesmaid.’

  ‘Really?’ Skye jerked her head up at this. ‘Wow, that’s great. I’ve been dying to meet her.’

  ‘She’s dying to meet you, too,’ said Tom. ‘You’re her best friend, and she misses talking to you.’

  ‘I miss that too,’ Skye murmured.

  In truth, she missed quite a lot of things about her old life. As badly as they had treated her, she still got a bit tearful whenever she thought about her mum and dad. And she even missed Hayley, despite having learned that the girl had never really liked her. Several times over the last few weeks, when Tom had been at work and the boredom of being stuck in the house on her own had threatened to overwhelm her, she had fantasised about going home. Not to stay, because she knew that couldn’t happen; just to see everyone from a distance. She had actually made it as far as the gate on a couple of occasions, but the fear of being arrested and spending the rest of her life in jail had always sent her scurrying back to the house.

  ‘This wasn’t quite the reaction I was expecting,’ Tom complained, frowning again as he watched the troubled thoughts flit through Skye’s eyes. ‘Me and Jade have been planning this for weeks, so the least you could do is look happy about it.
’

  ‘Sorry,’ Skye apologised. ‘I’m just a bit shocked.’

  ‘Are you sure that’s all it is?’ Tom demanded. ‘Only, if you don’t want to marry me, there’s no point making me and Jade go to all this trouble to make it perfect for you, is there?’

  Skye knew she had upset him, and tried quickly to make amends. ‘Course I want to marry you,’ she lied, forcing a smile. ‘I can’t wait.’

  ‘I hope you mean that,’ Tom muttered sulkily. ‘’Cos I’ve put my neck on the line for you, and so has Jade.’

  ‘I know,’ Skye murmured.

  ‘Yeah, well, forget about it.’ Tom abruptly let go of her and pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket.

  Unsure what he’d meant, Skye felt a thrill of apprehension course through her. Forget about what? The misunderstanding, or the wedding?

  ‘Reheat that while I get changed,’ Tom ordered after lighting his smoke, nodding towards the food that was still sitting on the ledge. ‘And hurry up, ’cos I’m starving. It’s all right for you, lounging around all day doing nothing, but I’ve had a tough day.’

  Sure now that she had hurt him, Skye said, ‘I’m sorry, Tom; please don’t be angry with me. I really love my ring, and I can’t wait to be your wife – honest.’

  ‘You’ve got a funny way of showing it,’ he snapped. ‘Me and Jade spent hours choosing that ring, and you’ve ruined it in two seconds flat with your sour face. Don’t know why I bothered. And I was going to give you these,’ he added, snatching a bag off the table and throwing it at her, ‘but you’ll probably just chuck them back in my face as well.’

  Skye felt guilty when several magazines spilled out of the bag and she saw that they were wedding brochures. She hugged herself when Tom marched out of the room and stomped heavily up the stairs. Apart from the time when he had caught her outside, he treated her pretty well and had only snapped at her a few times since she’d been here. It made her feel isolated and vulnerable when he got like this, but she knew from experience that there was only one sure-fire way to lift his mood. So, as sickened as she was by the thought of what she was about to do, she put the food back into the microwave and followed him up the stairs.

  12

  A month after moving in with Shirley, Jeff was still no closer to finding a place of his own, despite having scoured the internet and local estate agents for rental properties and placing bids on the council website. There was nothing available, and when even the hostels had told him that he would be waiting months for a room, he’d conceded defeat and allowed Shirley to drive him over to the old house to pick up his boxes.

  He had been walking back there every day since, to check for post and see if there were any signs that Skye had been there. His main concern was that she wouldn’t know how to find him if she turned up and saw that he’d moved out – or, worse, that she would think he’d abandoned her. He had tried to call Andrea’s phone several times and had left numerous messages telling Skye where he was and begging her to get in touch. But the phone was always off, and she hadn’t replied to any of his messages, so he had resigned himself to the thought that the phone was either dead or lost.

  As he turned the corner onto his old road today, Jeff was dismayed to see a skip outside the house. He’d seen Alan Ford a few days earlier and the man had warned him that he was about to start working on the place. But Jeff hadn’t expected it to be this soon, and the thought that new tenants would soon be installed depressed him. It was one thing to pop in when builders were around, but he very much doubted that the new family would appreciate him calling round every day.

  The front door was open when Jeff reached the house and he could hear the muted sound of a radio coming from the kitchen. Aware that he no longer had the right to be here, he walked down the hall and tapped on the door before pushing it open. Three builders were in there, ripping out the units, and loud bangs coming through the ceiling told him that more were at work upstairs, while yet more were out in the yard shovelling up the debris.

  Ford had yet to tell Jeff what he owed for repairs over and above his deposit, but if he ran true to form Jeff guessed that Ford would probably claim that a complete overhaul had been needed because of the damage they had caused while living here. He wished he’d thought to take photos before he left, to prove that it hadn’t been that bad. But it was too late now.

  ‘Can I help you?’ one of the builders asked.

  Jeff turned to him, and smiled. ‘I, er, used to live here, and I thought I’d check if there’s been any post while I was passing.’

  ‘I haven’t seen any,’ the builder told him. ‘You’ll have to ask the landlord. He’ll be here in a bit.’

  ‘Didn’t you get it redirected?’ one of the others asked, glancing down at Jeff from the ledge he was standing on. ‘That’s what me and my missus always do when we move.’

  ‘I haven’t had time,’ Jeff replied, too embarrassed to admit that he couldn’t have afforded the fee even if he had remembered. ‘I’ll get onto it when I get home.’

  ‘Hope you told the leccy board you moved,’ the man went on as he leaned down to plug his drill into a wall socket. ‘We might be on this for a while, and you don’t wanna get whacked for the juice we’ll be using.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s sorted,’ Jeff lied, making a mental note to do it as soon as he was out of earshot.

  ‘That it?’ the first builder asked. ‘Only we’ll be pulling the ceiling down in a minute, so I’ll need you out of here.’

  Jeff nodded and said, ‘Yeah, sure.’ Then, spotting a scrap of paper on the floor, he leaned down and picked it up, saying, ‘Don’t suppose anyone’s got a pen?’

  The man on the ledge took a pencil from behind his ear and tossed it over. Jeff caught it and quickly jotted down Shirley’s address. Then, holding the paper out to the first builder, who he’d guessed was the gaffer, he said, ‘If a young girl should happen to come looking for me, could you give her this? Only my daughter’s missing, and I want her to be able to find me if she turns up.’

  ‘Put it on there.’ The builder nodded towards the window ledge. ‘If I see her, I’ll make sure she gets it.’

  Jeff thanked him and put the paper down. Then, taking one last wistful look at his old kitchen, he went back out into the hall – just in time to see a man walk out with Skye’s quilt and laptop in his arms.

  ‘Wait!’ he called, rushing down the hall.

  The quilt was already in the skip by the time he reached the pavement, and the man was carrying the laptop to a van parked across the road. Jeff ran after him and snatched it out of his hands.

  ‘Oi, what’s your game?’ the builder protested, trying to snatch it back.

  ‘It’s mine,’ Jeff told him, holding onto it and wondering why he hadn’t seen it when he was packing, because he was sure he hadn’t missed anything. ‘Where did you find it?’

  ‘In the attic.’

  Jeff’s heart lurched when he remembered that the social worker had wanted to check the attic. He asked, ‘Was there anything else up there, like a mobile phone? It’s really important,’ he added, hoping that the man would pick up on his urgency and hand over the phone if he’d pocketed it. ‘You see, my daughter’s missing, and I haven’t been able to get hold of her, so it’d really help if I could find her phone so I’d know who she’s been contacting.’

  ‘Nah, mate, I only found that and the quilt,’ the man told him.

  Jeff sensed that he was telling the truth, and nodded. ‘Thanks. And sorry if it sounded like I was accusing you of nicking it – I’m just really worried about her. I’ve left my address with your mate in case she turns up, but can you keep an eye out for her as well? Her name’s Skye; she’s blonde, about five-two, and she’s fourteen.’

  Or is she fifteen now? he wondered, remembering that Hayley’s mum had mentioned something about a birthday present. Ashamed to admit that he didn’t know his own daughter’s age, he didn’t correct himself.

  ‘Yeah, course,’ the man agreed, givin
g him a sympathetic look. ‘My little ’un’s twelve, and I’d go off my head if I didn’t know where she was, so I know how you must be feeling. Look, tell you what,’ he said then. ‘Why don’t you give us your number, and I’ll bell you if I see her.’

  Jeff gave the man his mobile number, and then set off back to Shirley’s with the laptop clutched to his chest. He vaguely recalled that it had been loaned to Skye by her school, so he knew he ought to return it to them. But, right now, it was his only link to her and just holding it in his arms was a comfort to him.

  Shirley was tired when she got home from work that evening, and her head was banging from the stress of having spent yet another day pretending not to notice the dirty looks and snide comments being aimed her way by the lads in the garage and the snotty bitches on reception.

  She couldn’t believe they had turned on Jeff so viciously on the strength of a few rumours. They had known him for as long as she had, so they ought to have known better than to listen to malicious gossip. But they had not only condemned him without giving him a chance to give his side of the story, they had also sentenced him to a lifetime of having to look over his shoulder in order to avoid getting his head kicked in should they chance upon him in some quiet place.

  Shirley hadn’t done herself any favours by speaking up for him in the pub the day after he’d been sacked. In hindsight, she should have kept her mouth shut and waited for them to get bored of talking about him. But it had pissed her off to hear them trashing him, and she’d got up on her soapbox and given them a good old tongue-lashing: berating the guys for so quickly forgetting all the times Jeff had supported them and helped them out, and reminding the bimbos that it hadn’t been so long since they were all batting their fake eyelashes at him and trying to worm their way into his bed.

  She could care less that none of them had spoken to her since, but it wasn’t so easy to ignore the rumours that were beginning to circulate about her and Jeff. Somehow – and Shirley had no idea where it had come from, considering that she had never socialised with any of her colleagues outside of work and hadn’t thought that any of them knew her address – they had found out that Jeff was staying with her and now seemed determined to make her life at work even more uncomfortable.