Christmas in Sugarcreek

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  He scowled. “But it’s dark out.”

  “I know.”

  “Then you’ll hitch up your horse and drive home?” When she nodded, wondering why he looked so perturbed, a hard expression entered his eyes. “I’ll wait for you.”

  “There’s no need—”

  “There’s every need,” he interrupted. “I don’t want you here alone at night.”

  He didn’t want her to be alone at night? “Ben, it is no problem. It is certainly not your problem, anyway.”

  For a moment, it looked like he was going to refute that. “Judith, I’ll wait here with you.”

  He was making her naerfich. Nervous and confused. “But I do this all the time. By myself.”

  “You won’t while I’m here.” He lowered his voice. “If I could, I’d make sure you never were here alone. And I’d certainly drive you home in your buggy.”

  He was truly making her feel flustered now. The way he was looking at her, the way he was talking to her . . . well, no one had ever spoken to her like that before.

  Like she was special. Needed to be protected.

  Half afraid she was going to accept, Judith strived to keep her voice matter-of-fact. Professional. “Well, now, Ben. That is mighty kind of you, but I’m sure you have other things to do. Or, you know, other people to see.”

  For a moment, she didn’t think he was going to answer her. It truly looked like he was afraid to. Then he sighed. “Judith, I promise you this. There’s nothing else for me to do and no one waiting for me. Let me stay with you. Staying ain’t a big thing.”

  There was something in his voice that sounded too familiar. She knew that desperation, even if she wasn’t all that sure what his reasonings behind it were.

  “All right, then, Ben. If you wouldn’t mind waiting, I’d be most grateful.”

  “I don’t mind waiting at all. It would be a pleasure.”

  The look of satisfaction in his eyes made her heart beat a little faster.

  Chapter Five

  He was going down a slippery slope at lightning speed, and that was a fact. As Ben sat on a worn stool and pretended he didn’t mind fiddling with a basket of red and gold jingle bells while Judith Graber worked, his mind spun.

  All his life, he’d been pushed to the side. His parents had had their own troubles and to them he’d been a constant reminder of past mistakes.

  In short, he’d never felt wanted and had compensated for that by attempting to be tougher and harder than most other people. He’d developed an attitude that was just arrogant enough to push people away.

  And it had served him well. His hard exterior forced most people to give him a wide berth. To keep him at a distance.

  Unable to sit still any longer, he got to his feet and walked down the store’s aisles. Straightening stock was a mindless job, but far better than doing nothing.

  In school, as the years passed and his home life became unbearable, he’d felt so fragile inside he developed an even harder shell.

  He concentrated on keeping his heart safe instead of making friends. He worried about his future instead of his studies. He developed a talent for putting other people down and for never turning away from a fight. And along the way, he earned himself quite a reputation.

  Most kids shied away from him. After a time, their teacher practically washed her hands of him, too.

  His parents had gone from not wanting him to not expecting much. Then, of course, his mamm left and his daed spiraled down into a terrible depression. Before long, his sister left. And there was no way his shell was going to break.

  Remembering how quiet his house had become, Ben grasped a sack of flour too hard. A puff of flour burst into the air as it gave way. Picking up the ruined sack, he walked to the bulk food area to deposit the contents in the flour bin.

  Judith glanced up as he passed. “Everything all right?”

  “Jah.” He lifted the damaged sack so she could see. “This opened. I’m going to go take care of it.”

  “Danke.” She smiled in a distracted way before going back to adding receipts.

  Ben darted down another aisle. Out of Judith’s sight.

  Which didn’t matter of course.

  There was only one person who he’d wished had been able to see through his tough attitude: Judith Graber. How, he didn’t know. As a little girl, she’d been looked after by her older brother, Josh. As she’d gotten older, she’d been surrounded by Caleb and all her friends.

  And all her admirers.

  He wasn’t surprised. Judith was the type of girl to sit with kids who were awkward and alone. She helped others with their homework. She even smiled at boys everyone else avoided. Jah, she was a lovely person, both inside and out.

  But he had felt a dark hole inside of himself whenever they spoke. Because while she had been everything good to him, it had always been obvious that she was only being near him out of a misplaced sense of duty. That if she’d had her way, she would probably do just about anything to never see him again.

  Now wasn’t any different.

  Truly, it was taking virtually everything he had to be closed off and arrogant with Judith. To him, she was perfection. Not in a polished, too-shiny kind of way, like the fancy Englischers in the gift shops.

  No, her perfection was that she wasn’t perfect. She worked hard and was almost abrupt with others. But she also had a yearning look in her eyes that told him she wished for far more in her life than merely a job well done. That longing, of course, made her all the more desirable to him. He was too flawed to fancy someone who had none.

  And all that wasn’t even taking into consideration her looks. Which were lovely indeed. Thinking about the fine lines of her jaw, about the intelligence in her eyes, he knew that though he had changed some, his interest in her never had.

  Once again, he ached for a place in her life.

  Flour now disposed of, he walked back by the front counter.

  When he approached, she placed her pencil in a drawer and carefully set the ledger on the center of the counter. “I’m ready to go now,” she said.

  He practically clapped his hands in relief. “All right, then. Let’s get you on your way before it gets any later. Where’s your cloak?”

  “Ben, why are you fussing so?”

  “I don’t know,” he lied. “Do you have a cloak?”

  “But of course. It’s in the back. Follow me.”

  They walked through the quiet aisles, their footsteps echoing along the finely hewed wood floors. If things were different between them, he would have reached for her hand.

  Yeah, right. Who was he kidding? If things had been different between them, he would have wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders and held her close. Just to make sure she didn’t get chilled.

  In the small cloakroom, he spied her cloak. Before he knew what he was doing, he plucked it off the brass hook and carefully covered her shoulders.

  When she lifted her hands to tie the strings, their fingers brushed. As if she was shocked, she tensed, then tied a bow. He put his wool coat on while she slipped her black bonnet on her head and secured that, too.

  Unwilling to leave her side, he held open the back door for her and then waited while she locked up.

  “I feel bad, making you stay with me,” she said as they walked to the covered stalls and began hitching up Beauty.

  “Don’t.” He rubbed the mare’s flank as he made sure all the fastenings were secure. When they guided the horse outside and the cold blast of wind and snow pelted their skin, he held the horse steady while she climbed into the buggy.

  “I’ll close the barn door for you. Be safe, now,” he said, trying not to let on how pretty he thought she was, with her skin glowing from the light reflecting off the lantern and the pristine snow.

  “I will.” She gave a little wave, then motioned the horse forward.

  As the horse clip-clopped away, he dutifully shut the barn door. Then, with nothing else to do, started for home.

 
Stomping his boots a bit to warm his feet, Ben tried to recall what he had at home to eat. Maybe some peanut butter? Crackers. . .

  “Ben?”

  He stopped and stared at Judith. She’d stopped her buggy on the side of the road and was looking at him with concern.

  He raced forward. “Is something wrong?”

  She bit her lip. “Nee. It’s just, well . . . I was just thinking that perhaps you’d like to come home with me.”

  If she’d started dancing in the streets and singing at the top of her lungs, he couldn’t have been more surprised. Like the fool that he was, he gaped.

  Then he got his bearings. She needed help. That’s what she needed. Of course. “I’d be happy to drive you home. I wasn’t lying about that.”

  “It’s not that. I just started thinking, you don’t have anyone, do you?” Her eyes widened. “I mean, at home.”

  He didn’t but that wasn’t anything new. “I’m fine.”

  “I just was thinking, well, my mamm always makes plenty of food. And it’s so terribly cold and snowy out. Perhaps you’d like a hot meal?”

  That was it. She felt sorry for him. Pitied him.

  The right thing to do would be to brush off her offer, because who wanted to be pitied?

  But if he said no, he knew one thing absolutely—he wouldn’t see her again until tomorrow.

  And right at that moment, it felt like far too long.

  Swallowing his dignity he climbed into the buggy and took over the reins. “I never pass up a hot meal,” he said. Adding just enough cockiness that he hoped his pride wasn’t completely flattened.

  And with that, he snapped the reins and moved Beauty forward onto the near-empty road. Pretending all the while that he didn’t notice how right Judith’s body felt next to his.

  That he didn’t notice that she smelled lovely, like roses.

  That he didn’t all at once feel like the luckiest man in Sugarcreek.

  Chapter Six

  Eight Days Until Christmas

  “Caleb, if I get stuck on your couch, help me up, wouldja?” Rebecca called out from underneath a pile of pillows and quilts.

  From his chair to her right, Caleb craned his neck to try to see Becca, but even that little movement caused his muscles to scream out in pain. For the last three days, they’d collected cans, sorted them into two dozen baskets, picked up frozen chickens from a nearby poultry farm, then put those in one of his family’s freezers at their store. It had been a lot of work, especially since he was sore from loading bricks into the kiln at the factory.

  “Nope, if you get stuck, you’re on your own. I don’t think I’m going to be able to move anytime soon.”

  Maybe one of your siblings could run over to my house and tell my mamm that I won’t be home soon. Maybe not for a few days. Do you think Anson would mind?”

  Caleb couldn’t help but smile as he contemplated the idea of being around Rebecca nonstop for days at a time. “Nee. I’m sure Anson wouldn’t mind doing that chore at all. Especially since he’s always looking into my business.”

  She chuckled as she shifted with a groan and finally sat up. “My little sister Amanda used to be the same way when she was younger. A nuisance, that’s what she was.”

  “I’m sure she was nothing like Anson and his buddy Ty. They are both incorrigible.”

  As if he’d heard his name, Anson came in the room. As he looked from Caleb to Rebecca to Caleb again, his eyes narrowed. “Whatcha doing?”

  “Recovering,” Caleb said.

  Anson took that as a reason to come closer. “From what?”

  “We’ve been working on the Christmas baskets for the last three days,” Rebecca said. “All we’ve been doing is gathering items and sorting them out. They are heavy.”

  “Really heavy,” Caleb added. “We’ve also been wrapping gifts.”

  “I didn’t know you knew how to wrap presents, Caleb,” Anson said.

  “I do now.” Fact was, if he never saw another roll of bright red wrapping paper, it would be too soon. “I’m so tired I could sleep until Christmas Day.”

  “You better not!” Rebecca said with a laugh. “We still have to finish the baskets. And deliver them all.”

  “I could help,” Anson said. “When are you two working on them again?”

  “Tomorrow,” Rebecca said before Caleb could let Anson know that his help was definitely not needed.

  Anson positively beamed. “I’ll let Mamm know I’m going to go with you,” he said before turning away in a rush.

  “See what I mean?” Caleb asked as he pushed himself off his chair and walked toward her. “He’s a pest.”

  “He’s cute. Of course, he’s not as cute as his older brother.” Holding her hands out, her eyes shone. “Help me up, wouldja?”

  “Sure.” Crossing to her, he bent slightly and grasped her hands. A careful yank pulled her up.

  And then, there she was, standing right in front of him. Close enough that the hem of her dress tangled around his legs. Close enough for him to smell that faint hint of vanilla that always seemed to play upon her skin.

  Close enough to make him dare to flirt a bit. “When you talked about a cute older bruder . . . were you speaking of Joshua?” he asked.

  To his pleasure, Rebecca didn’t step backward. Didn’t pull away her hands. No, instead of looking frightened or uncomfortable, she shook her head. “I am not speaking of Joshua.”

  “Are ya speaking of me?”

  Her dimples popped. “Perhaps.”

  Before he could stop himself, he blurted, “I think you’re pretty, Rebecca. Mighty pretty.”

  “You do?”

  He nodded. Then, fool that he was, he kept talking. “I like you a lot.”

  “I like you, too,” she murmured.

  Maybe this was the moment. Maybe right now, right here, he could put his hands around her and pull her even closer—

  Becca stepped backward and let go of his hands and Caleb immediately felt her absence. The last thing he wanted was to scare her off, so he stepped backward, too. “Tomorrow, where would you like to meet?”

  “How about here? Your mother told me she’d help me make some dishcloths for the baskets.”

  “I can meet you here after work. You know, you’re sure doing a lot for these baskets. Why?”

  Her expression shuttered. “Oh, I don’t know. It’s just nice to do something for other people, you know.”

  “I hope everyone will appreciate it.” He frowned, privately wondering if any of the recipients will even think twice about how much work had gone into the gifts.

  “I like putting the baskets together. It makes me happy.”

  “Of course it does. You’re the most caring girl I’ve ever met, Rebecca. You’re always thinking about other people.” Unable to stop himself, he brushed two fingers against her cheek. Pushing back two strands of hair.

  Enjoying the feel of her soft skin.

  For a moment, her eyes fluttered shut. Just as if she was truly enjoying his touch.

  But when her eyes opened and focused on his, there was a new wariness there. As if his praise didn’t seem to go over very well. Instead of looking pleased, she looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry if I’m embarrassing you,” he said. “I just wanted you to know how I felt.”

  “You didn’t embarrass me. I better go now, though.”

  He didn’t want to leave her side. And he hated the idea of her being outside in the dark and cold alone. “How about I walk you home? It’s dark out.”

  “Nee . . . there’s no need for that. I’ve got my bicycle.”

  “But it’s still awfully dark. Judith has the buggy, but the courtin’ one is here. I’ll be happy to take you home in that. I’d like to.”

  For a moment, he thought she’d give in. But then she shook her head. “I’ll just see you here tomorrow.”

  “But Rebecca, I don’t feel right about you being alone—”

  “I’ll be fine. Truly,” she said, iron in her voice.r />
  When she walked to the front door, Caleb raced to her side. Something was wrong and he wasn’t quite sure what it was. But he ached to make her happy.

  “Hey . . . Rebecca?”

  She stopped. “Yes, Caleb?”

  He felt like an idiot, but he couldn’t stop himself. “If I, um, kissed you on the cheek would you get mad?”

  All at once the sparkle that he loved appeared back in her eyes. Right before she tucked her chin down. “Nee. I wouldn’t get mad, Caleb.”

  Not needing another invitation, he curved his palms around her shoulders and leaned close. Tried real hard to ignore that her skin smelled fresh and clean and girlish.

  “Raise your head, would you, Rebecca?” Eyes wide, she did just that. And then he pressed his lips on her velvety soft cheek.

  It lasted all of two seconds. The blush that appeared right after made him think of roses under warm summer skies.

  Moments later, her bonnet and cape on, he watched as she walked down his front walkway.

  And Caleb was left standing there grinning.

  “What are you lookin’ at?” Anson asked when he came back out of the kitchen.

  “Nothing.”

  “Had to be something. Hey, I talked to Mamm and she said I could go with you and Rebecca tomorrow.”

  The last thing Caleb wanted was an Anson chaperone. “You better not,” he warned.

  “But you said—”

  “Anson, I don’t want you around when I’m with Rebecca.”

  “She wants me there.” Looking as ornery as ever, Anson turned away. “I’m going to go tell Mamm.”

  Caleb folded his hands across his chest as Anson ran off to do what he did best—get into someone else’s business.

  But instead of running to his mother to explain his side of the story, he leaned against the windowpane next to the front door and looked for a hint of Rebecca.

  Already he couldn’t wait to see her again. By just being herself, Rebecca had given him a sense of peace he hadn’t felt in a very long time. For too long, he’d felt suspended between two worlds—the Amish one he’d been born into and the English one that surrounded them all.