She couldn’t believe it, and blushed. Robert was filled with surprises for her. Always. In so many ways, the perceptions she’d had about the way an Amish man behaved, or the way he might treat her, constantly went on its ear.
Robert was as affectionate and sweet as any newlywed she’d ever seen. He was eager to hold her in his arms at night; and when they were alone, he touched her often.
He continually put her needs first.
After brushing his lips against her jawline, he sat back in his seat. “Lilly? Aren’t you going to tell me what you think of my smooth cheeks?”
“You know I love your smooth cheeks,” she admitted with a shy smile.
“Then stop worrying, wife.” Stretching out his legs, now encased in jeans instead of homemade wool pants, he slapped a hand on his thigh. “Though this adjustment hasn’t been easy, there are some things I’m enjoying. One of them is my smooth cheeks. Another is my new clothes. These jeans are mighty comfortable.”
Secretly, she’d been missing her jeans, though she had to admit she was getting more used to the conservative dresses she was wearing now. She’d also been missing mascara and wearing her hair down.
When she turned into the inn’s parking lot, she was happy to see how full it was. “They’ve got a good crowd here tonight. I bet Mrs. Kent will be happy about that.”
“You sound almost wistful. Do you wish you worked more often?”
“Not at all. I’m happy with my three days a week.”
“Are you sure?” There was enough of an edge in Robert’s voice to make Lilly realize she wasn’t the only one who needed reassurance.
Reaching out, she squeezed his hand. “I’m happy with you, Robert. I’m happier with you than I could dream possible. And that’s enough for me.”
Looking at her more closely, he finally nodded. “You mean that, don’t you?”
“I do.” She parked the car, climbed out, and waited for him to come around.
Then they went in together, side by side. Just like every other married couple. “What are you going to get to eat?”
“I’m not sure.”
Almost immediately, Miriam came rushing forward. “Lilly! Look at you! What are you doing here?”
Glancing shyly Robert’s way, Lilly shrugged. “Eating supper out.”
More than one tableful of customers turned her way and smiled at the commotion. A few of the regulars raised their hands. “Lilly! Good to see you.”
She couldn’t help beaming. “Thank you! It’s good to be here.” As she gazed around the restaurant, she couldn’t help but grin at the line of Christmas cards hanging from ribbons over the windows and the small artificial tree the girls had set up near the back.
Though she still worked during the day, the restaurant felt different at night. Quiet instrumental music played in the background, red-and-green checkered tablecloths decorated each table, and strands of Christmas lights lined the ceiling.
“We miss seeing your smiles,” an elderly lady said. “When are you on the schedule again?”
“Monday.”
“If you want extra hours, let me know,” Miriam said. “Things around here have been crazy.”
After darting a look in Robert’s direction, she shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m a pretty busy wife now you know.”
“We know,” Mrs. Kent said as she walked over to greet them as well. “I saw Irene Graber and your mother in here the other day. They take great pride in letting me know what a dutiful wife you’ve become.”
Squeezing her shoulder, Robert chuckled. “Lilly is a gut wife. She makes me happy.”
Miriam held two menus to her chest. “Are you ready to be seated?”
“Definitely,” Lilly said.
“Your usual table, Robert?” Miriam asked with a sly smile.
“What table is that?”
“The one by the window, of course. You always came in and sat there when you were trying to get up the nerve to court our Lilly.”
Right before her eyes, Robert blushed.
“We’ll take a seat over in the back by the Christmas tree. Thanks, Miriam,” Lilly said.
Robert waited until she took a seat, then sat across from her. “Is this why you wanted to come here?” he asked. His voice was gentle but his gaze was suspicious. “Because you want to work more and you think I needed encouragement?”
“No.” Though hearing she was missed did feel good, working was the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.
“Are you sure? Because it kind of seems that way.”
Lilly heard the challenge in his voice. And a thread of disappointment—because he feared she was lying. “I promise you, Robert. I didn’t not want to come here in order to work more hours. I’m simply comfortable here, that’s all.”
He waited a moment, then nodded. “All right.”
After asking Miriam for two glasses of iced tea, they sat in an uncomfortable silence while they waited for her to return. The air between them felt awkward.
After another moment’s pause, Robert looked down at the menu and studied it intently. Lilly did the same, just as if she’d never worked here and didn’t have feelings about what she liked and didn’t like.
“I think I’ll get smothered chicken,” she finally said.
“I’ll get the same thing,” he replied.
Miriam came and took their orders. With a curious look, she took Lilly’s menu. Lilly averted her eyes, not wanting to see Miriam’s confusion because she knew it echoed her own feelings.
Because as each minute passed, Robert was drifting away from her. In truth, his behavior was like night and day from the man kissing her cheek at the stoplight.
And just when she thought things couldn’t get any worse, the front door opened and in walked Abe, Abe’s wife, Mary, and his father.
They saw her and Robert. Glared. And then, after a moment’s hesitation, the trio approached. Across from her, she sensed Robert’s discomfort. Though his relatives’ appearance wasn’t her fault, she still felt responsible for their dinner out getting worse. Why in the world had she ever imagined that this would be a good idea?
“Robert? Evening,” his father said as they approached. “How goes it?”
“We are fine. Danke.”
Lilly raised her head. Waited for the newcomers to acknowledge her. But just like when she’d first met them at the flea market, none of the three even looked her way.
It was almost like she didn’t exist.
Which completely broke her heart. Not for herself; she was used to straddling two worlds. But Robert surely wasn’t.
After it became obvious that his family wasn’t going to say a word to her, Robert stood abruptly, his chair scraping the floor as he did so.
“Perhaps we could speak outside for a moment,” he said. Then he walked to the door, not even bothering to put on his coat.
Not even bothering to offer a word of explanation to her.
Mr. Miller looked at her. “Lilly,” he said, with a nod. Then turned and followed his son. After another few seconds, Abe followed the other two men.
Mary went and sat down.
“What is going on?” Miriam asked when she approached with a pitcher to refill Lilly’s glass of water. “Is everything all right?”
She didn’t have the heart to pretend it was. “No.”
Miriam sat in Robert’s empty seat. “What can I do to help?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing to do,” she murmured, watching Robert and Abe exchange heated words right in front of the picture windows. To her dismay, she wasn’t the only one watching the conversation with interest. No, the Miller family seemed to capture the interest of just about everyone in the restaurant. Two ladies were eating their rolls while unabashedly attempting to read the men’s lips.
Lilly grimaced. She ached to fix everything between Robert and his family, but she had no idea how to do it.
Miriam got to her feet and squeezed Lilly’s shoulder. “I know things seem bad, but th
ey’ll get better.”
“I don’t see how.”
“Anyone with eyes can see that you and Robert were meant to be together. Our Lord wouldn’t have put you in each other’s path if He hadn’t intended for you to be together.”
“You really believe that, don’t you?”
Miriam nodded. “And I’m not the only one, Lilly. There are a lot of us Amish who have no desire to shun Robert.”
“No offense, but I wish Robert’s cousin was one of them.”
Miriam’s eyes twinkled. “Let me tell ya a secret. Abe Miller didn’t just start being narrow-minded and full of spite. I do believe he’s had a lot of practice over the years. Now, I’ll go get your food.”
Lilly almost asked her to wait, but as a waitress there, she knew that wouldn’t be fair to either Miriam or the cooks. They had a lot of food to make and serve and couldn’t be dependent on the soap opera that her marriage was turning out to be.
“I’m sorry about that,” Robert said when he returned to his seat. “I simply couldn’t hold my tongue any longer.”
Lilly could practically feel dark emotions emanate from him. “What did you say?”
“I’ll tell you later,” he said as Miriam approached with two heaping plates of pan-roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and tomato gravy. “Ah. This looks mighty good, Miriam.”
“I’ll let the girls in the back know,” she replied with a smile before turning away.
After two forkfuls, Robert looked at Lilly. “Now, wasn’t there something you’d wanted to talk to me about?”
“Nothing of importance,” she whispered. Suddenly, she didn’t trust her voice, his ears, or their audience. The last thing he needed was for her to once again share her worries about not being good enough.
He might already think that.
Chapter Twelve
Six Days Until Christmas
“Sorry,” Ben muttered under his breath as the buggy lurched forward after sliding a bit on a small patch of snow.
Though the main roads had been fairly clear, their driveway was another story. The packed snow was easy for the horse to cover but not nearly as easy for the buggy.
The horse’s hooves crunched along and the buggy rocked a bit as Ben attempted to stay in the wheel ruts that had since formed on the long driveway to the house.
“S’okay, Gual,” he murmured. “S’okay.”
As if Beauty understood, her gait smoothed out and they were on their way again.
Beside him, Judith was tempted to grasp Ben’s arm. Not to steady herself but to reassure him. This was the first time she could ever remember him not doing anything with his trademark confidence. This new vulnerability he was exhibiting both caught her off guard and drew her closer to him. Just as it was becoming terribly obvious that he was worried about being at their home.
The whole way home she’d wanted to say something to him about it, but in the end kept her peace. Time and again, Caleb and Joshua had criticized her for coming off as a bit of a know-it-all, and that was the last way she wanted Ben to think of her.
But when he finally reined in Beauty and they stopped at the barn’s entrance, Judith knew she had to say something. It was only right.
“Do you wish you would have said no?” she asked quietly. “Do you wish you would have refused my father’s offer?”
For a moment, it looked as if he was fighting an internal battle. Then he looked at her. “Nee,” he finally said, his lips pursed.
The full moon’s glow on the snow on the ground created an otherworldly quality, and the faint lights shining through the windows of her home cast an illuminating sheen over both of them. Bathing them with soft light.
She’d never been so glad of the moon before. If not for that, she didn’t think she would have been able to spy the skepticism that flashed in his eyes.
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re staying.”
“For what it’s worth, huh?” A secret flared in his expression. One that she would have paid money in order to understand. “Judith Graber, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I guess I’ll do my best. When you speak, I listen. Your opinion means a lot to me.”
He turned away then, opened his door, and hopped out. After she did the same, he guided Beauty into the barn and proceeded to unharness her.
Judith walked to his side and took the mare’s bridle. When she tried to do more, he stopped her with a hand. “Nee, Judith. I’ll do this. Go inside where it’s warm.”
“But I can’t let you care for Beauty by yourself.”
“It’s no trouble.”
“But—”
He faced her. “Judith, if you are concerned, ask Anson or Caleb to come out and help. But I’m not going to let you stand in this cold barn a moment longer.”
“I’m fine—”
“Go inside and get warm. Please.”
She turned away and followed his directions, hearing his words float in her head, bringing with them tender feelings that felt almost unfamiliar.
Well, outside of her dreams.
The moment she stepped into the house, she walked into the kitchen.
Her mother, sitting at the table and working on a puzzle, looked up at her with a smile. “You’re home. Gut. And where is Ben?”
“He’s taking care of Beauty. But he needs help.”
“Couldn’t you help him?”
“He asked for Caleb or Anson.”
“Or Anson?” A line formed between her mother’s brows. “He’s too young for that, don’t you think? He’s only . . .”
“Nine.”
She blinked. “Ah, yes. I suppose Joshua was doing chores like that at nine, hmm?” Getting to her feet, she walked to the living room and told Anson to go help Ben.
Judith stood quietly as she heard Anson complain a bit, then ultimately, he dashed beside her, threw on boots and a coat, and scampered out to the barn.
Her mother came back in, a satisfied expression on her face. “I’m right pleased with that Ben. It was good of him to ask for Anson. We all forget that boy needs more responsibilities.” She paused then, no doubt noticing Judith’s pink cheeks. “Perhaps you’d care to take off your cloak now, daughter? I’ve kept two dinners waiting on you.”
“Yes, Mamm.” Judith turned away before her mother could think to ask about her pink cheeks. Or anything else.
“Ben, how come you asked for me?” Anson asked as he stood by him and carefully brushed Beauty.
Looking down at the wiry boy at his side, Ben fought a smile. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“You don’t think I’m too small?”
“To help with a gual? Of course not.”
“How come you didn’t want Judith to help you?”
“Because she’s been working all day.”
“But so have you.”
“Judith is a woman.” There. Surely that was answer enough? Honestly, Ben was starting to think that maybe people didn’t ask Anson to do things not because they didn’t think he could do that work . . . but rather because they didn’t want to hear the thousand questions that never seemed to stop erupting from the child.
“Everyone else asks Judith to do stuff.”
“Well, I am not everyone.” Furthermore, if he’d had his way, Judith would be doing a whole lot less.
But of course her schedule wasn’t his business.
After rubbing Beauty’s neck and then giving her a few scratches between her ears, Ben led the horse to her stall. “Do you have her feed ready?”
“Yep.” In short order, Anson put a good armful of hay in Beauty’s feed trough, followed by a cup of oats.
Beauty dug in with relish. Ben chuckled with Anson as they watched the horse enjoy her dinner.
With the horse now taken care of, Ben pushed himself away from the wooden stall. “I guess it’s my turn to eat now, huh?”
“Jah. My mamm’s got a plate ready for you.”
The consideration humbled him. Though it wasn’t any of his busines
s, he still went ahead and spoke. “And Judith? Did your mamm fix a plate for her, too?”
Anson tilted his head at him. “Well, yes. To be sure. Why wouldn’t she?”
Ben knew why he’d asked it—because his parents had been masters at putting company’s needs first and his last. But he wasn’t about to utter that. “No reason,” he said as they walked out of the barn, stopping to fasten the latch behind them. “I tell you what, Anson. I think I’m going to sleep real good tonight.”
“Me, too.” Almost circumspectly, Anson watched Ben stretch his arms, and then did the same exact motion.
Ben hid a smile as they continued walking on the snow. The boy’s hero worship amused him—and gave him pause, too. To his recollection, no one had ever thought he was good enough to imitate.
The fact that Anson was doing so made him mildly uncomfortable; and though it was probably not good, it fueled his pride, too.
When they were almost to the house, Anson glanced his way. “My daed said you’re going to be sleeping at our house a lot now.”
“He said that?”
“Uh-huh. You’ll be in Joshua’s old room.”
“Is that near yours?”
“Nope. I’m with Caleb.” Anson stopped and pointed to a few darkened windows on the second story. “You’re right next to Judith.”
“Right next to her, huh?”
“Yep.” Anson looked at him strangely. “Is there something wrong with that?”
“Not at all.” Other than, well, he knew he was going to act like a fool and think about Judith sleeping in her bed with just a thin wall in between them.
Of course, every one of those thoughts was wrong. Seeking to lighten things up, he said, “Nothing’s wrong. Unless Judith snores. Does she?”
“I don’t think so,” Anson said as they walked onto the front porch, then opened the front door. “But I can ask her for ya.”
Hastily, Ben grabbed the door and pulled off his snowy boots in the front entryway. When Anson didn’t seem in the mood to do the same, Ben quickly said, “Anson, there’s no need to ask—”
“Judith! Hey, Judith,” Anson called out. “Ben wants to know if you snore. Do you?”
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