Christmas in Sugarcreek

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  He chuckled. “For the first time ever, I’m gettin’ a sense of what Tim must have thought when he lived with us the spring he fell in love with Clara. No wonder he spent as much time with her! Our family is large and loud and demanding.”

  “And we always have been.”

  He paused. “Have you ever felt like everyone’s too nosy, as well?”

  “Only when I have secrets,” she said with a wink. “Want to join me for a second?”

  “Sure.” As he walked, he crossed his arms in front of him, obviously trying to get warm.

  “You should have put on a coat.”

  “And you shouldn’t have been out here in the first place.” When he rested his elbows on the railing beside her, she studied him from the corner of her eye. At first glance, Caleb seemed steady and relaxed. But there also seemed to be a bit of tension emanating from him. “Do you have secrets?”

  He shrugged. “Some. About as many as any of us have, I suppose.”

  “Are yours tonight centered on Rebecca?”

  “A little bit.” He cracked a knuckle. Then a second. “If you want to know the truth, I haven’t been thinking about secrets tonight. Instead, I can’t seem to stop thinking about today and the true miracle of it all.”

  She wasn’t quite following him. Today? “The miracle of Christ’s birth?”

  “Jah. But more, too. I feel like today, on His birthday, I finally am at peace. I feel like he’s given me the best gift imaginable, you know?”

  “His love?”

  “Jah. And the capacity to love.” With the faint glow of the house’s candles illuminating his face, he looked at her, true wonder apparent. “Aren’t you amazed by it all? That there’s room in our hearts for one more person?”

  “I’m not sure if I’m feeling the same things you are,” she hedged, wondering why she was fighting her feelings, anyway. “Ben and I . . . nothing can become of our relationship.”

  “Who says?”

  “Ben. He’s moving, Caleb. His house is up for sale. Soon he’ll leave, and he’s already told me that when he leaves Sugarcreek, he’s not coming back.”

  “Maybe he’ll change his mind. People do.”

  “Maybe. At first, I thought he had too many bad feelings about Sugarcreek to want to stay. But this past week, he’s seemed happy . . .”

  “People can change. I did.”

  Caleb was right. For years he’d been angry and restless, constantly telling them that Sugarcreek wasn’t where he belonged. But then a visit with Lilly Allen’s English friends changed that. “I had hoped Ben would change his mind. But now I don’t know.” Too embarrassed to look at him any longer, she stared out straight ahead. “Maybe he’s waiting for me to say something. Waiting for me to beg him not to leave.”

  “It will work out. It has to, you know.”

  “I hope so. If I keep praying, I think it will.”

  “If you keep praying, you’ll find comfort.”

  “You sound sure of that.”

  “I sound sure because I know I’m right. Judith, each of us has prayers just waiting to be answered. And our Lord is only waiting for us to depend on him.”

  Her little brother was amazing. “Caleb Graber, when did you get so smart?”

  “Right about the time everyone stopped telling me I was too young to know my own mind.”

  “What are you two doing out here?”

  Judith turned around to see Joshua hovering in the same doorway Caleb had been in just moments before. “Nothing,” she told him. “We’re just talking. Thinking out loud.”

  “And escaping,” Caleb blurted. “I’ll say it. We’re taking a break from the mob inside our home.”

  “In that case . . . can I join you both?”

  “Of course.” As her older brother stepped forward and mimicked their stance, leaning on the rails just like she and Caleb were, she couldn’t help but wonder what had brought him out to them. “Is everything all right inside?”

  “Everything’s fine—everyone has settled down and is relaxing. Anson’s playing a game with Toby. Gretta and Clara are looking at quilting magazines. Tim is reading a book in the empty kitchen. Ben is looking at Maggie’s coloring books.” His voice drifted off. “Anyway, I was about to sit down, too. But then I started looking for you two . . . and thinking about how much things have changed for me over the last few years.”

  “That’s only natural,” Judith replied. “You’ve got a baby and another on the way.”

  “I mean things have changed inside me.” He cleared his throat. “There had been a time when I wasn’t sure what the right path for me was supposed to be.”

  “But then you decided,” Caleb said.

  “I did.” After a pause, Joshua added, “I’d like to say that I had a flash of light and that the Lord starting talking in my ear, but it wasn’t like that. Instead, it felt more like He was showing me the way in a slow and steady glow. I followed.”

  “ ‘Glow.’ I like that,” Judith murmured, thinking that was exactly how she’d felt when she was around Ben. When he was near, she felt more vibrant, more clear, more everything.

  As another roar of laughter floated through the house, followed by a crying that could only be from Will, the three of them stepped away from the railing.

  “Guess we better go on in,” Judith said. “Mamm won’t like us out here if there’s things that need to be done inside.”

  “I’m surprised Anson hasn’t come looking for us,” Caleb murmured.

  “He will,” Joshua said as he held the door open for them to walk through. “If I’ve learned anything over the last year, it’s that some things never change.”

  Judith smiled at her brother. “For the first time in a while, I’m glad of that.”

  “Me, too, sister,” Josh said. “Me, too.”

  Her voice was as clear and bright as the day had been. “Ben?”

  He turned to Judith. “Hi,” he said from his spot on the floor in front of the Graber’s massive brick fireplace. “I thought I’d stay down here for a little longer. I, uh, wasn’t quite ready to go to sleep.”

  “I wasn’t, either.” To his delight, she sat right down beside him, curling her thick robe around her feet. As the sparkling flames of the fire warmed her, she yawned. “It’s late, though.”

  He glanced at the oak clock on the far wall. “It is. Almost two. We’re going to be dead on our feet tomorrow morning.”

  “I bet you’re wishing you’d gone on home, huh?”

  “Not at all. It was a wonderful-gut day. One of the best Christmases I’ve ever had.” Actually, it was more than that. He’d felt part of the group, part of a family. If he could have made it last another three hours, he would’ve done so.

  “Ben, perhaps you should stay here longer.”

  He wanted to. But for what? To be an overeager hanger-on to the Grabers? “I promised myself I’d come for Christmas. And Christmas is over. It’s time I moved on, too.”

  She frowned. “But, Ben—”

  “Judith, my life ain’t like yours. I don’t have roots. And, well, the roots I have aren’t all that good here. It’s time to start over.”

  “Couldn’t you start over here in Sugarcreek?”

  Her expression was so earnest, he wanted to say he could. But where would that get him? Before long, she’d realize he wasn’t good enough for her.

  And then he would have an even harder time leaving than he was having now.

  “Judith, I can’t start over here. I’ll work tomorrow because I promised your daed, but then I’m going to sign the realtor’s papers and leave. It’s for the best.”

  Slowly, she got to her feet. “I understand,” she murmured, though it was clear from the tone of her voice that she didn’t at all.

  That was fine, he didn’t understand what he was doing, either. Was he running to a new future?

  Or merely running from the idea of more pain?

  Clambering to his feet, he looked at her one last time in the glow of t
he fire. And right then and there, he knew he’d never forget this moment. She was so pretty—and represented so much to him.

  “Merry Christmas, Judith,” he said quietly. The words weren’t much, but they were all he had.

  She blinked. “And Merry Christmas to you, Ben. Gut naught.”

  He turned back to the flames so he wouldn’t watch her walk away. So he wouldn’t be tempted to call her back.

  And stood in front of the flames until they died out.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  The Day After Christmas

  It was almost six o’clock. Since they’d arrived at the store that morning, Judith had tried her best to stay all business. Ben had, too.

  Keeping things distant and professional hadn’t been all that hard, not really. The store had been swamped with customers, all either stopping in for staples or for sales.

  But now that Joshua and her father had left, leaving Ben and her to clean up and close, a panic rose inside her.

  This evening she would drop him off. And might never see him again.

  “I got the eggs put away,” he said. “I tell you what, those hens of the Schrock family must have had quite a Christmas. Mrs. Schrock brought in almost three dozen eggs today.”

  “Ben, don’t leave,” she blurted.

  He stilled. “What?”

  “Don’t leave—” me, she added silently.

  “Oh, I’m not leaving yet.” He paused at the entrance to the work area in the back of the store. “I know we’ve still got a lot to do.”

  Walking toward him, she shook her head. Then finally managed to tell him what she should have told him days before.

  Or at the very least, last night.

  “I’m not talking about the store. I mean don’t leave Sugarcreek.” When he blinked, she forced herself to continue. To tell him what was really in her heart—even if it meant she was laying it open to him. “Ben, I mean . . . don’t leave me.”

  He felt his mouth go slack, which was just fine for him. He felt like his mind had gone missing, too.

  “Why?” he sputtered.

  Judith pursed her lips, then, as if she’d finally come to a great decision, spoke. “Because I can’t bear the thought of letting you go.”

  “I mean, why are you saying all this to me? I thought we’d decided it would be best if I moved on. I thought you understood that it would be best if we didn’t hope for anything more.”

  She shook her head. “Nee. You decided that. Not me. I want you here. I think you could have a wonderful-gut future here in Sugarcreek.” She swallowed. “With me.”

  With her. He ached to pull her close and tell her that everything she said was right. Perfect. . .

  “Ben, you aren’t perfect, but neither am I. And I don’t know what the future holds for us, only God does. But I do think you returned for a reason.”

  “Which is?”

  “Me. Us. You can’t deny it much longer, can you? We have something special.”

  Judith was right. But was he willing to disappoint her? Because even though he didn’t know what the future offered, he was certain he would do that. “Judith, I don’t know if I can ever be the man you need me to be.”

  “Of course you can.” Reaching out, she grasped his right arm. Her cool, slim fingers looked so feminine against his blue shirt. It took everything he had not to press his left hand over hers. To keep it there.

  “Judith, you see me and you see a man who is grateful. And I am. I’m grateful to your father for the work. And I’m grateful to your family for giving me a Christmas I’ll never forget. But that’s not enough for you.”

  “Of course it is. Besides, you’re more—”

  “You need a better man,” he interrupted.

  But instead of scaring her away, she turned angry. Pulling her hand away from his arm, she glared. “What kind of man is better than you?”

  “A man who already has proven himself to be worthy of you.”

  “You have. You’ve proven it with the way you’ve worked hard here . . . and helped so much around our house. You’ve proven how worthy you are when you’ve looked after me and always put my safety first. You’ve been gentle with Maggie and kind to my mother and wonderful to me.”

  To his ears, those things sounded insignificant.

  “Ben, at first I was thinking I wasn’t right for you, either. But that was just my fears talking, not my heart.” She took a deep breath and continued. “See, all I’ve ever wanted was to go home each night to someone who will be there for me, through thick and thin. Who would love me.”

  He did love her. He knew it as strongly as he knew he would be happy with her for a lifetime. But was that enough? Slowly, he said, “All I’ve ever wanted was someplace to belong. To be around people who want me. The rest, it doesn’t matter all that much to me.”

  “Then, please stay.”

  It was the “please” that got to him. So earnestly said, he felt as if his decision was everything to her. Like he mattered.

  Filling the silence, she spoke quickly. “Ben, don’t sell your house. Don’t sell your land. Let me help you with it.”

  “That house isn’t a home, Judith.” He didn’t even try to hide the disappointment he felt. But he wasn’t willing to let her into his life . . . just to watch her hope slide into disappointment as she realized he was never going to be the man she’d hoped he would be.

  “But that house can become a home. Ben, all you have to do is stop running and take a chance.”

  Everything she was saying— Could it be that easy? Was that all possible? It just took the will of a strong woman to know what was important? “I don’t know . . . I love you, Judith. But that’s not enough.”

  “I think it is.” Her eyes flashed, and he knew right then and there he should have said something more sweet. Far smoother. “Say it again.”

  “I love you.” When she smiled, his heart lifted. But once again, old feelings of insecurities blindsided him. “Judith, see? Here I meant to tell you my feelings in a sweet, tender way. Obviously, I’m messing this up, too.”

  “Never.” Raising her arms out wide, she looked at the building. “You could never disappoint me. See, I don’t want the fancy Ben Knox, or the one with all the trimmings. I want the Ben that’s like our Christmas. Like an Amish Christmas. Not an English one, with too much fancy dressing and noise and glitter and shininess. I want the Ben I see in front of me now. The man who is a little stark. Without fancy airs or plans. I want you.”

  “Plain, huh?” He was charmed by her words in spite of himself. “And what kind of Ben is that?”

  “The Ben who speaks the truth, even when it hurts. The Ben who wants what is right, even if it isn’t the popular thing. The Ben who we all gather around and cherish because he’s real. Not fake.”

  The man she wanted was in some ways the man it was hardest to be. It was still scary to let others see his weaknesses and insecurities. It took courage to let others see his real personality: The man who liked to read books and enjoyed nothing more than being around caring people. The man who wanted to stay in Sugarcreek because Judith Graber was there.

  “Are you sure? Because if I stay now I don’t think I will have the strength to go.”

  Yeah, right. Who was he kidding? In his heart, he knew he’d do just about anything to stay with Judith. Even if it meant befriending every person in the town.

  Or staying late with her at work. He was willing to do just about anything to make her happy.

  “I’m more than sure. I’m positive. See, Ben, I need you here. Before you came back, Sugarcreek was just the town I lived in. Before you came back, my family was just my family—I’d never tried to see them through another’s eyes. And Christmas . . . Christmas was simply a day to give thanks and to remember Jesus’s birth.”

  “And now? . . .” He was almost afraid to ask.

  “Now Christmas will be all those things, plus the time I first felt like I belonged. And my family will be all the people I love becau
se of their faults. Not in spite of them.”

  Smiling brightly, she continued. “And this town—Sugarcreek—it will be special to me because of the memories and the people that live here. But most especially, because it’s the place to call home. Because it will be your home, too.”

  Ben curved his arms around Judith and pressed his lips to her brow. Then, carefully, he crossed the store and after doing yet another search, he turned the Open sign to Closed.

  Just as the silly bird clock above them chirped six o’clock.

  “It’s closing time,” he announced.

  But the smile he sent her way told her so much more. Their day was over, but their life together had just begun.

  There, in a small country store in a rather small town called Sugarcreek. Just one day after Christmas, Benjamin Knox had finally discovered the true meaning of the season.

  To celebrate Jesus’s birth? Yes.

  To celebrate life, too? Definitely.

  It was the time to give thanks for all of God’s wonderful blessings that were bestowed on them all, all the year round.

  Turning around, he looked at Judith Graber. She was standing straight and tall and staring at him with such love in her eyes, it fairly took his breath away.

  “Are you ready to go home now?” she asked.

  “I am,” he replied with a smile. Thinking for the first time in his life that the word home now meant the world to him.

  Author’s Note

  Dear Reader,

  Merry Christmas!

  I hope you enjoyed Christmas in Sugarcreek. I, for one, loved returning to the setting of the Seasons of Sugarcreek books and catching up with all the characters. Ever since I finished writing Autumn’s Promise, I knew I needed to tell Judith’s story. I felt a little guilty that I’d given so many other people love and romance but had neglected poor Judith! I always thought Judith needed a man who loved her enough to make her smile. I think Ben Knox was perfect for her.

  Has your Christmas season been busy? Now that both my children are in college, I’ve been anticipating the holidays more than usual. I’ve been planning activities and dinners and gifts and vacations—sometimes even forgetting what my kids want most for Christmas: to be home. They like eating meals that they’ve had a hundred times. They like being around our dogs, watching TV on the couch, and beating their parents at Scrabble. I love hearing their voices across the room . . . and I especially love just being Mom for a while.