by Amade, Melle
“Creepy,” I murmur.
“You wanted to come here.” Zan shakes her shoulders as if to ward off something bad. She strides to a crooked rectangle of wood pressed into the embankment and knocks on it.
“Seriously?” I ask.
But one look from Roman and my voice fades. His eyes are as enormous as a full moon against the dark night. He gives a warning shake of his head. I’m about to move closer to him when an explosion of dust flies through the air and Roman disappears. I whirl around – something small and dark flies towards my face. I duck but it lands on my shoulder. My hand swipes at it and connects with something soft, wet and sticky that won’t be wiped from my shoulder. It’s adhered to my clothing!
“Urgh!” I yelp. It’s a frog - Roman, blinking up at me with big red frog eyes and his skin is the brightest green I’ve ever seen. His bulbous, gooey toes are bright orange and clinging to my shirt for dear life as he dangles in the air. I pull him up and place him securely on my shoulder.
A tornado flies through the clearing, whirling dirt, stones and sticks in every direction. Something is at the center of the whirlwind. Fur, teeth and claws tear in all directions. My feet propel me to safety, but Aiden’s shifted. He hovers above two fighting animals, a coyote and… I peer into the melee. There’s a flat face and long nose of a giant beast. It’s a badger. Aiden dives at him from the top, but it’s obvious Zan and Aiden are no match for the vicious, whirling dervish.
In an instant the badger draws blood from Aiden’s wing, rips him from the sky and throws him in the bushes. The badger catches Zan by the shoulder and flips her over his jaws snap and clamp down on her neck. I lunge forward, grab one of the posts that support the altar, and rip it out of the ground.
“Leave her alone!” I scream as the altar crumbles to the ground. Saliva drips from the badger’s grimacing mouth as its teeth press against Zan’s flesh and she shifts back into her human form. I take an ineffectual and off balance swing and stumble. The badger drops Zan’s neck like it never even mattered. I right myself as fast as I can. He lunges at me.
Roman propels himself off my shoulder, shifting mid-jump back into human form and lands between me and the badger, his hands held up as if he could stop a tidal wave with his fingers.
What’s he doing?
The badger stops. His eyes dart back and forth his teeth gnash.
But, it works!
His face shrinks as fur shortens and disappears. His body grows until there’s a shrunken little man with wiry arms and a shriveled tanned face. He’s dressed like a monk from the middle ages in a simple brown smock with a rope tied around his waist. His face is pointed at the air as he sniffs my scent. His knobby fingers reach in the pouch around his neck and pull out a collection of sticks, that he twists and turns in his fingers as he paces in a circle around me muttering to himself.
“Get her inside,” he rumbles. “Ravensgaard are about.” He turns his back to us and pushes open the door of his house.
“What was that?” I ask Roman.
“Most poisonous frog in the universe.” He winks at me as he presses me towards the door.
18
It’s dark and musty inside Zaragoza’s burrow. It’s nothing like the sweet earth tunnel to our Sanctuary. It smells like someone has lived in here a long, long time. There’s the stench of cooked onions and meat, charred smoke and… body; damp, dirty body odor. My hand flies over my nose and mouth to avoid the stench.
“Mmmmmm...” Zaragoza lifts his nose into the air and inhales deeply. “You can tell a lot by smell.” His gaze swings sideways at me, before he bows his head and begins muttering to himself again.
The room is tiny. Aiden and Roman have to hunch over. The ceiling brushes against my hair; bits of dirt dislodge and fall around my shoulders in a fine mist. Zan has no problem in the space. Her tiny frame fits in the only chair at the small table placed in front of the open fire. It’s obvious the badger isn’t interested in house guests. Except for the chair, table and open fire, there’s nowhere to sit. Odd pieces of old furniture rest unused against the walls and dark paintings hang above them.
“Zaragoza, this is Shae.” Zan introduces us as if the pummeling outside didn’t happen.
“What makes you think I won’t eat the human or turn you all in for sharing shifter secrets with one?” Zaragoza asks.
“I’ve heard my parents talk,” Zan shrugs. “You hate the Order.”
Zaragoza turns on her. “No one hates the Order…”
“You do,” Zan defies him.
“…and lives to tell about it,” he finishes.
Roman reaches in his pocket and brings out a sandwich bag with the slide of my blood.
“She’s not human, Zaragoza.” Roman’s confidence amazes me. But, I don’t know why. Whenever Roman can back up a hunch with a science experiment, he’ll state it as a fact. “But, we’re not sure what she is,” he confesses.
Zaragoza glances at the blood sample before he turns on me. His nose twitches as he looks me up and down.
“Who are your parents?” he asks me.
“I - I -” My voice waivers and I stammer under his direct gaze.
“She’s a Bradfield,” shrugs Zan.
Zaragoza shakes his head. “Mother’s maiden name?” he asks.
“Kelley.” I’m not sure what it means to him, but it seems like I just gave away some deep family secret.
Zaragoza murmurs the word ‘Kelley’ over and over again. It’s like I’m not even in the room. My spine tightens. He stares in the embers of the dying fire, his face stark and pale, then shakes his head, as if to clear it from an unwanted thought. He turns on us.
He shuffles over to me and lightning fast, grabs my left arm, yanking it forward. I nearly fall on him.
“No shifter mark,” he says.
“We’re wasting time,” I mutter.
“You’re trespassing,” Zaragoza snarls at me.
“You invited us in.” Zan’s lip curls in petulance.
“Well, I’m inviting you out.” Zaragoza opens the door. “Don’t let the Ravensgaard see you were here.”
“We need to know if she’s a shifter.” Roman reeks of earnestness. “I know she’s not human.”
“What?” Zaragoza spits. “You want the Bloedhart?”
“Yes,” Roman says.
“I wasn’t asking you,” Zaragoza says. “Do you want the Bloedhart?” He turns his beady eyes on me.
“Yes.” My voice is dim in the fog surrounding me.
“Wait,” Aiden says. “Can you tell us for sure she’s a shifter, before she does the Bloedhart?”
Zaragoza’s eyes narrow as Aiden draws his attention. “Not without her papers.”
“If you can’t tell, she can’t do it,” Aiden says.
My gaze flies to Zan. She frowns sideways at Aiden.
A gnarled laugh fills the space. “Isn’t that sweet,” Zaragoza wheezes. “The heir apparent to the Kortsrijk wants to lay down the law in my house.” He pushes a knobby hand on Aiden’s chest.
“I don’t care what you say, young eagle.” He turns his crabby face on me. “I won’t do the Bloedhart no matter what. Because, if she happens, by some weird turn of events, to be a shifter and we discover it because I do the Bloedhart, there’ll be hell to pay. You need a pedigree before I can do anything. They don’t call it ‘the Order’ for nothing. Now, get out of my house.”
Zan has the door open and is sniffing the air, before any of us can move.
“Wait,” I say. “I want -”
Zan glances sideways at Aiden. “Ravensgaard,” she whispers.
“Check the perimeter,” says Aiden.
“Leave!” thunders Zaragoza.
Roman shoves the slide with my blood into Zaragoza’s hands. “Keep this and smell it. Then you tell me she’s not a shifter.”
Aiden presses me towards the door until we are surrounded by the night.
“Pedigree!” The word tumbles from my mouth, which is already chill with
the ice rage that is forming around my head.
“They track everyone’s lineage to make sure no Passiefs are born.” Zan’s voice is clipped but calm. The cold is moving down my neck. I want to scream at her.
Breathe in the flowers. Blow out the candles.
“Stay low,” Roman looks skyward.
“Shhhh.” Zan sniffs the air. I do the same. “Mountain Lion,” she murmurs.
Breathe in the flowers. Blow out the candles.
A roar reverberates through the chill air.
“It’s not far,” Roman says. My hand shakes as I grab his.
“Take her. Get her out of here.” Aiden and Zan take defensive stances on the path, facing the trees.
“No.” I flash on Zan and Aiden in coffins. “No!” I yank my hand out of Roman’s.
The roar rips the air again. It’s like a machete slicing down my back.
“Get her out of here!” Zan yells at Roman.
“Come on.” Roman grabs my wrist. “We can’t fight him.”
“They’ll die,” I plant my feet on the muddy ground. “I won’t leave them.”
“Are you on a suicide mission?” Zaragoza’s voice is an invisible beacon. “Get in here.” I see his head protrude from a hole in the ground. “Hurry!” he insists.
We scramble towards Zaragoza.
“Raaaawwwwwrrrrrr!” The mountain lion’s roar shatters against my ear drums. A burst of livid muscle and yellow fur flies from the bramble towards us. Bright canines glisten in the moonlight.
Roman and Zan drop down the hole.
Aiden pushes me in.
I fall into the darkness with Aiden right behind me as the hatch slams shut in Vasquez’s face. We’re in the safe womb of the earth.
My legs shake. I grip my knees with my hands to steady them. I stare at the ground, clench my jaw and push myself against the earthen wall to hide my fear.
“Are you okay?” Zan touches my shoulder.
“Yeah,” I say. “Why did you save us?” I turn on Zaragoza. He wears a cloak and carries a torch like we’re on our way between castles in some medieval tunnel.
“He knows.” Zaragoza walks down the tunnel before I understand what he’s said.
“Who knows what?” I hurry after him. The others fall into group around me.
“Murtagh knows a human was at my burrow.”
“So, wouldn’t letting him kill me solve the problem?” I ask.
“No,” says Aiden. “It would destroy the evidence.”
“What?”
“If you are human and the Order knows about it we are all dead.” Zan’s calmness grates on my nerves, but I listen. “Including Zaragoza.”
“But, if you’re not human, then we’re all safe.” Roman dusts off his glasses.
My friends have put themselves in so much danger for me, just to be close to me and now, now to protect me.
“You’ll do the Bloedhart?” I ask Zaragoza.
He gives a single nod. I can’t believe it. The Bloedhart will happen. For me. My mind reels. What if I am a shifter? What if I can slip into animal form?
“I don’t like it,” says Zan. “If she’s not a shifter, she’ll die.”
“There is no choice,” Zaragoza points out. “If she’s not a shifter, we’ll all die.”
His words slam me in the guts.
Zaragoza isn’t doing this to help me, he’s doing it to save himself. And, as I look at him I realize, he doesn’t think I’m a shifter. He just wants credit for my execution.
19
My eyes ache in the dim light as we move behind Zaragoza.
“Where are we going?” I whisper to Roman.
“To the cave,” he says. “The cave of the Bloedhart.”
This is what I wanted, but, now, all I want is to slow down, rest my head against the earth and stop; stop everything. But, I can’t. I know I’m trapped in forward motion towards the initiation and there’s no way out. There’s no option
This is how it will happen.
Aiden slips next to me as we trudge through the tunnel. I wish he would comfort me. Anguish numbs my whole body. But he doesn’t even reach out to steady me when I scuff my foot and stagger.
Roman glances over his shoulder and nods at me like it’ll be all right
I want to tell him, “It’s not alright. It’s not.” But, this is what we’ve been heading towards. This is what I’ve said I wanted. Now I’m supposed to believe in happy endings, when I’ve never believed in them my whole life.
The tunnel muffles our footsteps and flattens the sound of our breaths.
It’s like when I was little and would curl up under the blankets after one of Mom’s ‘episodes’. I loved escaping her voice, the rage that flew with every drop of spit from her mouth. I would stare at her, knowing there wasn’t a single thing I could say or do to stop her volcanic anger. She had to wind down and I had to stay out of the way as best I could, stay unnoticed, and sneak away at the first opportunity. Crawl under the covers and let the soft down blankets soak up my tears deep into the night.
Eventually the tears would end and there I would lie like a broken vase, empty shards pointing up into the darkness… and it was okay. Like, all those tiny little pieces weren’t in danger of breaking anymore. The pain was gone and what was left, was me.
Small, unbreakable pieces.
Strong.
Aiden’s shoulder brushes mine in the dark. I move away from him, a yearning I can never give in to presses at my heart.
“We’re here.” He nods forward. “There’s the Bloedhart cave.”
Up ahead glows a dim blue light that draws me forward. It’s time; time to discover if I will transform or die.
The tunnel opens up into a huge cavern. I stare up at the cathedral ceiling in awe. How could the hills of Topanga hide such a cave? The earth is dark with moisture. It smells of roots and rocks. We must be fairly deep, but we are also connected to the sky. Moonlight pours in through holes in the roof. The cave is empty except for the charred, cold remnants of a fire.
“It’s beautiful,” murmurs Zan, her voice low and gentle. It catches me off guard. She’s not often impressed with anything.
“Beautiful?” I ask. I don’t get it. A few white stalactites hang down from the ceiling, water drips into small caches.
“My girl likes dirt.” Roman throws an affectionate arm around Zan.
“Back off, Kermit.” Zan slips out of his arm and moves towards the center of the cave. Aiden collects wood from a distant corner and begins to build a fire. Zaragoza sits cross-legged by the hearth, eyes closed as he murmurs what I can only guess is a prayer.
I take a step closer to Roman and slip my hand in his. It’s large, warm and comforting. “Don’t be nervous,” he whispers. An uneasy laugh starts to escape me but I catch it mid-breath and it comes out as a sort of hiccup.
A match strikes in the dark and Aiden’s face glows a warm gold. The kindling catches on fire and the cave lights up. Aiden’s gaze meets mine over the flames. My breath stops in my throat. He looks hopeful.
Zan fidgets with something, her lips moving in unison with Zaragoza’s. I can’t believe it, she’s chanting. A gentle calmness washes over her face as her energy shifts. It melds with the fire and Zaragoza’s energy. There’s a positive spirit about it that draws me in.
“Step to the fire.” Zaragoza’s ancient voice commands. I don’t consider disobeying.
Zan fans burning leaves in a brass dish, which sits on an altar. A knife lies next to it. My steps falter. I never thought to ask anyone what happens in the Bloedhart.
Aiden’s hand is in the small of my back.
"Aiden?"
"It doesn’t hurt,” he says.
"It might," I gulp back my fear.
“You need to stay focused for this.” He grabs my shoulders in both his hands, his eyes burn gold into mine. Usually his touch sears me, but now I’m trapped in a layer of fog. It doesn’t seem like anything can reach me. “It’s important.”
“I will,” I nod.
“Join the circle,” urges Roman. Aiden has already moved away from me and stands across the fire from Zaragoza, who now stares into the flames. My friends are all in a circle around the fire. There is one opening.
I move into it, between Zan and Zaragoza.
Nobody moves. Everyone stares into the fire. But, I don’t know what they are waiting for. I look around the circle, trying to calm my nerves.
Zaragoza, inclines his head. I have no idea what that means, but Zan does. She slips out of the circle and in moments she steps between me and the flames.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Her voice is husky.
“Yes,” I murmur. “Yes.” I say it loudly so they can all hear. I’ve come too far. Now it’s not just my life at stake, it’s theirs, too.
“You understand if you’re not a shifter you will die,” Zaragoza says. I give a single forward jerk of my head. “And, if it happens, as the boy says,” he nods towards Roman, “you are a shifter or something close, I make no guarantees this initiation will work for you as it does for pedigreed shifters.”
My chin falls forward again in assent.
“Let’s just get on with it,” I say.
Zaragoza chants an incantation I don’t understand. The words are alien, in a language that grates against my spine. With a flick of his wrist, herbs fly into the fire filling the air with stale smoke of a burning Christmas tree. It flares up into the cave, flames stretch ten feet high and the pungent stench of dark earth and sweet mold fills the air. It makes me light-headed.
There’s a pentagram etched in the ground, running through the fire. I take a step back, but Zan’s arm shoots out and she clenches my wrist in an iron grip, stopping my movement.
"Is this witchcraft?” I ask, cold ice flickers around my head. What are they doing? What have I gotten myself into?
“Shifter magic,” she says. “It’s the only magic there is.”
Aiden and Roman stare at me and chant with Zaragoza. I know they are trying to support me, but the gap between us has never felt greater than in this moment. Ice crystalizes around me.