Carver's Bride

by Nicola West

  Jason was sitting in his favourite armchair, close to the fire. A newspaper was spread across his knees, but he couldn't have been able to see the print for some time. He was quite motionless.

  As Linzi came in, he said without turning his head: 'I think I'll take Bracken for a last run before it gets too dark, Hugh. He's getting lazy, stuck in front of this fire all day.'

  Linzi swallowed. She. wanted to say something and couldn't think of a thing. At last she opened her mouth, but before she could speak Jason had turned to see why Hugh made no answer. And she saw him rise, slowly, his jaw sagging, his face drained of all colour but the firelight, as he stared at her.

  'Linzi!' he gasped. 'You—what are you doing here?'

  Linzi took a step forward. Her mouth was dry and her throat ached. She looked up at him with doubt in her eyes—was he pleased to see her or just plain shocked? 'I—I had to come,' she whispered. 'Jason, I ‑'

  But Jason had already begun to recover himself. That first revealing response was already masked, and his face was stony again.

  'You did?' he grated. 'And why, I wonder? To gloat— to revel in the sight of the proud Jason Carver, yearning for the one woman to refuse his favours? Well, look long and hard, Linzi Berwick, for this is the nearest you'll get to that!'

  'No!' The negation was torn from her as she gazed piteously at him. 'Jason, I never meant—I didn't come for that. I wanted to ‑'

  'To take up where you left off, perhaps,' he suggested sardonically. 'Make a fresh start, isn't that the phrase? And then you can do it all over again, can't you—lead me on and throw me down. In God's name, Linzi, why do you do it? Why do you get such pleasure from torturing me this way? What did I ever do to you, for heaven's sake?'

  'Jason, it's not like that!' For the first time Linzi saw Jason clearly as a vulnerable human being, subject to the same emotions as she was herself, capable of being deeply hurt—capable of loving, even against his own will.

  Making a tremendous effort to quell her trembling, she said: 'Jason, I've just driven down from London. I had to see you. You can turn me out afterwards if you like, tell me you never want to see me again, only please, please listen to me first. I can't go on without saying this to you.'

  'You can't go on?' he said bitterly. 'You can't go on? But I have to, don't I? Like I've had to these past five years—I have to go on.' He moved back to his chair and motioned Linzi wearily to the other. 'All right, let's get it over, whatever it is.'

  Linzi sat down facing him. Her topaz eyes were huge in her pale face, and the chestnut hair fell softly to her shoulders, glowing in the light of the flames. She caught Jason's eyes fixed broodingly on her and saw with a pang how drawn and haggard he looked,, the brilliant blue of his eyes dulled under the heavy brows, the silver dusting of his hair surely more noticeable than before. Surely all this could not have been brought about because of her? Had something else happened to bring that haunted look to his eyes?

  'Jason, I saw Richard this morning,' she began hesitantly: 'He—he said he'd been here yesterday.'

  'Oh yes, the banker.' Jason laughed harshly. 'He came here looking for you. I had to tell him none of us had the faintest idea where you were, of course—he wasn't too pleased.'

  'I was at my flat,' Linzi answered steadily. 'I'm sorry I didn't let you know. I didn't let anyone know—I wanted to be alone.'

  'Second Greta Garbo, in fact,' Jason sneered. 'Well, go on with this fascinating tale. You saw Richard. When's the next thrilling episode?'

  Linzi swallowed. 'Jason, you're not making this very easy for me.'

  'Is there any reason why I should?' he countered swiftly.

  'No. No, I suppose there isn't. It would just—help.'

  Jason said nothing, and after a moment Linzi continued. 'Richard told me—he told me something very important. Important to me, anyway. He told me that Sian was here.'

  Jason turned his head and looked at her. His face was inscrutable, but Linzi had the feeling that he had been expecting something different. 'So?' he asked, and his voice was cool.

  'Jason, I was wrong about you and Sian—I know that now. You aren't her child's father, are you?' Now that she'd started, the words tumbled out. You never did seduce her—it was Selwyn, wasn't it? When he was here last year, before he went to America.'

  'I don't really see why this should be important to you ‑'• Jason began, but Linzi cut in.

  'But it is! Because I thought—well, I thought that you'd been playing with her and then tried to dodge out of it. By implying that she'd been sleeping around anyway, and the baby could be anyone's. I thought it was a filthy thing to do,' she finished in a low tone.

  Jason was staring at her, his brows drawn together, almost hiding the hard eyes underneath.

  'Yes,' he said slowly, 'you're right. It was a filthy thing to do. But I didn't do it.'

  'No, I know that now. And that's why I came—to apologise. I'm sorry I accused you of that, Jason. I'm sorry I ever thought it might be true.' Linzi's last words were spoken in a low, humble voice. She looked down at her hands; then looked up again to meet Jason's inimical glance.

  'I'm sorry, too, Linzi,' he said, and his voice was harsh and grating. 'But the fact remains that you did think it. And no amount of apologising is going to alter that.'

  'Jason, you knew I was thinking it, you could have told me the truth——'

  'Yes, I could! But what difference would that have made? You thought it, Linzi—you thought I was capable of that kind of behaviour. My God!' He came to his feet and began to pace the room with a restlessness that betrayed the agitation inside him. 'You've known me all your life, we've lived as brother and sister, you ought to know me better than anyone else—and yet you could think that of me. What hope is there for any sort of relationship without trust?' He turned tormented eyes on her. 'It would have been better if you'd gone then. Better if you'd never come back. Now you've woken up all the feelings I'd thought had gone. You've started the torture all over again.'

  Linzi gazed at him. Jason experiencing the reawakening of forgotten feelings? Jason, tortured by a love and longing that could never be fulfilled? With sudden hope, she half rose towards him—but his next words took her back to her chair, her heart sinking.

  'I should have known there would be a snag,' he went on morosely. 'I've been telling myself all this week it's better to bring an end to it all now. I've just got to forget you and the—the feelings you rouse in me. And I thought I was succeeding—until you walked in the door a few minutes ago.' He turned a ravaged face to her. 'Linzi, what are you? Some kind of she-devil Why can't you leave me alone?'

  'Why can't / leave you alone?' she gasped. 'Jason, you brought me here—you've kept track of me all these years!

  I didn't even know where you were—I was making plans to marry Richard.' Overwhelmed, she buried her face in her hands. 'Why couldn't you have let things be? Now nothing's the same—I just don't know what's going to happen next. I don't know where to go, or what to do, and it's all your fault!'

  'Oh, you've got nothing to worry about,' Jason retorted, his voice heavy with irony. 'You'll go back to your nice, safe banker and you'll live a nice, safe life, happy ever after. God knows what you'll do to each other, but it'll all be so dull you probably won't notice, so it won't matter anyway. And in fifteen, twenty years' time you'll be a comfortable matron, about three sizes larger than you are now, running the local whist drives and flower shows, going to school prize-givings to applaud your clever sons, entertaining your husband's business associates to smart little dinners, and you won't even remember all this. Except perhaps sometimes ‑' He suddenly strode over and gripped Linzi's arms, almost lifting her from her seat and letting his blazing eyes scorch her face as he spoke '—sometimes, when you'll look at some heather or some gorse, or maybe see a piece of sculpture, and then you'll think of the weeks you spent at Bron Melyn. I wonder if it will mean anything to you. Or will you just smile nostalgically and think what fun it all was?'


  He finished with bitter sarcasm and threw her from him, so that she staggered and fell back into her chair. The tears streamed down her face as she gazed up at him. The picture he had painted was so horrifyingly real—so nearly the life she had seen for herself—and she wondered how she could ever have looked forward to such an existence. And then she realised that Jason didn't know—she hadn't told him that she'd broken off her engagement.

  'But I won't be!' she cried. 'I won't be married to Richard—I broke it off this morning.' She got up and moved quickly towards him. 'I'm free, Jason—and none of that is going to happen!'

  He made a quick, involuntary movement towards her, then withdrew. His eyes were hooded as he gave her a brief glance. Then he turned away, moving over towards the window.

  'And do you really imagine that makes any difference?' he demanded harshly. 'My congratulations to Richard, of course—but surely you didn't come all this way just to tell me that'.'

  'No, I didn't.' Linzi's voice was dull and she turned back to the fire, suddenly icy cold. 'I came to apologise. I've done that—so now I'd better go.'

  Jason nodded. 'You're driving back tonight?'

  'I suppose so. Jason ‑'

  'Take care, then,' he pursued, evidently determined to keep her at a distance.

  'Yes, I will.' Linzi stood irresolute for a moment, then made up her mind. After all, she'd come knowing that this might be the result—but she still had nothing to lose if she made a final effort. And too much—everything—to lose if she didn't. She felt her love for Jason tingle through her body as she looked at him. He had his back to her again as he stared broodingly out of the window into the darkness; he looked huge, framed in the heavy curtains, but there was a set to his broad shoulders that she'd never seen before—almost a stoop, a sag of hopelessness. She had to try—for both their sakes, she had to try.

  With a quick movement she was across the room, her arms around his waist, her head pressed against his back. She hugged him to her, her flesh warming to the contact, willing him to respond.

  'Jason,' she said breathlessly, 'I can't leave like this. I love you, don't you understand? I think I always have. . . . You said the last time I was here that you wanted me and I wanted you, and you were right. Jason, I'm not asking for any promises. I'm not asking for anything—only one thing.' She pressed herself hard against him. 'Love me before I go, Jason—please! Love me just this once, so that we both have something to remember.'

  Jason remained quite still. It was like hugging a rock. Then, slowly, he turned, and Linzi's blood leapt as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked gravely -down into her eyes.

  'You—you realise what you're saying?' His voice was a husky whisper and she could feel the thudding of his heart through the fabric of his sweater.

  'I want you to love me,' Linzi answered steadily. She let her hands move against his back, sensuously outlining the firm muscles, the hard shoulder-blades. 'Jason, I've wanted you so much—I can't go away without—without ‑' Her voice broke as she gripped him to her, and she buried her face against his chest. Don't push me away now, she prayed, I couldn't bear it. Please, Jason, please. ...

  His sudden grip on her was convulsive as he gathered her against him, crushing her against his massive chest. Linzi felt one hand come up her back to spread its fingers in her hair, tangling it, lifting it away from her head as his lips sought hers blindly, dragging across her face from forehead to chin before finding her mouth. She let her own hands slide up towards his neck, caressing the nape, playing with his dark hair, and pressed his head closer to her own, her lips meeting and responding to his in a sudden rush of desperate longing. Her body moulded itself against his, the softness of her breasts crushed against him, . the flatness of her stomach taut against his own. The hardness of his thighs moved against her and she gave a stifled gasp as fire spread through her body, tingling through her limbs and up her spine, weakening her legs so that she had to cling to him for support, and she knew by his muffled groan that the same flame had enveloped him too.

  'Linzi!' he bit out, and with one movement he had swung her off her feet and was carrying her across the room to the couch which had been drawn up close to the fire. Gently he lowered her on to it, and she lay there looking up at him, her eyes dark in the fireglow, her tawny hair spread out on the soft, inviting cushions. Jason watched her in silence. He seemed to be struggling with himself and Linzi wanted to cry out to him, to beg him to waste no more time but to take her now, now before anything else could come between them. He was breathing quickly, his muscles tense against the tightened cloth of his jeans, and she reached up, letting her fingers trace a line up his thighs, watching as his face suddenly contorted with desire and he flung himself down beside her, his hands moving over her with an urgency that matched her own. With trembling fingers she felt for his waistband, sliding her palms up the warm skin under his sweater, feeling the roughness of the hairs against her soft hands. And felt his own hands, hard from the work he did, slip under her own sweater, pulling it over her head and fumbling for the catch of her bra so that he could pull it aside and expose the white perfection of her breasts, their nipples rosy and taut in the soft lambency of the firelight.

  He caught his breath as he stared down at her; then with a swift movement he dragged his own sweater over his head, and snaked his body over hers. Gently, gently, he lowered himself against her so that the tightened nipples brushed against his hairy chest. He shifted himself down, then lowered his face to her breast and began to kiss her, encircling each breast with a ring of lingering kisses, letting his tongue tease the nipples into a stinging, throbbing ecstasy. Little fingers of fire began to radiate throughout Linzi's body, almost intolerable in their burning sweetness, and she stretched herself beneath him, her arms above her head, her face turning from side to side as she whimpered out her longing. Almost unable to bear his caresses any more, she reached down and dragged Jason's head up to her own, capturing his tormenting mouth and devouring his lips with hers.

  'My God!' he muttered at last. 'Linzi, do you really mean to tell me there's never been another man?'

  'Never,' she whispered, taunting him with her eyes. 'There's never been another man I've wanted, Jason . . . only you. . . .' And she lifted her head to touch his lips with her own, sinking back as his mouth took triumphant command and his arms enfolded her once more closely, against him.

  'You realise there's no going back now?' he breathed moments later as his fingers found the zip of her trousers. 'It's too late to say no, Linzi.... I've waited too long.' He slid the material down her thighs, slowly and sensuously, caressing the rounded curves as he did so. 'Whatever happens after this, you'll be mine—you realise that, don't you?'

  'It's what I want,' she assured him, and arched her body in obvious invitation, a gesture he couldn't mistake. She heard his sharp intake of breath and her senses sang as he muttered something and drew away momentarily to wrench off his own clothes. And then, as he slid his body over hers and she reached up for him in final capitulation, they heard voices outside the room. Hugh's voice, and that of someone else. A woman. And as her horrified eyes met Jason's, Linzi knew with sickening certainty who it must be.

  'Quick!' He thrust her clothes at her and reached for his own, dragging on jeans and sweater before returning to help her. Linzi remained on the sofa, too shaken to move, and ran quivering fingers through her dishevelled hair. She felt disheartened and angry. Was every opportunity of coming closer to Jason to be thwarted? Were they never to be able to enjoy their intimacy without being interrupted—and interrupted, moreover, by the one person in the world whom Linzi least wanted to see; Ceri, the girl Jason had been involved with, the girl who was determined to win him for herself.

  They were scarcely composed, Jason in his chair and Linzi on the couch, each still breathing quickly and flushed with emotion, when Hugh knocked on the door. Dear Hugh, Linzi thought affectionately—at least he'd given them some time to recover themselves. She glanced at Jason with
appreciation, and their eyes met as the door opened and Ceri came in.

  The Welsh girl entered hurriedly, as if afraid that events were passing out of her control. Eyes flashing, she looked from one to the other, and Linzi knew that nothing was missed by that bright, sharp gaze. Involuntarily, she raised a hand to her tumbled hair and knew at once that it had been a mistake. Ceri's eyes were derisive and gleaming with spite as she watched the movement.

  'So you're back!' she hissed, and Linzi saw Jason's eyes widen at the tone. 'I suppose you think you can just walk in and expect a welcome -take up right where you left off!' She whipped round to face Jason, 'I hope you've told her just where she gets off, Jason, because if you haven't I'll do it for you. It will be a real pleasure!'

  'Jason hasn't——' Linzi began, but the venom in the other girl's voice silenced her.

  'He hasn't? Perhaps he's too polite—too much of a gentleman. But I don't have to be so particular!' Ceri's red velvet skirt swirled as she swayed across the room to look down at Linzi, and her face was distorted with hate. 'You've been a thorn in my side ever since you arrived, Linzi Berwick, with your model figure and your smart American clothes. I told Jason he was making a mistake having you here, but you know what men are—he would have his own way. So what could I do? I just had to be patient—though I tried to warn you off a couple of times, only you were too stupid and too stubborn to see it!'

  Linzi looked away from the hatred in her eyes. She saw Jason rise from his chair, looming over Ceri. But the Welsh girl had gone too far now to take notice of him; beside herself, she pointed a shaking finger at Linzi and ranted on.

  'I thought we'd put paid to your games last week! When Jason told me you'd gone and he didn't know why, I was sure we'd succeeded—we knew why, Selwyn and I, and we were pretty sure you wouldn't be coming back. And even more sure when your fiancé arrived last night. So what happened? Why did you come back? What are you doing here now?'