Bedlam

by Christopher Brookmyre

  He felt the impact less powerfully than he’d anticipated, the Ferrari’s momentum making it more of a fending-off than a full-on collision. When he looked again, he saw that their car was damaged but still performing. It wasn’t going to survive too many more roadblocks, however, and it wasn’t just the cops they had to worry about now. There were catching up to ludicrously pimped-out dude-wagons that hadn’t been on the road only seconds before, and as the Ferrari pulled alongside to overtake, machine-guns emerged from electric windows and opened fire.

  Ross heard a rapid syncopated clang of metal as bullets ripped into their flanks, while in the rear-view mirror he could see an Integrity cruiser leading a chasing pack of cop-cars.

  ‘Take the wheel,’ Juno ordered him, grabbing his hand.

  ‘What?’

  ‘We need to swap places.’

  ‘Why? Is the situation just not quite dangerous enough?’ he asked as another hail of gunfire rattled their bodywork.

  ‘I need to figure out what’s going on. I can’t work my HUD and watch where I’m going at the same time.’

  ‘And I can’t see where I’m going with you in my face,’ he replied, struggling to keep the road in his sights while she clambered in front of the windscreen.

  ‘We’re losing speed,’ she warned him as he bumped down into the empty driver’s seat.

  The car bucked when he pressed his foot on the accelerator, the engine proving far more responsive than he had imagined.

  ‘Would this be a bad time to mention that I don’t actually drive?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah, you’d be in deep shit if the cops pulled you over.’

  Ross swerved between lanes and checked the rear-view repeatedly, ever wary of seeing a black streak like the one that had done for Melita. They were coming up on two more mobile monuments to masculine vulgarity. If he overtook, they’d suffer another twin volley of bullets, but if he didn’t, the Integrity cruiser and its outriding cavalcade of cops would catch up.

  ‘Get off this,’ Juno told him, pointing to an exit slip. Beyond it the motorway climbed to cross a river so pretty that it looked like nobody had entered it without showering first, including the fish. The surface was shimmering but opaque, so despite appearances it could still be full of condoms and shopping trolleys, but he doubted it.

  Ross slewed the car across three lanes and on to the curving ramp way too fast. The Ferrari scraped against the concrete barrier, coming very close to flipping side-on over the thing. He remembered that he had given up playing driving games when the physics became increasingly realistic, the sensation of spinning out as he took a bend too fast depressingly familiar.

  ‘Slow down on the turns,’ Juno warned him angrily. ‘You tip this thing and we’re boned.’

  The car descended from the motorway towards a district typical of Pulchritupolis: immaculately maintained garden and park land punctuated with super-sized pseudo-classical buildings, roads intersecting at junctions and sometimes criss-crossing via bridges and tunnels. From every direction Ross could already see cop cars converging. He wanted to check the Ferrari hadn’t morphed into a white Ford Bronco. It was like playing Vice City with a five-star wanted level, except he had to drive as though it was an ultra-realistic racing sim.

  ‘Where am I headed?’ he asked.

  ‘Just keep us moving. I’m working on it.’

  Juno’s gaze was focused a few inches in front of her face on whatever was being overlaid on her vision.

  ‘What are you looking at?’ Ross asked.

  ‘Melita transferred her privileges to me just before they took her. It was a last-ditch emergency procedure to prevent the Integrity from seizing complete control of Pulchritupolis. The process is already underway though – that’s how they’ve re-deployed all the old NPCs.’

  ‘Can you switch them out again?’

  ‘No, wherever they’ve made a change they’ve locked the sea-bars.’

  It was as she said this that Ross realised two things about these mysterious ‘sea-bars’ the Originals had ‘opened up’. One was that they had nothing to do with the sea, and the other was that they weren’t any kind of bar either.

  ‘C-vars,’ he said. ‘They opened up the c-vars. Client-side variables: that’s what you’ve got the privileges to change. Can you still access some of them?’

  ‘Yeah. Technically I’m supposed to seek democratic approval, but as the Integrity didn’t stand on protocol, I’m not going to put it out to vote. What do you suggest?’

  ‘Alter the physics. Make the car handling more like it’s an old-school driving game.’

  ‘Okay, they’re coming up now; not sure what this shit means, though. How about: cornerslikeadream?’

  ‘Equals TRUE,’ Ross replied.

  ‘stopsonadime?’

  ‘Equals TRUE.’

  ‘bulletsbounceoffme?’

  ‘Definitely equals TRUE.’

  ‘Won’t this apply to the other cars too?’ Juno asked.

  ‘The Integrity, but not the NPCs. At least it’ll give us a fighting chance.’

  As Ross spoke, two police cars were coming towards him head-on, blocking both lanes of the two-way road, while two more were approaching from the rear with an Integrity cruiser tucked in behind them. He waited until collision seemed inevitable, then executed a hand-brake turn learned on the very forgiving streets of Liberty City, heading hard right across a verdant expanse as the four cop cars smashed into each other at his rear. With the Integrity car negotiating its way around the pile-up, Ross gunned it across the grass, on to a pedestrianised concourse and then smashed through the glass frontage of a Greek-themed shopping mall as shoppers dived into doorways to escape.

  In the rear-view mirror he could see the Integrity cruiser still doggedly hanging on in pursuit. It unleashed a missile as Ross reached the end of the corridor, the rocket zipping just overhead as he drove the Ferrari down the side of an escalator towards a lower level of the mall. It detonated against a sculpture suspended from a Panopticon ceiling, the fireball licking against the Ferrari but causing it no damage.

  ‘I guess fire bounces off me too,’ Ross observed gratefully, accelerating towards another glass wall at the end of the passage.

  ‘They can’t destroy us,’ Juno said, ‘but we need to shake them off before we find a warp transit. Any they see us using are as good as lost.’

  ‘But even if we lose them, am I not just going to relay the transit’s location to my Integrity masters anyway?’

  ‘Oh, you in a snit with me now, is that it? I was the one sticking up for you back there.’

  ‘Yeah, I noticed. Why was that, exactly? You’ve got no greater reason to trust me than Spudgunner.’

  ‘Because just like we can’t afford to assume you’re legit, we can even less afford to assume you’re a spy. We start thinking that way, then we’re already defeated.’

  The Ferrari smashed through the massive pane and sped up a steep grass embankment, Ross having to execute another sharp turn at the top as they found themselves heading straight for the river. He proceeded along what was supposed to be a water-side walkway, benches and lifebuoys passing in a blur on the landside to his right. Behind him he could see his Integrity pursuer reaching the top of the incline, and about a quarter of a mile ahead two more cop cars and another Integrity cruiser were rounding a huge Japanese-style pagoda on their way down towards the river.

  ‘Any other c-vars you can amend?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m looking. Okay, got one. Superflyguy.’

  ‘TRUE TRUE TRUE.’

  ‘Damn it: it’s locked out. Hang on while I scroll down …’

  ‘Make it quick.’

  ‘Damn, that’s locked too. Let me see what isn’t … Here we go. Shit, I don’t know what these mean. Makesomenoise, Livingincolour, Apocalypticrenegade, Spywholovedme.’

  ‘Spywholovedme,’ Ross shouted. ‘Equals TRUE, now.’

  ‘Done. Okay, what did that change?’

  ‘Our escape options.’<
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  Ross glanced up the slope to his right. The approaching cars had abandoned the road and were taking the most direct route to cut him off.

  ‘Grab on to something,’ he said. ‘For this to work, it has to look like a disaster.’

  ‘Then at least we got the right guy driving.’

  He swerved the car right, angling it up the slope as though trying to evade the interception. He waited for the cop cars to make their own corresponding corrections, then reversed his course and floored it. The car rotated out of control, turning end on end as it skidded unstoppably across the concrete walkway and flew over the edge.

  It spun sideways into the river with a colossal splash then sank slowly beneath the opaque waters.

  ‘You asshole. What the hell did you just do?’ Juno demanded, furious. ‘Water crashes are a fatality. We’ll be respawning right into the Integrity’s hands in about ten seconds.’

  ‘Not today,’ Ross told her, waiting for the car to level out.

  He gently nudged the accelerator and the Ferrari began gliding silently through the water, its progress masked off to those on the riverbank.

  Juno gazed out through the windscreen and nodded to herself.

  ‘My apologies for the asshole remark,’ she said. ‘Spywholovedme. I get it now.’

  She gave his shoulder a punch.

  ‘Damn, Bedlam, you got some game.’

  ‘Nobody does it better.’

  A Place You’ve Never Been

  The warp felt like a long one, but at both his point of exit and place of rematerialisation he was standing on soft grass. They had driven ashore on to a narrow strip of sand and abandoned the Ferrari there, Juno leading him off the beach to a transit hidden around the back of an ice-cream stand.

  The land was gently undulating, and rather than being hemmed in by a body of water and a network of roadways, Ross was looking out upon a seemingly endless pastoral landscape, blue skies and sunshine overhead. Upon closer examination, he observed that he had never seen such fine grass: it was luxuriantly lush and microscopically short, like the glass greens at Augusta for the US Masters, but stretching for miles.

  Juno stared into space, her focus somewhere else for a moment. A wave shimmered down her from head to toe, wiping away the sci-fi garb and replacing it with a new but equally terrifying new variant of female battle dress.

  Ross donned a medieval tabard, leaving his feet bare to enjoy the feel of the grass beneath them. There were suit-of-armour options but none that wouldn’t make him feel like he was kidding himself next to the authentically warlike sight of Juno.

  ‘Where are we?’ he asked.

  ‘Some kind of real-time strategy game,’ she answered. ‘Medieval 2: Total War, I think it was called. It doesn’t have a place name, because nobody lives here. It’s too stark, and a little glitched if memory serves.’

  ‘What are we doing here?’

  ‘Lying low, taking five.’

  ‘I’m fed up with running and hiding,’ Ross told her. ‘It’s all I’ve done since I got here. I want to speak to one of these Originals. Maybe they can shed some light on why both Solderburn and Ankou were so interested in me.’

  ‘That’s above my pay-grade. I’d need a green light from up the chain.’

  ‘So take me to Silent Hill.’

  Juno frowned.

  ‘Skullhammer must have relayed his concerns. I’ve been told to stay in a holding pattern,’ she admitted.

  ‘He’s a real people person, isn’t he?’

  ‘He’s a team player,’ she replied, with what sounded like grudging conviction. ‘I give him that much. These days that counts for a lot. We can’t afford to take chances. It’s nothing personal.’

  ‘Oh, in his case I think it’s probably a wee bit personal; or at least personal as an ancillary bonus. What’s so bloody special about the Originals anyway? How come they’ve got all these powers?’

  ‘Nobody knows,’ Juno said. ‘All I can tell you is that the earliest arrivals had abilities that the vast majority who came after didn’t share. They were able to change things, like the c-vars.’

  ‘No, they let you guys change the client-side variables, which mostly deal with cosmetic stuff. That means they must be able to change server-side variables too. I guess that’s what makes them a threat to the Integrity.’

  ‘Well, duh,’ said Juno. ‘That’s why we Diasporadoes are doing everything we can to protect them. For every border the Integrity close, every transit they shut down, the Originals can open up a new one. But if they wipe out all the Originals, or imprison them in that fortress world of theirs, then that’s the ball game.’

  Ross realised she’d given something away earlier in the conversation.

  ‘You said you’d need a green light. That means you know where they are. Why don’t you just tell me?’

  ‘Because it isn’t my call. The stakes are real high, and if you keep asking to be taken to the Originals, that’s not gonna make me less suspicious of your motives.’

  ‘My motives are the same as yours. I want to know how I got here and I want to know how to get out. My girlfriend is pregnant and the last time I spoke to her we didn’t part on the best of terms. Juno, you’ve walked every inch and pixel of this place searching for the same things as me, so how about we try helping each other?’

  She sighed, looking torn.

  ‘Even if I told you where any of the Originals are, it wouldn’t make any difference. They can only be found if they want to be found.’

  Ross turned away, throwing up his hands in frustration.

  ‘Same as anybody else here,’ Juno went on, ‘they can hide in plain sight. You could be standing right in front of Lady Arrowsmith or the Sandman or any of them and they wouldn’t reveal themselves unless …’

  Ross spun on his bare heel again, something inside him all lit up.

  ‘The Sandman,’ he repeated, wheels starting to turn. ‘Alex.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘He worked alongside me and Solderburn. His name was Alexander: Sandman was his nickname, from Sandy. We all worked at a company called Neurosphere, in Stirling. Solderburn was developing this amazing prototype brain scanner, the Simulacron. Alex went absent from work right after having a test scan, and being scanned was the last thing that happened to me in the old world.’

  ‘Melita was in hospital in Scotland after a car crash,’ Juno said, her voice low as though afraid of being overheard. ‘She must have had a scan too. That don’t explain how I got here, but it is something.’

  ‘Everyone suspects there’s a secret the Originals know that they’re not telling people. Whatever that is, it’s got to be linked to Neurosphere. If it was Solderburn’s device that brought us all here, then maybe he did find a way out.’

  Juno looked buffeted, as though her thoughts were racing but she didn’t dare believe what they were suggesting.

  ‘You’ve got to take me to the Sandman,’ Ross pleaded. ‘You wouldn’t be risking anything: in fact it would be the proof you’re looking for, because he’s only going to break cover and reveal himself to me if I’m telling the truth.’

  Juno thought about it for a moment, but the jury wasn’t out long.

  ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Sounds like I got nothing to lose.’

  ‘The transit we need is in the courtyard of that castle,’ Juno said, having led Ross to the crest of a long slope.

  ‘What castle?’

  He stared across the rolling green plains. He could make out a grey shape close to the horizon, and summoned up his sniper scope to get a closer look. Magnified six times, he could now see that it was not merely a castle but a fortress: formidable walls of vast hewn stones encircling a network of medieval military buildings. The fortifications were being put to the test too: there was an invading army on its doorstep, attacking the place with trebuchets, siege towers, catapults and battering rams. The defenders were giving as good as they got, hailing arrows, cauldrons of boiling oil and coils of Greek fire down upon the
enemy.

  ‘Oh, right,’ Ross said. ‘That castle. And do we hope they’re all too busy murdering each other to notice us sneaking in the back door, or do we throw our lot in with the invaders and hope for the best?’

  ‘No, actually both armies will attack us on sight, so we’re going to have to take on everybody.’

  Juno seemed incongruously relaxed about this prospect. Ross couldn’t work out what he was missing, then reckoned he had found a clue in the sheer distance they were from where the castle stood.

  ‘You’re guessing there’ll be hardly anybody left standing by the time we get there. I hope you’re right. By the time we’ve walked that far we’ll be knackered.’

  ‘It’s not that far.’

  ‘It’s bloody miles. It’s a blob on the horizon.’

  ‘True, but it’s not far away.’

  Her emphasis rang a bell but he couldn’t quite place it in this context.

  Then, as they neared the castle – far sooner than he could have anticipated – he understood. The besieging army of NPCs took note of their approach and reacted in alarm, turning their weaponry to face Juno and Ross, while behind the huge stone walls, efforts were redoubled to repel the new threat. The response was understandable: there were two giants striding towards them across the plain.

  ‘It’s a scale mismatch,’ Juno explained. ‘This is a real-time strategy game. Most of them are okay but this one has got a glitch so that if you enter it via that particular warp portal, it’s like you get stuck in a zoomed-out view.’

  He stole a glance up and down at her as she glided across the miniature landscape, the neatness of her shape only emphasised by this strange new perspective.

  The siege engines came up to his waist, the tallest of the soldiers ankle-height. There were thousands of the wee buggers though, so he couldn’t just wade through them like they weren’t there. They had to be dealt with, and Juno showed that she was taking no chances by producing a plasma rifle he recognised from Doom 3. The blue pulses evaporated dozens of enemies at a time, and the splash damage sent just as many careening through the air like a human corona to each blast.