MEN, MUSCLE, and MAYHEM

by Milton Stern

  Dan and Bobby would usually work out mid-day when the gym was the least busy, but this became a hassle as the business of running a business takes more time than people realize, so they decided to try working out at 4:00 am before they opened. This lasted only a couple of days because getting up at 3:00 am was nearly impossible, too. That was when Dan suggested they follow Miles’s lead and work out after hours. This would work since they hired Bobby’s nephew to open for them during the week, and they could come in around 7:00 am. Bobby’s nephew was competent but not worth the trouble of describing since he spent most of his time at work surfing the net and texting his girlfriend. He was just there to occupy space until Dan and Bobby came in. Miles left the place in such order that there was nothing to do in the mornings, and Bobby told Miles that he knew his nephew was useless, but he needed him for those two hours, so he and Dan could get some rest. Miles never complained. And, Dan and Bobby would keep the place in order while they worked and tended to the business as well.

  Around 10:30 pm, Dan and Bobby showed up on the first night they decided to try their new workout schedule. The gym was closed, and the blinds were drawn indicating it was closed, but they could see Miles’s shadow as he worked out inside. They told Miles they would be coming in to work out, so that he wouldn’t be startled when the door opened.

  Dan and Bobby walked in just as Miles lay down on a bench to perform dumbbell presses with 110-pound weights. They both stopped in their tracks at the sight before them. Wearing nothing but a pair of black 2xist briefs that did little to hide his candy and a pair of New Balance cross trainers, he was pushing the weights up, and his chest was glistening and pumped.

  He finished his set and sat up on the bench. “Hey, when you didn’t show up at closing, I decided to get comfortable. I’ll go get my shorts,” Miles said as he greeted them.

  “Don’t …,” Dan almost shouted.

  “… worry about us,” Bobby interrupted. “Stay comfortable.”

  “Are you sure?” Miles asked as he stood up, revealing his body to them for the first time.

  “I didn’t realize how hot it gets in here with the AC off. Why didn’t you reprogram it to stay on for an hour after closing?” Bobby asked.

  “I didn’t think I had the authority,” Miles the ever-dutiful employee responded. “Besides, I prefer it warm when I work out.”

  Dan and Bobby walked toward the locker room to put away their gym bags, and Miles dropped to the floor to do a set of push-ups. They each glanced at his perfect, big and muscular butt as it went up and down.

  In the locker room, Dan took off his shirt as Bobby did the same. “Should we strip down as well?” Dan whispered.

  “I might pop wood,” Bobby said with a smile. “But, what the hell?!?”

  They each stripped down, Dan to a pair of white Calvin Klein briefs, and Bobby to a pair of black trunk briefs of the same brand. They exited the locker room and joined Miles in the gym. Miles went about his chest work out as if everything was normal, and Dan and Bobby did the same while they worked legs.

  Occasionally, they would smile at each other, but Miles was very serious about his workouts, as were Dan and Bobby, and after the initial excitement of being half naked with the college senior wore off, all were grunting and sweating their asses off.

  Miles was attempting to do a set of incline dumbbell presses with 100-pound weights, but was struggling to lift them into position to begin his set. Dan noticed this and offered to help him.

  “Thanks, maybe I should begin with these. I can never lift them up this far into my workout,” Miles said as Dan walked over. Bobby followed.

  “Lie back; Bobby and I’ll hand them to you.”

  “I’ll give you a spot, once you get started,” Bobby added.

  Miles lay back, and Dan and Bobby on either side of him lifted up the dumbbells and waited until Miles was holding them firmly. Bobby then positioned himself behind Miles to spot him. He managed five reps before he needed assistance, and Bobby helped him with two more.

  Once he was done with the set, Miles thanked them, but Bobby remained crouched behind the bench. Dan looked at him, and Bobby motioned downward with his eyes, for he was sporting a hard-on that could not be hidden.

  “Let us know when you are ready for another set,” Dan said and winked at Bobby.

  Miles lay down on the bench again, and was ready in thirty seconds. The kid really did an intense workout.

  They helped him get a grip on the dumbbells again, and Bobby hoped Miles didn’t see the bulge in his trunk briefs.

  Miles did this set and another, and at that point, Bobby’s underwear was soaked with precum. He quickly went to the locker room to fetch another pair he hoped he remembered to put in his gym bag. There was a pair, and by the time he had removed the soaked pair and wiped off his dick, he was no longer as hard, but still a little firm. He changed into a matching pair of black trunk briefs, which was a relief, for he would have to explain the change in wardrobe.

  He exited the locker room and the sight he saw was about to ruin another pair of underwear. Dan was doing a set of squats, and Miles was spotting him from behind. Bobby stood there awestruck at the sight before him, and his dick was now out of control, hard as a rock and leaking like a faucet. When Dan struggled for a few more reps, Miles leaned in closely to help. Two reps later, the set was done.

  Miles stepped back, and Dan stepped away from the rack, and he was now sporting a rager equal to Bobby’s. He looked over at Bobby, who looked over at Miles, who looked at both of them and smiled.

  “I get hard when I work out, too,” Miles said. And when they looked down, they noticed his underwear was beginning to stretch quite a bit. He then dropped down and did another set of push-ups, while Dan and Bobby watched.

  Dan looked at Bobby and shrugged, and Bobby shrugged back. Miles then finished his set and declared his workout was done, and he was going to take a shower. Meanwhile, the bulge in his briefs was bigger than before and the head of his dick was sticking out of the waistband. Miles walked past Bobby and into the locker room. Within seconds, the sound of a shower being turned on was heard, and Bobby turned to follow him.

  “Are we done working out?” Dan asked as he followed Bobby.

  Bobby never answered. He stepped out of his newly precummed briefs and into the shower room where Miles was using the middle-most showerhead. Dan followed suit. Bobby chose the shower to the right of Miles and Dan decided to occupy the one on the left. They watched as Miles soaped himself up and were mesmerized by his pumped, heavily muscled and lathered body and his enormous circumcised cock that stood out and up. Dan and Bobby’s not quite as big, but big enough dicks were just as hard.

  Dan soaped himself up waiting for Bobby to take the lead if anything were going to happen. And, take the lead Bobby did. He lathered up his hand, reached down, and began stroking Miles’s dick, and he was met with no resistance. Dan then leaned in and kissed Bobby full on the mouth, and their tongues wrestled as Miles reached down and stroked both their cocks. Within seconds, Bobby was ready to pop, so he grabbed Miles’s hand to stop the momentum, but Miles proved to be quite strong. That strength was all it took, and Bobby was shouting and shooting a load all over Miles’s hand and leg.

  Not even a second after that, Dan added to the spunk on Miles and shouted his pleasure as well. The hands of a physical therapist were obviously magic. Dan planted his mouth back on Miles and Bobby continued to stroke the enormous cock until it shot a load all over the shower wall – a load so impressive that Dan and Bobby almost applauded.

  Once he caught his breath, Miles declared, “I’ve never touched a man before. I have wanted to do that with you guys since the day you hired me.”

  “You never touched a man?” Bobby asked with surprise.

  “Where did you learn to stroke like that?” Dan asked.

  “I guess from playing with myself,” Miles said as he resumed soaping himself up.

  Bobby stopped him, and Dan joined Bobby as
they lathered up Miles, taking turns kissing him and stroking him until he shot another load – this time on the shower floor.

  # # # # #

  Dan and Bobby soon found a 19th Century home that suited them perfectly and settle in nicely. Miles graduated from college and landed a job at a local hospital as a physical therapist.

  Does Miles still work at the gym part-time? You bet he does, and he still works out in his underwear after closing every night along with Dan and Bobby. But now, they sometimes shower at the gym or the three of them go home afterward to shower, where they live in a polyamorous relationship that has ‘worked out’ quite well.

  Teammates for life!

  KOSHER MAN GETS PORKED

  Mordecai arrived home, flying in through the window (how no one ever saw him arrive home that way every night was mystery) after a long night, mainly dealing with gang-related violence. Somehow, the AN66 gang found its way to Greenberg, and they were wreaking havoc on the citizens of this fine metropolis. Our hero was both exhausted and exhilarated as his moonlighting activities usually had that effect on him.

  He stripped off his tights and walked into the bathroom. As he turned on the shower and tested the water temperature, he looked down just as his kosher cock started to rise. He stepped into the shower, and no sooner had he reached for the soap, when his member was at its full twelve-by-seven attention. Mordecai wrapped a soapy hand around the huge appendage and with just a few strokes shot a load that reached up to his chin. The shower rinsed it away before he could scoop it up for a taste. As usual, it had been months since he had sex, and with each passing day, it took less and less time to come as he was hornier than a Bonobo monkey.

  Mordecai climbed into bed and looked at the clock – 3:00 am – meaning he would barely get four hours sleep before heading to work at the museum. He dozed quickly.

  “Help!” someone screamed from a good distance away. “Help!” he screamed again.

  Mordecai sat up.

  “Help!” the man screamed again.

  He strained to determine the direction of the scream. When he did, he jumped out of bed and, in a flash, transformed into Kosher Man. He jumped through the window, and the sound of breaking glass reminded him that once again he forgot to open it.

  “Now, I know somebody had to have heard that,” he said out loud as he flew in the direction of the man’s screams. “And, my landlord must be suspicious about all the broken windows.”

  He located the man in distress; he was standing in the middle of a dark alley.

  “Why are they always standing in a dark alley? Wouldn’t it be smarter to go out to the street and call the police, so I can get some sleep?”

  Mordecai landed in a flourish, and his cape temporarily covered his head before he grabbed it and straightened it out.

  “Are you OK?”

  “I am now that you are here, Kosher Man.”

  Our hero stepped forward to help, but he noticed something that made him suspicious. The man’s hair looked like a wig. He reached up to the man and grabbed the wig, and just as he thought, there was a swastika tattooed on his skull.

  “You are an AN66 member!” Kosher Man yelled, but before he could grab the hoodlum, a vat above his head flipped over, and before he knew it, he was covered in a hot, white creamy liquid that had lumps and smelled like soup.

  Almost immediately, Kosher Man slumped to the ground, for it wasn’t the heat that affected him, but the soup’s main ingredient – clams, which had grazed his lips as the soup cascaded down. He had been doused with New England clam chowder. “TREYF!” he yelled. (For those of the Gentile persuasion, treyf is non-kosher food.)

  As he lay there writhing in pain, more AN66 members, all with shaved heads, swastika skull tattoos and dressed identically in jack boots, tan pants and leather jackets appeared.

  “Grab the kike,” one who appeared to be the leader yelled, and several of them picked up Kosher Man, straining to lift him up over their heads and carried him away.

  Kosher Man awoke several hours later and found himself in a sling, his hands tied above his head with pork sausage, and his legs tied separately with the same vile ingredient. He was stripped naked, except for his mask, as even villains never remove a superhero’s mask when they capture him, which remains one of life’s great mysteries.

  Whereas under normal circumstances and tied in the same fashion without the use of pork sausage, he would have been turned on and probably sporting a massive hard-on, his dick hung limply, and he was in excruciating pain.

  He also knew that if he remained like this for too long he would die, for pork (and other treyf) was his Kryptonite.

  The AN66 leader walked over to him and looked down at the dying hero with a smile that more resembled a grimace.

  “Before long, you Jew bastard, we will be rid of you, and we’ll rule this town.” He then tried to laugh maniacally, but he was not that good of an actor, which Kosher Man mentally noted as he was unable to speak.

  “Get the tenderloin,” the wannabe supervillain barked at his charges.

  Three of the AN66s brought a large slab of meat over to where our hunky hero was slung up and held it up to his exposed anus.

  If that is a pork tenderloin, I am a dead man, he thought as he braced himself for the assault.

  “I figured pork would be your downfall, Jewboy,” the not even B-movie worthy actor/leader said to Kosher Man as he signaled for his flunkies to shove the pork tenderloin up his ass.

  They aimed, and just as they got about eight inches of it up his hole, a loud commotion was heard outside the dungeon. There were loud crashes and bangs, cracking and yelling, slumping and dragging, kapowing and moaning. Then, the door burst open, and a tall, muscular man in beige tights with little black dots all over them and a matching mask and cape leapt into the room, followed by a smaller, but no less muscular man, wearing beige tights that were not adorned with the black dots but appeared light and fluffy, nonetheless.

  “Who the fuck are you?” the AN66 leader yelled.

  “I am Matzo Man, and this is my sidekick, Matzo Ball,” he answered as they proceeded to kick ass all over the dungeon, eventually tying up the leader and the three men who were porking Kosher Man.

  The two newly arrived superheroes then raced over to the sling and quickly untied the pork sausage restraints. They both looked down and saw the remainder of the pork tenderloin hanging out our hero’s tuchus, and they pulled it out so quickly, that his sphincter popped.

  “Aunt Rose, get in here,” Matzo Man yelled to the outer hallway.

  Kosher Man’s mother then entered the room and immediately opened her purse and pulled out a syringe. “What did they do to him?”

  “They rammed a pork tenderloin up his tuchus,” Matzo Ball said.

  “MB, she’s a lady,” Matzo Man said to his sidekick.

  “That’s quite all right,” Rose said as she prepared the antidote and filled the syringe. She plunged the needle into her son’s chest, and he coughed before opening his eyes.

  He then closed his eyes, for he thought he was hallucinating. He opened them again, looked at the two beige rescuers and asked, “Who are you?”

  “Mordecai, you don’t remember your Hebrew school friend, Bernie? And, this is his partner, Morty,” Rose said. “I knew you were in trouble, so I called them on the Yenta Line.”

  “Bernie and Morty?” he asked.

  “Bernie is Harvey and Sheila’s son. He is also Matzo Man, and Morty is Matzo Ball,” she said as if anyone knew that, while she placed the syringe and other items back into her purse.

  “We better get him out of here before the police arrive,” Bernie, aka Matzo Man, said as he and Morty, aka Matzo Ball, lifted Mordecai, aka Kosher Man, out of the sling. “Where are his tights?”

  “Never mind his tights. Get him home and give him three enemas and a hot Silkwood shower. The Manischewitz Blackberry won’t take full effect until all traces of pork are out of his system,” Rose ordered as she left the dungeon.


  “Manischewitz Blackberry?” Matzo Ball asked.

  “The woman is amazing. She knows just the right wine to serve with treyf,” Matzo Man said with a wink.

  Once back in his apartment, Mordecai was treated to three extreme enemas by his superhero comrades, and he was starting to feel better.

  “Now for your hot shower,” Bernie, who had stripped down to his briefs, announced as he grabbed one arm and draped it over his shoulder. Morty, who had also stripped out of his costume, grabbed the other arm.

  They propped Mordecai up in the tub and turned on the water. As Bernie grabbed the handheld shower and rinsed the hunky hero from head to toe, Morty grabbed a bar of kosher soap.

  “You should take off your underwear and get in there with him. It will be easier that way,” Bernie said.

  Morty, always the loyal partner and sidekick, did as ordered. He was slightly shorter than Bernie’s five-ten, but with a thickly muscled, hairy body and a nice thick eight-inch dick with a mushroom head, he was just as sexy. He stepped into the tub and soaped up Mordecai. “He has an incredible body,” he swooned as he worked both his patient and himself into a lather, sporting a hard-on in seconds.

  “He also has a huge dick,” Bernie said as he pointed the shower head at the now rising cock. Bernie then stripped off his briefs revealing his nine inches of thick kosher meat. All the penises were beautiful as a moyel does a much better job circumcising than a doctor – even a nice Jewish one.

  Although Mordecai had not said much since they arrived home and had endured the invasive enemas, he had a smile across his face as his comrades in tights both cleaned and scrubbed his body of any remnants of the pork that almost killed him.