Rodeo Ashes

by Vannatter, Shannon Taylor;

  She took the arm he offered.

  “Sweetheart, you’re shaking. Is something wrong?”

  “I want everything to be perfect for Star.”

  “Everybody puts so much stock in the wedding going off without a hitch. It’s the marriage that really matters.” He patted her hand. “I think Star picked the right fella this time.”

  She took several deep breaths—just get through this wedding.

  “You sure you’re all right?”

  “I’m fine, Daddy. Star’s waiting for us.”

  ❧

  Quinn braced himself for the punch Clay looked capable of throwing.

  “You should have told us both when you first hit town.” Clay’s voice was stone cold, rock hard.

  “I’m a coward.”

  “Not necessarily. I imagine it would be a hard thing to live with. A hard thing to tell.”

  “I sold my business and wallowed in guilt for over two years.”

  “And then you ended up here. I suspect you knew she lived here.”

  Quinn nodded. “I wanted to try and help Mel’s widow, that’s all. Financially, keep her house up, whatever I could do, and help out at your ranch. But I didn’t know who she was.”

  The one that got away. His insides twisted. This time she’d gotten away for good.

  “I let my feelings for her get in the way, and I was afraid if I told her, she’d run the other way. If I’d told her to begin with, maybe she wouldn’t have fallen in love with me, and I wouldn’t have hurt her so badly. But I put it off, hoping I could win her over.”

  “You really love her?”

  “Since high school.” Quinn ducked his head. “But she was already in love with Mel when we met.”

  “You figure she’ll blame you for his death?”

  “Maybe. I did. For a long time until I got reacquainted with Jesus.”

  “It’s stuck in my craw. And I’ll have to chew on it awhile. I loved Mel like a brother.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “But you’re not to blame for his death.” Clay reached up as if to adjust a hat that wasn’t there. “It was an accident. Part of rodeo. It could’ve happened with any other horse or a bull for that matter. I believe we only get taken out on God’s timetable. For whatever reason, it was Mel’s day to go home.”

  Quinn nodded. “It took me a couple of years and getting reacquainted with God to remember that.”

  “Besides, you didn’t train the horse to kill. You trained it to give a good ride, and Mel wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way. I respect you, Warren. Always have, even when I kept up with your career on the circuit, before I knew you.”

  “I appreciate that.” Clay offered his hand. “When you gonna tell her?”

  Quinn clasped Clay’s hand. “Tomorrow. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything.”

  “It’s your telling to do. Not mine. But see that you stick with the plan. It’s time to come clean, my friend.”

  Clay still considered him a friend. Maybe Lacie could, too. “I’d appreciate your prayers on the matter.”

  “Will do. Now I better get these matches up to Rayna, or she’ll call the posse.”

  He’d tell her, first thing in the morning. Quinn blew out a big breath and followed Clay to the sanctuary.

  ❧

  Quinn parked in an empty spot in front of Clay’s ranch house. From the number of cars, he had plenty of guests. Quinn hoped for a quiet early morning walk with Lacie, but there were probably guests on all the trails. Where could he take her to talk?

  He got out of the truck and jogged to the house. What was up with her anyway?

  He’d waited half the evening for her to finish cleaning the church, but she’d avoided him. And it seemed purposeful. Something happened last night, and he didn’t have a clue what. She’d disappeared, and even her mother hadn’t known when she left.

  Something was wrong, and now he had to tell her the truth. He’d feel better about it, if they were on a cozier standing, like before the wedding. Her mom did say Lacie had a headache. Maybe that’s all it was. He sure hoped so.

  His mission weighed so heavy, he’d gotten up way too early and driven straight here. She probably wasn’t even up yet. Especially if she had a headache.

  He entered the ranch house. A few guests sat in the living area, and he heard voices and breakfast clatter in the kitchen. He charged up the stairs.

  Why had he waited so long? If he’d told Lacie the truth back when he’d first moved to Aubrey, maybe she’d have gotten over it.

  This way, he’d held out on her. If by some miracle she didn’t blame him for Mel’s death, she might not trust him again. His mama always told him withholding the truth was the same as lying. He’d lied to Lacie. About the most traumatic event in her life. Why should she ever trust him again?

  He knocked, and heavy footfalls creaked the floor. Too heavy to be Lacie’s. His heart sank lower. Another man? No, what was he thinking? Things had gotten pretty intense between them lately, but she wasn’t the type of woman to let any man spend the night unless he put a ring on her finger.

  Worrying about his secret was messing with his head.

  The door opened. Her dad. Duh.

  “Morning.” Her dad held a piece of paper. “I was trying to find Lacie. Thought since it was her place, I shouldn’t be answering the door. But she’s not here. Found this on her pillow.”

  Quinn took the note and read it: Don’t worry. Just need time to think.

  “You don’t have any idea where she went or when she’ll be back?”

  “Nope. We’re just clearing out. It was real late when we left the church last night, so we crashed here. Was she expecting you?”

  Words stuck in his throat. He nodded. We were supposed to spend the day together. I was supposed to crush her heart and any love she ever had for me.

  “I’ll tell her you stopped by.”

  “Thanks. Have her call me as soon as she gets back.” He trudged down the stairs. Her SUV was here. She was either at Rayna’s or walking somewhere on the ranch. Like a needle in a haystack. Or along with dozens of other dude ranch guests.

  He eased his truck out of the lot and into Clay’s driveway. Clay was always up early. As he neared the house, he could see Clay and Rayna on the front-porch swing.

  “Morning,” Rayna called. “What brings you around so early?”

  “Have y’all seen Lacie?”

  “Not since last night. She’s probably not even up yet.”

  “I went to the house. She’s not there.”

  Clay sat silent.

  Had he told her? A slow boil burned in Quinn’s chest. He stomped up on the porch. “You didn’t—”

  “I told you I wouldn’t, and I didn’t.”

  “What’s going on here?” Rayna frowned.

  Quinn counted to ten. “Sorry. I’m just worried.” And in torment. “I really need to talk to her.”

  “We’ll tell her you stopped by.”

  “Sorry to interrupt your morning.” He hurried down the steps and stopped. “I really do love her.”

  “I know,” Clay admitted. “You might check the stalls. See if Copper’s around. You can borrow one of my horses if you need to. That is, if you calm it down first.”

  “Thanks.” Why didn’t he think of that? Because he was past thinking at this point. He vaulted to the barn.

  ❧

  Lacie sat against the trunk of a huge weeping willow tree. The feathery, droopy leaves hung almost to the ground in places. She clutched her pocketsize Bible to her heart after reading the same passage five times.

  She’d held Max half the night, prayed and thought, instead of sleeping. Her ears rang with lack of sleep, but she was still wide-eyed. She’d decided one thing—contact Star about finding a house for her and Max. Somewhere on the outskirts of Aubrey, near Denton. Farther away from Quinn and his lies.

  Her cell rang, and Copper’s ears twitched.<
br />
  “Where are you?” Rayna didn’t even give her a chance to say hello.

  “On the west trail. I rode Copper out.”

  “I don’t know what’s going on. Quinn was just here—he and Clay are acting weird. And I think Quinn’s riding out to find you.”

  Her phone beeped with another call. She pulled it away to look. Quinn’s number, sure enough. “He’s calling me now.”

  “You gonna answer?”

  “Thanks for calling me.”

  “I don’t know what’s up, but he loves you. He looks like he’s in agony just because he can’t find you. I sure hope you can work it out with him.”

  Lacie’s mouth opened then clamped shut. She hung up. Quinn would head down the main trail. Maybe she could beat him back to the barn and put Copper up. But then what?

  She mounted Copper and reined her into the brush, deeper and deeper, until Lacie couldn’t see the trail anymore. Copper flinched as tree branches clawed at them, and twigs cracked under her hooves. “Easy, girl.”

  Copper whirled back toward the trail and bolted for it.

  “Whoa, Copper. Whoa.” Lacie dodged tree limbs.

  Copper made it back to the trail and stopped dead.

  Lacie nearly went over the saddle horn, but she hung on. “Sorry, girl. I forgot you’re not an off-the-trail sort of gal.”

  Hoof beats sounded from behind.

  She caught a glimpse of Quinn. “Yah!”

  Copper took off again, charging down the trail.

  “Lacie, wait up. It’s me.”

  She ran Copper harder.

  “Lacie, why are you running from me?”

  Why was she? If she outran him, he’d only catch up with her later. End this now.

  “Whoa.” She pulled on Copper’s reins. At full throttle, it took a few yards for her horse to stop.

  eighteen

  “Good girl.” Lacie patted Copper’s rust-colored shoulder and turned to face Quinn.

  His horse stopped near hers. “Why are you running from me?”

  Worry etched lines around his eyes. But she couldn’t be taken in by him. Not again.

  “I didn’t know you were there.” The lie came out too easy. Served him right. He wasn’t the only one who could hide the truth.

  Quinn swung down off his horse. “We have to talk.”

  “Now isn’t a good time.”

  “It has to be. Let me help you down.”

  “I’m fine right here.”

  He frowned. “Is something wrong?”

  A bitter laugh escaped. It didn’t sound like anything that had ever come out of her mouth. “Everything is wrong.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I know what you have to tell me.”

  “No, you don’t. You can’t possibly imagine.”

  “You raised Cactus Red.”

  His jaw clenched. “Clay told you.”

  “No.” Tears stung all the way down to her throat. “I over-heard you telling him at the church last night.”

  Quinn closed his eyes. “Lacie, please come down here so we can talk.”

  “Oh—now you want to talk.” Sarcasm coated her tone. “Don’t you think it’s just a little late?”

  “I wanted to tell you.”

  “But you didn’t. For six whole months. And all that time, you wormed.”

  “For a long time, I blamed myself for Mel’s death. I was afraid if I told you, you’d blame me, too. And hate me. I love you, Lacie.”

  “No. You don’t. You know everything about me. But I wonder what else have you held back? Love is about honesty. And obviously, you don’t know how to be honest.” Her heels sank into Copper’s sides, and the horse shot off like a rocket.

  Eat my dust, Quinn. Hysterical laughter bubbled up her throat, followed by hot, blinding tears.

  ❧

  Lacie stared out the window of Rayna’s kitchen. Oh Lord, Quinn had almost been perfect. If only he’d been honest with her.

  “Earth to Lacie.” Rayna waved her hand at her. “Maybe my news will cheer you up. Kendra is pregnant.”

  Lacie placed a hand on her stomach. “I’m so happy for them. A baby.” It seemed like only yesterday she’d been pregnant with Max.

  “I think everything’s working out for them.” Rayna refilled their tea glasses. “Kendra’s feeling better about Danielle since Lynn and Trent are both in college. I invited Kendra to join us, but she’s having morning sickness well into the afternoon. Thank goodness I never had that.”

  Kayla and Max played, content in the corner surrounded by toys. Gibberish, mixed with authentic words, filled Rayna’s kitchen.

  “I didn’t, either. My last months’ were stressed and sad, but still happy.”

  “You were such a trooper.”

  “It comforted me to know I’d have a child to remember Mel by. Sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like if we’d had Max earlier. Back when Mel wanted to have a baby, but I wouldn’t because I was afraid something would happen to him.” The irony tasted bitter.

  Everything she’d wanted had been within her grasp. But then he died.

  Countless, sleepless nights had plagued her afterward. If she hadn’t pulled his strings, would he still be here with her? Clay had told her Mel looked forward to quitting, and she knew God was in control of life and death. But still, she wondered.

  She’d never admitted what she’d done to anyone. Not even to Mel.

  And definitely not to Quinn.

  Her breath stalled. She hadn’t told Quinn everything. Not the scheming part.

  She’d lied to him just as he’d lied to her.

  And their lies had imprisoned them both.

  “Lacie? Calling Lacie?” Rayna’s voice broke through the fog.

  She focused on her friend. “Hmm?”

  “You were miles away. You okay?”

  Max giggled, and she watched him crash his toy truck into Kayla’s plastic horse.

  “Could you keep Max for a little while? I need to run an errand. I’ll be back before his nap time.”

  “Sure. Take your time.”

  ❧

  Quinn picked up the phone. He really needed to make a few business calls. But his heart wasn’t in it. His heart was dead.

  Gravel crunched in his drive. He set the handset down. Wasn’t expecting anybody. He peeked out the window.

  Lacie’s SUV? It couldn’t be.

  But it was.

  She killed her engine, flung the door open, and vaulted to the house.

  He bolted for the door and tore it open.

  Her fist, poised to knock.

  “Lacie?” What good sense he had left kept him from scooping her up and never letting her go.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Sure.” He stepped aside. “It’s good to see you, even though I don’t deserve the privilege.”

  She stopped inside the doorway. “I’m not angry with you anymore.”

  “You’re not?”

  “I have something to tell you. Something I’ve never told anyone. Not even Mel.”

  “Have a seat.” He tried to calm his revving heart, but it was no use. “Want some tea?”

  “No, I’m fine. But I can’t sit.” She wrung her hands and paced across his living room. “When I was married to Mel, I wanted a baby. Really badly. He wanted to start a family, too. But the rodeo is so dangerous, I put off getting pregnant because I was afraid. We argued a lot about it. In fact, it was our only argument.”

  “Until he decided to quit?” His legs would surely give out, just from her nearness. He sank to the couch.

  She took a deep breath. “I was tired of traveling and didn’t want to wait any more for a baby. Mel was feeling all the jolts and falls more than he used to, and I didn’t want him to be too bunged up to play with our child.” Her voice shook. “So I got pregnant.”

  “It was what you both wanted.” He didn’t want to think about her intimacies with her husband. “I’m sure he was very happy.”

  “Y
ou don’t understand. I didn’t tell him I’d changed my mind about having a baby. I got pregnant on purpose.”

  “It’s not like you tricked him into becoming a daddy. He wanted it, too.”

  She sat down beside him. “I got pregnant so he’d quit the rodeo. I conned him into doing exactly what I wanted. And it worked. But then he died. And I’ve wondered ever since.” Her tone reached a high-pitched squeak. “Was he distracted on that last ride? Because he didn’t want to quit, but I forced him into it? It wasn’t your horse that killed Mel. It was me.”

  “Oh, Lacie.” He pulled her into his arms, unable to stay at a distance any longer.

  She clung to him. “I don’t really believe that. I know God is in control. We all have a time to die, and it was Mel’s time. But were his last months conflicted because of me?”

  “He loved you, and you were carrying his child. I’m certain his last months were happy because of that.” It would make my days.

  “I hope so.” She sniffled and pulled away. “I had to tell you what I did.”

  “Why?”

  “Because, the other day, I blasted you for not being honest with me when I hadn’t been completely honest with you.” She swiped at her eyes. “My deception makes me feel ugly and not worthy to be loved. It made me realize you probably didn’t tell me about Cactus Red because it made you feel ugly and unworthy of love.”

  “You got that right.” Quinn’s shoulders slumped. “But what you did pales in comparison with me withholding the truth from you.”

  “Not really. I withheld the truth from Mel. Were you there the night he died?”

  Her question knocked the wind out of him. For a moment, he couldn’t breathe.

  “No. I was announcing another rodeo, but the mind can do terrible things. I’ve had nightmares about witnessing his fall. His death.”

  “Me, too.”

  “But you were there. Even without being there, I couldn’t get past it. I tried getting drunk.” Tried one-night stands he couldn’t go through with, and when he woke up the next morning, Mel was still dead. “I sold my business and turned to raising quarter horses. I quit announcing until Cowtown management called me.”

  “Going to the rodeo always made me feel closer to Mel.”

  “I took the Cowtown gig ’cause I thought if I got some fresh rodeo images in my head, it might get rid of the nightmares.”