The Lady's Choice

by Bernadette Rowley

  ‘That is exactly what I believe,’ Benae said, her flashing eyes stirring his blood no matter how he tried to douse the flames of his desire for her. ‘Alecia belongs to Vard Anton now.’

  ‘And you belong to the prince, or have you forgotten?’

  Benae frowned and Flaire pranced as he sensed her disquiet. ‘I have not forgotten my promise to Jiseve. I came to Brightcastle in good faith. I thought I could turn my back on my past life and accept a marriage of convenience. I thought that the salvation of my people would sustain me without love.’

  ‘What do you mean “the salvation of your people”?’ Ramón asked. Soon it would be time to move to the trot and he had to get this situation with Benae resolved. She had opened up to him now and he would not miss the opportunity to understand her.

  ‘My estates are poverty stricken and my people starving.’ Her voice was strained as though this was the last topic she would wish to discuss. ‘I am ashamed to say it is my fault. With Mama and Papa dead, the running of Branasar lands fell to me and I did not take enough care with the money they had put aside for hard times.’ She turned her beautiful face to him, tears pooling in her eyes. ‘It is all gone. You cannot imagine the requests I had for fixing roofs and fences and replacing lost stock. The dark elves began attacking my remote farms and the menfolk defending them died. That left the women to carry on and they have done their best but . . .’

  Ramón saw, in his mind’s eye, Benae’s struggle to make her estate pay, even as she tried to deal with the grief of losing her parents. She blamed herself for everything and it was not right. He saw in that moment her goodness and the tragedy that had befallen her.

  Ramón stared straight ahead now as she continued. ‘The last straw was when they carried my brother Alvan home from a skirmish with the elves. I felt something snap within me when I saw him. With his last spark of life he opened his eyes and begged me to save our estates.’ She slumped in the saddle, eyes closed, tears coursing down her face. ‘I could not save him either. He lived on for another hour and each of his breaths was like a stab to my heart.’

  ‘Perhaps he felt nothing that last hour.’ Ramón knew what it was like to lose a sibling; his twin sister, Elinor, dead in childbirth when they were only twenty summers old. Perhaps one day he would be able to help Benae accept Alvan’s death.

  ‘You cannot know that,’ she hissed, raking him with angry eyes.

  ‘Be kind to yourself, Benae!’

  She glared at him and looked forward again. ‘That day, I accepted defeat. The Goddess had challenged me and I had to admit that I had failed her test. I knew I was not equal to the task of saving my people, especially not with the dark elves on my doorstep. I heard the call for a bride that Jiseve sent out and knew that I had to apply.’

  ‘You seek protection for your people? Why did you not tell me that?’

  Benae’s shoulders slumped. ‘I am ashamed. How could I reveal to you my failures? I would rather have you think I am a gold-digger than know I could not protect those who depend on me.’ Benae made to urge Flaire into a trot. ‘We should hurry along now.’

  ‘Wait!’ Ramón said, still determined to understand her. ‘If you seek salvation for your people, how can you risk it all by seducing me?’

  Benae pulled Flaire to a halt and swung to face Ramón. ‘I thought I could sacrifice love for the sake of my people but now I am not certain I can. I have desires I cannot deny and you have shown me that perhaps there is a better life. I feel deeply for you, Ramón. I owe it to myself to be sure that I can devote myself to Jiseve without giving up my chance of happiness.’

  ‘And what about your people?’

  ‘If I cannot go through with my marriage, I will find some other way to save them. Jiseve has ensured they are safe for the moment.’

  ‘So you will use me to test your commitment and use the prince to help your people in the meantime. He thinks you are true to him!’

  She had no answer to that, did she? Benae found herself in hot water and Ramón could see that it was up to him to extract her. He would see that she stayed true to her promises to Prince Zialni. It was the only course of action.

  They pitched the tent well back from the road in a small stand of windswept pines. The water was almost gone so Benae moistened a cloth and wiped the dust from her face and hands. It had been a hard day but they had made good time and her discussion with Ramón had made her feel better, even if it was clear he disapproved of her actions. It was good to have someone to confide in. She had been on her own for so long. Merel had been her only confidant, but there had been much she could not discuss with the maid. A sob rose up in her chest. Merel had deserved so much more. It was just another reminder of Benae’s failures.

  She wondered how things would be between her and Ramón now that he knew why she had come to Brightcastle. He had been there for her from the start, she realised, lending an ear even if he did not want to. He was honest, steadfast and all that with a body and face that made her heart race: everything she needed. Benae realised with a jolt that Ramón was much like her father. Jiseve, on the other hand, would keep her in diamonds but expect obedience and she doubted she would fit the bill for long. Oh, what a mess! Was it already too late to break her betrothal? Could she persuade Ramón to make love with her, to test the strength of her commitment to Jiseve?

  Benae emerged from the tent to find Ramón seated by the fire munching on the same old bread they had eaten for two days. He smiled at her and desire stole her breath. How could a simple smile heat her blood so? Was this what love felt like? Did he feel the same? No! He had convinced himself that his feelings for Benae were simply lust. She favoured him with a scorching look that she hoped would have him thinking twice about turning her down. Oh, she would show her gorgeous squire what seduction was. Yes, she would!

  She sat beside him and took the bread he offered. He poured her some ale from a corked bottle. They ate in silence except for the cropping of their horses tethered close by.

  When the meal was finished, Benae cleared her throat. ‘One night left for us, Ramón. We have been given this. Let us not waste it.’

  He stared at her. ‘We are here alone because of an ambush. People have died and you can think only of lust?’

  ‘Do not think ill of me, Ramón. It is the fact that we might have died last night that makes me bold. If I had been killed or taken I would never have known your body. You would never have known what it is to be loved by a woman. Are you content to die thus?’

  Ramón blushed. ‘I am not content to die at all but a betrothed woman should not have those thoughts about another man.’

  Benae snorted and reached out to cup his cheek with her palm. It was deliciously rough. She longed to feel the short bristles against her skin, all over her body. She shivered. Ramón had gone still like a rabbit that hopes he will not be seen by the fox if he does not move. Yes, he was vulnerable to her. She leaned forward and brushed her lips across his. An almost overwhelming urge swept through her to throw her arms around him and kiss him until he lost control, but she kept herself in check.

  ‘I wish to make love with you,’ she said. ‘I want to know you before I give myself to Jiseve. I want to know what I am sacrificing.’

  ‘Why should our coupling make any difference to your commitment? Should you so wish, you could still have any man after your marriage. You are giving up nothing.’

  She sat back on her heels. ‘I think I might be in love with you, Ramón. But I need to be sure. You have shown me how it can be between a man and a woman. Tell me you feel the same.’

  Ramon shook his head. ‘The attack last night made me a little crazy; otherwise I would not have acted with so little decorum at luncheon. I was not myself but our talk has shown me how much you need the prince. You acted with honour when you sacrificed yourself for your people. You have gone too far to turn back now, Benae. I will not let you throw the lives of your people to the devil. You would never forgive yourself. Already you carry too much g
uilt.’

  ‘No! You cannot decide for me.’ She flung herself at him and they toppled over backwards, Benae ravishing his mouth, her hands clawing at his tunic and ripping his shirt from his breeches. She felt him stir beneath her. She was winning! Benae increased her assault and knew victory when Ramón rolled her onto her back and caught at her feverish hands. His mouth lowered to hers and slowly, reverently, he kissed her. Her lips parted beneath his and he explored the deepest reaches of her mouth. She groaned and pushed her hips against his but she was pinned by his body and he had her hands trapped above her head. Oh, how she loved the feel of him atop her! Her body moved beneath his and she knew not what she did, just anticipated the moment when he would begin to undress her, when she would free him and they would be one.

  Ramón’s lips left hers and she lay with her eyes closed, still lost in the moment, conscious of moisture pooling between her legs. She looked up to find him standing over her, his hair in wild disarray, chest heaving, eyes burning with desire. ‘Ramón?’

  ‘I would like nothing more than to make love to you here. Do you think I do not wonder what it will be like? I can only imagine, dream of such ecstasy. But I cannot let you do this.’

  Benae rose and made to fling herself into his arms. He could not deny her! Ramón held her at bay, arms outstretched.

  ‘Make love to me, damn it!’ Benae panted, not able to let him walk away.

  ‘I am steadfast in this, Benae. I will not let you betray your betrothed or your people. You would not be able to live with yourself.’

  ‘Allow me to judge what I can live with.’

  He shook his head. ‘I respect you too much to allow this. We must remain only friends.’

  ‘I do not think I can stop at friendship,’ she said, distracted by the raging desire that tore through her.

  ‘You must be content. We must find a way to deal with this. It cannot always be storm and tempest between us.’

  She gazed up at him, allowing her fingertips to trail down his chest, and saw what it cost Ramón not to respond to her nearness. His strength was remarkable. ‘Can you walk away from this?’

  ‘I must,’ he said, his voice hoarse as though every muscle in his throat was in spasm. Oh yes, this restraint was costing her squire dearly. But if he wanted only friendship, then he would have it. ‘Friends it is.’ She placed her hand in his and he bent and kissed her fingers. Benae closed her eyes as she fought the surge of desire the simple gesture triggered. She must have Ramón and if that meant as a friend then so be it.

  Benae woke the next morning to find the place beside her empty. Spears of sunlight struck her through the tiny stitching holes in the tent fabric. She groaned. A night of tossing and turning had not prepared her for entry into the king’s seat at Wildecoast, where there would be questions to answer.

  ‘Breakfast is ready, Benae.’ Ramón’s cheerful voice, from outside the tent, interrupted her thoughts.

  Why was he so jolly? Apart from having had a decent night’s sleep, that was. She knew for a fact that the squire had slept soundly, for she had hardly slept at all. His gentle snores had mocked her as she lay trying to come to terms with his rejection of her. He wanted her but he had put her aside. He was right, of course. It was the only sensible and honourable course to take. She was promised to the prince and should behave as a betrothed woman, not as a woman in love. In love . . . Benae rolled the words around in her mind, testing their fit. Yes, this might be love but, oh, what a poor time to discover it, when she had already pledged herself to another man.

  Could she accept Ramón’s friendship and want nothing more? It did not feel as if she could. Perhaps once she was back with Jiseve and planning their wedding, all this would seem silly. But when she thought of Jiseve she found it difficult to remember the feel of his arms around her, of his lips upon hers. Instead, other arms and lips were all too easy to recall. She shivered, delighting in the memory of times spent with Ramón. At least she would have those recollections to console her and later children would fill her life. She was doing the right thing, marrying Jiseve. She must make it work.

  Benae stood, shook her dress out and washed her face with the cloth she had used the night before. She brushed her hair until it shone and twisted it into a simple knot. The loss of Merel hit her anew and not only because the maid usually attended to these tasks. Benae had enjoyed chatting to Merel first thing in the morning. Her soft voice and calm nature had soothed Benae after many a difficult night, especially since the loss of her family. She had come to depend upon her maid. Tears pooled but she would not shed them. She breathed deeply and once her emotions were under control she stepped from the tent.

  ‘Good morning,’ Benae said, uncertain of how to behave with her new ‘friend’.

  Ramón swept a bow, handed her a mug of tea and then ushered her to a log beside the fire. ‘Only the stale bread and a hunk of cheese remain I’m afraid, but we should be at Wildecoast by midday and able to fill our bellies then.’

  ‘You are in a very cheery mood this morning, Ramón.’ Benae said. For some reason, his cheeriness grated on her.

  ‘Yes, of course. Our journey will soon be at an end.’ He smiled and Benae could find none of the torment of yesterday in his gaze. ‘I will fold the tent while you have your breakfast. Then we must be on our way.’

  Benae watched him as he worked. He was graceful for a man and showed the economy of movement typical of someone who is always busy. Her eyes fell upon his broad shoulders as he folded the tent and her stomach clenched. Best not to watch that if she did not want to be throwing herself at him again. She looked away but when she looked back she was greeted with the squire’s muscled buttocks as he bent to pick up the folded tent. Her heart skipped and raced away and she took deep breaths to calm herself. Best not to watch at all.

  Chapter 10

  The wind increased as they travelled closer to the coast and soon they were riding straight into a gale. Ramón cursed the weather for it slowed them and stung their eyes. Even the horses felt the discomfort. Approaching noon, clouds covered the sun and the temperature dropped. Their cloaks were whipped about their bodies, providing hardly any warmth. Ramón welcomed the wild weather for it kept his mind from worries about Benae and the reception awaiting them. With luck the pigeons sent to announce their visit had reached Wildecoast but the king would not expect Benae to arrive accompanied only by him. There would be questions.

  Finally they reached the cliffs of Wildecoast and were within sight of the king’s seat, a lonely keep that sat atop a rocky hill overlooking the ocean. The town spread out around the castle and a high stone wall gave protection. They pushed their horses into a canter and soon reached the outer gates of the city. Kingdom soldiers were on guard in their red livery, the golden Zialni crest on their left breasts and on their shields.

  Ramón and Benae stopped, pulling down the scarves they had used to protect their faces. Ramón dismounted and led his horse forward. The guards eyed Benae boldly and a bolt of anger surged through Ramón’s gut. He fought it down and presented himself to the sergeant in charge.

  ‘Squire Ramón Zorba of Brightcastle and the Lady Benae Branasar to see King Beniel Zialni and Queen Adriana.’

  The sergeant, a small man with a hawkish nose and a neatly trimmed moustache, smirked and said something to his fellows that caused them to snicker. Ramón felt his anger rise again.

  ‘Where is your escort, squire?’ the sergeant said. ‘Ladies do not travel about the countryside with a lone male for company unless they are looking for trouble.’ His eyes ran over Benae and settled on her chest.

  Ramón watched as Benae’s neck and face flushed under the guard’s impudent gaze. She was more than capable of putting the fellow in his place but Ramón did not want Benae to concern herself with this. She had enough to worry about and had been quiet all morning.

  ‘We met with trouble on the road,’ Ramón snapped. ‘Dark elves attacked our party and killed all but the two of us. We left the carria
ge behind. I need you to organise recovery of our conveyance and the bodies at the earliest opportunity.’

  The sergeant surveyed Ramón with his beady eyes as if trying to judge the truth of his words.

  ‘There is no need to stand here, man,’ Ramón said, his patience at an end. It was cold and Benae needed to be out of the wind with a warm drink in her hand, not sitting here beneath the stares of common soldiers. ‘Get us an escort.’

  ‘First I must verify that you are who you say you are.’ He turned to the six men with him. ‘Can anyone tell me if this is Ramón Zorba, who was sent to Brightcastle to take up the position of squire to Prince Zialni?’

  ‘It might be him,’ ventured a short squat man at the back. ‘He has more the look of a highwayman than a noble as he stands here before us.’

  The guards laughed and Ramón gritted his teeth. ‘Bring an escort and we will let the steward decide. He will vouch for me.’

  The sergeant frowned at Ramón for long moments but seemed to think better of making fun of him and dispatched two of his men to bring an escort from the barracks. Ramón mounted his horse once more and sat beside Benae in silence, ignoring the stares of the remaining guards, who continued to snicker.

  A clattering of hooves announced the arrival of eight mounted soldiers whose leader conducted a brief conversation with the gate sergeant. The hawk-nosed man turned to Ramón.

  ‘Lieutenant Formosa and his men will conduct you to the steward who will verify your identity, or otherwise. Don’t stray from their protection as I can’t ensure your safety if that were to occur.’ The sergeant appeared as though he would love to see them wander away from protection.

  ‘Thank you, sergeant,’ he said, ‘you have been most helpful.’

  The self-important guard smirked at Ramón, fully aware he had got under the squire’s skin.

  Ramón put the sergeant from his mind and ushered Benae before him towards the waiting escort. They formed up with three in front, one man each beside Ramón and Benae and three behind. To Ramón, it felt more like a guard than an escort and the bleak look in Benae’s eyes said she felt it as well.