31 Days of Winter

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Turn around.’

  ‘Please,’ I reminded him.

  ‘Please will you turn around, Miss Baxter.’ He said in a way that left me in no doubt that non-compliance was not an option, so I did as I was told. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘So, mostly read?’ I asked and then gasped as I felt the softest brush of his fingers across each side of my neck as he reached for my jacket lapels.

  ‘Yes, mostly read,’ he replied, virtually in my ear and I closed my eyes as I felt his cheek brush against my hair, his delicious smell invading my nostrils.

  ‘So when you’re not “mostlying” what else do you do?’

  ‘Stuff.’ His hands moved down and my mouth dropped slightly as I thought he was going to grasp my breasts, but his hands skimmed over them so lightly and grabbed the edges of my jacket and started to slip it off my shoulders. How could he make taking a coat off feel so sexy? I knew my nipples were pert again and I wiggled my hips trying to dampen the longing inside me.

  ‘What stuff?’ I asked as he pulled my jacket completely off and stepped back.

  ‘Non-reading stuff.’

  ‘O my God. You’re seriously hard work, has anyone ever told you that?’

  ‘Arms, please,’ he instructed. I rolled my eyes and held them behind me and felt him pulling a new coat up them.

  ‘Why won’t you answer the question?’

  ‘Because it wouldn’t make you happy to hear the answer, Ellie.’

  ‘You don’t masturbate to illegal things do you?’ I asked, half joking as his hands reached over my shoulders to pull the coat together and he moved back closer to me, much closer. His full body length was pressing up behind me and I could feel an erection and the warmth of his breath as he tucked in behind me.

  ‘Not illegal no, but I do think of things I shouldn’t while I am,’ he whispered, the low baritones of his voice vibrating through me and I nearly sank to the floor in a puddle.

  ‘You enjoy “non-reading stuff” a lot then?’ I asked as his hands moved to squeeze my shoulders and I felt his cock flex against my backside.

  ‘It’s taken up more of my time since you arrived and it’s very enjoyable. Do you do much non-reading stuff?’ I felt his nose move through my hair and heard him inhale and let out a small groan. I reached up and grabbed the coat lapels and drew them around my face, his coat smelled of pine tree smoke and Dan.

  ‘Every morning and night since I got here,’ I nodded. ‘Did you just sniff my hair?’

  ‘Did you just sniff my coat?’ he growled as his hips circled, grinding his erection against me. I groaned as I felt the state of my knickers and quickly pulled away and walked to the door.

  ‘We need to leave or you’ll be late for whatever you do every afternoon,’ I sighed and turned around to see his teeth working over his lower lip, his nostrils flaring and the orange flecks burning in the boiling green liquid of his eyes. He closed them, swallowed and rubbed both hands over his face and sighed heavily. When he opened them again it was like I was looking at a complete stranger, all that desire for me had vanished in an instant, everywhere but that tell-tale large swelling in his jeans.

  ‘Do your coat up,’ he snapped and turned and walked towards the back of his house. I quickly opened the door and closed it behind me and ran to the end of the jetty and took in some cool air to try and quell the volcano rumbling inside me. How the hell was I supposed to stop reacting like this around him, like I’d die if I didn’t have him inside me? I reached down with trembling fingers to do up the zip on his thick padded ski jacket, it was way too big for me and I had to turn up the sleeves. I heard him close the door behind me and felt the vibration under my feet as he walked along the planks of the jetty. I waited until I heard him start the engine before I turned around and tried to avoid looking at him as he held out his hand to help me into the boat.

  ‘Thank you.’ I immediately let go of his hand as I got in and quickly scrambled up to the bow and sat facing the water and the mainland.

  ‘You’d be warmer down by me again,’ he yelled over the noise, but all hint of emotion had left his voice.

  ‘I prefer it over here, thanks,’ I shouted back, my eyes fixed firmly ahead of me.

  ‘As you wish,’ he called. I turned up the collar on his jacket and stuck my hands in his pockets, even with my full wool gloves on the cold was biting. I found something round and hard in his pocket and pulled it out to have a look. It was a Werther's Original boiled caramel sweet. I smiled and my eyes teared up, they’d been my dad’s favourites. Every Christmas all he wanted as a gift was a bag of Werther’s and he’d get very stern with me if I spent any more money on him. I was suddenly hit with a gutful of homesickness, it was bad enough that I didn’t have my parents to share it with, but now I was without Brooke and Zac as well, and it was my favourite of all the holidays. I struggled to contain my tears and realised my tissues were in my own coat back in his house. I rummaged in my bag but had none in there and had to wipe them on his sleeve and sniff really hard, at least he couldn’t hear me over the sound of the engine. I watched as he expertly pulled up alongside the jetty.

  ‘Wait until I’ve tied up,’ he called, so I dusted the snow off his coat and shook it off my hat. ‘Here, stand up slowly.’ I looked up to see his hand, grabbed it as I got up and the boat started rocking. Before I knew it he’d hauled me into his arms, one tightly around my waist, as he tipped my face up to look at him and gently wiped the tears off my lashes with his thumb.

  ‘Please tell me these aren’t because of me?’ he asked quietly as he looked down at me, still holding onto me tightly, my arms squashed up against his chest.

  ‘No,’ I bit my lip and shook my head.

  ‘Why are you upset then?’ he asked looking puzzled. I opened my left hand and showed him his sweet that I’d been clenching. ‘You’re upset that I like Werther’s?’

  ‘Not you no, it just brought back memories.’

  ‘Arsehole?’ he sighed.

  ‘No,’ I looked off to the side as he was still holding my chin. ‘My dad.’ I whispered.

  ‘Your dad?’

  ‘I got him a bag every Christmas, they were his favourite.’

  ‘Were?’

  ‘He died.’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered and I could hear the sincerity in his voice, which only made his physical proximity that much harder to bear.

  ‘Please, will you let me go?’ I asked, my voice trembling and he hesitated before doing as I asked. I looked down, grabbed his hand and put the sweet in his palm then walked towards where the Land Rover was parked and waited for him to activate the central locking. I opened the door and quickly, and ungracefully, scrambled up into it before he had a chance to touch my bottom again, like he had on Monday. By the time I sat down he was already holding my seat belt out for me. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘You’re welcome,’ he replied as he gently closed the door. As he climbed in next to me he held out a cotton handkerchief.

  ‘I’m ok, thank you.’

  ‘It’s clean. Keep it. In case you need it later.’ He gave me a concerned gaze, so I smiled at him quickly and shoved it in my pocket and looked out of my window as he started the engine and made a start along the dirt track, which was only visible due to the fact that no trees were protruding out from the white. I winced as we went over another pothole and I bounced off the hard seat again.

  ‘You’re not used to Land Rovers?’

  ‘Not much call for them in the city,’ I replied as I stayed watching the scenery.

  ‘Probably more a Ferrari or Porsche girl I expect.’

  ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘You seem refined, not used to country life. I’d imagine this Zac had money and spoilt you, purchased you shiny baubles and whatever new handbag or shoe was in fashion so you’d look good on his arm.’ I turned my head and glared at him, even though he kept his eyes on the road ahead.

  ‘You make it sound like I’m some spoilt entitled princess.’
r />   ‘Are you?’

  ‘No, I grew up on one of the roughest council estates in London, it’s not my fault a guy with money found me attractive.’

  ‘I didn’t say it was.’

  ‘You implied it,’ I retorted, annoyed.

  ‘No I didn’t.’

  ‘Well, it felt like it. I earn decent money myself and buy my own clothes and accessories, but yes, when he was doing well Zac would buy me jewellery and take me to nice places, and why shouldn’t he have a Porsche? He worked hard for it. It didn’t just land in his lap.’

  ‘I’m not judging. Just commenting,’ he shrugged.

  ‘No, you’re judging.’

  ‘So he’s self-made, is he? Not born from money?’

  ‘Why do you care so much about him?’

  ‘I don’t,’ he uttered with a grunt that sounded like a laugh.

  ‘So why the twenty questions?’

  ‘Just wondering what you saw in him. Was it the money?’

  ‘You’re so out of order, again.’

  ‘Now who’s avoiding questions?’ he stated and I gritted my teeth as I was launched in the air and slammed down again as he pulled off the track and turned left onto a small main road.

  ‘Fine, it wasn’t all about the money, but yes, he was a charmer, he made me laugh, I was young and impressionable and naïve. So when he came to pick me up from our rough estate in a Porsche and took me to a fancy restaurant, it spun my head a little and I grew to like it. Is that what you wanted to hear?’

  ‘I want to know how you feel about it.’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘The fact that if you don’t go back to him you won’t have that life again.’

  ‘Unless you’ve forgotten, the last twelve months of that life weren’t exactly happy ones, so if I end up jobless or homeless I’ll go back to where I came from. I managed perfectly well before Zac, thank you.’

  ‘You’re angry with me now.’

  ‘You don’t know what my parents sacrificed to help get me out of that estate and to get a decent job. They worked hard and I worked hard. I had to work every night and weekend and study in the middle of the night just to make it through Uni financially and get my degree. I didn’t have my career handed to me on a silver platter and sit filing my nails all day, thank you,’ I bit back. He was right, I was angry with him now, how dare he judge me.

  ‘I didn’t imply that, you did.’

  ‘What is this, Dan? You seem to be deliberately pushing my buttons, why are you so bothered?’

  ‘Because I don’t want to see you go home and fail, I want you to remember that you’re stronger than that, that you don’t need to run back to him, you’ll be fine on your own.’

  ‘In twenty-four days you won’t ever see me again anyway, so what’s it to you if I go back to him?’

  ‘Because I care about you, Ellie,’ he replied as he turned to look at me. ‘You need someone who’s going to put you first in their life and not treat you like a trophy wife.’

  ‘I’d rather not talk for the rest of the journey if you don’t mind,’ I advised him, feeling so confused. He really seemed to care for me, the sexual attraction was obvious, but then he could also be such a jerk.

  ‘As you wish.’

  ‘God you’re so damn infuriating! You’re hot, you’re cold, you’re sweet, then you’re an arse, then you’re all caring with your bloody handkerchief, and now suddenly you’re all formal again. What the hell’s your deal?’

  ‘I thought you didn’t want to talk?’

  ‘You’re right, I really don’t,’ I muttered.

  ‘Maybe we should remain silent for the rest of the journey then,’ he suggested.

  ‘Maybe we should,’ I sighed as I looked back out of my window.

  We’d been driving for about ten minutes when he slowed down and went over a cattle grid, and suddenly the tree line stopped and we drove through a large village which bordered the top of the loch. It was full of crofters cottages and longhouses and I spotted a pub called “The Stag.” There was a combined post office and shop, and a bakery and butchers and a signpost to a five star hotel. I wondered if the village was in walking distance, it would be nice to get out and have a night in the pub and meet some of the locals. As we left the village behind us we were surrounded by bare rolling fields and I gasped as he went over the brow of what looked like a small hill. In reality we were actually on top of a massive mountain about to descend to the plains below. I could see the narrow road zigzagging all the way down to the bottom, one slip of his foot on the pedal and we’d be in serious trouble. I wouldn’t have been happy doing this with clear skies, let alone when it was snowing this much.

  ‘Are you scared?’

  ‘No,’ I lied, as I reached down and grabbed the edge of the seat and anchored my feet to the floor. I think I’d have preferred the bouncing track to this.

  ‘I do this journey every day, I know the road like the back of my hand. You’re perfectly safe with me.’

  ‘Why do you do this journey every day?’ I asked as I kept my eyes firmly glued to the road in front of us.

  ‘Do you trust me?’

  ‘That’s not an answer.’

  ‘Do. You. Trust. Me?’ he repeated, and I looked around at him as he quickly glanced over at me.

  ‘Yes,’ I nodded, because for some reason, even though I knew so little about him, I did.

  ‘Then close your eyes and tell me all about your time at University, you won’t see where you’re going and it will take your mind off it. Ok?’ He looked back over at me and I nodded and he returned his eyes to the road. ‘Good, close your eyes and tell me where you went?’

  ‘King’s College in London.’

  ‘What did you study?’

  ‘English Language with a few extra modules to help me get into the publishing industry.’

  ‘Why there?’

  ‘It was in central London and I didn’t want to be too far from home.’

  ‘Were you in halls of residence?’

  ‘Yes, for the first year, then a few of us in my group got together and did a house share.’

  ‘All girls?’

  ‘Yes, are we nearly there yet?’

  ‘No,’ I heard him laugh. ‘Not by a long way. Are you still in touch with them?’

  ‘No, they were into going out and getting hammered and bringing different guys back every night.’

  ‘You weren’t?’

  ‘Hell no. My parents got themselves into masses of debt to pay for my tuition fees, flunking out wasn’t an option. When I wasn’t in lectures I was studying, or working.’

  ‘Where did you work?’

  ‘You’ll judge me.’

  ‘I won’t.’

  ‘You say that now.’ I gripped the seat tighter as I felt us doing a really sharp U bend.

  ‘I promise not to judge.’

  ‘I worked in a casino looking after the VIP’s, and it was my job to dress in a sexy outfit and encourage them to spend their money and keep coming back.’

  ‘I can see how you’d be good at that.’

  ‘Judging.’

  ‘No, stating a fact. You’re attractive and sexy even with no makeup and an oversized man’s jacket. Dressed up and in heels I can see how men wouldn’t be able to resist your charms.’

  ‘I didn’t do any more than my job,’ I replied, wondering what he was thinking.

  ‘I didn’t imply that you did. Did that happen there though?’

  ‘Yes, a lot of the girls made loads of money offering other services and I did have some pressure put on me to do it, but I did well enough with tips. I learned to flirt well enough to earn extra without giving them the impression that I was going home with them.’

  ‘Is that how you met him?’

  ‘Zac?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘No, I was seeing Matt back then, one of the bar tenders.’

  ‘Were you with him long?’

  ‘Two years.’ I screamed and opened my eyes as I fe
lt the Land Rover sliding to the side and quickly looked at Dan for reassurance.

  ‘Close your eyes, we’re fine, I can handle her,’ he said confidently, his face set in a determined line as he seemingly expertly grappled with the wheel and got us back on track. ‘Close your eyes Ellie, and tell me about Matt,’ he coaxed in a reassuring manner. I did as I was told.

  ‘I was nineteen and he was twenty-five. He stepped in and helped me out when a client was getting a bit too friendly with me. He made it his job to watch over me and we became friends. Then things just happened between us one night and we went from there.’

  ‘Things happened?’

  ‘Don’t make me spell it out, I was drunk, he was drunk and we ended up having sex.’

  ‘Good sex?’

  ‘I thought so, but I was a virgin so I had nothing to compare it to.’

  ‘But you do now.’

  ‘Yes, Zac was better.’

  ‘Amazing?’

  ‘Frequent, to start with anyway, but I’ve had better experiences with my vibrator. I think we need to get off the topic of sex.’ All I could think about was having sex with Dan and I had a feeling that he’d just blow my expectations as well as my mind.

  ‘Why did it end with Matt?’

  ‘We were too good of friends. We never argued over anything, got on really well, and much as I cared for him, there was just no passion on my side for him.’

  ‘You ended it?’

  ‘I wouldn’t have, whilst it was lacking in passion I felt so secure, until I found out …’ I cut myself off, feeling embarrassed.

  ‘Found out what?’

  ‘I wanted more and he couldn’t give it,’ I replied, holding back from revealing how ashamed I’d been to finally find out that for two years I’d been seeing and sleeping with a married man.

  ‘So how did you meet Zac?’

  ‘I was out with my best friend Brooke in a cocktail bar in the financial district. It turns out it was a favourite place for the stockbrokers to hang out after work on a Friday night, of course Brooke knew that and didn’t tell me. She was trying to fix me up with someone wealthy, she wanted me to be spoilt and treated nicely, and Zac came over to chat me up. He was attractive with a nice smile and dressed in a gorgeous three piece suit which made him look really confident, which I like in a man. He made me laugh so much that I agreed to go on a date with him.’