Hooking my arm around her back, I pull Kat into my chest. “What did the doctor say?”
She holds her hands up to her face, begins to sob, and leans her head on my shoulder.
I cradle her head and kiss her hair. “Why are you crying? Do you have Celiacs? Talk to me, Kitten.”
My words only cause her to cry harder. She doesn’t respond, so I whisper in her ear that it will be okay. For once, I have no idea what to say. Our relationship has been so strained that I’m at a loss for words.
After a few minutes, her body stops convulsing, and she peels her face from my shoulder. My shirt is soaked in her tears.
I push the hair from her damp cheeks and wipe away her tears with my thumbs. “It’s okay, Kitten. A gluten allergy is not the end of the world. I will help you research what foods to avoid. You shouldn’t be eating carbs anyway.”
The carb comment provokes a tiny smile from Kat. “I guess you don’t need that deep dish pizza after all.”
“I can make exceptions,” I say with a wink.
“You always know the right things to say when I need to hear them.”
“At least you’re smiling.” I run my thumb along her bottom lip, my expression mirroring hers. “Everything will work out, Kitten. It always does.”
“Thanks, Dean.” She threads her fingers between mine. “Let’s get out of here. I have to go back to the dorm and pack.”
“I can’t believe we graduate tomorrow. I’m gonna miss you this summer.”
“I will miss you, too,” she says under her breath.
Steering her through the lobby and out of the building, I cling to her for dear life. The finality about tomorrow knots my stomach, making it hard for me to think of anything other than our final goodbyes. Maybe some distance will do us good. That seemed to help Kat come back around. But a small part of me is terrified I will lose her forever once we part ways.
By the time I walk Kat to her room, her tears have dried up, replaced by a sullen look on her beautiful face. It kills me to see her like this.
Kat drops onto her bed and pulls me down with her. “I need you, Dean. Hold me while I sleep.” She rolls onto her side with her back facing me.
I get comfortable with Kat and wrap my arm around her stomach. She slips her fingers between mine and holds my hand against her skin. We haven’t been this close to each other since the morning that everything fell apart. If only I could turn back time and hit the reset button.
“I wish I could be with you over the summer, Kitten. Who will hold you when I’m gone?”
She shrugs against my chest. “Austin or Duke will lay with me like they always do. We usually fall asleep watching Netflix together anyway.”
“You Baldwins have some weird habits,” I say.
“To you, maybe, but to us, our rituals are normal. If you had brothers, you would get it. With me being the only girl, things were always different. Duke and Austin babied me to death and watched over me as if I would break in half. They still do.”
“Duke is a little too overprotective of you.”
“I remind him of our mom, and he was super close to her. He promised her that he would look after me.”
“He’s not like that purely out of obligation to your mom.”
“I guess not, but I know that has something to do with why he’s up my ass about everything. Duke worries about me. So does Austin.”
“Theo and Tucker do, too. They talk about you all the time. For the last few weeks, they have been worried about you. They swore that I was the reason you weren’t around and that I did something to hurt you. We even got into it one night when we had too much to drink.”
“Sorry about that.” She squeezes my hand. “I needed time to think things through.”
“I figured as much. That’s why I gave you some space. But I missed you like crazy the entire time.”
“Same here. Now that we’re graduating tomorrow and going back home, I wish I hadn’t created this divide between us. We should have spent our last few weeks together, not apart.”
“I promise to come out to Chicago and stay with you after the NHL Draft, even if it’s only for a few days or a week. My mom needs my help around the house. I don’t want to leave her by herself for too long when I had to do it all year for school.”
“There’s nothing more important than family,” she says. “I completely understand.”
“I hope I get picked up by a team,” I admit.
“You’re one of the best centers the NHL will ever find. It’s not a matter of getting a spot on a team; it’s where you will end up.”
“I’d like to be as close to you as possible.”
“You hate the Blackhawks. Could you play for my home team?” She laughs and leans back enough to dig her ass into my thigh, reminding me of our night together.
It’s hard not to think about Kat in that way after being inside her. I miss that part of our relationship, too. But what we had wasn’t just sex. It was so much more. At least it was to me.
“I would play for any team that wants me. My professional career has nothing to do with my personal feelings.”
“If you could choose any team in the league, we both know you would go with Tampa Bay.”
“That’s my home team. Of course, I would.”
She sighs. “Florida feels so far away from Chicago.”
“It’s only a plane ride away,” I tell her, stroking her hair. “No matter where I go or which team picks me up, I will still be here for you.”
“I know, Dean.” She lets out an exaggerated sigh. “I have to tell you something before we leave campus tomorrow.”
“What is it?” Her words cause my stomach to turn from the anxiety that brews from within.
“I…” She hesitates, choking on her words a few more times, before she says, “I—”
“It’s okay, Kitten. You don’t have to be nervous with me.”
“I’m not sure how to say this,” she mutters. “I’m…” She stops herself again, but this time, she begins to cry.
Her sobs are low, and as I clutch Kat tighter, her body trembles from how hard she cries. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that the Blackhawks select me in the NHL Draft. Kat needs me just as much as I need her.
* * *
I scraped together enough money from working at the pizza shop off campus to fly my mom to Philadelphia for my graduation. The smile on her face as I held the fake diploma in my hand made the last four years worth it. Everything she sacrificed to get me to this point has finally come full circle.
After I find Kat, who was seated a few rows in front of me, we make our way onto the lawn out front of the event center at Strickland University. The guests shuffle out in waves, the sheer number of people making it impossible to see through the crowd.
Kat had sent my mom the light pink sundress she’s wearing, which makes it easier for us to spot her. My mom has the graduation program in her hand and the camera around her wrist. I call out to her to get her attention, and she holds her hand up to her forehead to block the sun from her eyes. She smiles once she spots us, and I move forward to fill the distance between us.
“Dean,” she says, wrapping her arms around my middle. “I’m so proud of you, baby.” She leans her head on my chest for a few seconds, before I release my hold on her.
“None of this would have been possible without you, Mom.” I kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you. For everything.”
She cups the side of my face with her hand. “No need to thank me. It was all part of my job.”
“You did an amazing job.” I wink and give my mom one more kiss before I release her from my grip.
A few loud voices block out my mother’s next words, drawing my attention to the men behind us. I glance over my shoulder, about to tell them to shut up, when I spot Duke and Austin lifting Kat up off the ground. They hoist her onto their shoulders.
Kat covers her face with her hands when they start to parade her around the lawn, chanting something
I can’t even make out over Kat yelling at them. The Baldwins have the strangest traditions. This must be another one of them. Her dad joins in on their victory dance, accompanied by Theo and Tucker.
“We should go save Kat,” I tell my mom.
She smiles up at me. “Go ahead, baby. I’ll be right behind you.”
“I’m not leaving you behind to get trampled on.” I thread my fingers through hers and drag my mom alongside me to catch up with Kat and her family.
Once Nick notices my mom and me, he tells the boys to stop bothering Kat and comes over to us. “Emma,” he says, touching my mother on the shoulder with a smile. “How are you?” She leans in to hug Kat’s dad.
I saw Nick before the ceremony, so I walk away from them, as they exchange pleasantries, to say my goodbye to Kat. My stomach knots as I walk toward her. I have been dreading this moment all week. What will happen once Kat goes home? We both have to work, even though Kat doesn’t need the money.
When we lock eyes, Kat steps away from her brothers and strolls over to me, throwing herself into my arms. “I’m going to miss you.” She whispers the words against my neck.
“I doubt as much as I will miss you, Kitten.”
Kat peels her face from my neck and looks up at me with a smile. “I hate goodbyes.”
“Me, too, but this isn’t goodbye.”
She nods. “Right, I will see you in two months.”
“The Draft will be here in no time.”
“And we’ll all be there to cheer you on.” Kat motions to her family, who will be present for the NHL Draft.
Moving her hand up to my face, she leans in, as if she’s about to kiss me on the lips. My entire body stills because of the people watching around us. But she moves to the left of my mouth and kisses me on the cheek. “Take care of yourself, Dean. I’ll see you soon.” Her words come out muffled as if she’s trying to hide her tears.
For the past few years, we have repeated the same goodbye on the front lawn. But this one feels different. This goodbye has a palpable finality to it. Our college lives are over now that we are one step closer to moving on with our careers.
I brush the hair from her face and plant a kiss on her forehead. “Call me when you get home. Okay?”
Her eyes are glassy, but the tears have yet to spill down her face. Maybe it was best that we did this in public because we would both be a mess right now if we were alone. I wouldn’t have the strength to let her go if we did this in one of our bedrooms. Kat has been my world for so long that not having her part of my daily life will be hard.
“I’ll call you as soon as my plane lands,” she says.
“How about tonight instead? I promised my mom I would take her to dinner when we get home. She hasn’t had anything good to eat, other than food from the diner, in a long time.”
“Of course. Have fun with your mom. We can talk before bed.”
The thought of Kat in bed makes me think of how she looked in mine. We will never be able to erase what we did in the past. Some part of me will always think of Kat romantically, especially after sharing that part of myself with her. It wasn’t just sex for me, even though I led Kat to believe that it was for a long time. Maybe that was my mistake, one I will have to live with forever.
“Text me when you land, and I’ll do the same.”
She forces a smile to hide the pain, mirroring my expression.
“This isn’t goodbye, Kitten, remember that.”
While my words say one thing, her face says another. For Kat, this is goodbye. I have to show her that our story is not over. Everything will change for the better if the NHL drafts me. Having enough money to take care of my mom and move around the country will allow me to see Kat more often. It will also give us a chance to become more than friends.
Chapter Sixteen
Kat: Summer after graduation
With the entire Baldwin clan home for the summer, we have been living by the pool, drinking and partying, except I had to swap out mojitos for flavored water. Too busy getting tan and drunk, my brothers still haven’t caught on to the fact that I haven’t had any alcohol. And I still haven't dared to tell Dean about the baby. Sitting in a lounge chair by the pool, I read a book, ignoring my brothers, who are playing a water game together.
Duke swims over to me and splashes my feet. “Hey, Kit-Kat, get your ass in here. We need another player.”
I look up from my book and flash Duke a wicked grin. “You guys don’t need me. The teams are even.”
“Theo is a cheater. I need you on my team. Now, get in here before I have to come up there and throw you in.”
“It’s too hot, and I like the shade.” I point at the umbrella over my head.
“Whatever. You’re no fun anymore,” Duke grunts.
For the past few weeks, the heat has made my stomach turn like crazy. Even sitting outside and watching my brothers has been somewhat of a chore. But I don’t want them to suspect anything is wrong. At least not until I have to admit the truth about my condition.
I hate myself for referring to the child that is growing inside me as my condition. I still haven’t come to terms with everything. I was the one who was too drunk to tell Dean to use a condom. He was so used to me being on birth control that it wasn’t even a thought. But I had stopped my pills a few months before we had sex, all because they were giving me wicked migraines the doctor could only attribute to the pills.
It’s not like I had sex with Dean every week or even every month. The few times after he took my virginity were drunken make out sessions that turned into more. I hadn’t planned for it to happen again.
Either way, I made a mistake, and with his family’s financial stress, I didn’t want to add another complication. Ever since he moved back to Florida with his mom, Dean has done nothing but work. He delivers pizzas at night and does manual labor for a plumbing company in the day. I respect the hell out of him for his work ethic.
When it comes to family, I know first-hand that Dean would be an amazing father and provider. But I feel guilty, not wanting to add this to his plate. The NHL is supposed to be his fresh start, his chance to make something of himself. I can’t be the one to ruin his life. After he gets some good news, I will tell him about our child.
“Don’t go easy on her,” Austin says, coming up from behind Duke. “Get in here, Kat.”
Of all my brothers, Austin is the one I connect with most. While Duke was more of a father figure in my life, with all his rules and structure, Austin was the fun brother who helped me with my homework and took me out for ice cream. We also have less of an age difference between us.
Austin knows I would never say no to him. Damn him.
I move my hand to the side of my stomach and get up from the chair. Ever since my belly started to grow, I have been doing this. Is it a habit, or maybe a motherly instinct? I don’t know, but I have to stop. If one of my brothers notices this when I get bigger, they will give me hell for not telling them. They would also treat me differently than they do now, and I don’t want more special treatment than I already get from them.
No one can know about the baby. Well, at some point, I won’t be able to hide it. Until then, I want to keep this to myself. I read online that you should wait twelve weeks before you tell anyone, just to be sure. I’m almost that far along, which means I have to tell Dean soon. But I don’t want to ruin his big moment. He deserves to celebrate one of the best days of his life without me bringing him down.
I tug at the seam of the oversized shirt covering my bathing suit, turning away from my brothers. Even though they haven’t noticed, I swear my bump is more visible each day. Maybe I’m just paranoid that someone will discover my secret before I have the chance to tell them.
Before I pull the shirt over my head to get in the pool, my cell phone rings. I lean forward to see the name on the Caller ID and pick it up from the table with a smile. I press the phone to my ear and cradle it with my neck. “Hey, Dean.”
“Hey, Kitten. I wan
ted to call you on my lunch break to give you my flight info.”
“Get off the phone, Kit-Kat,” Duke yells behind from me.
“Who’s she talking to?” Theo says to Duke.
“Who do you think? Her boyfriend,” Duke deadpans.
I spin around to give Duke me best resting bitch face.
“Dean,” Theo says, confused. The twins have never seen the connection I have with Dean as anything more than friendship, which is weird, considering they are so close. “Let me talk to him.”
Dean is rambling off his flight information to me, all of which I miss because of my brothers yelling things in my direction.
I cover the receiver with my hand. “Will you be quiet? All of you. I’m on the phone.” Then, I remove my hand to apologize to Dean.
“If you need to deal with them,” Dean says, “I can call you later.”
“No, that’s okay. They have me all day and can wait.”
“Gee, thanks,” Theo says, pretending to be mad at me.
“Tell Theo I’ll call him later,” Dean says.
“Dean will call you later. Now, all of you go away so that I can hear him.” I throw my hand out in front of me to shoo them away.
Surprisingly, they listen to me and swim back to the deep end of the pool. I sit down on the chair and back under the umbrella, the sweat dripping down my face. “Sorry about that,” I tell Dean. “They are so annoying sometimes.”
“They care about you, Kitten. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
I sigh. “Nope. So, tell me what you have been up to this week. I haven’t had much time. The boys are always up my ass, and you’ve been working insane hours.”
“The foreman asked me to work overtime. We had to dig ditches all morning to lay sewer pipes this afternoon, and it’s about a million degrees down here.”
“Florida is too humid for me. I don’t know how you can do all that work in the sun.”
“Easy,” he says, laughing, “they pay me. I have to suck it up and do whatever they ask. The overtime money is good, and my mom could use it.”
More than a Fling: A Romance Collection Page 27