“I hate that you have to work so much while I lay by the pool and get a tan. This is so unfair.”
“Life isn’t fair, but you have to do what you gotta do.” His deep voice puts me at ease, forcing my eyes shut.
“You should be at a barbecue, not sweating your ass off.”
“It is what it is,” he says. “They pay overtime, which is hard to get around here. I’ll take what I can get.”
His words cause my heart to ache. Dean is exactly the kind of man I should be with, yet I pulled away from him when we were still on campus. A man who would kill himself to make money to feed his family is also the father our baby needs. So, why is it so hard to tell him? I open my mouth to try for the millionth time, and nothing comes out. Not even a squeak.
A beat passes between us before he says, “Things will change soon enough.”
“One more week,” I tell him, smiling like a fool. “You won’t have to work so hard anymore.”
He laughs. “No, I’ll have to work harder. Even if I get a spot on an NHL team, that doesn’t mean my life will be easy. I have to earn the right to stay on the team.”
“Yeah, that’s true, but things will get better once you’re drafted. Look at what it did for my dad and brothers.”
“Coming,” Dean yells, holding the phone away from his mouth. “Hey, Kitten. I have to go. Lunch is over, and I have to get back to work.”
“Take care of yourself, Dean.”
“Always.”
Then, the line goes dead, leaving me with the same regret and shame I feel every time we talk. I have to tell Dean about the baby when he comes here for his visit. He needs to know the truth.
* * *
Since the NHL Draft was at the United Center, I only had a short drive to Chicago to watch as Dean walked up onto the stage and claimed his place with the Philadelphia Flyers. My heart swelled with pride over his accomplishment. But it also sunk into my stomach when I realized we would be so far apart.
For a while, the news coverage made it look as though the Blackhawks would select Dean in the first round, which is why I told him to wait and see how the Draft turned out before we made any plans. Fate is not our friend. I thought fate would bring us together, only for it to tear us apart.
After my dad and brothers congratulate Dean, welcoming him into the league, he struts toward me with the Flyers hat in his hand. He wraps his arms around me, lifting me up in the process.
“I’m so proud of you, Dean.” I hook my arms around his neck and lean forward to kiss him on the cheek. “I knew you would make it this round. Are you excited about going back to Philly?”
He shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. At least I know the city and Theo and Tucker will be there to fuck off with when I’m home.”
“It sounds weird to hear you say home when talking about Philly.”
“It was both of our homes for the last four years.”
“Speaking of home, are you ready for your week with the Baldwins? Tucker and Theo have been planning your visit all week.”
He raises his eyebrows in curiosity. “Is that a good or bad thing?”
“I guess it depends if you like their surprises.”
Dean chuckles, and his laughter is contagious.
* * *
After we get back to my house, Theo and Tucker steal Dean away from me to shoot pool in the rec room, followed by bowling. I feel like such a pretentious ass for having a six-lane bowling alley in our basement. My dad had it built so that each of us would have a lane, which makes it even more ridiculous.
Other than Becca, Dean is the only other person I ever invited to the monstrosity we call a house. As a mega fanboy of my father’s, Dean already knew we were rich from the start. Just inviting him to bowl in our basement makes me feel like we are rubbing it in his face. All summer, Dean has been killing himself doing manual labor, and we have everything you could ever imagine on our property.
The twins talked us into an all-night bowling marathon, full of binge drinking and junk food. With how hungry I have been lately, I devoured a ton of snacks, all while swapping out my beers for ginger ale.
Theo spins around after another strike and slides toward us in his bowling shoes. They’re not the goofy clown kind they have at alleys, more like the shoes worn by the pros with the replaceable soles. Still, we all look stupid in them. For some reason, mine are now too tight, making it harder to walk in them.
“You’re up, Kit-Kat,” Theo shouts, cupping his hands around his mouth.
“I can hear you without all the yelling,” I retort, getting up from the chair.
Dean stares at the placement of my hand on the side of my stomach as if he can tell I have gained some weight. Shit. Panicked, I quickly drop my arm to my side and step up to take my turn. I search for my ball on the return and shove my fingers inside the grips. Austin had all of our balls drilled with these stupid inserts inside. He swears they help give the ball a better spin when he’s kicking our asses.
Well aware of Dean watching me, I tuck my elbows in, hoping to hide my stomach from view, and move up the lane to throw the ball. It sails off my fingertips, spinning toward the head pin, and makes a slight left, leaving three pins behind.
“You’re not gonna beat us with shots like that,” Tucker says once I turn around. He pounds the rest of his beer and burps in my ear, as I walk past him.
“Thanks, idiot.” I cover my hand over my ear and frown at him.
“C’mon, Kat.” Tucker wraps his arms around me, holding me in place. “Stop being such a buzzkill.”
Theo comes up from behind us and squeezes the life out of me. Once they release me from their grip, Tucker grabs a beer from the table and hands it to me. Even if I could drink, Tucker poured it before we started the game. The temperature alone would cause my stomach to turn.
I push my hand out in front of me and shake my head. “No, that’s okay. I’m still working on the one I have.” The glass I dumped out and filled with ginger ale.
I had snuck behind the bar while they were busy arguing over the score and replaced the beer with soda. For appearance sake, it looks similar enough. But because of the lack of foam, I haven’t touched my drink for most of the game, afraid to draw attention.
“You’ve been nursing it to death.” Theo attempts to hand me the beer again. “Drink up.”
I refuse him once more. “My stomach is still bothering me, okay?”
“You say that all the time,” Theo adds.
Dean gets up from his chair and comes to my rescue. “You guys are just mad that we’re wiping the floor with your sorry asses.”
Theo blows out a puff of air, spitting some his beer on us in the process. “Bullshit. You’re beating us by twelve points. We can make that up by the end of the game.”
“It’s drunk bowling for a reason.” Tucker points his finger at me. “Kat is cheating.”
“We don’t need to be sober to beat you.” Dean hooks his arm around my back and pulls me into his side.
“Whatever.” Theo chugs the beer he had handed to me. “Your turn, bro,” he says to Tucker.
After Tucker finishes another mug of warm beer, he slams it down on the table and walks over to the ball return. I sit next to Dean and lean my head on his shoulder as if no time has passed.
“Are you still eating gluten-free food?”
Dean’s words cause me to still for a moment.
I hate that I have been lying to him and everyone else about my fake gluten allergy. I even had our chef start cooking me meals without gluten, all while I sneak snacks with a load of carbs up to my bedroom.
It was the best thing I could come up with after Becca had mentioned it to me. Back then, I thought there was a possibility I had the allergy, only to find out my condition is just as permanent. Now, I’m stuck lying to the people I love because I’m too much of a coward to tell them the truth. My dad even donated money to the Celiac Disease Foundation, which made me feel even worse for lying. At least my lies could help the organiz
ation find a cure.
Still, I should come clean, especially while Dean is here. But maybe that would be an even worse idea. What would Duke do to Dean if he found out this way? I don’t even want to think about it. Plus, it would ruin Dean’s trip. The only vacations he ever had were the ones where I paid to fly him to my house. He needs this break from normal life as much as I need him here for selfish reasons.
“Yeah, why? You wanna try some of my food,” I joke, nudging Dean in the arm with my elbow. “It’s yummy.”
“I was never a big carb eater like you,” he says. “But I thought you were supposed to get better after you stopped eating junk food.”
I shrug. My guilt causes the bile to creep up from stomach, choking me. “I guess it takes time to work its way out of my system.”
“I worry about you, Kitten. You always put everyone else before yourself.”
I rub my hand on his thigh. “I’m fine.”
He glances down at my hand, and I swear he sucks in a deep breath. Our proximity has me all too aware of the reaction I have on Dean and the one he has over me. Dean pins me down with his intense gaze. This time, I’m the one holding my breath.
No matter how hard I try to shake this feeling in the pit of my stomach, I fail. After we ventured into uncharted waters, my best friend will always have this effect on me. We will never be the same. And our child changes everything. If only I could get up the courage to tell him.
Chapter Seventeen
Dean: 1 week after the NHL Draft
After a grueling summer, I needed this week off from life to hang out with Kat and her brothers. But tomorrow my vacation is over. Our lives will change dramatically in the next few months. I’d hoped for the Draft to bring me to Chicago so that I could be closer to Kat, but we have either bad luck or shitty timing. Maybe a little of both.
Staring up at the ceiling of the guest room, I lay flat on my back and think of Kat. We spent most of our time with the twins this week, with hardly any alone time to ourselves. I have to sneak out of my bedroom to see Kat. With the twins in the bedrooms next to me, I haven’t gotten far.
Two nights ago, I attempted to see Kat, only to run into Theo at the hall bathroom. Every night before that, there was something that kept us from being together. But not tonight. I have all of six hours before I get on a plane, and I refuse to spend them without Kat.
I check the clock on the bedside table and hope the twins are sleeping. Just because I haven’t heard a sound in over an hour doesn’t mean a thing when it comes to the twins. Theo drank enough beer to knock two grown men on their asses. Tucker went along with him. Kat wasn’t drinking again, so I followed her lead and drank soda. I’d rather we both be sober for the few hours we have left together.
The door creaks when I open it, forcing me to wait a few seconds before I step into the dark hallway. For once, the house is quiet. I shut the door behind me, walking on my tippy toes toward Kat’s room, keeping my fingers crossed that no one wakes up. Her dad and older brothers have rooms on the floor above us, which makes this easier, but Tucker and Theo are light sleepers. Even the slightest creak could bring them into the hallway.
Luck must be on our side for once because I make it to Kat’s room without anyone noticing. I turn the knob and push my way into the room, locking the door behind me.
Kat flicks on the lamp next to her bed, the soft light illuminating her face. She rubs her eye with the back of her hand.
“Were you sleeping?” I whisper and come toward her.
“No, I tried, but I all I did was toss and turn.” She pats the space on the mattress next to her. “Get in here and snuggle with me. Maybe I’ll get some sleep with you next to me.”
I crawl in beside Kat and roll onto my side, staring down at her, as I slide my arm under her head. “I have to tell you something before I leave.”
“Me, too,” she says under her breath. “You go first.”
I dip down, so that my breath touches her lips, and say, “I love you, Kitten. I just wanted you to know that.”
“I love you, too, Dean.” She reaches up to touch my face with her hand.
“I mean I love you as more than a friend. I want to make this work between us.”
“Oh.” She tilts her head to the side and bites her lip. “We had this conversation months ago. I don’t see how we can do that with you living in Philly and me in Chicago.”
I slide my hand across her stomach and onto her hip, forcing her to look at me. “We can make it work, we always have.”
“Going a few months without seeing each other over the summer break from college is not the same thing, Dean. You have to live in another city and travel for most of the year. I go through this with my dad and brothers. It’s hard not to see them. It would be even worse with you.”
“It’s better than not seeing me at all. I need you in my life, Kitten.”
“You’re my best friend, Dean. Is that not enough?”
I shake my head. “Not anymore.”
“Then, I’m not sure we have anything left to talk about.”
“Meaning what? That you don’t even want to be friends? You know how hard it is for me to pour my heart out to you, and now, you have nothing left to say to me?”
“I’m sorry, Dean. I wish things were different. For now, all we can be is friends. Don’t you see that? We would only set ourselves up for failure. You would spend all your time missing me and me you, and that’s a distraction you don’t need.”
“You could never be a distraction,” I confess. “I’m in love with you, Kitten. My life is not complete without you in it.”
“How about we try out friends with benefits and see how that goes?”
“Seriously?”
Kat nods. “Yeah, I kind of miss being with you, but I don’t think a relationship is right for us. At least not now. You’re the only man I have ever been with. I want something to remember before we part ways again.” She moves my hand from her hip and slides it between her thighs. And she’s not wearing any underwear. “I want to spend the rest of the time we have together in this bed.”
“But what about—”
She cuts me off before I can finish my thought. “How about I make you a deal?”
“What do you have in mind?”
“The last time we were together we were both drunk. It didn’t help that I had to hide on the floor in your closet while you talked about me to my brother.”
“I’m still sorry about that,” I tell her, stroking her jaw with my thumb. “I wish I could change everything that happened that morning.”
“What I was going to say is that maybe we need a do-over.” Kat takes my finger and slides it along her slick folds.
I suck in a deep breath.
“Maybe we should give this one more try.”
“I have to convince you with sex?” I laugh at the idea. “And here I thought I already did that.”
She moans when I finally take charge and shove my fingers inside her.
“Is this what you want, Kitten?” I quicken my pace and lean over her.
She closes her eyes and purrs. “Uh-huh.”
“Good, because I want you to come for me.”
“I’m starting to love Dirty Dean a lot more than I used to.” She says this with a smile.
Her lips part for me when I kiss her, starting slow and passionate, the intensity growing with each thrust inside her. Kat palms the back of my head to deepen the kiss, slowly making her way down my back.
She runs her palm over my six-pack and slips her hand inside my boxers to stroke my shaft. I try to focus on anything other than how good her warm hand feels wrapped around me. The sounds that escape her lips only make me harder and more anxious to release the tension from my body.
When Kat comes for me, I stifle her moans with my mouth, kissing her until her body stops convulsing. I grab her hand, telling her to stop so that I can slide my boxers over my hips. Positioning myself between her legs, I stare down at my best friend, my Ki
tten, the only girl I have ever loved. She looks beautiful with her blonde hair fanned out around her head. For all I know, this could be the last night we have together. I want to make every second count.
I lift her leg over my shoulder, positioning myself at her entrance before I inch myself inside her wetness. I lean forward to suck on her bottom lip and slip my tongue into her mouth. With each kiss, our friendship and the lines that we have already crossed become even more blurred. But nothing has ever felt so right to me.
The animalistic passion I have for Kat consumes me, begging to break free. She covers her mouth with the pillow once I lift her other leg over my shoulder. We share a deep connection that I have never felt for anyone other than Kat. Our level of intimacy is different. My world starts and ends with Kat. For as long as I have known her, no other woman has come close.
As I pick up the pace, her eyes widen, and she bites down on the pillow. With her eyes focused on me, the look of pure ecstasy in them forces me to pound into her harder, faster. Her body convulses once more, the grip she has on me tightening. Although muffled by the fabric, her scream reaches the silent air.
Panic sets in for a moment. I don’t want this to end, but the thought of the Baldwin brothers breaking down the door to interrupt us causes me to move faster.
She lets out one last sigh, watching me, as I find my release. I collapse on top of her and kiss her lips before rolling onto the mattress next to her.
Did I convince her that we could have more? I hope so because my love for Kat is true. After we last had sex, I was confused and unsure of how to separate my feelings. After months apart, what I felt for her back in college has only grown stronger. But how would this work? She’s right about not seeing each other for most of the year.
I move the pillow behind my head and Kat curls up next to me to rest her head on my chest. “Why couldn’t the Blackhawks pick you instead of the Flyers?”
I laugh and plant a kiss on her forehead. “Because I have bad luck.”
She drags her finger along my jaw and smiles. “I wish we could find a way to make this work.”
More than a Fling: A Romance Collection Page 28