by Robin Roseau
"That too," she said, grinning.
"You thought I was someone else."
"Yes. But I like the real Emily far more. The Emily I thought you were, she would have just been a quick fling. Needs met and moved on."
I was still sitting next to her, looking away. I looked down at her, lying first on my side. I kissed her quickly.
"Do you want to touch me?" I asked her.
"Very much."
I lay back and said, "Go slow."
And so she did. I closed my eyes then felt Linda roll onto her side next to me. Then her hand was on my arm, her fingers caressing me, doing little swirls in my skin, slowly moving up my arm.
It tickled and felt very nice at the same time.
She moved slowly, slow swirls, slowly migrating. She reached my shoulder, and the swirls turned into strokes. She stroked my shoulder, my collarbone, then reached across me to stroke the other side. She caressed my skin and my face. When her fingers brushed across my lips, I kissed them.
We didn't talk. I lay quietly, my eyes closed, as Linda continued to stroke and caress my skin, very softly, very slowly. Her fingers ran down my sides, across my tummy, and back up my other side. She did it again in reverse, this time her fingers brushing across my pelvis, just barely outside the waistband of my panties.
At least I'd had the foresight to wear sexy panties.
Then she traced one finger to the center of my stomach and slowly, so slowly directly up my center, slipping between my breasts, not quite touching either one. She caressed my face then began caressing the top of my chest, above my breasts.
Finally she touched just the tops of a breast, the sides, places no one had ever touched my bare skin.
She cupped a breast.
"Is this all right?" she asked.
"Yes," I whispered.
Then she brushed her thumb across the nipple, and I squirmed.
"Still all right?" she asked.
"Yes." I licked my lips. "More?"
"Oh yes," she said. "I was hoping you'd say that."
She shifted, and then she was kneeling over me. It was a more dominant position, and opened my eyes. "Slow."
She nodded, just once, and I closed my eyes again. She moved both hands to me, caressing me again, then both hands slowly slid to my breasts, fondling them. I squirmed, and then she pinched both nipples at the same time and I gasped.
"Too fast?"
"No," I said, breathless again.
She continued touching and teasing for several minutes, and soon I couldn't control my squirming.
I opened my eyes to find her watching me intently. She looked pleased with herself.
"Do you like what I'm doing?"
"Yes. Please kiss me."
So she did, kissing me deeply. I reached up and pulled her back to lie beside me, half on top of me, and I grabbed her free hand, my hand over hers, holding it still against my breast for a moment. She stiffened slightly, but then I began to push her hand down, down from my breast, down across my stomach, down over my panties.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Only if you want to," I replied.
Through my panties, she cupped me, and I relaxed my hand, releasing her to touch me however she wished.
She pressed against me, her hand pressing against my vulva. She moved, her fingers sliding over my labia.
I reached down and grabbed her hand, pressing it against me, stilling it, and my eyes opened to look at her.
"Do you want to take my panties off?" I asked her.
"I don't want to scare you."
"Do you want to take them off?"
"Yes."
I pulled her hand up and slid her thumb inside my waistband, closing my eyes. She didn't need any further encouragement and slid my panties down my legs. I squirmed and arched my bottom as necessary so she could pull them off me. Then she was lying beside me again, her hand resting over my vulva possessively, but not moving. I opened my eyes to look at her.
"If you're not ready, Emily, we should stop. It will be very difficult for me if you put the brakes on again."
I reached up and pulled her to a kiss. "What do I do?" I asked her.
"You enjoy," Linda told me, smiling. "Let me do everything."
"That seems selfish."
"Oh trust me, I will be enjoying myself immensely."
I had dislodged her hand when I pulled her to the kiss. Linda continued to stare into my eyes, leaning over me, and her hand slowly moved back down my body, sliding between my legs to cup me. She lowered her mouth to kiss me once more then lifted her face away, just far enough she could watch my face. I opened my eyes, looking at her.
And then her hand moved, her fingers curling and sliding into the crease of my labia. She did it slowly, watching me carefully, and I felt my eyes grow wide as her fingers slid up my slit and brushed my clit briefly.
My mouth made an "ohhhh" but no words came out.
Linda's expression was intent, but her lips slipped into a brief smile.
Then her fingers moved again, and I gasped with the sensations. I didn't understand why what she was doing felt so much more intense then when I'd touched myself, but somehow it did.
After that, her eyes held mine prisoner while her hand moved across me.
I was lost, completely lost, staring into her intent eyes. Her hand moved, driving me wild with need. Shudders began through my entire body, but her eyes never released mine. I was trapped in her gaze while my body succumbed to her tender strokes of my center.
The orgasm burst through me, shattering my last vestiges of thought.
I came to my senses some time later. Linda was lying next to me, her head cradled on my shoulder, her hand still cupping my sex, and I realized she still had two fingers inside me. Something in my expression must have changed, as Linda seemed to know when I'd come back to earth.
Her fingers moved, and I gasped. She giggled.
"I have you how I want you," she whispered. Then her thumb moved across my clitoris, and I couldn't think again.
But she stilled, waiting for me to come back. "How is that?" I finally asked, barely able to get the words out.
"Helpless to my touch," she said. "Wanting more." To punctuate her words, her hand moved again, little more than a twitch, and my entire body responded.
She gave me a second orgasm, this one as sweet as the first, although not so mind altering. My brain remained engaged the second time; I gasped out her name as the orgasm overcame me.
This time, Linda withdrew her hand from me, and once she was sure she had my attention, she slowly slipped her glistening fingers into her mouth. She closed her eyes, offering a look of rapture, while she sucked my juices from her fingers.
"Wow," she said as she withdrew her fingers. "You taste divine."
And then she clasped my jaw, turning my mouth towards hers, and took my mouth possessively. She tasted of her and a hint of something else, a hint of me.
And then I slept.
When next I woke, I found myself wrapped in Linda's arms. She had pulled a blanket over us and was breathing softly into my ear. I turned my face to look at her, waking her in the process. She leaned towards me just slightly, our noses touching, and smiled. I returned her smile.
"Are you all right?" she asked in a quiet voice.
"Yes." I shifted, rolling towards her. "My turn," I said, reaching to touch her.
* * * *
We made love again the next morning. I was clumsy, but Linda thoroughly enjoyed my efforts. After that, we cuddled for a while and talked.
"I want to tell you something," Linda said, breaking a pause in the conversation. She was lying on her back with my head on her shoulder. I had a leg casually thrown over her, and her hand had caught my hand, holding it to stop me from playing with her nipples. "They've had enough attention, Emily," she had told me.
"I love you," I blurted out.
She sighed. "No you don't. That's lust talking. And gratitude. It's not love. You're not in love
with me, and I'm not in love with you."
At first I was offended. I tried pulling away, but she held me firmly in place. "Before you get mad, think about it, Emily. When I picked you up for dinner last night, were you in love then?"
I had to admit that I hadn't been. "But everything has changed."
"No, Emily, it hasn't. For you a lot has changed. For me, not so much."
"Last night wasn't special?"
"Of course it was," she said. "But our first date was special. And studying in the library is special. Making a new friend is special. And it was your first time, so that made it especially special to you, and you let me be a part of it, so it was special to me, too. But it was just sex."
"Just sex."
"Yes, Emily. Just sex. Lust, not love."
"But-"
"You can get sex anywhere," Linda said. "So can I."
"But-"
"Later, are you going to think about me? Or are you going to think about what we did?"
"What we did."
"So what we did was special. But if it hadn't been me, it might have been Marie or Julie or someone else. Would you have fallen in love with Marie instead of me?"
Neither of us said anything for a while. I tried to pull away several times, but she held me tightly, and I didn't try that hard. Eventually I settled down and sighed.
"You don't love me."
"I like you immensely," Linda said. "But frankly, I do not want the distraction of falling in love. School and establishing a career are very important to me. Aren't they to you?"
"Yes, but-"
"And what do you think would happen if we fell in love, but later broke up. How long would you be devastated? What would happen to your grades, and with it perhaps your entire future?"
"That's a cold way of looking at it," I told her.
"I know. And that by itself may be why you don't want to ever become more serious about me than we already are."
I sighed. "This isn't the morning after conversation I wanted."
"I know. It would be so romantic to express undying love for each other. That's what we're supposed to do, isn't it? But that's not what this is, Emily."
"You're right, I guess," I admitted grudgingly. It was just sex. My first time, but still, just sex. "I had a nice time, though, and I'm always going to remember last night."
"Good," she said. "You're supposed to remember your first time. And I'll remember, too. I have something else to say."
I sighed dramatically. "Breaking up with me now that you've had me?"
She laughed. "No. In fact, there's a lot more I'd like to do with you. But I am going to continue to see other people, too. I am going to have sex with some of them. And if you act jealous or try to make me feel guilty about it, I will drop you on the spot. Do you understand?"
"Yes," I said in a small voice. I felt like I'd just been lectured.
"Good." I think she knew I was upset, and that if she'd let me leave on that note, I would have never have wanted to see her again. Instead, she rolled on top of me and kissed me. I was sullen in kissing her back, but she ignored my lack of ardor and simply moved down my body. She took a nipple into her mouth and sucked greedily.
I wasn't in the mood, and tried to push her away. She let me, but just kissed her way down my body instead, finally settling her mouth between my legs. My reticence crumpled instantly as her tongue slipped between my lower lips, lapping at me.
Several minutes later, when the waves of an orgasm washed over me, I thrust my hand to my mouth to stifle the screams of pleasure.
Patterns
I invited Julie to dinner on the following Wednesday. She seemed surprised about a mid-week date, but agreed readily. I took her for a proper sit down dinner, although at one of the less expensive restaurants in town. Dinner conversation was light and frivolous, although I caught Julie looking at me with a look of cautious expectation. A mid-week date was unusual; she knew something was up.
"Are you breaking up with me?" she blurted out eventually.
The question shocked me. "No!" I said. I thought about why I'd asked her, and wasn't sure what to say. "No," I said more slowly. "It's just-"
"Just tell me, Emily," Julie said.
"The end of the term is coming."
"Yes."
"Are you going to Japan?"
"Yes."
"I won't see you for six weeks." She didn't respond. "I wanted enough time to make sure I knew where we stood."
She smiled. "I thought that was clear already."
It had been. It wasn't anymore. Making love with Linda had something to do with it, but I couldn't explain why that should matter.
"What's changed?" she asked. She studied me, and I looked away, blushing. She began laughing softly. "You got laid. Well. Good. I'm glad that's out of the way."
"What?" I said, shocked.
"I didn't want to be your first," she said. "I was waiting for someone else to take that honor. Was it Linda?"
I nodded.
"Was it nice?"
"Yes!"
She laughed again. "Good. So this date is a booty call."
I didn't answer, and she laughed again. "Well, now I know why you're so nervous. You're afraid I was going to be offended." She reached over and took my hand, smiling at me.
The meal was more relaxed after that. We finished our meal and walked back to my car holding hands. When we arrived at the car, I pulled her into a kiss, and she melted against me willingly. Even through our long coats, she felt amazing in my arms.
We didn't talk after that. My nervousness returned, and Julie seemed happy to hold my hand and let me contemplate. I walked her to her room, and she immediately pulled me inside. We then fell back on old habits. I helped her out of her coat and hung both coats in her closet. We changed into slippers. She made tea. I sat on the floor and watched her.
She was so amazingly lovely, and so amazingly different from Linda.
While the tea steeped, she walked around the room. She lit incense and candles, then waved the incense around the room. "This probably clashes with the tea," she said. "But it's calming."
"You need calming?" I asked her.
She laughed. "No. You do."
I nervously laughed along with her.
She collected the tea and set it down on the mat in front of me, settled down across from me, and served both of us. This had become our ritual every night upon returning her to her room, and following the ritual was also calming in a way. But it only delayed my nervousness.
We drank our tea in silence, then sat there, looking at each other. I wanted her. I wanted to... I didn't know what I wanted, not the details. But I knew hunger filled my eyes as I watched her.
Julie smiled at me. She must have known what I was thinking. It had to be obvious. But she waited for me to make up my mind.
I stood up and held out my hand, helping her rise to her feet. I stepped closer, erasing the distance between us, and look down into her eyes. She looked up at me, her expression kind.
And then she licked her lips, and I realized her expression was more than kindness.
I reached out and caressed her cheek, her silky soft, beautiful cheek, sliding my hand past her to cup the back of her head, pulling her lips to mine. Our arms wrapped around each other, and we kissed hungrily.
When we pulled away, I looked at her, my nervousness gone, replaced by a playfulness. She noticed the change and raised an eyebrow.
"There's something I want to do," I told her.
"I imagine there is," she said. "I wonder if I can imagine what."
I smiled. "I might surprise you." Then I stepped closer and bent down, sliding one arm behind her shoulders, another behind her knees, and swept her off her feet and into my arms.
Julie shrieked in surprise, instinctively wrapping her arms around my neck. Then she laughed. "Okay, I wasn't expecting that," she said, but she felt amazing in my arms, and I held her easily.
I bent my head and kissed her before carrying
her to her bed. Setting her down, I climbed onto the bed, chasing her lips as she scuttled backwards away from me to lie back amongst the pillows.
And then we began to touch each other.
* * * *
I lost track of how many times we made love that night. Julie allowed me to take the lead, although she had to help a little as I learned what she liked. As we lay together afterwards, she panted heavily into my ear, trying to catch her breath.
Then, suddenly, she flipped me onto my back, straddling me and pinning my arms to the bed over my head.
In public, she was always demure. She always wanted me to take the lead. In private, that was often different, and she'd frequently been the aggressor in our romps on her bed. The dichotomy was something I found endearing about her, so when she ordered me to leave my hands where she had put them, I obeyed.
She spent the rest of the evening showing me what she liked done to her, and what she wanted to do to me. Even while I was pleasing her, there was no doubt over who was in control of the situation.
Then, eventually, sweaty and exhausted, we slept, spooning my front to her back.
* * * *
I finished the term with new patterns. I was a kid with a new toy, and I was determined to get the most out of it in the last week and a half available to me. I would have spent the entire time in one bed or another, and both Linda and Julie laughed at my dogged determination while chasing me away to study.
And then there were finals and departures.
I drove Rachel to the airport. I had offered to drive Julie as well, but she declined my offer. Des Moines was on the way home, anyway, and I was happy to have a little more time with Rachel at least.
At the airport, we hugged and kissed cheeks. Then, impulsively, I pulled away and said, "Ask your parents if you can come back a few days early, right after Christmas. You can visit my home town."
She smiled. "I'll see, but they may have plans."
The two-hour drive home was quiet and lonely. I'd discovered a newfound sexual liberation, only to lose it to the vagaries of life. I didn't know what I would do for the next six weeks. I wasn't close to anyone back home, except Dee Dee.