Revive (A Redemption Novel)

by Marley Valentine

  The pitch in her voice rises. “You want to eat dinner?”

  “Well, everyone’s got to eat.”

  “Right.”

  Shutting down the conversation for I second time, I figure I’ve got nothing to lose by pressing her to tell me what’s got her so tongue-tied. “Taylah. Just spit it out.”

  “I thought this was just sex.”

  I laugh, grateful her unfiltered mouth is back. “Can I not feed you first?”

  “I’m not opposed to it, it just wasn’t what I was expecting.” The sound of the train conductor announcing the next train interrupts her explanation.

  “Care to share what you were expecting?”

  “I don’t know, less clothes.” She pauses. “Dinner seems kinda intimate.”

  “Intimate? Crazy, intimate is when my face is pressed up against your pussy. This is just food.”

  “Fuck. Drix,” she hisses.

  “What? You don’t want to tease me right back like you have been every night.”

  “Let’s just say you’re lucky there’s a platform full of people standing around me right now.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Don’t underestimate what I’ve got stashed up my sleeve.”

  “My dick’s hard just thinking about the possibilities.”

  “And people say I’m the one who doesn’t think before I talk.”

  “I can’t help it, you seem to be rubbing off on me.”

  “And I am not walking into that one.”

  “Seriously.” Putting our bold and brash conversation on hiatus, I try and convince her once and for all to meet up with me. “Let me pick you up from the station. We can go somewhere close and talk about work. Keep it light. Keep it casual.”

  “I can do that. I’ll just text you the time the train pulls up, and where the easiest place to meet is.”

  Relieved she isn’t shutting me down, I happily oblige.

  Crazy: Train arrives at Meadowbank Station at 7:26. I’ll be at the Thai restaurant directly across the road by 7:30. See you soon

  The drive to Meadowbank isn’t quick. Arriving five minutes late, I walk in and spot her sitting cosily in a corner booth. Just as I’m about to reach her, the waiter slides in beside her, catching us both off guard. Blonde, blue-eyed and slightly shorter than me, his lean frame angles into her. Annoyed that he’s eating into my time with her, I walk a little faster, hoping to catch her attention. Unfortunately for him, he notices me first, taking it as his cue to swiftly slide himself away from her.

  As he moves, her gaze follows, green eyes settling on mine. She offers me a coy smile and the smallest wave. While the confidence fuelled side of her personality is intoxicating, nervous Taylah is an alluring rarity.

  She stands to greet me, and I enjoy the sexiness of her corporate outfit. From head to toe, I admire the curve of her breasts, peeking through her elegantly unbuttoned shirt, and accentuated by her high-waisted skirt. Down to her tight arse and toned legs, her heels are a wonderful addition to my own little fantasy.

  “Sorry, I’m late.” Pressing my hand to the small of her back, I lean in and kiss her cheek.

  “That’s okay. I had company.”

  “I noticed,” I say, turning my head in the direction of the waiter. “I bet you can’t go anywhere without someone trying to hit on you.”

  “It doesn't happen that often.” Her eyes veer off to the side, proof she's lying.

  I catch her chin between my fingers and bring her eyes back to mine. “I call bullshit.”

  Her shoulders lift in a slight shrug, as she takes her seat back in the booth. The same waiter comes back with menus, nodding at me with a tight, and unimpressed smile as he hands it to me.

  “What's good here?” I ask, blatantly ignoring him.

  “I usually get a Prawn Pad Thai, covered in peanut sauce.”

  ”Sounds good.” I push the menu away without even giving it a second glance. “I'll get that then.”

  “Are you sure? I kinda put that dish together, and it’s not really for everyone.”

  “I'll take my chances.” The guy from earlier returns, pen behind his ear, and notebook in his hand. “Do you want me to order the same for you?”

  “No.” She waves her hand in front of her and then addresses the waiter. “I would like a bowl of Tom Yum soup, please.” Her face turns back to me. “I had a really late lunch at work.”

  “No problem.” Collecting the menus, I interrupt his continual appraisal of Taylah and rudely shove them under his nose. “Thanks. We’re done here.”

  “I’m right here,” I say, shaking my head. “Could he be any more obvious?”

  “Excuse me,” she says, the sass returning to the tone of her voice. “He can look all he wants, we’re not together.”

  “Right now, we are.” Wanting to attach myself to her in any way possible, I’m unfamiliar with the sense of competition and jealousy coursing through me. She’s not mine, and I’m not hers, but the frustration and need building in the middle of my chest to have her, hints otherwise. “Why don’t you tell me about your week from hell. I bet you mine rivals it.”

  “No,” she groans. “I don’t want to talk about it yet. You tell me yours.”

  “Well. Wait, do you know what I do?” I ask, realising the sense of familiarity between us doesn’t actually mean we know a lot about one another.

  “Jagger and Emerson have mentioned it.”

  “How nice of them,” I say sarcastically. “Do they talk about me often?

  She shakes her head while twisting an invisible key at the seam of her mouth, insinuating her lips are sealed.

  “Whatever.” I put my hands up in defeat. “I don’t care anyway.”

  “I’m sure you don’t,” she teases. “Now stop stalling and tell me what happened at work.”

  “It’s not that exciting,” I start. “But we’re getting audited at the end of this month, which is a pain, but it’s almost impossible finalising all the paperwork when I’ve spent all my extra hours making sure my clients are staying out of trouble.”

  “I fucking hate when they spring that shit on you,” she says in understanding. “Expecting it all to be up to date because your job only consists of paperwork.”

  “Every time it happens, I tell myself to be more up to date so I don’t go through the same shit next audit. But alas, I’m really talented at being extremely unorganised.”

  “It’s definitely one of the shit sides of the job.” She pulls a laptop bag in the air and points to it. “That’s the reason I’m not staying back every night, I’m taking it home with me.”

  We sit through a meal, and order dessert, talking about all the things we love and hate about our jobs. I knew what she did for a living, but I forgot how close our circles ran.

  I also didn’t realise how much I like hearing her talk. About anything.

  Specialising in family law, she knows all about the type of children I work with, where they come from and how hard the system has to work to make sure they don’t get lost. In turn, I know how hard it is to be responsible for visitation rights, kids without parents and parents losing their kids.

  It’s a constant battle between wanting to save everyone and not being able to save anyone.

  “Do you ever think you’ll leave Legal Aid and go private?”

  She skates her top teeth across her bottom lip as she mulls over my question. “I never say never, but right now, I’m happy and content. I get to have all the things I want for my life while doing something worthwhile for somebody else’s.”

  The conversation hasn’t turned to sex once, and I find myself enthralled, wanting to learn all the things about her. How empathetic she is. How much she has to give, how little she feels she needs to take.

  A loud yawn leaves her mouth, and she rushes to cover it. “Shit, I’m so sorry.”

  “What are you apologising for?”

  “Some days my inner old lady shows, and my body wants to be in bed by nine pm.”

/>   “Let’s call it a night.”

  Apologetic eyes stare at me, and I feel compelled to clarify that being attracted to her doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a good meal and great conversation. And if I’m honest, I think I needed this more.

  “Taylah.” I place my hand over hers, keeping her focus on me. “Thank you for light and casual.”

  “The food and company were pretty great, weren’t they?”

  I stare at her, because I don’t want to look anywhere else. My eyes travel over every part of her, grateful the night took this turn. “Can we do this again some time?”

  “I’ll see if I can fit you in my schedule.”

  My phone rings, ruining the moment, and Sasha’s name appears on the screen, adding salt to our wounds. I don’t know how Taylah feels about Sasha, but I know she isn’t stupid. There isn’t a moment I can have without a reminder of her, and any progress we made just left the building.

  She drags her hand from under mine. “You better get that.”

  “It’s probably Dakota,” I throw out, looking for a plausible excuse. “She sometimes calls off her mum’s phone.”

  “Sure.”

  I’ve lost her.

  Years of habit mean I can’t let it ring out. “Hello.”

  “Uncle Drix.”

  A large exhale leaves my body, as Dakota’s voice answers instead of Sasha’s “Kid, what’s wrong with your own phone?”

  “I went over my data plan, so I’m trying to save money.”

  “You almost gave me a heart attack.” I try to get Taylah’s attention, but she looks everywhere but me. “What’s up?”

  “I’m just checking you’re coming tomorrow.”

  “Of course I’m coming, when do I not show up.”

  “Never. I just like to check in.”

  “We’re all going to be there,” I assure her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m good. What are you up to tonight?”

  “I’m having dinner with a friend.” Taylah’s body stills at my response. “I’ve got to go, okay? I’ll see you bright and early. Get some sleep.”

  My favourite waiter brings the bill placing it in front of Taylah. She opens it, and slips her credit card in, just as I wrap up the phone call.

  “Love you, Uncle Drix.”

  “Love you, too, kid.”

  I drop the phone on the table with a thud, and take hold of her credit card, handing it back to her. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “Paying for dinner?”

  Dragging my wallet out of my back pocket, I throw some cash in the leather holder and wait to hand it back to the waiter myself.

  “I could’ve paid.”

  “I know.”

  “Dakota okay?” she asks, giving in to curiosity.

  “She wanted to make sure I was going to make it to her soccer game tomorrow.”

  “She plays soccer?”

  “She does every extracurricular activity her school has.” I beam with pride at the beautiful young woman she’s growing up to be.

  “Do you always watch her?”

  I nod, because it’s the truth. Anything she has ever needed I’ve made sure she has.

  “You treat her as if she’s your own.” It’s an observation. One that scratches the surface of my deepest secrets. One that needs no confirmation from me. “You’re a good man Drix,”

  Unable to meet her eyes, I look down at the table. “I try.”

  10

  Sasha

  With our picnic chairs set up along the sideline, Dakota’s biggest fans, Jagger, Emerson, Hendrix, and I are here cheering her and her team on, hoping they win this game, and make it to the quarterfinals.

  Seated in a row, Jagger and Emerson sit in between Hendrix and I; playing as our usual buffers. We used to be able to co-exist, but lately being around him is everything my masochistic heart wants. Every time we’re together, it’s just another layer being ripped off, exposing what I’ve been trying to keep hidden for years.

  I feel like a balloon. Each year that’s passed I fill myself up with shame, humiliation, and disappointment, but now I’ve finally reached the part where the balloon can’t hold it together anymore. And I’m so close to bursting.

  The halftime whistle blows, the score nil all, and a bunch of fifteen and sixteen-year-old girls ready to rip each other apart. For such a non-contact sport the mood and undertone is ruthless.

  Jagger and Hendrix huddle with the team, pretending they know anything about soccer when really they just like to scare all the other parents from falling in the trap of sideline coaching.

  “Want some?” Emerson offers me some dried apples, and I turn my nose up at them in disgust.

  “I really don’t know how you eat those. The texture in your mouth is gross.”

  “They’re not that bad,” she argues. “And they’re so healthy.”

  “Please, just eat unhealthy shit like the rest of us.”

  We laugh with ease, a friendship I never thought I would want, yet somehow, I cherish dearly. So caught up in my own bubble I didn’t know I needed an outsider. Someone who I don’t have a history with, someone I can start fresh with. Someone who isn’t afraid to hurt my feelings when I need to get the fuck out of my own head.

  We both watch Jagger and Drix walk side by side across the field. Guaranteed our thoughts are very different, but we get caught up in their presence all the same.

  “Can I ask you something about Hendrix?”

  “I don’t know how helpful I’ll be, but my ears work just fine.”

  “Is he with your friend Taylah?”

  She uncrosses her legs, only to cross them again. “The truth?”

  “Please.”

  “I don’t know if there’s anything going on right now.” She turns her head to face me, her expression unreadable as her sunglasses cover her eyes. “But there’s a very high possibility that something may happen between them in the future.”

  “Why am I even surprised?” I murmur to myself “He’s a catch, any sane woman would jump through hoops to have him.”

  “So are you insane?”

  “Huh?”

  She raises her shades letting them sit on the top of her head, her eyes boring into mine. “So, why are you not with him?”

  Unruffled by her frustration, I answer her honestly. “I don’t deserve him.”

  “Maybe not, but isn’t that his choice to make?”

  “No.”

  “No?” The resentment in her tone lessens as she realises nothing she can say will change my mind. “You’re going to lose him.”

  “You can’t lose something you never really had.”

  “But Sasha, you’ve always had him.”

  The music blares from inside the house, and I feel someone close behind me. Standing on the back porch, wide eyes from my friends settle on me as an arm curves around my waist. Praying it's the one person I want it to be, I turn around, only to experience full-blown disappointment. “Jay?”

  Jay is the bad boy from the shitty part of town that every girl wants to fix. Older than us, he’s rough around the edges, foul-mouthed, and arrogant. There should be no appeal, yet he can’t walk in a room without turning heads.

  All the girls want him, and all the boys hate him.

  “I’ve been hoping to bump into you.” His eyes dart around the room before landing back on mine. “Your sidekicks around?”

  Everybody who’s anybody knows Jagger, Drix, and Jay hate each other. Nobody can tell you how it started, but the older we all get, the more non-negotiable their rivalry became.

  “Yeah, I think they’re getting drinks in the kitchen,” I lie. “I should go check on them.”

  I knew better than to be seen talking to him. I was already on shaky grounds with both Drix and Jagger, and this would just send us tumbling into overdrive.

  “Has anyone told you, you're a really bad liar? I know they're not here.”

  “Fine, they’re not here,” I huff. “What d
o you want?”

  “I thought we could hang out.”

  “Nope.” I shake my head, and step back, farther away from him. “Whatever game you’re playing, I’m not in.”

  “Are you sure?” He leans in, his mouth just beside my ear. “I think I’ve got some information that will change your mind.”

  A shiver runs through me, the sneakiness in his voice, a warning I should walk away.

  “Word on the street is Drix has been busy sticking it to Bethany.”

  Don’t believe him, Sasha, he’s lying.

  Drix and I hadn't spoken in weeks. The deadline for me to show up at his house and say I made a mistake came and went. Instead, I lay holed up in my room for the rest of that weekend, crying more tears than I thought I had.

  I don’t know what I expected, but I didn’t expect him to disappear into thin air. Isolating himself from everyone, he shows up for the important stuff. School. Sports. Jagger. Anything that might mean he’ll bump into me is a no-go zone.

  “Why would I believe you?” I challenge.

  “I got eyes and ears everywhere around here, pretty girl.”

  I broke up with him for this reason. To allow him to be with someone who would be for him what I couldn’t. Maybe Jay is right. Maybe Bethany is it.

  “So, I’ll ask you one more time, you in or out?”

  “I don’t know what you’re expecting from me, but we can only hang as friends.”

  While a little voice in my head knew better and was screaming at me to walk away from Jay and his schemes, there was another voice. The voice that reminded me I pushed Drix away, Jagger was having a hard time looking at me, and Bethany was obviously waiting in the shadows for her moment to shine. A new friend wasn’t such a bad idea, even if it was Jay.

  It could be a twisted version of a fresh start. I didn’t care what Jay thought of me, with him I wouldn’t need to play nice with Bethany, or hide my hurt from losing Jagger, as well as Drix. With him, the circle of people would be different. Everyone wouldn’t know about me and Drix and ask if I was okay. If I let myself, I could use Jay, as much as I know he’s using me, and just let it all go.