by Lena North
“I wonder what color my brain would be,” Nick murmured
“Don’t know,” Dante said sourly. “You wouldn’t let me in when we first met, and after that, I've stayed very far away. Snow is, in essence, my baby-sister, and I don’t need to see your thoughts about her.” He turned abruptly and glared at Hawker who had already opened his mouth. “And no, I haven’t been in yours, Hawk, or Mill’s. I have been in Mac’s, though, so I assume they look the same.”
Mac raised a brow and waited.
“Gray.”
“You’re saying I have a dull brain?” Mac asked.
“Not dull,” Dante smirked. “Ordinary.”
“I still don’t get it,” Jinx said. “You shut down your intelligence and went to regular school?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I still only use parts of it most of the time, and only when it’s safe.”
“Why?”
“If you’re brilliant then you get noticed,” I explained. “You are, Jinx, and you,” I nodded at Nick. “And Jamie too. A lot of people know who you are, which means they can get to you. I couldn’t afford to be noticed. It wasn’t safe.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Cameron.”
“You’re afraid of him?” Nick asked.
“You should all be afraid of him. He is evil, and you are careless.“
Three different voices asked me something, and I sighed, trying to filter through what I'd already told them and what was left. I looked down on my lap, structured everything the way I wanted it in my head and took a sip of coffee. It was cold, but I took another sip anyway.
“I think you know most of it,” I said, still looking at my lap. “Dragonflies, genius, hacker. You know By was my friend.” I raised my head and looked straight at Nick. “He lived with us,” I said, trying hard to sound calm but it still came out a little hoarse. “With my grandfather, and me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. He was so broken, Nicky. So… destroyed. His parents didn't know what to do, and they took him away from Prosper, to the small village they came from, but he kept running away.” I tried to smile, but it probably looked weird because that's how it felt. “He kept coming to me. So Gramps went down there, and he's a lot like you, Hawker,” I said, and the smile turned real when I saw the expression on the black-haired man’s face. “Mostly a bully, but a clever one and one with a heart, which makes him not a bully at all.”
His face softened a little, so I went on.
“Don’t know what Gramps said to By’s parents, but he moved in with us. We got help for him, and slowly, things got better.”
“He got better?” Nick said, and I knew why he was both sad and surprised.
He’d been in an awful shape after the program, and his cousin had been worse. I’d heard about how Tommy had committed suicide, and I knew they thought that’s what Byron had done too.
“He didn’t kill himself,” I whispered.
“What?”
“Cam shot him.”
“But –”
“I know what the police records say, Nick. I’ve read them so many times I know them by heart. They’re wrong.”
“You’re sure?” Hawker asked.
“Totally,” I said. “I was there.”
Chapter Nine
Impasse
“He was down in that place, just outside Twin City, visiting his parents,” I said. “I was at home, and I missed him. So, I called him. It wasn't such a strange thing to do, I thought, but it was Cameron who answered, and he said things. Ugly, dirty things about me and By, and none of them were true, but I could hear that he thought they were.” I closed my eyes and filtered through my memories. “An hour later Byron called me. He tried to hide it, but I heard the tears and made him tell me what had happened. His grandfather had been there, and they tried to convince By's parents to keep him at home. Said he couldn't be with us because –”
I swallowed and swallowed again, but the lump in my throat didn't go away, so I spoke through it.
“I hadn’t even turned fifteen, and he was my brother in so many ways. My best friend… Half my soul. And they said we were doing stuff, sexual stuff, and that he had to move back. He told them no, and when they didn't believe him, he panicked and said he was gay.” I raised my head and looked at Nick. “He wasn't, but the Professor believed it, and left. We talked, and he calmed down, and… we had this thing. It was silly, really. I used to tell him I loved him more than anything, and he always gave me the same reply.”
My throat suddenly felt too tight, and I forced myself to calm down.
“More than the air that I breathe,” I said. “That’s what he said, and it was the last real thing he said to me. I got on my bike, drove through the night and got there in the early hours. He’d snuck out and was waiting for me in an abandoned outhouse.”
I remembered the look of relief on his face and the joy. I'd opened my arms and walked toward him when the shot rang out.
“Cameron was there. He shot his brother in the head. I ran to By but he died right there, in my arms,” I said quietly, and added, “His breathed out my name, the one he came up with. Bree. And then he was gone.”
Olly moved a little, and I turned.
“I needed a nick on the net, and it seemed like such a fitting tribute to him. I got to know you, and when you used it… in the beginning, it felt like I had a small piece of him still.”
“What did Cam do to you?” Nick asked.
“At first, he just stood there. It was as if he couldn’t understand what he’d done. I shouted at him to help me, and he came to us. I was crying, and begging Byron to not leave me, and it snapped Cam out of his shock. I saw it immediately. He got that look, you know, Nicky?”
“I know the one,” he confirmed harshly.
“I ran. Got to my bike and he followed me. Roared that I was his, and I was to come back. Followed me in his car, but I went off-road, and he couldn't go after me. He shot at me, but he's never been good at it, and he missed.”
I turned to Olly again, suddenly so angry with him.
“That bike saved my life, and you shot at it. You destroyed it.”
He was about to say something, but I dismissed him with an angry snort and turned to Hawker.
“I went home and told my family what really had happened in the research program. They went ballistic, and it took me days to calm them down. I was completely torn up myself, but I shut it down, thinking that I could deal with everything later. Then we heard that Cam and By’s parents were dead. I accessed the police files, and they said Byron had flipped out and killed them, and then killed himself.” I held Hawker’s eyes and said with all the certainty I felt, “No. Way. By didn’t kill them, which probably meant Cam killed his parents already before he killed his brother. And I was in danger because I was the only witness.”
“Did you go to the police?”
“No. I –” Shit, I thought. I didn't want to talk about that part, but they had to understand. “It was chaos all around me. My family was livid, I wasn't in a very good shape, and I crashed. Fell apart. Breakdown they called it, but I don’t know… Maybe it was. I had to hold my emotions back, and I tried so hard, but I went too far. I shut everything down.”
“What does that mean?” Wilder asked calmly when I didn’t explain.
“I took it too far,” I whispered. “Couldn’t find my way back.”
“You were catatonic?” Jinx asked.
“And what does that mean?” Wilder asked again.
“Anything from unconscious to lethargic,” Jinx said.
“Lethargic?” Wilder asked.
“I was a zombie,” I whispered.
Jinx suddenly got to her feet and walked over to crouch down in front of me.
“But your family got you out of it,” she said and took hold of my hands. “You are strong, Annie, and they fought for you, didn’t they?”
“Yeah,” I s
aid. “My family got help for me and closed down all access to Grandfather's home. My parents travel, for work, but we never went with them much anyway so it wasn’t a big change. And I was safe on our land.”
“Did Cam try –”
I cut Nick off immediately.
“All the time. He, or someone he hired, has shot at me fourteen times so far. He’s still trying to hurt me, but he's not as clever as he thinks he is. He can't get to me at home, and when I leave, I make sure it's all covered up.”
“That’s why you colored your hair,” Mary said quietly. “And used the contacts. You weren’t trying to fool us, you were doing it so he wouldn’t know.”
“Yes,” I said, but grinned crookedly. “That, and so you wouldn’t freak out completely when you saw me.”
They laughed a little although, I suspected, mostly out of kindness and not because they thought I was all that funny.
“I’m sorry you didn’t feel you could trust me enough,” Wilder said suddenly. “If you'd told me to listen, I would have. I wouldn't have yelled at you, and I would not have insulted you.” She aimed an angry glare at Olly, and added, “I would have acted like a grown-up.”
“It’s okay,” I said quickly. Olly’s eyes were dark with anger, and I didn’t want them to get into a fight over me. “I should have told you,” I added and refused to look at Olly because I should have told him too but he'd overreacted, and I was still mad at him.
“Will you stay here a while longer?” Wilder asked. “We won’t let him come here, and –”
“I’m safe here,” I said. “My dragonflies and a few other friends are surrounding the ranch. I’d know the second he was within ten miles of Double H, and so would my family. My parents have a place in downtown Prosper, and my brothers or one of their men take turns staying there.”
“What other friends?”
“Bees, mostly. Gramps sent them all here. And, um, probably a few bunnies.”
The stupefied silence cut through the tense mood swirling in the air.
“Buh –”
Hawker was stunned speechless and just stared at me.
“One of my brothers,” I said, and I thought it was quite a feat that I managed to keep my face completely expressionless.
“You’re joking?” Wilder asked.
“No.”
“You have a brother who talks to rabbits?”
“Yes,” I said. “You think I'm a little bit weird, but you have no clue what I come from. I’m one of the normal ones in my family.”
They stared at me, and I nodded slowly.
“Cool,” Wilder said suddenly. “So, are you staying a while or what?”
“A few days, Wilder,” I said, and made sure I kept my eyes well away from Olly. “I'm not staying in the barn, though. Give me an hour, and I’ll check in with my brothers. I can –”
“Don’t be stupid,” Olly muttered.
“Actually, Olly,” I snapped. “I am many things. Stupid isn’t one of them.”
“You can take one of the guest rooms here,” Mac said quickly before we got into another ugly argument.
I turned slowly to him and raised my brows.
“Careless,” I mumbled.
“Seriously?” Wilder huffed. “You think you could take Mac down? Or me for that matter? Any of us?”
“Seriously,” I confirmed.
“You –”
“Wilder, jeez,” I snapped. “If I wanted you dead you’d be gone within an hour.”
The room went completely silent, but it wasn’t a threatening silence. It seemed like a mix of curiosity and good-natured scorn.
“What would you use?” Jinx asked, clearly part of the curious contingency.
I told her, and her brows went up.
“Oh, clever,” she said with a grin. “Yikes, that would be brutal, and they would never guess. Although adding a bit of cinnamon always spices things up too.”
I scrunched my nose up at her. “Or cardamom together with –”
“Jesus,” Hawker barked. “Not too long ago I minded my own business, catching a few crooks every now and then. Now I'm sitting here with two sweet, young girls who are plotting to kill us with something that sounds like a recipe for cinnamon rolls.”
I burst out laughing at the dismayed look on his face, but it was cut short when Olly muttered a harsh, “Fuck.”
Then he walked out of the room, and I stared at the door he slammed shut with unnecessary force. I heard his bike roar and clamped my jaws together.
“Okay,” I said when the sound had faded away. “I’ll just go and get my things.”
“Annie –”
“No,” I said. “No offense but I’m not talking with any of you about Olly. I don't know you, not for real, and it also isn't fair to him because he does know you. He's your family, and I'm not.”
“I’ll talk to him,” Mac sighed.
“Sure,” I said and got to my feet. “But that would be dumb,” I added and walked out to get my things out of the barn while Olly was away.
I heard steps behind me and based on the softness of them I assumed it was one of the girls.
“Why would it be dumb to talk to Olly?” Snow asked, and I turned to look at her.
“Don’t you know him?” I asked back.
“Better than you do,” she said. “You had a few weeks –”
“Don’t,” I said harshly. Had she not listened to anything I’d told them? “Maybe you know Olly better, Snow. Maybe you don’t. I know one thing, though. I walked into the farm in Norton and found Sven Harper all alone, struggling in a way no man should have to.”
She swallowed, but I glared at her.
“He’s your father’s older brother. Where were you while he struggled, Snow?”
“He told us to leave,” she said.
“And you left him.”
I made an impatient gesture with my hands to let her see what I thought about that decision, and walked away, but stopped after a few steps and turned back to her.
“Olly talks about stuff when he wants to talk about stuff. Not when you want him to talk about stuff,” I told her. “You kept pushing him about his ma, and the only thing you achieved was pissing him the hell off.”
“Did he talk to you?”
“Yeah,” I said but didn’t elaborate.
“I’ll tell Mac and the others. We’ll leave him alone,” she murmured.
“Whatever. It’s not my business anymore.”
“But Annie…”
“No, Snow. It isn’t.”
She looked silently at me, and I tried to smile because I’d been unnecessarily unpleasant toward her. Saying that Olly wasn’t my business had also been such a lie. Everything had ended up much worse than I feared, but the difficult parts were finally out in the open. Maybe Olly would let me explain everything else, once we’d both calmed down.
***
I was in the guest room, trying to sleep when I heard a bike coming. I knew who it was and felt like a fool when I got up and peeked out from behind the curtain. He parked next to my bike which was still just lying there. I'd talked to my oldest brother, and when he stopped laughing, he'd promised to come and get it with his pick-up.
Olly opened the garage doors, went back to the bikes, turned his back to mine and bent his knees to grab my mangled darling and get it off the ground. My mouth fell open as I watched him slowly roll it into the garage, strap it up, and get a package from the back of his own. He brought tools over, and as I stood there with tears slowly running down my cheeks, he started to repair my bike.
Mac and Hawker suddenly walked over from the house. Olly raised a hand to hold them off and kept doing something just behind the front wheel. They stepped to the side, and Mac sat down on the concrete floor, resting his back on the wall. Hawker remained standing, leaning on the wall and then Wilder walked in with bottles in her hands. She put one next to Olly, kicked him gently on his leg, pointed to it
, and sat down next to Mac. I couldn't hear what they said, but I heard laughter now and then. After a while, I saw Olly turn his head, and his mouth moved. Mac pointed at him, and his beautiful face was filled with laughter. I heard Wilder hoot and got a warm feeling in my chest when I realized they'd listened to what I said. They weren't talking about me, or what had happened, I was sure of it. They let Olly think it over on his own, but they also showed him that they were there when he needed them. He suddenly turned, and I saw his face clearly. When he grinned at them, another tear rolled down my cheek, so I went back to bed and tried not to think at all. If I kept breathing slowly, I might be able to pretend the whole day never happened, I thought.
I didn’t sleep much that night in spite of my efforts to keep thoughts about Olly at bay, and when I looked in the mirror the next morning, I almost screamed. I wasn't beautiful, but I usually looked okay in a wholesome, outdoorsy way. That morning; not so much. My eyes were puffy, and my hair looked like a wild mess. The green in my eye contrasted more than usual with my pale skin, and I had dark circles under my eyes.
“Annie, are you up?” Mary asked softly through the door.
“Do you have any make-up?”
“What?”
“I look like cat poop, Mary, and I don't use much makeup so –”
She promptly opened the door and walked in, closing it behind her.
“I’m sure you… Oh, God,” she said.
“Mary!”
“One minute, I’ll be back,” she said and disappeared.
She came back almost immediately, followed by Jinx and a grumpy looking Wilder.
“This had better be the emergency you said it wa –” She stared at me. “Shit,” she breathed.
“It isn't that bad?” I said although it came out as a question.
“It’s worse,” she replied bluntly.
“Wilder,” Jinx snapped. “Think it. Don’t say it, remember?”
“I haven’t slept so well,” I murmured.
“Don’t worry,” Mary murmured. “I’m sure we can cover it up. The girls keep me up all night sometimes, so I’m used to it.”