The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation
Page 17
1 Which she won.
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“Melissa, into every life darkness must fall. None of us are spared from pain and suffering. But your blessings far outweigh your difficulties. You have a roof over your head, food on your table, a healthy body, a healthy mind, and a healthy child. But far more important than all of that—you have fabulous shoes.”
The End
September 3, 2014
Back to Mount Sinai Hospital. My mother has been in an irreversible coma for a week, and the time has come to say good-bye. I have invited the people she meant the most to, and who meant the most to her, to come for one last visit.
For hours, friends from all over the world came in to spend a little time at her bedside. Some laughed, some cried—it was like going to the Broadway show Cats—yet they all managed to hit the deli platters I had set up across the hall pretty hard. (Apparently, overwhelming grief creates blood sugar issues.)
I was focused on making sure that the people who were coming to say good-bye all had time with my mother. Keeping the line moving was a blessed distraction, and I went into work mode and felt useful, instead of helpless, as I had felt for the past seven days.
After everyone had said their good-byes and gone, Cooper went in to spend a few minutes with his grandmother. He held her hand and cried and just sat with her. They had put a cot in her room so I could lie next to her that last night, and Cooper lay down next to me until he was tired enough so he could fall asleep in the other room that the hospital had so generously provided for us.
I slept on the cot next to my mother’s bed that night, with some of the lights still on and the TV blasting, just the way she liked it.
In the morning, when it was time to remove the ventilator, she was surrounded by those who loved her most, and whom she loved most. I lay in the bed and held her for a while, and after a few hours she was finally gone. I didn’t have to tell her I loved her; she knew. She didn’t have to tell me she loved me; I knew.
Although my mother joked how she wanted her memorial service to be in her book I Hate Everyone … Starting with Me, we never actually discussed what she might want. When it was actually time to plan her memorial, I tried to honor what I imagined her wishes would be, fully and completely—a service that was elegant, funny, and just enough “showbiz” to make it feel like a great old MGM movie.
Acknowledgments
First and foremost, I have to thank Larry Amoros. You have guided me through this process, kept me laughing, and listened when I needed an ear. What can I say other than I love you beyond words.
I’d also like to thank Suzanne O’Neill, my editor, who ventured into the crazy waters of this process with me, and kept it all afloat. You are a brave, brave woman. Also the team at Crown Archetype: Molly Stern, Tricia Boczkowski, Tammy Blake, Julie Cepler, and Jenni Zellner.
My amazing agent and friend, CC Hirsch. How you put up with all of us day after day, I have no clue. My literary agent, Cait Hoyt, who believed in me and this project from the beginning, and laughed at all my jokes.
Michael Karlin—how do I ever say thank you for everything you are to me and Cooper? I can’t.
Ken Browning and Marc Chamlin, for reading all of the fine print and being sounding boards extraordinaire.
David Dangle and the JMAM team, for keeping my mother’s beloved jewelry business alive.
And of course, the people who have been there through it all: Jocelyn Pickett, Graham Reed, Melody McCoy, Margie and Michael Stern, the Waxler family, Michael and Caroline Levitt, the Tilden family, Scott Currie, Judy Katz, Henry Edwards, Robert Higdon, Pete Hathaway, Karl and Deborah Wellner, Blaine Trump, Amy Rosenblum, Countess Sondes, Sue Solomon, Deborah Freid and family, Laura Brau and family, Jaimie and Michael Geller, Andrew Krasny, Beth and Jon Kean, Kyle and Emme Kozloff, Chris and Marla Ahearn, Lawrence Kaplan, all of my Penn family, Allie Mays, Team MacClean, Susi Cohen, Shauna Somers Greene, Chuck Labella, Charles Cook, Phil Gurin, Peggy Harris, Gary Lamberson, Adele Fass, Raymond Rosario, Gavin de Becker, Elizabeth Much, Howard Bragman, Gary Snegaroff, Lisa Bacon, Kelly Osbourne, George Kotsiopoulos, Giuliana Rancic, Tony Tripoli, Tom McNamara and the studio A crew, Vera Vanatko, Norma Hernandez, Analie Berthel, Johanna Barrios, Gladys Villalobos, Merlita Eldiasti, Duagua Roberts, Angeles Beltran, Dr. David Scott May and Dr. David Kipper, and the eighth-grade Santa Monica Dragons lacrosse players, parents, and coaches.
To Ted Harbert for bringing my mother and me back to E!
To Bonnie Hammer for her amazing advice, both personal and professional.
To Cary Fetman for years of love.
To Sabrina Miller for being my sister, my friend, my confidante, and the rational side of my brain.
To Mark Rousso for loving me in spite of everything.
And to Cooper. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.