In the Stars

by Joan Duszynski

  WHEN I WAKE up Friday morning, I notice another text from Eric. It came through at 3:30 a.m.

  Eric: I plan on sticking around, so seems u and I might need to compromise.

  Caroline: What are u doing texting that time of morning? What did I say about sleep? Happy u will b sticking around.

  Eric: Now who is the bossy one? I had to go into work. Have a good day, Caroline.

  Caroline: Well, maybe we have bossy in common. School, and then Tara, Raleigh, and I have big plans for the night. U probably want to stay clear. Have a good day yourself, and get some real sleep.

  Eric: I still slept best of all with u. Why is that u think? Should I be concerned about u girls and your behavior tonight?

  Caroline: Of course not, just college girls having fun, no concern there. I seem to sleep well near u too.

  Eric: Definitely concerned now, Caroline.

  Caroline: Gotta run lots to do :) bye Eric.

  Eric: :(

  Tara and I ride to school in my Blazer, and we both set out to let just the people we want to know about the party. After our classes, Raleigh meets us at Tara’s, and we all head back out to get some necessities for the night. We get back to the house and start setting a few things up and moving some furniture out of the way, and taking down any important breakables and putting them in Tara’s room.

  “So Tara, did you invite Matt and Adam tonight?”

  Raleigh and Tara both look over at me wide eyed, and then Tara lets out a sigh. “Ok, so I hadn’t told you yet, but Matt and I almost had sex the other night, and I just couldn’t go all the way through with it. I apologized, and left him hard and alone. I guess I won’t really be seeing him anymore; other than around school.”

  Raleigh and I both smile at Tara, and then Raleigh speaks up. “Well, I for one am happy about that. Now, you and Adam can finally get this thing going, because I know you both want to.”

  Tara’s face lights up as she tucks her hair. “Someday I hope; I am just scared of taking any chances with Adam. I really don’t want to lose him.”

  The time has come for people to start showing up, and I have to say, even with my ghastly eye, the three of us did each other up to look damn good. After the first hour, I look around and notice more and more people filing into the door. Seems our well told plan of only inviting a set few got spread around to a large whole. Raleigh makes a silly, large sign, and stakes it in the front yard. It says ‘This Palace is full. So keep hold of your glass slipper and carry your ass back home. No more carriages welcome.’

  WHEN I WAKE the next morning, well day actually, I notice my bed is very crowded. I am sandwiched between Raleigh and Tara, while wearing just my panties and one of my band shirts. They are both dressed pretty much the same way, and I think if any guy were to walk in right now he would feel like his best fantasy just came true. Luckily, they are the only ones in bed with me, because last night is pretty much a haze at the moment, and my head is killing me.

  I sit up with a moan and rub my head for a while, trying to get my senses together. I nudge both my bedmates’ shoulders. They both let out a moan of their own, and Tara literally swings at me. “Hey Rocky, watch it. I never took you for the love ‘em, and then try and beat them type. I obviously shared my bed with you last night, so don’t I deserve some respect?” Tara just looks over at me with squinted eyes, and then hugs at her head while moaning again. Raleigh sits up slowly and rolls her shoulder a few times, while looking around the room in a daze.

  “What the hell happened last night? I swear Caroline, I love you and all, but if you took advantage of my drunken state I will never forgive you.”

  “Since I am the one sandwiched between the two of you, I think I should be concerned of what you two did to me, Raleigh.”

  Tara lets out another moan and sits up slowly. “For fuck’s sake, will you two shut the hell up! If I’m in your bed, then who the hell is in mine?” Raleigh and I both look over at Tara, and, even though it hurts, we can’t help but laugh. We all slowly get out of bed and slip on some shorts from my dresser, so we can go investigate the damage.

  As soon as we open my door, you can see the disaster that is an epic party happened here. We make our way past the mess in the hall, and open Tara’s door. Then all three of us start laughing, and Raleigh even releases one of her snorts. Adam and Sam are both shirtless, laid up in Tara’s bed with their heads at opposite ends. They both grunt, and raise their heads up to see what the intrusion is.

  Tara walks over to her bed and puts her hands on her hips. “I am going to have to bleach my sheets after this. Did you two have fun last night?”

  Adam and Sam both sit up and put their feet down off the side of the bed. “Screw you, Tara; if it wasn’t for Sam and I making sure everyone left here, god knows how many people you would have in these beds. Several guys sure as hell were trying their damnest with you girls too, let me tell ya.”

  Her hands fall from her hips, and she sits down beside Adam. “Ok sorry; truce. I woke up half naked in bed with two other women, so I guess I can’t really say anything.”

  Sam and Adam both sit up straighter with this. Sam looks up at Raleigh, and a slight smile crosses his lips. “Yeah we know; we made sure you made it in there. We wondered how exactly you three would work out the final sleeping arrangement.”

  “Well, let’s just say my bed has never seen so much panty lace before. T-shirts, panties, and the sandwich effect seemed to have been our sleeping arrangement of choice.”

  Both the guys stand up quickly from the bed, shaking their heads back and forth, and Adam starts to walk for the door. “Ok enough of that talk; let’s go see the damage.” I notice Raleigh and Tara’s eyes both roaming over Sam and Adam’s shirtless frames as they walk out the room. Can’t say that I blame them; there is some serious body temptation going on in our house right now.

  Needless to say, the reason the guys ended up in Tara’s room together is because there were three girls and two guys that they couldn’t get a safe ride for crashed out in the family room, and the place really is a wreck. Between the mess outside and in, I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t get evicted soon, due to closer by homes complaints. We wake up our unknown guests, and as soon as they leave we spend the rest of the day feeling like shit as we clean the place up. We all agree to let other people have the parties from now on, so we can leave and let them deal with the day after disaster.

  The guys are headed out the door as I step into the bathroom to brush my teeth for the second time today, when I hear all hell break loose. I spit the toothpaste into the sink and wipe my hand across my mouth, before running back out into the family room. Eric is standing in the doorway, yelling in Tara’s face, and Adam is trying to work his way back in. “What the hell are you thinking, Tara? I heard there were complaints called in last night for a party disturbance here. I see all the trash bags out front. You want to embarrass our parents and get kicked out? Look at you girls, walking around half naked with guys from the party still here! Obviously, they were here all night with you.”

  Tara pushes back on Eric’s chest and looks directly at him. “Back the hell off, Eric! I’m sick and tired of this shit. You keep thinking you can barge in and run my life, but I am an adult, and who I choose to have over, and the clothes I choose to wear, is none of your damn business! I would never want to hurt Mom and Dad, and you know that. The amount of people last night just seemed to get out of hand.”

  Eric’s hands stiffen by his sides, and Adam steps up beside Tara. Adam looks up at Tara and rubs his finger across her cheek, before he turns back toward Eric. As soon as Adam goes to speak, Tara grabs his hand and shakes her head. “Really Adam, it’s ok; don’t waste your breath. Eric is a lost cause when it comes to understanding when he is like this. Please, I am fine. You and Sam go home, and I will talk to you soon. Thank you guys for your help.” Adam stares into Tara’s eyes for a moment, and reaches out to hug her, as Raleigh and Sam stand off to the side with very wide eyes. I’m stan
ding behind Eric now, and I see his arm reach out toward Adam. I wrap my fingers around his stomach from behind, and pull him back toward me.

  He turns around abruptly, and looks me up and down with squinted eyes. I push with my hand that is now on his back and lead him toward my room. He resists for a moment, looking back at Tara and Adam. I step in front of him, pleading with my eyes, and his stance loosens slightly as he starts to walk away with me.

  I walk him back to my room and shut the door. He turns back toward me, and he has the look of a wild deranged animal. “Eric listen, it was just meant to be a small party, but word seemed to spread. What and who is it, honestly, that has you so angry? I’m sure you had parties when you were in college.”

  He steps in closer toward me. “I did have them, so I know what the fuck goes on at them too. How do you think I feel, knowing that those things might be going on with my sister? How do you think I would feel, knowing those things were maybe going on with you too, Caroline? It fucking pisses me off, and I don’t like feeling that way about a woman. I could give a shit what any other woman I may have gone out with in my life was doing. When I thought about you here last night maybe drunk and being taken advantage of, or even giving willingly, it stirs something fierce up inside me.”

  “Why me Eric? Please tell me what is it you want from me. Sam and Adam were looking out for us we…” My words get cut off when he grips my waist and slams me against my door, while attacking my lips with his. I feel a rush run to my head, and the sensation feels so good it hurts. His lips on mine feel like they are a moist fire attacking me, as his tongue reaches out forcing my lips to part.

  As soon as our tongues tangle together, I take my nails and grip as hard as I can into the back of his shoulders. He slams himself even harder into my body, and I can feel his erection against my stomach.

  I let out a moan into his mouth, and he grabs me up in the air and has me on my bed before I can even wrap my legs around him. My legs spread, letting him between them on top of me. Eric pulls away from my mouth, and his hand reaches up, grasping my breast as he looks me in the eyes. “No bra, Caroline? Do you know how fucking worked up you have me right now?” All I can do is whimper, as my hips rise and grind on Eric’s leg. My body is aching all over for him, and I have never felt so out of control in all my life.

  He pushes his thickness against me, and, even through his pants, and mine, the sensation is overwhelming. “Is this what you want, Caroline? Is this what you need from me?”

  “Please Eric; yes exactly that, more than anything.” He leans down and lightly bites my nipple through my shirt, and my back arches up off the bed as I grab hold of his ass. His mouth is back on mine as I start to slide my hand from behind between his legs to grasp his hardness, when he jerks up suddenly off the bed and away from me.

  I lay there, panting and confused. Eric reaches down, adjusting himself in his jeans, and looks down at me with a new crazed look in his eyes. I sit up on my elbows, looking at him. “Eric, what are you doing?”

  “I always find it hard to walk away from you, Caroline; especially now that I have had a taste of you. Today, right now, though, you have me so pissed off and confused that is exactly what I am going to do. I have never wanted to give myself fully to anyone. You, for some reason, have me wanting more for the first time ever. You, on the other hand, obviously just want my dick more than anything; as you said. So, obviously, for once I can’t do this. I don’t want to just fuck you, Caroline; I want to own you and you own me.”

  He opens my door and walks out of my room without looking back. I am stunned silent and frozen for a moment, before I realize I have to stop him. This is why I have felt so out of control around Eric all along. It never was just lust; it was meant to happen. My heart knew it, but my mind just didn’t want to understand. He wants more from me; he wants to own me, and I want it all from Eric too. Somehow, without even realizing it fully, I fell in love with Eric.

  I scramble off the bed and run down the hall. Everyone is standing around the island, and the front door is wide open. I go to step out, when I see Eric’s truck speeding away from the house. I turn back, shutting the door and rest my back against it, sliding down to the floor.

  Raleigh and Tara come walking over and kneeling down in front of me. I look up through my lashes, and realize my fingers are touching my lips where I can still feel Eric’s kiss. Tears start to build up in my eyes, and they both reach in and wrap an arm around me.

  I pop up again, suddenly, and run toward my room to get my phone.

  My hands are shaking, and I can’t make them work right trying to pull up Eric’s name under my contacts. A hand reaches out and takes my phone. I look up through my tears, and see a blurry Adam standing in front of me working his fingers across the screen. He reaches out, placing the phone to my ear and gives me a weak smile.

  I hear the phone ring two times, and then I am sent into Eric’s voicemail. I pull it away from my ear, and look back at Adam. “You want me to try again, Caroline?” All I can do is nod as he takes his fingers back across my screen, placing it back onto my ear. It goes straight into Eric’s voicemail this time, and my voice is shaky as I speak. “Eric, please, you didn’t give me a chance to explain my words. They were just in the moment. I want so much more from you then I can begin to tell you on here. The thing is, whether I realized it or not, you already do own me.” I hang up and drop to the edge of my bed, and let the phone fall beside me.

  I look toward my door, and Tara is now standing behind Adam with her hand on his shoulder. Raleigh and Sam are standing side by side in my doorway. Sam speaks up as he walks over toward me. “So sorry things turned out like this today, Caroline. Just know I’m here for you, ok? I’m headed out now, but know that anytime, for anything all you have to do is call.” I give Sam, and then Adam, a weak hug, and they walk out to leave.

  Tara and Raleigh both come to sit down beside me on the bed. “I guess I now have a better understanding for Eric’s complete he’s an ass moment today. It wasn’t really about his love for me, Caroline; it was because of his love for you. Unfortunately, he has no idea what to do with it—obviously. He is scared of the unknown, Caroline, just like you are.” I look up at Tara and Raleigh, and they each reach up with a tissue, dabbing the tears from my eyes.

  “I just realized it myself. That is what has been wrong with me—I love Eric. I have never fully been in love with a man before, and I guess I was scared to realize what was really happening. Now he just thinks all I cared about was a good time in the sack with him, and he won’t even answer my calls.”

  Raleigh stands from the bed and reaches out for my hand. “He is going to need time, Caroline; to face what he must have just admitted to you. Like Tara said, you are both scared in a way. This is something new for both of you, and it will work its way out. Now, I know this really sucks, but if you can handle it you need to get up and showered for work tonight. You only have one hour left to get there.”

  I CALLED IN sick for the second time ever that night—almost two weeks ago. I spent that evening lying out under the stars in the cold night air again. Tara gave me a sleeping bag and blanket to help this time, as I listened to my IPod, looking up in the stars for an answer. This time, once again, I saw them as so much more than just a mass in the sky. It was like the way I felt about them when I was a kid, looking at the stars with my Daddy. I listened to Grace Potter singing ~Stars in my ears as I begged and prayed to my Dad once again to help me understand what I needed to do.

  I haven’t talked to Eric since that day he walked out of my room. My lawyer told me that Eric had spoken with him about my case, and had been a big help.

  Although court hasn’t started yet, we are all pretty confident that, with the knife and rope found on Scott and the witnesses that saw me trying to escape him as he punched me, that he will be found guilty.

  Today, Tara is at her parents again for one of their Sunday get togethers. She hates me staying home alone moping, as she puts it, and, e
ven though she begged, I couldn’t bring myself to go with her. I knew Eric would be there, and to have him ignore me face to face would hurt more than I could handle.

  I walk into my room with my arms full of clean laundry. I put my IPod on my docking station and start folding clothes at the end of my bed. Van Morrison’s ~ Into The Mystic starts playing. I straighten and start swaying my hips, deciding this feels a lot better than the permanent slump my shoulders seem to hold lately.

  As I’m swaying and folding, I suddenly get this feeling that I’m not alone, and I look back to see Eric standing behind me. My hand goes up to my mouth, and my legs suddenly feel very unstable. Eric takes a step toward me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me gently into him. I remove my hand from my mouth, and they are both shaking immensely as I raise them up and around his neck.

  He is looking right into my eyes, and his have a look of sorrow and uncertainty in them. I can’t stop staring at him and breathing him in, praying inside that he is real. The fear is there that any second he is going to disappear again. Eric starts to sway from side to side, tightening his grip on my lower back.

  “Caroline, please forgive me and my stubbornness. I knew this is where I should be every day; here with you in my arms. My head has been on such a mind fuck world wind the last two weeks. I need you Caroline. I have never said that to a woman before. It took me long enough, but I know that is what I should have been telling you all along. I need you, I want you, and, as crazy as it might sound, I love you.”

  A gasp escapes my mouth right before he leans in to press his lips to mine. My grip gets tighter around the back of his neck. The tingling of my insides that Eric’s presence gives me starts running full force through my whole body as his lips move against mine. Our mouths part, and as soon as our tongues meet my body outwardly starts trembling all over. I am so happy and somehow intensely nervous at this moment that I can’t make it stop.