Hoarfrost (Blood of Cain Book 2)

by J. L. Murray

  "Ha! I knew you met her!" She watched the road, the corkscrew turns keeping her busy, the motion making me sick to my stomach. "I'm Nyx. That's not fake, it's really my name."

  "Frankie Mourning," I said, and Nyx laughed loudly, her mouth open and her whole body shaking. She shook her head, wiping her eyes under the sunglasses.

  "I know who you are," she said, still chuckling. She had a nice face, her skin as smooth as velvet, and I wondered if maybe she was a movie star. I turned again, toward the backseat, something nagging at me, like a half-remembered thought. "I told you, you're not ready for what's back there," she said, and turned on the radio. Sinatra's voice filled the car, singing Strangers In the Night, and Nyx laughed again. "Old blue eyes, he really knew how to charm me."

  "So, are you going to threaten me or warn me?" I said, sighing.

  "Pardon?"

  "I mean, this usually ends in two ways. A god shows up, gets all creepy with me, and then either threatens me or warns me. So which is it?"

  "Neither," she said, grinning over at me. "I'm here to help you, doll."

  "Don't call me that."

  "Aw, come on Frankie, you're the It Girl. You're where it's at! And all of us are just fangirling trying to get at you. You're like the Beatles, and we're ripping at your clothes, calling your house in the middle of the night, and generally making you feel unnerved. Tell me I'm wrong."

  "I never thought of it like that before."

  "Listen to me, Frankie," Nyx said, and the smile was gone. She was taking the turns faster and faster and I grabbed onto the dash to keep myself upright. I reached for the seat belt, but it was gone. And then the floor was gone, too. I cried out, lifting my feet up, but there was no road beneath us. When I looked down, all I saw was darkness and sharp, shining points of light. Stars. I tried to speak, but I couldn't.

  "Don't worry," said Nyx. "You're not in danger, not from me. But, like I said, you will know her. If you keep your eyes open, she can't fool you, not for much longer. Babe, you're stronger than she is, but she has a lot of tricks. She's fooled smarter entities than you, and that is not an insult. She's crafty as fuck."

  "Who are you talking about?" I said, watching the stars beneath us, the infinite space that seemed to go on forever.

  "Look at me, Frankie," said Nyx, not watching the road any longer. There was no road. All around us were universes upon universes, colors, light, and a darkness that pulled at my mind. I forced myself to look at her and she took off her sunglasses, revealing eyes as black as the space around us. "You will know her. Maybe not the first time, maybe not even the second time, because you really have to try to see her. She's not going to appear the way you expect. She hops bodies like she’s in a Frogger game. You remember that game? How fun was that?"

  "What the fuck are you talking about?"

  "You know somebody else that's been exchanging bodies?" She raised a perfect eyebrow.

  I thought about Beatrice, how she looked when I saw her after I died. "Lilith," I said. "You're talking about Lilith."

  "Bingo bango bongo! You win a prize. And here it is: not all the gods wanted to shut the others out. There was a balance before, and when those gods created the other side, when they made a veil and pushed the dark creatures out of the world, it caused a rift. Are they saying you're the reason they don't have powers anymore?"

  "Yeah," I said. "That's not true?"

  "Sort of," she said. "But it's not completely true. You exist because of what they did. You're the balance, Frankie. They lost most of their powers the moment they closed that veil. They shoved all the magic they didn't like out of this world and imprisoned it somewhere dark. It's not all bad, believe me. I'm not afraid of the dark, obviously."

  "Why is that obvious?" I said.

  "Because I am the night," she said.

  "Like Batman?"

  "No! Nyx, goddess of the night? Seriously, do you not even Google this shit?" She was staring at me, seeming to be fighting an urge to roll her eyes. "Okay, after this is over, get yourself to a computer or a tablet, or for shit's sake, get a damn cell phone."

  "Fine," I said. "So the other side, they're not all bad. There's magic."

  "There's monsters, sure," she said. "But you have friends there, Frankie. There's a war coming, and I'm guessing you're not even close to having all the information, babe. It's not you and the gods against evil, I can tell you that. It's not even light against dark. It's about a bunch of assholes covering up what they did, and then trying to cover up their cover-up. Cain is a dick, I'll give you that, and he needs to fucking go, if you get my meaning. But when he opened up all those holes, I mean, it wasn't just him. The veil was thin in those places because it's been getting thinner every century. And those on the other side—the Darkness, as some like to call it—are trying to push their way out."

  "They want to kill the gods for what they did," I said.

  "You got it, babe. And the gods are freaking the fuck out about it. You're their only hope."

  "Because I took their power?" I said.

  "No," she said. "Because you can move through the veil. You're the only one who can. Maybe you can't do it yet, but you've been there, haven't you? You can travel there, like you traveled here?"

  "Whenever I die," I said. "I go there when I die."

  "Oh please,” she said. “"Stop with the dying shit. You're worse than Jesus. Anyway, you don't have to die to go there, but you do have to finish your becoming. You get me? You have to get a handle on those powers of yours. If the gods find out that you know, and you're still staggering around like a damn toddler, they're going to find a way to kill you for good. None of this martyr shit you do, they're going to kill you dead and you're not going to get up again."

  “If I’m the only one who can pass through the veil, how did Lilith get there?” I said. “I saw her there. She convinced me the other side was Hell.”

  “If Lilith was on the other side, someone brought her there. There are holes all over now, gaps in the world. It’s not that she can pass through the veil, it’s that someone invited her in. She’s got someone on the other side, someone that you’ll have to find, because Lilith is not your friend. And anyone helping Lilith definitely wants you dead.”

  "And you want me to believe all this?" I said. "You're telling me everyone wants to kill me or use me. It's not good against evil, it's just a bunch of fucking politicians and the biggest conspiracy in the universe. That's insane, you know that, right?"

  "All the biggest truths sound insane," said Nyx, sliding her sunglasses back on her face. "But I have no reason to lie to you. I'm fine whether you live or die. Whether you fix the veil or tear everything to the fucking ground, I'm gonna be a-okay. There's always going to be night, no matter what you do. I'm chaos-neutral, babe. But I like you. I can feel the darkness in you, and I can feel the light. You're my favorite kind of god."

  I heard a soft gurgling noise from the back seat and I turned to look again.

  "Wait!" Nyx said. "Are you sure you want to see?"

  "See what?" I said. "What's back there?"

  "Horrors," she said. "You're going to need that light, babe. You've got a dark road ahead."

  I turned and saw someone lying across the backseat, someone big. There were wet gasping sounds, and I felt tears wetting my cheeks, though I couldn't say why. I reached up and flicked on the dome light, filling the car with a watery glow, and I put a hand over my mouth so I wouldn't scream.

  It was Dekker, his eyes pale and drained. He raised a bloody hand toward me, trying to speak. There was blood all over his neck, his face, soaking his clothes. And when I saw where it was coming from, I couldn't breathe.

  A single antler, a long forked horn, was sticking out of his chest, lodged in his heart, and blood was pulsing all around it.

  "Dekker," I said, "who did this to you? Was it Cain?" I took his hand, squeezing it hard, and he reached for me with his other arm, grasping at me. "Who did this to you, Dekker?"

  He pulled in breath, try
ing to speak, and I watched as his skin became gray, his eerie white eyes seeming to glow from within. He opened and closed his mouth a few times.

  "Dekker," I whispered, "please. Who did this?"

  He drew breath, and then he did speak.

  "You did," he said.

  TWENTY-ONE

  I opened my eyes, blinking as the shining black stones came into focus, my back aching from my position on top of them. For a moment, a blissful moment, I couldn't remember anything. But as I lay there on the stones covering my sister's body, it all came rushing back. Cain and Abel, Lilith, Dekker. A white room in a prison in Florida. My sister's face. An eyeless monster in the bottom of a lake, my mother's scarred face going slack as she died, her blood soaking my clothes. Dekker. My sister's face. A frozen sea, a fire raging, Esme screaming. My sister's face, my sister's face, my sister's face. Mad from the power that wasn't hers and a monster that took the face of our father, wearing him like a mask, touching her. Touching her. Touching her.

  I sat up, a pressure in my chest, my eyes, every pore of my skin. I let it come, I didn't fight it this time. I welcomed the darkness. It seemed to bloom inside of me, but it didn't ache this time, it didn't feel separate from me. I looked up to see a woman standing beside me. In the bleak light, in the wasteland that once held power, the Morrigan towered over me, tall and so solid she may as well have been made of stone. She held my dead-eyed raven in her hand, stroking his smooth head. But it was me she was watching.

  And then, so slowly that it seemed it wasn't happening, the Morrigan began to smile, her mouth widening, her lips growing tight over white teeth that seemed to glow in this place, where the absence of light, the lack of life, the dust, all seemed to denote a deadness that I couldn't put into words. The Morrigan was smiling at me, and I slowly rose to my feet, taking the hand she held out. Her skin was dark against mine, stars swirling on her skin, my hand pale against hers. The raven didn't make a sound as it flapped its wings and came to land on my own shoulder.

  "You have awakened," said the Morrigan, and I knew she didn't mean from sleeping. Again, the familiarity of her voice nudged at me.

  "I'm going to kill them," I said. "The shapeshifter, the Mother, all of them, as many as I can."

  "You are justice," said the Morrigan, the smile still on her face. "Death is the other side of life." She looked at my raven. "And you will bring both, as you see fit."

  "I'm going to lose myself.”

  "Yes."

  I remembered my dream. Dekker in the backseat, an antler through his heart. "Am I going to lose him?"

  "I cannot see your future," she said. Nyx had said something in the dream. You will know her. It was already growing fuzzy, already fading. Just a dream.

  But I knew it wasn’t. "I'm going to end it," I said. “This fight, I’m going to end all of them.”

  "Do you know how?"

  "Dekker will try to stop me."

  "You will not let him."

  "Maybe he has to," I said. "Maybe he's the only thing I have to hold onto. He's a beacon that keeps me from going over the edge."

  "The edge of what?"

  "Whatever it is I'm becoming." I looked at the Morrigan. "Why do you still have power? How are you in this place?"

  "I am Death, Frankie Mourning," she said, and my dead-eyed raven burst from my shoulder like an explosion, rising into the air and hovered high above us for what seemed like hours, though it was only a moment. Then, diving down, faster and faster, until he was nothing but a blur of dark feathers, he raced down towards the earth, too fast, so fast I felt my heart hammering as I watched him. But he didn't stop when he reached the ground, he didn't slow, there was no breaking of bones, no resistance, and my raven plummeted through the ground as if it were nothing but fog.

  I looked at the Morrigan and she smiled again. A chilling smile that made her look like a dark skull, her cheekbones sharp and her lips stretched across bone-white teeth, as though her teeth alone had been bleached in a desert sun. For a moment it seemed that the Morrigan's face was a mask, like the rubber masks children wear on Halloween. For a moment, it seemed to me that the Morrigan didn't quite fit into her face. I looked down at the spot where my raven disappeared, a shimmer where reality wasn't quite solid.

  "Everyone's saying something different," I said. "Dreams are bleeding into reality, and gods are telling me all kinds of crazy shit. I don't know what to believe."

  "It's not the darkness you should fear," said the Morrigan. "Darkness is beautiful, and I can see it in your eyes and between your cells and coming out of you when you breathe. Great swaths of darkness surround you like a loving embrace. Who would you be without it?"

  "Dead, probably," I said.

  "No," she said quickly. "You would be un-whole. You would be less than complete. It's not the darkness that you should hate. It is those who wish to block the light."

  "What does that mean?" I said.

  "You'll see," she said. "And when the time comes to embrace the light alongside the darkness, you shall not waver. You won't be afraid because this is what I have come to say to you: you are both, Frankie. Dark and light, order and chaos. They are part of you, and you are nothing without them."

  "I only see the darkness," I said. "How do I find this light?"

  "The same as you find anything," said the Morrigan. "We all have our part to play in this drama, including you. There are no sides, there are no teams. There is no army of gods at your beck and call. You have great power, though you always seem to forget. Call for helpers when you need them. They will come. They belong to you, these things of darkness, as you call it. You call so many things darkness."

  "How do I kill the Mother of Hearts?" I said. "How do I destroy her?"

  "I can only say that you will find a way."

  "But you know?" I said. "You can see it?"

  "No," she said. "But I know you will. The time for talk is over now. You must jump." I looked down at the ground, which was still wavering and shimmering, a low buzzing sound coming from far beneath. I looked at the Morrigan once more.

  "It was you," I said. "She said she fell. She just fell through the earth and ended up in the Darkness. It was you, wasn't it? You saved Beatrice."

  "Not me," said the Morrigan. "I am only here now because you brought me here. And when you leave, I will also fall."

  "I didn't bring you here," I said.

  "I would never come to this place by choice. You are far stronger than you imagine yourself to be, Frankie. Far stronger."

  "So if you didn't save Beatrice, who did?"

  "In time, you will know who you are, but you may forget. You may forget who you are for a very long time. You may forget everyone, everything, everywhere that you've ever loved. You will forget your pain, you will forget your vices, you will forget how to be. It is the cost. A great cost."

  "Maybe it hurts less that way. To forget," I said. I watched her, her eyes shining, her skin gleaming with the universe itself.

  "There is a man," she said.

  I hesitated. "There was a man. He lied to me."

  "He is yours still," she said. "He watches, he waits, he bleeds for you when the need arises. He would die for you, as all dark things will die; to honor you. He wants to save you so badly, and perhaps he will. Perhaps you will escape our fate, the fate of a god. Perhaps you will come through unscathed and remember what it feels like to love. It took me a very long time to remember. And then it was too late. Have you heard the term la petite mort?"

  "No," I said.

  "The little death," she said and smiled a secret smile. "In the throes of passion we have all felt it. The loss of control, the transcendence that comes after a great release."

  "An orgasm?" I said, surprised.

  "A sexual release, yes, and so much more," she said. "A spiritual release, a loss of consciousness, of control, the thing you give up, all you let go to achieve transcendence. You must know this feeling well. As do I."

  "So far, dying hasn't been exactly tran
scendental," I said.

  "Has it not?" she said. "Tell me, was it pitch black when you died? Was it an endless void of nothing?" She watched my face. "No, I thought not. Where do you go when you die, Frankie Mourning? What do you do?"

  "I don't go anywhere," I said. "I just...wake up."

  "In this world?"

  "No," I said slowly. "I thought it was Hell. I thought...they made me think it was Hell. Lilith told me it was Hell."

  "Lilith lies." The Morrigan gave me a strange little smile.

  "I was on the other side."

  "When you die, you have no choice but to open your mind. To set free your encumbrances. You don't get to decide what is possible or impossible in death, Frankie. You simply accept. You simply allow it. La petite mort. There is no consciousness to drag you back, no morals or sins or shame, no denial of what one is. There is only you and the way things are. And it is the same with your man. Your Thomas Dekker. He relieves you of your burden, even for a short while. You cannot run from him, Frankie. Just as you cannot save him."

  "What do you know?" I said. "Is something going to happen?"

  "It is complex. And I am not the one to tell it. Now, come. I am late for a funeral. You must jump. Rejoin your lover, let him try to save you. Or consume him in your flame."

  I looked down into the swirling vortex and frowned. "Will I fall straight down?" I said, remembering what Beatrice said. She'd fallen straight down, out of this world. "To the other side?" I didn't know why the thought pleased me so much.

  "No," she said. "Not nearly so far. But in time, my love, you will fly there on your own wings. Do not forget who helped you. I am not your enemy. You must remember your promise."

  I looked over at her suddenly, something registering vaguely in my mind. "Why did you say that? About Dekker? You said I'd consume him." I couldn't concentrate, not with the void in the ground buzzing, not with the stars moving so hypnotically across the Morrigan's skin. "Someone else said something like that before." I shook my head, she was so familiar. "Are you really the Morrigan?"

  She put her hand on my back and pushed me in.