The Violet Line

by Bilinda Ni Siodacain

  As I laced them up, I pondered over the dream I had. It had made no sense to me. Why couldn’t I hear Sam when he spoke to me and why had my hand gone straight through him when I had reached out to touch him? Perhaps the council’s terrible persuasion they had planned for me was to actually kill Sam, but that didn’t feel right; it still wouldn’t lead them to me and they were all about that. The beginning of my dream hadn’t really felt like a dream; it was more like a repressed memory that I could never unlock until I was given the key and told the truth. It hurt to think that my parents could so easily have given me up when I was a baby. True, my mother had seemed upset by it all, but she didn’t have to do it. I could have grown up here. What would have been wrong with that?

  Maybe they didn’t want you, a little voice answered in my head but I did my best to squash it down. I didn’t know anything yet; I couldn’t simply go wildly jumping to conclusions.

  Is it really jumping wildly to conclusions, the voice insisted and I blocked it out, thinking instead on the final part of my dream. It had reminded me of an awful nightmare, a nightmare that had seemed extremely real; it was too weird to be real. It was probably just my brain’s way of coping and dealing with all the stress of the past while. It tossed up the very worst case scenario, me being turned into the vampire’s dark queen. It dawned on me then. That had been me as their queen; that was what I would be like. It frightened me to think about it. I decided to go ask Emily everything she knew about what was happening to me and the prophecy and whether she could help me find Sam or not. I began to think up my first question as I made my way down stairs and into the kitchen.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Sitting in the warm kitchen, I held the mug close in towards my chest as I observed Emily pottering around. Lorcan sat in the corner on the sturdiest looking chair in the room happily munching on whatever she passed his way; his appetite was insatiable. Finally, she stopped buzzing around and returned to the table, a mug of steaming tea in her own hands. Sitting down opposite me, she watched my face intently. Finding the scrutiny unbearable, I began to frantically twirl my hair around my fingers. I couldn’t meet her probing gaze so I chose to stare into my half empty cup.

  “Do you read tea leaves?” Her voice when she spoke still startled me, causing me to jump and almost spill the tea. “Jade, relax; you’re safe here, you can be assured. They won’t find you; they can’t even trace you with Sam here.”

  “How do you know about what’s going on? And why did you ask me if I can read tea leaves?”

  Laughingly, she gestured towards the cup I held so tightly against my chest in one hand. “I asked you about the tea leaves because you stared into that cup like it held all the answers to your future. The other answer is slightly more complex. I thought you would have wanted to know more about where you came from first though; you know, we haven’t discussed anything since I dropped that little bomb-shell on you. I am sorry, Jade; I thought it would be better to blurt it out instead of trying to hint around it all not really knowing how to tell you.”

  She looked at me sadly and somehow seemed older than her youthful appearance. I had an overwhelming urge to walk over to her and hug her, but I was afraid; this was the woman who had given me up all those years ago after all. I sat silent, not knowing what to do so I decided to ask her the one burning question in my mind.

  “If I am your daughter, then why did you give me up? No contact. I didn’t even know that who I thought was my real mother wasn’t. Didn’t you think it was important for me to find out about where I came from, who I really was? Where my powers come from? Did you not think I would need help with them? I haven’t been able to get close to anyone until Sam. Any friends I had when I was younger, I frightened away; nobody wanted to really know the freak girl. Was I really that bad you thought it was best to abandon me? Was I such a disappointment?” I hadn’t meant to have a rant but the more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I knew my words hurt her; I could see the moisture gathered in her eyes. But I wanted her to hurt; needed it, in fact. I wanted her to feel even a tenth of what I felt right now.

  “Jade, god, you were never a disappointment; you could never disappoint me and I never abandoned you. I watched your every move; your hurts were my hurts. I wanted to help you with your powers, but I wasn’t allowed to intervene, the rules of the fey, they wouldn’t allow it. I know that you’re upset; it’s so much to take in. But at least you’re here now and we can finally sort things out.” Her voice sounded hopeful as she spoke to me. I wasn’t convinced but the least I could do was listen to what she had to tell me.

  “Okay then; so you didn’t abandon me, but you still left me with no contact, no indication of what was happening. You can’t just expect me to accept that and move on.” My voice remained rigid; I needed it to stay ahead of my emotions.

  “No I don’t expect that, but I would like a chance to explain, if you’d be willing to listen.”

  “I’ll listen but I’m not making any promises.”

  She smiled. “Where would you like me to start?”

  I wasn’t sure where the best place was or even if I wanted to hear it. The beginning was always a safe bet but in this case, I didn’t know how helpful it would be to my situation; but at least it was a start. “At the beginning; it may or may not be helpful to know the full story and not just from when you gave me to my mother.”

  She flinched as though I had slapped her. In a way I supposed I had, but that had been unintentional, simply a slip of the tongue. I still thought of her sister as my real mother and in many ways she was; she had raised me and been with me every step of the way. I could never forget that she had never let me down and even as I’d developed my powers, she had tried her best to help me, comforting me when the children at school bullied me or even just talked to me when I felt as though I was completely alone in the world. She was my best friend and my mother all rolled into one neat little package and even if she wasn’t my biological mother, I wouldn’t just wipe her out of the place she had earned through all her hard work and dedication of raising me. I didn’t want to intentionally hurt Emily though, not in this way anyway, and I did want to hear her reasoning for what had happened.

  “I’m sorry, it sort of slipped out; it’s just strange,” I apologised.

  She nodded at me once, but I knew I had hurt her. Glancing over at Lorcan, he shook his head at me and I could see the disappointment on his face, making me feel even guiltier.

  “Well, Jade, as you can see you’re my only child. I never did have another; I couldn’t handle the heartache of losing another child. You see, before I had you, I suffered four miscarriages. I never knew they were coming; it was the only area that my powers to see into the future couldn’t help me.

  “I met your father when he came to my house looking for help. They had unearthed a prophecy of a child who would be gifted with the powers of life and death, but after that it became unclear. At the time, he was just a researcher in the fairy court. He had heard of my abilities to see the future and of course people’s lives in full, if I so chose. He wanted me to read him. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day and how he looked as he walked through the door. Have you ever seen a fairy, Jade?”

  I felt like a small child being told a fairytale. “No. Well, I don’t think I have anyway.”

  She smiled at me indulgently. “Trust me, you’d know if you had ever seen one. I know you have seen at least one in your lifetime; you don’t remember it now, but you’ll meet him again soon, don’t worry. Fairies are very striking creatures. That’s why I said you’d know if you had; there could be no doubt about it. They are tall, slender and incredibly graceful creatures, even more graceful than your vampires. I think ‘willowy’ is a good word to describe how they look; wouldn’t you agree, Lorcan?” She said as she turned towards him. His mouth was once more filled with the remnants of a scone and he tried to talk around it.

  “Umm yeah, willlophfhy, isz cool!” His words came out garbled and I
started to laugh as he choked on one particularly large crumb. I felt more relaxed with Lorcan here for some reason; he had a way about him that allowed any situation to become diffused from its tension. Emily hurried over to him and began rapidly thumping his back vigorously.

  “Lorcan, what have I told you about talking with your mouth full? God’s sake, if your mother was here she’d give you a good clip. And stop eating all the scones; if you grow anymore, you’re not going to fit in your own door at home.” Turning back to me, she added, “I swear he’s going to eat me out of house and home.”

  I continued to laugh, trying to disguise it behind a cough as Lorcan turned beetroot coloured in the face from embarrassment. I tried to smile at him reassuringly, but failed miserably as I was forced to swallow a loud guffaw. Emily sat down again as Lorcan made faces at me from behind her back like a small child might. I once again focused all my attention on her and the story.

  “Well, what I was saying. Yes, they’re willowy and graceful; their eyes are nearly always some shade of violet and the more royal they are, the brighter the colour seems to be. However, there is always the exception and very rarely you’ll find some fairies with a blue eye colour; always very vibrant and vivid, of course, and they don’t seem normal if you understand?” I nodded and she continued. “They do have wings and it’s this that stops them from joining the human world; it takes a lot to glamour a pair of wings away, let me tell you. Their wings are beautiful and delicate; they always remind me a little of cob webbing and you’ll understand when you see your father’s. Their blood is violet; it’s the reason for their eye colour and also for the colour of their veins.

  “Anyway, I’m getting off topic. You’ll understand all this better when your father gets back. The day he arrived, I couldn’t help myself; I fell in love with him on sight. He says the same thing about me; although what he saw in me, I’ll never know. We knew it was forbidden; fairies are not allowed to fall in love with mortals. However, there are laws in place to deal with it should it arise; it’s rare enough for it to not really be an issue. So he went back and explained that it really wasn’t our fault, that the meeting of soul mates is a powerful magic that cannot be denied and so they accepted us. On several conditions, of course; I must immediately return to the fairy realm and live there. Under no circumstances was I supposed to ever have contact with my family, and well, you know how well that worked out. Then of course, it came to you; my beautiful little girl. It is forbidden to have children with a fairy and most children don’t carry to term, but you did. They were shocked. You are an anomaly, child, one of a kind. Because you are technically part mortal – and even that part of you is not entirely pure because I have powers of my own – and of course you are part fey, you weren’t allowed to live here with me and your father. I think it was also some kind of sick punishment on us for having you. You see, the fairy king’s wife is also human and they had longed for a child but none of their children survived. When you did, well, as I said, I think it was a punishment. I had the choice of giving you up to a human family of my choice or they would have you destroyed. I knew they were not lying so I gave you to my sister. I wouldn’t let her tell you about us because I wanted you to have as normal an upbringing as possible. Of course, nobody planned for the fact that you would carry powers, let alone the powers of the prophesised child. As I said, you are unique. I couldn’t let them hurt you so I did what I felt was best.

  “I’ve only been allowed to contact you now because of all that has happened. I’ve watched over you every day and I’ve watched your powers grow since Sam was taken. There can be no denying now that you are indeed the prophecy child. They are concerned; the court wonders if you do get caught and turned, will you truly become the dark queen and will the prophecy be fulfilled? I have held them off for as long as I could, Jade. If you didn’t come here with Lorcan they were sending out their own guards to pick you up; you would simply have been abducted from either your home or the street. The fairies don’t worry about human consequences too much because they control and hold so much power; they won’t go out of their way to attract attention, but they will not be denied at all costs.”

  I wasn’t sure what to make of her story. It shocked me that all this had happened and I had been so ignorantly blissful. Everything in my life began to suddenly fall into place, but the thought of the fairy court being interested in me frightened me; did I not have enough to contend with, with the vampires? I sat there unable to speak; I couldn’t meet my mother’s eyes, so instead I chose to stare out of the window. Finally, I plucked up the courage to speak to her.

  “I’m sorry all this happened to you and I honestly still don’t know how I feel about it all, but I see that it wasn’t your choice to give me away and I can understand that. They wouldn’t let you stay in contact with me but I’m going to need some time to come to terms with all of this; it changes everything. I hope you can understand.” I knew my voice sounded stilted but I didn’t know how else to speak. She nodded her head in reply, but I could see the tears glistening in her eyes.

  “I knew of the prophecy before I came here, but how is it certain that I’m the one it’s all about? I mean, I don’t have power over life or anything; all I’ve ever been able to do is make others feel death, but I certainly couldn’t kill someone with it. So maybe it’s just a mistake and I’m not who everyone thinks I am?” My voice sounded pathetic even to my own ears but my mother smiled indulgently at me as she answered.

  “My dear child, you do have these powers; you just haven’t had the push you need to release them. I fear it will take a great emotional upheaval for you to come entirely into your powers and maybe it will never occur, but I know that was how it was for me. I was powerful before it but now, well now my powers are second to none; even the fey struggle to keep up with me sometimes.” She chuckled as she spoke and she looked so young, she could have passed for my sister; nobody would ever guess she was my mother.

  “What was your emotional trigger; falling in love?” I had to ask; the question burned inside me. I wanted to know why meeting Sam hadn’t been mine.

  “No, dear, it wasn’t falling in love. It’s not the happy kind of emotion; it’s part of it but not enough.” She seemed distant as she spoke. “My trigger was losing you. The day I had to give you up was the day I came fully into my powers. I loved you – you were my baby and I made you – so it broke my heart to do it; it was the pain of loss that caused my powers to develop. You have felt only the edge of what true loss is. At least you are fighting to get your Sam back; there is hope and you have not lost him yet. But for me, I knew I had lost you the day I had to hand you over to my sister. I can see the future after all, my dear, and I could see this happening; although I made you, you don’t know me. That is my loss.” She sat for a few moments before standing suddenly and dashing from the room. I looked at Lorcan; both our faces held looks of concern but I didn’t know what I should do.

  “Maybe you should go after her,” Lorcan prompted me. I stood hesitantly and then followed her. I didn’t know what I should say to her; I didn’t even know what I felt for her.

  Leaving the kitchen, I made my way down the carpeted narrow hallway to the sitting room. It was here that I found her sitting on the couch dabbing the tears from her face with a tissue. I coughed, not sure if I could really do or say anything to ease the situation. She looked up at me, her face tear stained, and once again the feeling of finally belonging somewhere washed over me. Walking quickly to her side, I sat down beside her, wrapped my arms around her thin shoulders and hugged her tight. I inhaled her perfume deeply; it was the smell of summer and I could remember it from when I was small, when she would hold me tight and whisper in my ear that I was safe and home and that everything would be alright. The memory brought tears to my eyes; I could only remember snatches of my time spent with her. As I sat hugging her, I could feel what she had felt as she handed me over. The heartbreak was crippling and even though I knew they were not my own feelings
, they still felt real and raw.

  Finally, we broke the hug off and sat in silence, simply looking at each other. Smiling, she tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear.

  “I can teach you about your powers, or at least how to hone the skill of one or two of them. We’re not really going to have all that much time to teach you everything; well, just yet anyway. You see, time passes much slower here; a day in this place is the equivalent of about a week of your time, so we shall have to get you back as quickly as possible. People don’t age here past the age of thirty; everyone remains forever young and people can’t die, though your father worries I might if I ever left this place. That’s the problem of me being mortal and living in the fairy realm; I’m fine if I travel with him but I can never do it alone. I don’t know if I believe it though; it could just be superstition.”

  I looked at her nervously. “Will I be alright going back? I mean, I’m part mortal.”

  “Oh, you’ll be fine. I’m not saying it’s easy for you to cross the veil but because you have fey blood, it means your life is never endangered by it.”

  Sighing with relief, I watched as she took my hands in hers. I began to feel apprehensive about what she might do. Her skin began to glow softly as she held them and I could feel a heat radiating from her body; it rolled from her skin to wrap itself around my body. As it came full circle, I felt it push in through my chest. Gasping, I tried to pull away from her but she held me tightly. It didn’t hurt but it felt uncomfortable as the heat flowed in through my chest; I could feel it spreading over my skin and underneath it until I took on the same glow she had. Opening her eyes, she released my hands and sat back.