For His Eyes Only

by Lexi Blake

  Brody’s hand came out, whacking him on the shoulders. “Of course you don’t. You need time with her.”

  “Are we talking about Hayley?” Owen popped out from behind the lockers.

  Yes, the nosiness never ended here. “I was mentioning that I would be disappointed if Penny solved the puzzle too fast and the case was over. I enjoy spending time with Hayley. I’ve missed her.”

  Owen sat on his other side. He wore nothing but a towel, his hair wet from the showers. His chest was on display, scars from what the doctor’s drugs had done to him still red. He’d had a reaction to the drug he’d been fed and it didn’t seem to go away. “I think the lass should stay here for a bit. If that so called family of hers is any indication, she’s not got a lot of support around her. Lady Brooks has a stick up her arse so far I bet she finds it hard to breathe. Not that she needs to since she looks a bit like a desiccated corpse. Woman’s so skinny I could count her bones, except in the face where someone stuffed her full. I do not get that. A slender girl is one thing, but this woman can’t eat properly. It’s not natural.”

  There wasn’t a lot that was natural about Desiree’s mother. She’d started in on the plastic surgeries the first time she’d spotted a wrinkle and hadn’t let up since. And she had a real problem with healthy women. More than once she’d called Desiree fat when she’d been gorgeous and curvy. “Did you find anything out beyond the fact that the whole family’s horrible?”

  “Well, they certainly hate you, brother. I found that out and quickly,” Owen explained.

  “Tell me something I don’t know.”

  Owen leaned in. “All right, did you know that right before he died, Paul Dalton showed up here in England demanding to know where his part of Desiree’s estate was?”

  That was news. Hayley’s father had thought she would leave him something in her will? “Lady Brooks told you that?”

  “Ah, hell, no,” Owen replied. “After she figured out we knew you, she kicked us out right fast, but the housekeeper told us to meet her at a coffee shop up the road and she gave us the information. Lady Brooks believed the Daltons were related to them. Desiree had proof. Now we know she faked it, but the real question is why. She really never told you?”

  Yes, now he remembered why he’d always held himself back. The old familiar shame welled up inside him. “There were plenty of things she didn’t tell me.”

  Had they looked at him like he was some pathetic chump all these years? Knowing that Damon had been investigating Desiree made him wonder how the team truly viewed him. Damon said he’d never thought Nick was a threat, but wasn’t that almost worse? What did that make him? Desiree’s pawn? A man with no real will of his own?

  “It wasn’t wrong to love her,” Brody said quietly.

  He’d been wondering about that very question lately. “She used me. She used all of us. Now I find out that she’s probably using Hayley from beyond the grave. I was with her for years. I put up with all of it.”

  “That’s the problem with people,” Brody continued. “We’re complex. It would be easier if we would just be one thing. Good. Bad. Why can’t we pick a side and stick with it? But Des did do some good in her time. She saved my arse more than once. Don’t forget that time she had to ride in and save Owen because she found out the woman he picked up at that conference we were working was actually a spy for a cartel. Poor Owen had already been drugged and that girl would have gotten all the security codes concerning the ambassador we were protecting if Des hadn’t shown up.”

  “Was she pretty? Did I actually get to do the deed before she turned on me?” Owen asked, his eyes bright.

  “You were tied up and drooling, you dumb arsehole,” Brody shot back. “Des saved you. That’s my point. She might have been selfish at her core, but she backed us all up. And I do believe she loved you, Nick. Oddly enough, no matter what she was doing with Hayley, I think she loved her, too.”

  “How can you say that? She lied to Hayley.” All afternoon Hayley had been quiet, but he knew hearing that news had shaken her.

  “Des lied to a lot of people about a lot of things,” Brody continued. “But that doesn’t mean she was lying when she said she loved you both. You were loyal to a woman who saved you when you needed saving. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with missing her, either. Hell, I miss Des. I don’t mind saying it. The only thing that would be wrong is to let her affect the rest of your life. If you care about Hayley, you don’t let Des get in between the two of you.”

  “I don’t think it’s Des that’s getting in his head when it comes to Hayley,” Owen piped up. “He doesn’t think he’s good enough for her.”

  Owen might have lost the memory of his past, but he did a good job reading his partner, damn it. “I think we live in two different worlds. You understand this, Brody. Isn’t that why you wouldn’t date the charming doctor?”

  Brody stiffened, his shoulders going back. “I’m a soldier. What the hell do I have to give a bloody doctor? She fixes people. She literally puts people back together. The only thing I’ve ever been good at is taking them down. I think it’s different with you and the girl. You’re smarter than me, man. You worked intelligence. I’ve been a grunt all my life. Grew up in a backwater town where we had more crocs than people, if you know what I mean. She went to med school.”

  He wasn’t sure how Brody didn’t see the similarities. “I did go to university, but that doesn’t mean Hayley and I would work out in the long run. She needs things I can’t give her. She needs stability.”

  “You’re one of the most stable men I ever met.” Brody stood up. “You didn’t give up on Des even when she hurt you. You’re loyal to the end. I’d let you watch my back. More than that, I’d let you watch hers.”

  Nick didn’t pretend to not know what Brody was talking about. He should have known all that “I’m a professional” talk had been bullshit. He’d sensed the tension between the two. If they hadn’t slept together, they’d definitely wanted to. “Call her.”

  Brody shook his head. “Nah. She ain’t for me. She deserves better.”

  “Okay, a Scot, an Aussie, and a Russian walk into a bar,” a sarcastic voice said. Ian Taggart was standing next to Damon, both men already in their leathers.

  “And?” Damon asked, one dark brow arched over his eyes.

  “No and. It’s not a joke. It’s just a nightmare of mine,” Taggart admitted. “Too many douchebag accents. What’s wrong with you people? Learn to speak American.”

  Brody flipped him the bird, though there was a smile on his face as though Taggart’s sarcasm was a welcome deflection of the tension from a moment before. “Bugger off, you useless cock.”

  Taggart pointed. “See. That’s what I’m talking about. I don’t know why you people are so concerned with bugs, and my cock is totally getting used tonight. Big time used.”

  Owen simply stood and dropped his towel, turning and giving Taggart a view of his naked backside. He slapped it. “Bite me arse, Tag.”

  “That’s very Braveheart of you,” Taggart admitted.

  Owen turned with a smile on his face. “We know how to start a battle right.”

  Damon looked to Tag with a sad shake of his head. “This is why I need more budget. You send me all the insane ones.”

  “Yeah, that’s easy to see. We’ll get you the training money,” Tag agreed. “Hell, I’d up your budget for the simple fact that I don’t have to deal with that maniac. Much less the bad news I’m about to give you. I’m staying on for a week or so because we’re about to have a visitor. Ezra Fain is asking for permission to come in and interview Robert, Tucker, and Dante.”

  Well, they knew the Agency would want to talk to some of the men. It was precisely why they were here in England and not somewhere in the States. Ezra Fain was a CIA operative with deep ties in the intelligence world. He’d also proven fairly easy to work with, as government men went. “Has he had any luck finding their identities?”

  Tag
leaned against the bank of luxurious lockers The Garden provided. “Not that he’s told me, but if one of those boys turns out to be a lost operative, they’ll play it close to the vest. Given we find ourselves with a client who’s wanted on US soil, I thought we might pick his brain while he’s here. A quid pro quo, so to speak. It’s good to remind him that he owes us, too. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Nick. Can I have a moment please?”

  Damn. He didn’t like the idea of exposing her to Fain. “I’ll talk to him, but I think we shouldn’t mention that she’s actually here. I’ll keep her close to me for a few days and out of his line of sight.”

  Brody whistled as he strode away. “You did not learn your lesson this morning, brother. See you out in the dungeon.”

  Owen followed behind him, turning toward the other bank of lockers, and Nick found himself alone with Damon and Tag.

  “You’re afraid Fain will call the cops?” Tag asked.

  Nick shrugged. “You never know what an Agency man will do. I should know this. I worked in intelligence many years before I realized I was selling my soul for nothing. I’ve done things I shouldn’t have because someone convinced me it was for my country. Fain worked his way up. He’s a company man. I heard he’s taking Ten Smith’s place now.”

  “I wouldn’t say that. Fain’s too much of a lone wolf to move into Ten’s place, but the Agency does see his value. He’s a good contact and one I’d like to keep up with. We get into trouble enough that it helps to have someone on the inside we can call,” Taggart explained. “Until such time as he proves he’s an asshole, and then we’ll deal with him.”

  “You inspire such confidence,” Damon snarked.

  “I’m not here to inspire confidence. I’m here to kick a little ass when it’s needed,” Tag allowed.

  “I want your word that he won’t attempt to turn her over to the authorities.”

  “You have it.” Tag held out a hand. “And I’ll see if I can get him to take a look at what we have. He knows about the investigation into Desiree.”

  Damon pulled his cell phone out, frowning at the screen. “He’s here. I’m going to let him in. Let’s hope he can figure something out because Penelope’s struggling with the code. I’ll settle him in and be back. You know we should talk to him about his bloody timing.”

  “Seriously, Fain’s not a bad guy,” Taggart said as Damon walked away. “And if he fucks with you, punch him. It worked with Ten.”

  He had to talk to Hayley. Damn it. He was with Damon. Ezra Fain’s timing was bad. “I’m going to change and take Hayley back upstairs. We need to talk about Fain. She’ll be nervous.”

  “I know she’s your sub for now and all, but I think that’s a big mistake.” Taggart straightened up.

  “Why is it a mistake? I’m trying to think of her feelings and not my own. Do you think I don’t want to play? This is the first chance I’ve had, and I don’t know how many I’ll get. So I don’t understand how I’m making this mistake.” He opened his locker, frustration pouring through his system.

  “Because she’s nervous, too, man. Look, you’ve been in the lifestyle for a long time, but you’ve never really had a submissive. I liked Des. I know she did some criminal shit, but so did my sister-in-law. I won’t even go into some of the shit my wife’s done. It was hard to forgive her, but I’m glad I did. My advice to you is to forgive Des and forgive yourself for not realizing she wasn’t actually submissive. She played at it to get what she needed, but you never truly got what you needed out of the exchange. This is your chance. Charlie thinks Hayley is submissive and that means you need to figure this shit out and fast. I’m going to give you a clue. Not playing with her tonight will be a mistake.”

  “You don’t think she’ll be upset when I tell her there’s a CIA agent here?” Nick asked.

  Taggart seemed to give the question some thought before he answered. “She might be. Or she might trust that you’ll take care of her. Either way, she’s not talking to Fain until tomorrow, so why ruin tonight? She’s a newbie. They get some weird ideas in their heads. She might think you changed your mind and man, nothing you say after that will change hers. She’ll think you don’t want her and it’ll always be there between you. More to the point, she needs a night where she’s your main priority. Not the case. Not her future safety. Her. Her body. Her mind. Her soul. Give her the peace she needs to get through tomorrow.”

  The peace she needed. Could he give that to her? Taggart was right about one thing. He’d never had a true sub of his own. Des might have worn his collar from time to time when it pleased her to do so, but she’d never needed him to find her peace.

  “I haven’t worked with her enough to know how to give her this.” He hated feeling vulnerable, but wasn’t she worth perhaps making an idiot of himself in front of Taggart if it meant she got what she needed? He realized in that moment that giving to her, knowing she had comfort and pleasure because of him was important, so much more important than his own pleasure.

  “Start slow,” Taggart advised. “If this were a training setting I would tell you to explore the world with her, but that’s not what this is. She’s not coming to the club trying to find a place to belong. She’s here for you and there’s nothing wrong with that. People come to the lifestyle for many reasons. She wants to explore what a relationship with you would be like. Show her. Show her how beautiful you think she is. Show her how open you want to be with her. Show her how giving up control to you in one specific place can free you both. And if you jar her a little, well, that’s just pushing boundaries. I think you should push her intimacy boundaries in the beginning. Figure out if she likes the dungeon or not, if she likes the open sexuality of this place or if she needs privacy.”

  Explore. It was what they should do in the beginning, but Taggart was right. Their exploration should begin a bit differently. They needed to explore how far she wanted to go, whether or not she could be open and enjoy the kind of intimacy and sexuality he craved.

  With her. It struck him suddenly that he wanted this openness, this closeness with her. Not some nameless, faceless sub. Hayley.

  He needed to give her the experience that would leave her thinking about nothing beyond his next touch, their next kiss. He was treating this like a textbook, get-to-know-you-first play session with a submissive.

  He needed to stop thinking about Dom and sub and traditional forms. He needed to let them be Nick and Hayley, and that meant breaking a few rules.

  He stood up and opened his locker. He needed to change.

  “What are you and Charlotte planning on doing this evening?” Nick asked. If there was one thing he knew about that couple, it was their love of exhibitionism. He could use that to introduce Hayley to some exotic play. Tomorrow would be soon enough to deal with the new problems they faced. Tonight he needed to exert some control. “Is there any way I can convince you to do it in the watch room?”

  Taggart smiled. “See, now you’re thinking, buddy. Let’s have some fun.”

  * * * *

  Hayley fought not to pull the thong from between her butt cheeks. Why couldn’t cotton briefs be considered sexy? She thought they were sexy. Well, she thought they didn’t give her a satiny wedgie.

  And she could barely breathe in the corset Kayla and Ariel had stuffed her into.

  All in all she wasn’t feeling particularly sexy.

  “I think you were right to go without the heels,” Kayla said as she glanced around the dungeon. “If you’re not used to them, you end up looking like a newborn colt kind of stumbling around everywhere.”

  “I’m with Hayley. I like the feel of the stone on my skin,” Ariel said. “I wear heels all day. When I get down here I want to feel like a different person. I want to be comfortable. Being barefoot will help you get into your role.”

  “What will help me breathe?” Hayley asked.

  Kayla ignored her, frowning Ariel’s way. “That’s easy for you to say. You and Charlotte can go barefoot because you’re no
t five foot nothing. I got short girl problems.”

  Ariel grinned and hooked an arm around Kayla’s waist, leaning in. “Well, my darling, if you were any taller, the rest of us would be in trouble. You’ll have to settle for being a tiny, gorgeous badass.”

  Kayla sighed and leaned against her friend. “I suppose so.”

  Hayley watched them. They seemed like such different women, but it was obvious they shared something special.

  Kayla looked over at her. “You’re going to be okay, you know. This is fun. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

  She heard a loud shout and then a groan. What the hell was she doing? She wasn’t this person. She wasn’t the kind of person who did crazy sex stuff. Even the best sex she’d ever had had been with Nick, and it had been normal sex. He hadn’t spanked her. He hadn’t tied her up and it had been good. Great.

  She was a college professor. She wore fussy business suits, not corsets that weren’t at all historically accurate.

  “I think she’s going to run,” Kayla whispered to Ariel.

  Ariel put a hand on her hip. “Are you going to run? Is that why you didn’t pick the heels?”

  “That’s pretty snarky for a shrink.” Hayley pulled on the corset, trying to make it cover more of her boobs. She’d never considered them particularly large, but the corset worked wonders, drawing those suckers up and making them look big and round. “Aren’t you supposed to be supportive?”

  Ariel stepped away from Kay and opened her arms as though embracing the dungeon. “Ah, but I’m not a shrink here. Here, I’m a sub looking for some fun. That’s the beauty of this place. You can be who you want. It’s good to let go and explore without judgment or fear. And that is the shrink talking.”

  “Let loose,” Kay advised. “Stop all the crap that’s going through your head and do what you’re supposed to do here.”

  “Not breathe and get a little scared by the noises? Is that normal?” There was a whooshing sound, followed by a hard crack that sounded a lot like someone was being whipped.