The Department of Hate - A Love Story

by Anthony O'connor

  He set out towards the Inner Gates - an unstoppable juggernaut of rage. When he reached the gates the guards snapped to attention and saluted smartly. He grabbed a battle axe from one of the guards and continued on down the southern slopes towards the entrance to the Great Hall at the edge of the Pit of Despair. As he approached the doors of the Great Hall he came across one of the lesser demons. He remembered him - the one on the train to Brighton that had held him down. The lesser demon was shocked to see him and called out

  "Master!" Beelzebub swung the axe rapidly up into the side of his head, cracking his skull and slicing into it. The lesser demon dropped to the ground screaming and thrashing about. Other demons had rushed out of the foyer - equally shocked to see Beelzebub. He snarled at them

  "Throw this piece of shit into the Pit." They yelled out

  "Yes Master, at once Master.” They quickly hauled away the body of the fallen demon. Beelzebub threw the axe to the ground. He had decided he wouldn’t need it for what was coming next.

  A large demon came out of the foyer staring at him malevolently. He was obviously astonished to see him. He cried out

  “Beelzebub!” Beelzebub took one look at him and roared out

  "Belial." They rushed at each other. Beelzebub easily managed to get in the first hit, a massive head butt which knocked Belial into a daze. Beelzebub then sank his teeth into Belial's face ripping out large chunks of it. There was blood everywhere. Belial could hardly stand. Beelzebub took a step back and then pounded his fist into Belial's stomach and sternum as hard as he could, rupturing multiple internal organs. He repeated this several times before smashing his fist into the side of Belial's head - knocking him to the ground. He immediately pulled the now only semi conscious Belial back onto his feet holding him by the collar at the back of the neck and then half walked half carried him to the edge of the Pit fifty metres away. For good measure he then gouged out both of Belial's eyes before finally pushing him into the Pit. He watched him fall, calling out triumphantly

  "Fuck you too. I win." He turned around and walked back to the entrance to the Great Hall. One of the lesser demons passed him a towel which he used to wipe off the blood. He did this quite casually. They watched him carefully, all of them almost frozen in fear.

  Beelzebub then strode into the Great Hall and made his way straight across the open floor to the Throne. There were several dozen lesser demons and minor lords still in the Hall itself. They scampered out of his way, crying out in fear

  "Hail the new Satan!" He sat on the throne and stared out at them. They waited - each of them looking down as he met their eyes. There was no time to waste. The end times had finally arrived. He called out

  "Lord Barbatos." One of the larger demons raced towards him and stood there before the throne. Beelzebub looked at him contemptuously

  "Take a hundred of your best soldiers. Find Asmodeous. Cut that fucking asshole into a thousand pieces and scatter the pieces into the pit." Lord Barbatos saluted, and raced off. Beelzebub then called out

  "Lord Nabarus." Nabarus rushed forward and stood before him. Beelzebub raged on

  "Hell is a shithole. We're moving to Earth. We still have fifty legions, take ten of them and start preparing the humans for our arrival. You can get there through the heavens - the way is now open. Fill their souls with terror. Kill one in ten." Nabarus saluted sharply

  "Yes Master" and also rushed off. Beelzebub was not yet done, he called out

  "Lord Saleos." Saleos rushed forward and stood before him. Beelzebub continued to rage

  "Take the twelfth and thirteenth legions and clear out the UK. We'll use that as our new base. Build me a palace in southern Essex somewhere overlooking the river Thames. Make the river run red with the blood of the slain." Saleos seemed confused

  "Master, what do you mean 'clear out' ?“ Beelzebub had no patience with him

  "What do you think I mean you fucking moron - kill every fucking thing that breathes." Saleos snapped out his response

  "Yes Master, Yes Master" and then rushed off.

  Beelzebub sat back on the throne. He was now absolute Lord and Master of Hell and of Earth. Lucifer had been destroyed. Finally he was the new Satan. Heaven was empty and abandoned. He remembered God quite clearly now and he remembered kneeling before Him at the beginning of time - as if that would ever happen again. He looked about randomly, vacantly - then he cried out

  "I don’t know where you're hiding but I hope you're watching because you're fucking next." Of course there was still the vexing issue of the elder Gods but for now there was an immediate piece of unfinished business. Still glowering he barked out

  "Someone go fetch that treacherous slave girl bitch Cassandra." Several of the lesser demons rushed to comply.

  A few minutes later one of the lesser demons returned with Cassandra - holding her by the elbow and leading her into the Great Hall. She was dressed in a skimpy red silken skirt - a tight metal collar locked around her neck. But her eyes were still shining brightly and her spirit was still strong and defiant. He realised with utter shock that despite having reverted to his true demonic form and despite having accomplished all of his goals exactly to plan he was still just dazzled by her. He knew with absolute certainty that this would never do. She came up to him, looking at him carefully. She could see the rapidly fading resemblance. Was there still some small chance? She called out

  "Jarrod? Is that you?" But even as she said it she realised sadly that it was already far too late. Jarrod was gone. She knew also that somehow she'd been used and betrayed.

  Beelzebub stared back at her. It occurred to him that he'd never actually seen her naked. He growled at her

  "Strip, bitch! Now!" She undressed quickly and stood there naked before him. Despite all that happened she still felt awkward and self conscious. Beelzebub just looked at her and then grunted

  "Hmph, nice tits!” He stared at her for some time, collecting his thoughts, recalling their experiences together, recalling her whole life as seen by him through the eyes of the gnome. She was certainly beguiling! What was it about her? But he could not allow any form of sentiment – he could not and would not feel that way about anyone. Having used her to defeat Lucifer, now he was about to fight the Gods. But he continued to stare at her. He almost sighed. Finally he spoke to her, slowly and harshly with irreversible and irredeemable malice.

  "Get on your knees, you fucking cunt." Cassandra had had enough. In a burst of rage she reached up and slapped him across the face as hard as she could, screaming out

  “Asshole." Then she stormed out of the hall. Beelzebub watched her go with open mouthed astonishment. The other demons also watched her go not daring to intervene. He found her incomprehensible. His power was absolute. He called to mind all relevant data from his recent lifetime as Jarrod, and then slowly shook his head, laughing darkly

  "Fucking Women!" He would keep her for a while though, what harm could possibly come of that?