If I Can't Have You

by Dawn Jiles

  “Baby, we are always honest with each other, right?” she asked me.

  “Of course, sweetie,” I said.

  “You wouldn’t hide anything from me, right? You wouldn’t cheat on me or anything like that, would you?” she questioned with a serious face.

  Mo had never acted even remotely insecure since we started dating, so I was confused by her line of questioning.

  “Baby, I would never hide anything from you, nor would I ever cheat on you,” I half lied.

  “Why would you even think something like that? I have never given you a reason not to trust me.”

  Truth was, I had never cheated on her, but I had slept with her best friend before we got together. I really regretted that shit. I felt bad hiding this secret from her, but I was more scared of losing her.

  “There are some rumors and speculation going around about you and Sam. I could never forgive you if anything ever happened between you two, but I trust you, and I know you wouldn’t hide anything from me,” she said, smiling at me.

  She strutted off to the bathroom, and I felt like shit. Man, I really hated that bitch Sam, and I really hated myself right now for getting involved with her ass.

  Mo walked out of the bathroom, interrupting the pity party I was having with myself. She had on nothing but some peach boy shorts and her peach heels. All thoughts about Sam and everything else left my mind the moment I laid eyes on her. She was so fucking beautiful. Her ass and hips were big and toned perfectly, and her titties sat on her chest perfectly. Her tummy was flat, and her hair flowed past her shoulders, making her look even sexier.

  “I am giving myself to you. Don’t make me regret it,” she said sternly.

  “I love you, baby. As a matter of fact, I’m in love with you. You are all I need and want,” I said truthfully.

  “You’re in love with me?” she asked, walking toward me.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “I’m in love with you too,” she said, then kissed me passionately on the lips. She stuck her tongue in my mouth, and I gladly accepted it. I palmed her ass and pushed her body close to mine. I trailed kisses down her neck and stopped at her titties. I took her left one in my mouth, and then I gently bit down on it. I sucked and twirled my tongue on it while playing with her other nipple with my fingers.

  I took her panties off and picked her up. I placed both of her legs over my shoulders and then dove headfirst into her pussy. She had the sweetest-tasting pussy I had ever eaten. I sucked on her clit while taking two fingers and entering her hole. She tightened her legs around my neck, and I knew it was because nothing had ever been inside of it. I laid her on the bed while continuing to lick her pussy. I darted my tongue in and out of her hole while taking my thumb and gently rubbing against her clit. I gave my baby her first orgasm, and she screamed out in pleasure.

  I lay between her legs and slowly entered her. She tensed up a little bit, but then she began to relax. Her pussy felt so good; it was warm as hell and, of course, tight. I could lie up in her shit all day and never get tired. I slowly thrust in and out of her while grinding my pelvis into her each time. I flipped her on her side and then entered her that way. I looked down and watched as my dick went in and out of her. That shit was driving me crazy; I was ready to bust just at the sight.

  I took my thumb and rubbed on her clit. I felt her walls getting even tighter around my dick. I knew she was about to come, and I was coming right with her. We came, and I just lay there with my dick inside of her. We were both exhausted, so we fell asleep. There was no better feeling in the world than being inside of her. She definitely couldn’t find out about me and Sam, or I would definitely lose her.

  Kevin

  I couldn’t believe that I was officially a high school graduate. It had been a week since prom and graduation, and I felt good. People looked at me and how I dressed, and they thought I was just some common thug, but that was far from the truth. Yes, I sold drugs, but it wasn’t something I planned on doing for the rest of my life. I had kept a 4.0 grade point average all four years, and I had been one of the star players on the high school basketball team.

  Zoe and I practically lived together. I never knew you could fall for someone so easily, but I had. She was so perfect to me. If Samariah had never messed up, I would have never known what true happiness really meant. When I thought about Zoe, I immediately smiled. The sex was off the chain, and she definitely knew how to make her man feel good. Since it was technically her place, we had decided to find a place that we could both call our home. She had said that what was hers was mine, but I would feel better if we just started fresh with a new place.

  Lately, strange stuff had been happening. Zoe had told me that she had been getting strange calls and text messages. She’d said someone would call and just breathe into the phone. I immediately thought it was Sam, but how had she got Zoe’s number? Then I just assumed it was her ex. Today, though, when I got outside, there was a note left on my windshield, telling me to watch my back. I couldn’t front. A nigga was kind of scared. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me who in the hell would be threatening me. I had no known enemies, and they had left the note on my car by Zoe’s house. None of my friends knew where I was staying, not even David and Corey, but I planned to get to the bottom of this. Until then, we would be moving, and I would always stay strapped up.

  Sam had tried to throw shade on prom night by introducing herself as my ex-girlfriend of four years, but my baby had held her own. She hadn’t even let that shit bother her at all. Just thinking about how she had handled it made my dick hard.

  Zoe

  I loved me some Kevin, and I honestly hadn’t known I would feel so strongly about him so quickly. We had started out kind of rocking because he was in a relationship most of the time we were dating. Even though he had told me about the relationship, and I hadn’t found out through word of mouth, I was still pissed off, but I didn’t let him know that, of course. He had given me the run-down on what had happened between him and Sam.

  She was a disrespectful ho. Yes, I had class, but that bitch had almost made me lose my cool on their prom night, because she’d been super messy. Don’t let this small frame fool you. I could definitely get down with these hands, and I could tell I was going to have to lay them on that bitch. Kevin was mine now, and you could bet your bottom dollar that his ass wasn’t going anywhere. He had already been hooked before we had sex, and once we did, that sealed the deal. I knew I had some fantastic pussy, and I gave great head. I gave my man back and foot rubs every night, and I got down in the kitchen.

  Sam’s ass had messed up, but she refused to let go. I knew that bitch was the one calling my phone, breathing and shit. That was why I was about to meet up with this ho and put an end to this shit, once and for all. After I explained to Bria what had been going on, she gave me Sam’s number. I had sent Sam a message, telling her I wanted to meet up. I hadn’t told her who I was when I sent the message, but she knew exactly who I was. That just confirmed what I already knew. I did not play these little childish games, and I would hate to let the bitch in me come out, but she had really taken me there.

  I pulled up at a Dunkin’ Donuts in West Allis, a suburb of Milwaukee. As I walked inside, I spotted her sitting at a table in the corner. I hoped this bitch didn’t go running her mouth to Kevin about us meeting up, because I hadn’t told him that I was meeting her. I sat down and got straight to the point.

  “I’m asking you nicely to stay off my phone and stop playing on my shit. What you and Kevin had is over, and honestly, it had nothing to do with me, so leave me out of it,” I said.

  “What makes you think it is me that’s playing on your phone? How do you know he’s not fucking around with someone else?” she said with a smirk.

  “I know because my name and pussy juice are written all over his dick, and you are the only simple-ass chick that doesn’t want to let go. I know that my man is faithful to me, and if you knew how to keep your legs closed, maybe you would still
have him, but you fucked up, and now he’s all mine,” I said heatedly.

  My plan was to come and have a simple conversation with her, but I really disliked this bitch, and not just because she was Kevin’s ex, but also because she had a smart-ass mouth.

  “Listen here, bitch!” she said, pointing her finger in my face. “You may have Kevin now, but he will always come back to me. And you want to know why? Because I’m his first everything, and I have the best pussy he has ever had. Your little black ass ain’t got shit on me. You’re just filling the void until I’m ready to take his ass back,” she said.

  It took everything in me not to haul off and slap the piss out of her.

  “Correction. You may have had the best pussy he’s ever had, but I’m number one, baby. He whispers that into my ear every night, after I ride the shit out of his dick. You are water under the bridge, baby, and I am definitely not worried about your ho ass taking my place. Now listen up, and you listen very carefully. You may think your ass is crazy, but you haven’t seen shit yet. Stay the fuck away from my man and me. This will be my first and last warning,” I said. I then picked my purse up and left her sitting there, looking dumb as hell. Next time I wouldn’t be as nice. Next time I’d definitely be beating her ass.

  Sam

  So this bitch Zoe had some balls. She knew it was my ass playing on her phone, but personally, I didn’t give a fuck. I also had been leaving notes on Kevin’s car, threatening his ass. I really didn’t want to hurt Kevin, but I definitely had something in store for his black bitch. I didn’t know exactly what I was going to do to her ass, but I planned to hurt her ass real bad. First, I had to handle Eric’s ass. He had finally given up on being with my ass, but he had destroyed what Kevin and I had, and for that reason, his ass had to go.

  I had the perfect plan. I texted him and told him I wanted to meet up with him tonight so that we could talk. I went to Walmart and purchased a hunter’s knife. I had already gotten my gloves the night before. I told Eric to meet me at this secluded area by the park at eight o’clock sharp. When I got to the park, he was already there. I grabbed my purse, climbed out of my car, and headed over to his.

  “Hey, baby. I’m so happy to see you,” I told Eric once I got in his car. I placed my purse next to me on the seat.

  “You sure weren’t acting like you missed me. You never returned any of my calls. So, what do you really want, Samariah?” he said, sounding irritated.

  “I want you, baby. I know it took me a while to realize it, but I really do love you,” I lied.

  “You’re just saying that because that nigga Kevin left you,” he said.

  “He didn’t leave me! I left his ass,” I shouted.

  “Whatever,” he said.

  “Listen, let me just show you how much I really missed you,” I told him while rubbing his crotch.

  I could see him starting to loosen up. I unbuckled his pants and took him in my mouth. After getting him hard, I climbed over onto his lap and slowly slid down his pole. I clutched my walls around his dick and rode him like a pro.

  He closed his eyes and threw his head back against the headrest, and that was when I made my move. I reached behind me to get the knife, which I’d hid in the back part of my bra. Before he knew it, I plunged the knife into his chest and twisted it. He tried to push me off him, but he instantly became weak. I took the knife and stabbed him three more times, and I watched the life leave his body. I took a small plastic bag with a baby wipe inside it out of my pocket, cleaned his dick off with the baby wipe, and then threw the wipe and the knife into the bag. I retrieved my purse, reached inside it, and grabbed the little bear my dad had bought me for my fifth birthday. I held it close to my body, and as I stared at Eric’s lifeless body, I began to rock back and forth.

  “Daddy, why weren’t you around? Why didn’t you love me enough to stay with me and Mommy?” I said through snot and tears. “I need you, Daddy!” I screamed.

  I grabbed my purse and the plastic bag, got out of the car, and threw the bag, with the knife and the baby wipe still in it, in the Milwaukee River, which ran through the park. I then climbed back in my car and raced home. When I got home, I burned the clothes that I was wearing in the fireplace in my bedroom.

  The next day, I heard on the news that the police had found an eighteen-year-old boy stabbed to death in his car. There were no witnesses to the crime, and no visible evidence had been left at the scene. One down. Four to go, I thought.

  Bria

  I had decided that today would be the day that I told our parents and David that I was pregnant. I figured I was a high school graduate and I’d be eighteen next week, so this would be the perfect time to tell them. I asked David and his parents to come over for dinner. We were sitting around the table, eating, when I asked for everyone’s attention. I was nervous as hell, but I refused to keep hiding this secret.

  “Well, I brought all of us together for a reason. I have something I need to tell you guys,” I said nervously.

  “What is it, baby? You got accepted to another college?” my dad asked, chuckling.

  “No, Dad. I’m afraid it’s more serious than that,” I said on the brink of tears.

  “Let me guess. You’re pregnant,” David’s mom said jokingly.

  Everybody laughed—everybody except for me. When they noticed that I wasn’t laughing, everyone got quiet.

  “You’re pregnant!” my mom shouted with anger.

  “She didn’t say that, Silvia. You didn’t say that, right, baby?” my dad said.

  I looked in his eyes, and I could tell that he knew the truth. He just didn’t want to face it. David and his parents were sitting there, waiting on me to spell it out. David was nervous. I could tell by the way he was looking at me.

  “I’m three months pregnant, and I’m due in February,” I said, now crying.

  My dad put his head down, and my mom started crying too. David’s parents were sitting there with their mouths wide open.

  “I need to speak to you in private, Bria,” David said.

  “Hell no! It seems like y’all have been doing enough in private,” my mom said.

  “Silvia, leave them alone. Let them talk,” my dad said, with so much sadness in his voice.

  My heart began to break, because I knew I had disappointed my parents. I got up, and David and I walked to my bedroom so that we could talk. I sat down on the bed, but David remained standing.

  “How could you do this to me, Bria? Why am I just now finding out about this?” he asked angrily.

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “What do you mean, you don’t know? We talk about everything else, and you couldn’t tell me this? Then you drop this bomb on me on the same day that you tell our parents. What type of shit is that?” he yelled.

  “I was scared, okay! I wasn’t ready for this, but it happened, and I told you the best way I knew how,” I said through my tears.

  “Bria, I’m not ready for a baby. I love you, but I didn’t see myself having a baby so soon,” he said, on the verge of tears. “This isn’t how shit was supposed to play out. We were supposed to go to college, get married, and then have kids. Now shit is all fucked up because of your ass. You are ruining my life!” he screamed.

  I looked at him like he had lost his damn mind. How in the hell was this just my fault?

  “Wait one minute. You knew exactly what you were doing every time we had sex. Now how dare you blame this on me? With or without your ass, I’m having this baby! And I’ll take care of it. We don’t need you,” I said as I stood up and walked toward the door.

  As I was leaving the bedroom, he grabbed my arm and then pulled me back into the room. “I’m sorry, baby. It’s just that this is a lot to take in. I’m not ready for a baby, but I don’t want to lose you. We will figure everything out. I promise,” he said. Then he embraced me and kissed me on my forehead.

  I felt much better in his arms, with him reassuring me that everything would work. I knew it would be hard, but i
t would be okay.

  Chapter Nine

  David

  I almost fell the hell out when Bria told us that she was pregnant. I was definitely not ready for a kid, but she was pregnant. I knew the baby was mine, so I was going to do right by her and my baby. Two weeks after we found out about the pregnancy, Corey’s dad hooked us up with a nice three-bedroom condo down by the lake. He gave us a good deal on the rent since we were young and neither one of us had a job.

  When Bria turned eighteen a week ago, she received an inheritance check for two million dollars from her grandma, who had died when she was a kid. My parents had set up a trust fund for me, and I would receive money from it once I turned eighteen. It wasn’t as much as Bria’s, but we wouldn’t be hurting for money anytime soon. We went shopping for furniture and stuff for our house, and now we were moving in. Bria’s mom was so pissed that she was pregnant that she hadn’t spoken to Bria and me since the day Bria announced it. Everybody was at our condo except for her.

  Kevin and Corey pulled me to the side so that the three of us could take a little break.

  “So how does it feel, man? You’re about to be a dad in a few months,” Kevin said.

  “Man, it is what it is. I really don’t know how to feel,” I said truthfully.

  “Well, man, I know you aren’t too happy about things, but is it really worth losing Bria?” Corey asked.

  “Why would you ask me that?” I questioned him, confused. “Why would I lose Bria?” I asked.

  “Let’s go for a walk, man,” Corey said.

  The three of us left the condo so that we could talk in private.

  “Well, Bria told Mo that you have been acting very strange since the day she announced it. Not only that, I was talking to my homeboy, and he told me how you’ve been entertaining some little chick from his hood. He saw your car over there a few times. If he knows, then so do other people, and I don’t want word to get back to your girl, man,” Corey said.