Gangsters In Time [Part III] Veni, Vidi, Vici

by Stanimir Mirov

  “Wow,” Galfonino stared, “from up close, everything is even more immense.”

  A minor man next to him on the line apparently heard the strange talking in incomprehensible language and, in turn, spoke in Sumerian. Capone slapped him around the neck, and with a finger on his lips spoke, “Shh, quiet. Nobody asked you.”

  Several of the guards came to these strangers and spoke to Sven at some accent that was not familiar to him, “We have a problem,” he turned to the group. “I don’t understand what they are saying!”

  “Well, you’re crazy!” Capone got angry. “You were supposed to be an expert? Speak to them what you know, maybe they will understand you!”

  The Count turned toward the guards and spoke in Sumerian, which he had learned as a youth in the academy, “I do not know what you are talking about, but I hope you will understand me!”

  “Ahh,” one of the soldiers smiled, “I see you’re not from around, but that does not stop you from speaking our ancient language well. Where are you from and who is your master, and why is he watching sospitefully?”

  “We are from Egypt. We traveled a lot until we got here. My master is a messenger from Pharaoh Neferkhara himself and comes from the capital Memphis. The Pharaoh wants to open new trade routes between our two prosperous kingdoms.”

  The Guards watched them for a few seconds then called out and several more came, “I see you are important guests. I’ll appoint you a personal escort to help you get settled, and I will personally announce your arrival. So relax now, until someone comes to you...”

  Sven just nodded and explained to the group, “We fooled them. We will enter the city now!”

  “Wow!” Galfonino rubbed his hands and shouted. “Forward!”

  Leo watched his friend, who was shaking with excitement as a child about to get a lollipop. The city was truly breathtaking. Outside the walls, the city extended for miles. Small round huts made of wood, cane, and hay, farms and roads were crossing to the left and right. But once you pass the huge and infinitely long city wall, a new world opens before your eyes. Monumental tall buildings made of stone and bricks, large courtyards inside them, large and small streets. Stepped buildings coming down underground. Palace of Gilgamesh and Inanna’s temple dedicated to the goddess Ishtar differed significantly from other buildings of their size and splendor. Walls covered with sparkling colored bricks could be seen for miles. When our guys passed the market, they noticed the skillfully made pottery, decorated with flowers or sterilized realistically presented animals. Some of them were very interesting because their spouts were glued with a pitch, adhesive material obtained from petroleum sources. Other vessels were decorated with rosettes of leaves, buried white shells resembling human eyes and giving expression to the form. Some of the pottery was decorated with bulls and lions. Along with the vessels, the market had gold and silver sculptures, bowls, jugs, helmets, shields, inlaid harps, boxes with nacre and precious stones, and many others.

  The city was divided into two almost equally large parts of the river Euphrates. Beautiful massive stone bridges with large arches made them inseparable. Traders came here by water and land. The town was so rich that the statues in the city were inlaid with gold, silver and precious stones. What made an impression on the gangsters was how clean it was and the lack of smell. Unlike medieval France, no one here was throwing garbage on the streets. Small gardens with flowers made the city’s fragrance blissful. The river was cleaning the first city in the world.

  After 15 minutes of shock from what they saw, they finally woke up from the trance…

  “We were everywhere, but no place can compare with Uruk!” Said Leo. “And did you see the statues?”

  “Did I see them?” Asked dumb Macony. “They are everywhere, you just cannot miss them. It was like if I had not seen the endless and crowded market! I had not seen such beautiful goods even in the mall!”

  “And, what taverns they have!” Arnold continued the conversation riding the camel. “Will we have enough time to visit them all?”

  They all laughed violently in which the guards looked at them unhappy and went ahead to make way for the diplomats from Egypt.

  “Just look at what type of people live here!” Mused Galfonino. “It’s like I’m at a Halloween party. And what a big crowd! Even bigger than the one on 8th Avenue in Manhattan in the evening in front of the Times.”

  “Just remember that we have an important mission. And explain to Arnie that he should not get out of role because I introduced him as an important diplomat from Egypt,” explained Sven.

  “And how many slave girls are there! From beautiful to more beautiful!” Continued Capone, as if he hadn’t even heard the Count. The sharp eyes of Maggie, however, sobered him up. “Ah, yes, the mission, no problem.”

  So in continuation of a 30-minute walk around the city, they finally arrived at the palace of Gilgamesh. As top diplomats with an important mission, they were invited and accommodated inside. Arnold received a huge suite bedroom with a terrace overlooking the river and several dozen slaves to serve him. The others who were regarded as his personal slaves were accommodated in the common room in the separate part for slaves. The girls were not happy at all.

  “The drunkard Arnold will be lying on silk sheets, and here we will sleep on wooden bunks?” Mariela angrily shouted.

  “Sansikiti steysin, woman! Calm down, we’re here for a day or two!

  “Sansikiti what?”

  “You know my Turkish,” Leo grinned.

  The Count suddenly appeared and interrupted the quarrel, “Follow me.”

  They all gathered on the balcony in Arnold’s bedroom…

  “Wow, what a fucking view. River, ships and boats, whatever you like!”

  “Yes, Galfonino,” Sven intervened, “but more importantly, we see half the city, and we can study it.”

  “Where do you think the Great book might be?”

  “Arnold is right. We need to understand where the book is first. According to me, it should be either in the Ziggurat or here in the palace. I propose to divide into two groups. You search this building, Galfo and I will check the temple.”

  “We will most likely be invited to dinner in the presence of Gilgamesh himself, so try to be here before nightfall…”

  The two gangsters headed for the Ziggurat, which was hard to miss because it towered over everything, surrounded by high walls. Before him was a large courtyard with an altar in the center.

  “I hope they are not fans of the human sacrifice?”

  “Do not ask for the evil spirits, or we might understand!” Nudged him Leo. “These Sumerians have amazing engineers! My eyes can’t stop looking at these statues of goddesses and others, decorated with gold and diamonds…”

  So they climbed the stairs, talking about the situation when they got on top of the temple. Light air waved Smith’s hair. Both of them were speechless for a second. From here, they could see everything. Not only the whole town but far beyond. Each small building, boat, palace and even the ghetto outside the walls. The eyebrows of the Italian rose slightly, “What I would not give now to smoke a White Marlboro, on this fucking sight!”

  “Don’t remind me...”

  A young girl approached the two strangers and spoke to them in an incomprehensible language. Leo tried to explain through gestures that they are not from here, “We are from Egypt. We want to look at the temple.”

  The slave made them a sign to stay and went somewhere.

  “We should not wait, right?”

  “Of course not! This thing has so many levels that we have no time to lose. Let’s go quietly.”

  As both were wandering around in the Ziggurat and crept around the columns, trying to get to a secret room or something in the building, Leo suddenly stopped. He angrily twisted his head at Galfonino and it seemed like a lightning passed through his eyes…

  “Ouch, I know this look!”

  Angrily through his teeth, Cassis asked, “In what century was paper invente
d?”

  “According to some sources, it first appeared in the II century BC in China.”

  “Now, what century are we in?”

  “Well XXVI century BC.”

  Leo watched his friend for some time, waiting for him to grasp, “Okay, let me explain. Sven sent us on a wild goose chase. Are you aware that we are looking for a paper book where clay tablets are being used?! Meaning that Gilgamesh or Bilgamesh, whatever the fuck his name is, has made the book of these clay Sumerian tiles.”

  Galfonino slapped his forehead, “Why did you remember this just now?”

  “Well, I blame the chickens! Their tasty food distracted me, and I did not pay attention to the details. Now that I think about it, another thing emerges in my mind. Didn’t the Count say his family derived from that of Gilgamesh? And today he spoke a special Sumerian dialect, not like the others?” Leo stroked his beard thoughtfully. “Fuck! The Machine!”

  “Calm down, without this gadget, he cannot enter inside!” Capone pulled a small metal disk from his pocket! “This can unlock it. The point is that while we hang here, the others are probably already locked up. And if we have properly assessed the situation, Sven should have already explained to Gogo who we are!”

  “Shh, someone’s coming!” The Sock pushed the Italian tightly to the door and several guards passed by. “Here’s the proof. Apparently, they are searching for us. Oh, God helps me, if I catch that bastard, when I’m done with him, all his family will envy his beautiful death!”

  “I see that your mind began to wander again in the afterlife, but let me remind you that we’re screwed! Any ideas?”

  “Pff, what I would not give now for a cigarette butt…”

  “I’m pretty sure that no one here has even smelled tobacco.”

  “Hah, and we thought we would survive after destroying the machine. We will have to make a new plan!”

  “Okay, but what should we do now?”

  “The first option is to get to the machine, load it up with weapons, return and kill them all!”

  Galfonino shook his head, “If we’re right, the machine should be guarded by at least two hundred people. Sven knows what he’s dealing with.”

  “So sneaking back into the palace remains. If nothing else, at least we’ll have the element of surprise, as the Count might think that we have no idea about his plan!”

  “Okay, let’s say we figure out how to get into the palace with the huge walls and guarded gates, kill the Count, and are able to escape back to the machine. What are we going to do with the soldiers there?”

  “Well, didn’t you take the bazooka with you?”

  “Woohoo, I like where you’re going!” Mused the Italian. “That might do the trick…”

  “And as to how we will enter the palace, the solution is now approaching.”

  Two of the guards who hurtled moments ago along with the gangsters were going back. Leo appeared behind them,whistled and they turned. At this point, Capone appeared on their backs and bumped their heads into each other. The gangsters changed clothes and went out of the temple. It was already dark outside. Streets, however, were lit by the thousands of lanterns and torches. In a row of ten people, soldiers walked in pairs. Apparently, it was the night shift. Our two followed them to a dark alley. The time travelers quietly removed the last two from the row and took their places unnoticed. After a one-hour tour of the city came the time to go to the palace. On the main gates, everything was good, and on the road to the barracks slipped out quietly.

  “And now which way?” As they walked silently, Leo decided to ask.

  “I have no idea where we are going! Do you think I remember anything from that huge building?”

  “The bad news is that we cannot catch someone and ask him! We’ll have to search until we find Arnold’s quarters or the false feast, if there is any at all!”

  Even before he could finish his sentence, loud cheers filled the spacious building.

  “One cannot say anything...”

  “Obviously, we will enter the banquet quietly and warn the others one by one.”

  In front of the huge hall for celebrations, there were surprisingly no guards. Our guys crinkled the big wooden doors, thinking that of entering imperceptibly. Seeing them, the music suddenly stopped, and all the fuss died down instantly, as if on command. There was that awkward silence, from which only eroded careless of the welfare as Leo and Capone could get away with…

  “Aaaa,” waved Leo, “are we late?”

  Opposite to them, at some distance was the table of the ruler. In the center sat a giant man, probably recognizable from a mile away. On his right were settled the important guests in the person of Sven and company and on the left apparently the prominent representatives of Uruk.

  The Count translated the words of The Sock, then Gilgamesh stood up and asked him to translate again. The gangsters looked like their father was about to scold them, “This is a celebration in your honor, and you’re disrespectful for being late. On top of that, you are dressed as Uruk warriors. What is the reason for all this?”

  Leo bowed slightly in a sign of respect before he spoke, “Unfortunately, we have no excuse. We were distracted by the beauty of your city, whose solidity and power cannot be described in simple words. On the boundless streets and markets with thousands of goods, the time simply stops. This is also why we are dressed like this. My brother and I are warriors, and we wanted to try your combat equipment.”

  Once that was translated, the ruler smiled slightly, “Warriors you say? It would be my honor to share combat experience then. This is my best warrior and champion, beaten only by me as no man can beat Gilgamesh. Which of you two will fight him?”

  The man on the right of the heap was of Leo’s height, but his arms looked so tough that a man would think he might drain a stone. His legs were so relief, as if he was preparing to participate in Mr. Olympia and win it.

  “To tell you the truth, my throat hurts a little,” Galfonino seemingly coughed . “Why don’t you take this one? Anyway, you already have a saying with Gogo...”

  “Your throat hurts, ay?” Giggled the Bulgarian. “And by the way, we might have been wrong about Sven,” Cassis winked. “Count, tell him that I will fight his champion.”

  The gangsters joined the feast...

  Chapter IX

  The next day at noon when the fight was supposed to take place, The Sock again woke up late and with a huge headache, “Wow, how my head is spinning!”

  Galfonino, who had a habit of waking up on fresh air, got out on the terrace and saw a large crowd of people at the center of the palace, “Did we miss something again? What is this crowd outside?”

  “Dunno,” Leo answered automatically while yawning and still trying to sleep when he remembered. “Mother fucker, THE DUEL!”

  They both dressed quickly and ran to the event. The audience was already impatient. Galfonino joined the group. Leo went to his opponent and the two stood against Gilgamesh, who spoke while Sven was translating, “You have the right to choose a weapon from the table behind you. The fight is to the death. May the best man win!” The Giant then sat back on his central spot and waited patiently.

  Leo was still slightly drunk to be troubled by his words, and the sun was shining so much in his eyes that it was not certain whether he understood the translation. They both came to the table. The healthy bodybuilder chose a long sword and a large iron shield and waved it as a cotton candy to scare his opponent. The Sock watched the table for some time and wondered what about half of the weapons were used for. Finally, he saw a small Indian type hatchet, which seemed appropriate for the moment. The audience reacted violently with laughter when they saw his choice. This naturally didn’t disturb neither Leo nor his friends, who were watching in anticipation to see what he had in mind. Mariela shouted to be careful.

  The clarion sounded, and the muscle machine accelerated scarily towards Cassis, who was still looking around like lost. His attempt to hit Leo with the large shie
ld remained futile as the gangster reacted quickly and rolled sideways. The beast started swinging the sword to cut him. The Sock managed to avoid the weapon, but this time his axe hit the attacker’s helmet and pushed it to the ground. Enraged, the muscle swung his sword again. But this time was his last. The gangster distinctly stepped away and in one fell swoop stuck his ax in the opponent’s forehead that had bared after the last stroke. The man bent his knees, blood gushed from his head. The audience remained speechless. Gilgamesh was fascinated by how easily his best warrior and a personal friend was killed by this Egyptian who was visibly still slightly drunk. There were applause and cheers.

  The ruler stood up and everything subsided, “You’re a great warrior. Your victory today will not go unheard. Make a wish, and it will be yours!”

  Leo looked at Sven and told him to translate, “Tell him that I want the information received from the gods for the machine, in whatever form it is!”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes! I have a plan...”

  “Oh, come on,” slapped her forehead Mariela. “It goes again!”

  After hearing the request, Gilgamesh became slightly gloomy and angry, “How do you know about that?”

  “Because I’m a demigod and this information belongs to me!”

  In the last words, apparently mishearing, Arnold asked, “Did he just declare himself a god?”

  “Demigod!” Corrected Mac smiling.

  Arnie drank the wine in a single gulp and waved for another, feeling that it might be his last. Gilgameshinterestedlystared at this strange bird and rose from his throne. His large shadow overshadowed Cassis. From so close the giant with shое number 65 and at least a meter higher than the challenger, looked like а savage machine for cutting heads, “You can get what you want only if you beat me in a fight!”