Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)

by Masters, Kallypso

She swallowed, opened her eyes, and smiled with approval. “That is the most incredible thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.”

  Don’t you fucking dare think about what else you want to put in her mouth.

  His dick didn’t get the message and strained against his jeans. His body responded to her like a teenager’s. Thank goodness the table hid his erection.

  He speared a piece of chicken and agreed that it tasted pretty good. He enjoyed cooking. A solitary pursuit, but it allowed him to be creative with ingredients. He rarely cooked with a recipe. His sister had taught him as a kid how to be self-sufficient and make do with what they had in the cupboards. His mom was usually at work when they came home from school and often didn’t quit until well after dark.

  “Oh, I forgot. A toast.” She lifted her glass and held it toward him. “Here’s to new friendships and many, many more delightful meals together.”

  Jesus, get me through this dinner and evening unscathed.

  Chapter Seven

  Megan wondered why Ryder had become so stiff with her again, but decided nothing would spoil her enjoyment of this dinner. She could quickly get used to having someone see to her needs like this.

  Careful what you wish for, girl.

  Sure, she’d had a fabulous day with Ryder, but she had no business thinking about anything long-term. Friends, yes. She very much enjoyed being with Ryder, but they lived worlds apart.

  He belonged out in the mountains of the high desert. Her photo had captured the way his face relaxed and he exuded a sense of belonging when they were at the tunnels that made it abundantly clear that the rigid man seated beside her now wasn’t comfortable in her world.

  She needed to put an end to his misery and call Adam.

  “I sent Adam a text and told him everything was fine here. You will probably hear from him soon, letting you off the hook. I know you probably want to get home.”

  The expression on his face was anything but one of relief. Had she insulted him by calling an end to his mission, as he called it? While having him here to cook for her was wonderful, she didn’t intend for this occupation to go on endlessly. Perhaps they should talk about something else until she heard from Adam. Odd that he wouldn’t respond more quickly. She hoped everything was okay.

  “Tell me what you do, Ryder.”

  “Do about what?”

  “How you make your living?”

  He glanced down at his plate and scooped up a bite of tomatoes and beans, but didn’t eat it. His demeanor changed.

  She reached out to place her hand over his. “Sorry. None of my business.”

  He stared at her hand but didn’t say anything for the longest time. She pulled away. “I used to do maintenance at a local hospital.”

  “I don’t guess there’s a hospital where your brother lives.”

  “Yeah, well, when I came back from Fallujah, I couldn’t get my act together. Missed a lot of work.”

  “I’m sorry. Were you able to transition to something else?”

  “Not really. I…prefer spending time out in the mountains. Alone.” He grinned. “Not much call for mountain men these days.”

  “So you’re self-sufficient.”

  “I suppose so.”

  “You even hunt your own food?”

  He nodded. “Carlos and I learned to hunt with knives. It’s a challenge making yourself one with nature so that the rabbit or snake just happens upon you and never knows you’re there.”

  “Wait a minute. You eat snakes?”

  He grinned. “I guess it’s an acquired taste.”

  She laughed. “Well, at least you didn’t say it tastes like chicken.”

  “No, it pretty much tastes like rattlesnake.”

  “Rattlers? Are you crazy?”

  He sobered. “A little.”

  Oh, surely he didn’t think she meant literally crazy. But trying to change her words would only make him think she meant that even more. She took a quick swallow of her wine. “I’m not that adventurous with food. I have eaten escargot.”

  “A little too upscale for me.”

  Great. Now she’d come across as classist.

  Just eat, Megan.

  She did just that, and silence ensued as they finished dinner. She’d wanted to learn more about him, but hadn’t gotten very far. The man enjoyed his privacy. No big surprise. He lived alone in the wilderness.

  “After I clean up the dishes, I think I’m going to catch a few winks. But I want you to yell for me if you need me.”

  “You cooked. I do dishes.” She paused a moment. Oh, why not? “What do you like to do for fun?”

  He stared at her as if he didn’t comprehend the question. “Fun?”

  “Hobbies. Sports. Activities.”

  “Does hunting count?”

  “I suppose so, unless it’s how you put food on your table. Then it seems like a job.”

  “I guess it’s a little of both. Sometimes I’m able to catch enough to share with the elders at the pueblo who aren’t able to hunt for themselves any longer.”

  “Are you very active there?”

  “Active?”

  “You know, tribal councils. Festivals.”

  “I’m not a tribal member. Just a guest.”

  “I see. But you seem to do a lot for them.”

  “No, they’re the ones who’ve done a lot for me. They respect veterans and gave me a place to regroup when I just couldn’t take the world any longer.”

  “Has it gotten better for you out there?”

  “Some. I’m here and haven’t gone nuts. That wouldn’t have happened even a year ago.”

  How had Adam lost one of his Marines? He had to keep tabs on them and their families if he’d managed to round up so many of them for such a rushed wedding. She’d overheard some of the conversations at the reception about what he meant to so many of them.

  So how had Ryder fallen through the cracks?

  “When was the last time you heard from Adam before he called you the other night?”

  “A while.”

  His evasive answer told her what she needed to know. “How did he find you after all these years?”

  “I’ve tried to figure that out. I think if he knew my number he’d have called to check on me earlier. I’m sure he does that with his Marines. But my guess is Lance Corporal Grant. That woman could track anyone through a computer and government or public files. Orlando might have said something, but I didn’t tell him where I live. I ran into him at a Patriot Guard Riders funeral a couple months back.”

  “Patrick goes to PGR events, too, when he can.”

  “Anyway, if I had to place money on it, I’d still say Grant. She probably found where I’d been to the VA Hospital.”

  “Old injury?”

  A muscle tensed in his jaw. His piercing stare made her so uncomfortable she sat back in her chair, taking her wine glass with her.

  “No. Psych ward.”

  She took a deep breath. Tears burned the backs of her eyes. “I’m so sorry. Did they help any?”

  He shrugged. “Not sure there’s any hope.”

  “Never give up. They’re going to figure this shit out one of these days, but if you ever need someone to talk with, I’m here.”

  “Don’t promise that to a combat veteran unless you’re ready for a call at all hours, even three in the morning.”

  “I said I’m here. I don’t make promises I can’t keep. I’ve been there for those three a.m. night terrors with Patrick.”

  “Beg pardon. I guess you know more than most civilians. You get tired of the platitudes after a while.”

  “I know how to listen. I won’t judge. I know you guys went through hell over there. The women, too. Combat has changed. Everyone deployed overseas is affected in some way. Patrick spent most of his time in a plane, but I think there was a friendly fire incident.”

  “Fuck. Sorry. Those can be some of the worst to put behind you.”

  “He found a program out in Malibu that turned thing
s around for him pretty fast. If you ever want to try it, let me know, and I’ll get you the contact info.”

  “That’s all right. Being anywhere near Los Angeles would cause more harm than it would do good. Besides, I’m doing a lot better now.”

  “When’s the last time the nightmares came?”

  He stood abruptly and picked up his empty plate and wine glass. “I’d better get these to the kitchen and clean up my mess.”

  The way his hand held the wine glass made her wonder what his hand would feel like on her breast. A momentary image of her and Ryder in a passionate embrace in her bed caught her by surprise. Her face flamed hot.

  What the heck was the matter with her?

  She followed him to the kitchen with her own dirty dishes and shooed him out so she could wash them. “I made up the sofa for you last night. Why don’t you go rest a while before you drop?”

  He didn’t argue. Probably wanted to put some distance between her and her questions. She’d only been making conversation. Hadn’t meant to pry. Okay, maybe she had a little. While loading the dishwasher, she thought about the day she had spent with Ryder. They had enjoyed many companionable moments. A few times, some tension interfered, but she was learning where he was sensitive so she could avoid those areas.

  On her way down the hall, instead of stopping immediately in her office, she peeked into the living room where he lay stretched out on the sofa. He appeared to be asleep. She supposed he hadn’t lost the knack for falling asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

  * * *

  Ryder stretched out on the couch again. Sleeping on the floor would probably be better than this, but he’d make do. How much longer could Top possibly want him here? After adjusting the pillow cushions to his liking, he curled on his side. Megan had left him linens the first night he stayed here, but he didn’t like a lot of covers. They tended to tangle up around his feet when he slept. What if he needed to make a quick escape?

  Ryder closed his eyes and heard Megan approach and stand in the doorway, but he pretended to be sleeping. He’d already warned Megan not to touch him while he slept and doubted she could see much from half a room away.

  She said Patrick was the same way about being touched while sleeping. Ryder wondered what veterans’ program he’d found that helped him deal with his post-traumatic stress. Was he able to have a successful marriage? Megan hadn’t mentioned anything about him having a wife or family. Did he still have nightmares? Trouble holding a job?

  Probably not if he was off to—where did she say? Europe?—Italy, to be exact. Pakistan, too. The man must have a screw loose. Ryder wouldn’t go near that part of the world again. But her brother must be doing well financially—although there was every indication the two came from money to start with. Ryder envied Patrick for being able to deal with the past and move on, though.

  With a place to live that provided for his needs and only himself to worry about, Ryder didn’t want or need money. He just wanted a fucking night’s sleep without being reminded of the nightmares of the past.

  Well, he hadn’t had one last night. Of course not. He hadn’t slept. So far, he didn’t have a lot of trouble with triggers and living nightmares while awake, although that helium machine sure took him to a bad place briefly this morning.

  His demons crept in relentlessly whenever his defenses were down. Like when he was asleep. Jesus, he was tired. Getting no sleep could weaken his ability to keep the demons away, too.

  His phone vibrated in his pocket. So much for sleep now. He pulled out the phone and checked the screen.

  Adam.

  He bolted up and answered. “Yes, Top.”

  “Report.”

  He briefly flashed back to Fallujah hearing Top give the same command after an IED exploded near their caravan. Only this time he wasn’t checking on Ryder’s whereabouts or safety, but his sister’s.

  “No problems since the break-in.”

  “She have any idea who did it?”

  “No. She’s convinced it’s just some random thing. Maybe she’s right, but someone disabled a sophisticated security system to get in here. I plan on keeping an eye on her until your brother returns.”

  Silence.

  “How secure is her place now?”

  “New locks and deadbolts on the doors. I’m staying at the condo to keep an eye on things.”

  “Glad you’re there.”

  He trusts me.

  No way would he blow it again with Top by messing with his sister.

  “I don’t think they’ll be back, though. They seemed to have found what they wanted.”

  “Regardless, if you can stick around a few more days, I’d feel better. Didn’t even know I had a sister until a short time ago. I don’t want to lose her now. I know if Patrick was there, he’d have things under control. I owe you one for doing this for the family.”

  Ryder wasn’t sure if he meant Top’s family or the Marine family. Well, maybe that was the same thing. “No worries. You don’t owe me anything, Top. I’m happy to help. Had some down time anyway.” He wouldn’t admit his unemployed status. No fucking way. But he’d shared that with Megan. Would she tell Top?

  “If my wife wasn’t about to deliver, I’d have gone down there myself.”

  “Glad I can be here to help. Good luck to you and your wife.” At least he and Sherry hadn’t brought kids into their marriage.

  After a pause, Top asked, “So you two are getting along okay?”

  What was he asking? “Sure.”

  “Good. She’s feisty at times. Strong-willed. Independent.”

  Yeah, I noticed.

  “Knows what she wants and goes for it. Reminds me of my wife. Keep her safe.”

  “Will do, Top.” Or he’d die trying.

  “Thanks.”

  The call ended as abruptly as it had begun. So he wasn’t relieved from this mission yet, even though there wasn’t a whole lot he could do without an enemy to take out.

  Megan entered the room as he was putting his phone back in his pocket.

  “Let me guess. Adam.”

  “Hmm? Oh. Yeah.” He sat up on the sofa and tossed the sheet to the side.

  “I didn’t expect him to just ask me how things were going. Did you convince him no one is after me still?”

  “Not exactly.”

  She leaned against the door. “Why not?”

  “He just wants to be sure. He cares a lot about you. Neither of us wants to see anything happen to you.”

  “I surrender.”

  “What?”

  “I’m not going to fight either one of you. If you have nothing better to do than sit around and wait for someone to attack me, then have fun. I’m going to bed.”

  She turned and walked back to her office. He wished she wasn’t angry at him for doing his job, but tough. He wasn’t here to please her. He was here to protect her.

  And to make up for the things he’d screwed up in Kandahar and Fallujah.

  * * *

  He stared at the ceiling. Without any lights on, the room remained fucking bright. Not like at his place where, once the lights were off, it became pitch dark. Every now and then, he heard a car pass in front of the condo. Someone several blocks away set off a car alarm.

  How did anyone fucking sleep in the city?

  He slid his feet off the couch and onto the floor as he sat up again. Maybe he’d just take a walk around and double check the locks on the windows and doors. Not that he hadn’t checked them all twice at least.

  As he passed by Megan’s closed bedroom door, he heard a familiar buzzing sound. Ryder remembered the sound from happier times with his wife. A vibrator. Probably a Hitachi like the one he and Sherry had used.

  The image of Megan lying naked in bed, pinching her nipple while using a vibrator on herself just about made him come in his jeans. He forced himself away from her door to do what he’d set out to, but all he could think about was the look of pleasure on her face when she came.

  After
checking the garage and heading back down the hall, he tried to walk as quickly as possible by her door. Her mewling sounds told him the tension was building up to what would be one hell of an orgasm. Ryder tried not to think about her nipples pebbling earlier.

  Or the hardness of her clit as the vibrator sent tremors through her body.

  Sweet Jesus.

  Not that he could think of anything else.

  He forced himself away from her door and back into the living room. Lying on the couch again, he tried to banish the images of Megan pleasuring herself from his mind, but damned if he could. He removed his jeans and stretched out again, but soon found himself reaching for his hard-on and stroking it. He didn’t need a magazine or a movie. All he needed was the image of Megan, her vibrator stroking her clit. Perhaps a finger or two rammed up inside her…

  The sticky, warm cum spilled over his hand as he came for the first time in longer than he could remember. Harder than he had since he’d made love to his ex before his last deployment. He reached for the sheet and cleaned himself up. Laundry detail would be on his agenda in the morning. He didn’t want Megan knowing he’d jacked off on her couch. He wadded the sheet up and tossed it on the floor.

  His eyelids grew heavy as his body relaxed into the cushions. Maybe he could sleep a bit tonight after all.

  * * *

  Megan pressed the Hitachi to her clit again, her pelvis jolting upward as she imagined Ryder’s mouth on her nipple. The scratchiness of his five-o’clock shadow only heightened her senses. A moan escaped, and she glanced toward the door. Closed. She pulled the powerful vibrator away from her most sensitive spot and let it rest against the opening of her vagina.

  So empty. Not that she’d ever been filled, but tonight, she had never felt so empty.

  Oh, Ryder.

  She closed her eyes and let the feelings engulf her. As a teen, she’d read books and seen movies and imagined finding that perfect man to be her first and only lover, but the older she got, the less she thought that time would ever come. She chose quality in the life she had over what might be some day.

  But her chosen path was a solitary one. How had this man ignited feelings she’d thought she could so easily suppress. Her battery-operated boyfriends were a pale substitute for the sexy man sleeping in the living room. So not fair. But if she came on to him, he’d probably run as fast as possible to his hideaway in the mountains.