Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)

by Masters, Kallypso

  She shrugged. “Anyway, from what I read online, the coyote shows us that life is unpredictable and uncontrollable. Even when shit happens, it views unexpected occurrences as opportunities, not misfortunes.”

  She grew introspective for a moment before meeting his gaze again. “You know, I think I should forgive Grant for what she did. If not for her, I never would have met you. Misfortune turned into opportunity—the chance for me to meet you.”

  While he wasn’t there yet, he knew she was right. “One of the things I learned during my quest is that holding on to grudges and bitterness only leads to unhappiness and keeps us estranged from the ones we love.”

  “Very true.” She leaned forward and cupped her chin in her hand. “So did you discover your spirit animal?”

  “I did.” He knew how she would react and didn’t want to tell her.

  “Well? Tell me—or is this something we shouldn’t tell others?”

  He sighed. “No, we can share if we wish. Promise you won’t get upset.”

  “Why would I be ups—Oh, my God! It’s the rattlesnake, isn’t it?”

  “Well, the snake. Yes.”

  “I killed your spirit guide animal!”

  “No, Megan. You can’t kill a spirit animal. The one you killed did return to me to let me know he had no hard feelings.” Seeing how upset she was, he’d hoped his words might help, but she still seemed distraught. “Megan, he shed this life for another, but he and his brothers and sisters will continue to watch over me.” When tears welled in her eyes, he reached out and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Please, don’t cry. Remember, we thanked him for providing food for our bodies and honored him as the warrior he was.”

  She shook her head, and tears spilled from her eyes. “That’s not why I’m crying. Ryder, from what I read, the snake is perfect for you. I even thought of you when I read about it at the Zuni Web site.”

  “Why do you think so?” He was curious to hear what she learned.

  She pulled her phone out of her purse. “I can’t remember the wording for yours as well as my own, so let me google it again.”

  He shook his head and wondered if she could live without technology.

  “Here it is!” She read: “‘The snake is a powerful symbol of our need to discard old ways, patterns, and perspectives. He transforms negative things into something positive.’”

  Surprisingly, that definition touched him more than the one he’d remembered. The words rekindled some of the feelings he’d had during his encounter with the rattlesnake on the last night of his vision quest ritual.

  “It also says snakes shed their skin, Ryder. They let go of all their negative baggage and start anew.”

  The backs of his eyes burned. “True.” He could barely get the word out and cleared his throat.

  In an instant, Ryder knew that during all this talk of marriage and hope for the future, he still wallowed in his negative thoughts of the past and continued worries that he wasn’t good enough for her. He hadn’t changed his mindset one bit since the vision quest. Of course, he’d learned in his group therapy sessions at the VA hospital that any behavioral change takes weeks of repetition and reminders to change.

  At least now when he became aware of lapsing into old habits and listening to the long-running tapes in his head, as the shrinks called them, he corrected himself. Progress. One step at a time, the lodge leader had advised.

  He brushed his thumb over Megan’s knuckles. “I can’t believe how fast things are moving, but maybe that just means this is right for both of us.”

  “Ryder, I knew you were the only man for me by day two—and I only took that long because I was so sure I didn’t want or need a man in my life, or that no man would want me.”

  “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known—inside and out. Any man would be proud to have you as his wife.”

  “Well, I only want one man. You. Say ‘yes’ and make me the happiest girl in New Mexico.”

  One thing became crystal clear. As long as Megan wanted him, it didn’t matter what anyone else said.

  “As long as our witnesses can forever hold their peace, you’ll make me the luckiest man in the world come Monday—or whenever the state lets us—by becoming my wife.”

  Her eyes lit up as her smile broadened. “Really? We can get married by a JP?” When he nodded, she launched herself out of her chair, around the table, and into his lap.

  “Oh, I see I can still turn you on after all this time.” She wiggled her ass against his erection.

  He pinched her butt. “Don’t be a tease, Baby Girl. You’re supposed to be a virgin.”

  “Not for long.”

  “Well, I’d like to walk out of this place with a little dignity, so stop squirming.”

  What the hell? Sometimes dignity was overrated.

  Ryder grabbed a hank of her hair and pulled her backward before he lowered his mouth against hers. She opened herself to him, and his tongue slipped between her lips.

  Warm.

  Sweet.

  Megan.

  Her warm breath on his face urged him on and, he pulled her hair back to deepen the kiss as he mouth opened wider. Their tongues tangled and her moan made him grow harder. The way she tried to move on his lap told him she felt it. His hand moved to cup her breast.

  Jesus.

  Needing to regain some control, he released her mouth leaving both of them gasping for a deeper breath.

  “Breathe with me, Baby.” Together, they synchronized their breaths, as they had done the night he introduced her to bondage. His connection to her grew stronger than ever.

  When their breathing returned to normal, she smiled. “Oh, my! That was… Um, I think I need to pack so we can go home tonight.” She glanced around the room and he followed her gaze to zero in on one embarrassed server who seemed equally interested in not missing the show.

  Dazed, he brought his attention back to Megan. “Home?”

  “Well, to your place—yours until we’re married, anyway.”

  Hell, no. “With or without your brother’s approval, no way are you sleeping at my house until we’re married.”

  “But I spent two nights up there already.”

  He heard retreating footsteps as the server apparently decided she’d eavesdropped long enough. “That was different. I was on a mission to protect you then. And we know how much trouble we can get into when we’re alone together.”

  She stuck her lower lip out. “You’re not going to be an easy man to live with, are you?”

  He grinned, and he fought the urge to pull her into his arms and kiss her. “I promise I’ll try to be a lot easier after we’re married.”

  * * *

  Megan gave up trying to tame her hair and pinned a lock of it over her left ear with a barrette to hold it in place. Why were her hands shaking? Thank goodness she hadn’t wanted a big wedding. With Carlos as best man and Marcia the maid of honor, the ceremony would be small and intimate. Patrick would record a candid video for Mom, Adam, and others who couldn’t be here.

  She’d bought a form-fitting, calf-length dress made of white Spanish lace while shopping on the Plaza in Santa Fe yesterday after she’d met Ryder’s sister.

  Her future sister-in-law was a hoot and had a keen eye for quality art. Knowing she had liked Megan’s work on its own merits without thinking of her as a potential family member gave Megan added confidence in her abilities. No doubt several of her photos would be displayed for sale there from now on and if they sold, she’d send more to Marcia.

  “Sis, are you ready?” Patrick’s voice came from the hallway.

  “Almost!”

  She picked up her handbag and joined him in the hall. Patrick wore a fabulous gray suit. He’d offered to come in uniform, but with this being a civil ceremony, she saw no reason to fuss. How such a handsome man could go without having a woman snatch him up was beyond her.

  “Megan, you look beautiful.”

  She smiled. “Today, I feel beautifu
l because I’m going to marry the man who makes my heart complete.”

  He shook his head. “I sure hope you know what you’re doing. Mom thinks you’ve gone off the deep end, you know.”

  “Just wait ’til Mom meets him at Adam’s place in a couple weeks. She’ll love him, too.” She stood on tiptoes, gave him a peck on the cheek, and then wiped away the coral lipstick. “Thank you for not going into typical big-brother mode with Ryder the other night.”

  “If Adam trusts him with your life, then I know I can.”

  Marines and their Code. God love ’em.

  “I guess we’d better go. Marcia texted me that they’re about thirty minutes out from the courthouse. I don’t want to keep my future husband waiting.”

  “You haven’t kept him waiting at all, by most wedding standards.”

  She punched his arm playfully. “You’ve been listening to Mom. ‘What harm would it do to wait a few weeks at least? Get to know him better. Men with combat stress can change at the drop of a hat.’”

  “You know what she went through with her first husband.”

  She nodded.

  “I’ll try to help reassure Mom that Ryder is trying to change how he responds to his triggers and nightmares. While you were working on your photo edits the other night, Ryder and I had a good long talk.”

  “Yeah, I was a nervous wreck, worrying the whole time you were going to send him packing for the hills.”

  Patrick grinned, probably remembering how much fun he’d had intimidating past boyfriends. “Anyway, the vision quest and sweat lodge ceremony he participated in sounds like something I might try sometime.”

  Megan gave him a hug.

  “What’s that for?”

  “For being a strong Marine who knows when he needs to reach out to others. I’m so glad you found Save a Warrior. I noticed a dramatic change in you when you came home from that experience.”

  “It’s actually spiritually based, like Ryder’s vision quest.” They broke the hug, and he smiled at her. “You found a good man, Megan. But you know I’m here for you, no matter what. Promise me you’ll be a strong Marine sister and you’ll let me know if you ever need anything.”

  “I will. But you also taught me how to be strong and take care of myself.”

  She grinned. “Now I think we’d better go.

  They walked toward the garage, and once inside, he opened the passenger door of her Ford Escape and gave her a hand up. She’d learned long ago not to even try to open doors for herself around him. As she waited in the SUV, she pulled the vows from her purse and read them over again. The words of her heart for the man who won her heart.

  They didn’t say a lot on the way downtown. A text from Marcia told her they were in the county clerk’s office and could start the process for the license as soon as the bride arrived. Patrick parked, glaring at her when she opened her own door to get out, but went to the back of the SUV to retrieve a large white box.

  “Sis, I wanted you to have a bouquet, even if it’s a civil ceremony.”

  She opened the box, revealing the arrangement of pale pink roses and baby’s breath. “Oh, Patrick, it’s beautiful!” Holding onto the bouquet she wrapped her arms around him. “Thanks so much for being here.”

  He picked up her camera case. “You know I wouldn’t miss it—not that you would have waited for me.” She grinned. The man knew her very well. “I’ve been practicing to use your video camera. Hope I don’t mess up recording your big day for Mom and Adam.”

  “Nothing will mess this up short of my groom being a no-show, and Marcia assures me they’re all up there waiting for us.” They found the clerk’s office, and when she walked inside, she was surprised to see Ryder in his dress blues. He crossed the room to her.

  “Breathe, Red,” he said as he bent to kiss her, taking her breath away a second time.

  “You look even more handsome in your uniform.”

  “Well, I don’t have many occasions to wear it anymore, but I had to today.”

  “I’m glad you did.”

  After introducing Patrick and Marcia, they filled out the paperwork and waited to receive the license then they all walked the few blocks to meet with the justice of the peace who would perform the ceremony.

  They informed the justice of the peace that they had written their own vows, and the ceremony progressed rapidly to that point. With Ryder’s arm brushing hers, Megan didn’t hear much until she and Ryder were instructed to face each other. He was prompted to speak his vows first, and everyone else in the room faded away.

  With his shaking hands holding her own, he said:

  I, Ryder, choose you Megan,

  To be no other than yourself,

  Loving what I know of you,

  Trusting what I do not yet know.

  I will respect you as an individual and my partner in life,

  and as someone who will help me to grow and heal.

  I promise to laugh with you when times are good,

  and hunker down with you when they are bad.

  I will adore, honor, and encourage you.

  And I will love you always.

  Megan smiled through her tears. Overcome with emotion, she accepted a tissue from Marcia to wipe her eyes before she began her own vows.

  The sun smiles on us today, our wedding day,

  and how can it not, for our love is stronger than forever.

  Our hearts beat together as one.

  Ryder, I promise to be a true and faithful partner

  from this day forward,

  as we face all of life’s circumstances together.

  In the joys and sorrows,

  the good times and bad,

  in sickness or in health,

  I will always be there for you,

  to comfort, love, honor, and cherish you,

  today and every day of my life.

  They exchanged the rings they had chosen at a unique jewelry store in Santa Fe and promised to live by their vows forever.

  After a brief invocation wishing them a happy future, the JP announced, “You may kiss your bride.”

  “Not yet, ma’am. There’s still one thing we must do.”

  Megan had no idea what he planned until he turned to Carlos, who presented him with a pottery vase with two spouts and a single handle between them. The tan vase had been painted with corn stalks and other symbols using black and a reddish-orange paint, and then the vase had been glazed.

  “This vessel was made by the wife of the shaman who conducted my purification ceremony last—.” Ryder’s eyes grew misty and his voice broke. Megan took his hands and squeezed them, encouraging him to continue. “—last week. The shaman prayed a blessing over the water in this vessel last night and again this morning, one that wishes us many happy years as we continue on our earth’s journey together. The two spouts represent our separate lives and the handle our joining together as one.”

  Now the tears were in Megan’s eyes.

  “You will drink first, and then I will drink from the same spout.” He held the vase to her and tipped it for her. The water came out a little faster than expected, and she dribbled some. Ryder smiled as he asked her to tip it for him so he could drink. Not wanting to mess up his uniform, she lifted it carefully so as not to spill any.

  “Now we do the same from the other spout. I will drink first this time.” They repeated the process in the reverse order and she smiled. Ryder took several steps and stood side by side with her. “One more time. This time, we want to try harder than ever not to spill any because it is said if the couple can drink from the vase at the same time and not spill a single drop, good understanding and a cooperative spirit will always be a part of their marriage.”

  “Oh, we need that!” She winked at him, hoping he didn’t think she was making light of the ceremony, only agreeing to the importance of not spilling a drop.

  “Among other things. But we are strong and together even stronger. Still, if the Great Spirit will favor us even more with un
derstanding and cooperation, we will go far together.”

  Unable to speak, she swallowed hard and nodded. Ryder brought his head closer to her height—already showing his cooperative spirit—and they placed their lips on sides of the two spouts. In unison, they lifted the vase slowly until the water first touched her upper lip. She opened wider and drank the holy water. Overcome by an intense emotion she felt a tear slid down her cheek. When Ryder began to turn the vase upright again, she was reluctant to release it, but when she did, not a drop spilled.

  Ryder handed the vase back to Carlos before turning to face her again. At least there would be no curse on them for having tears of emotion as far as she knew. But she thought she smelled her daddy’s aftershave and knew at least one of her parents witnessed the ceremony today. More tears did spill, but she didn’t care.

  Ryder smiled and turned to face her. He cupped her. “Megan Wilson, you’ve done me the greatest honor a man can know. I will work harder than ever to provide for you and be the man you deserve.” He bent to kiss her, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, wanting to be as close to him as possible.

  When they broke the kiss, she took a deep breath, not wanting to even be a few inches apart from him.

  “Today begins the adventure of a lifetime with the man I never even dreamed of finding. Thank you, Ryder. I can’t wait to get our journey started.” Silently, she thanked her coyote spirit animal—and her brother Adam—for helping her find such an unexpected treasure.

  Epilogue

  Ryder opened the door to their home. “Wait here while I put our wedding vase in a safe place and stow your suitcase.”

  He flipped the switch and went into the kitchen where he placed the vase on the counter for washing later. What made it even more special was that the shaman from the sweat lodge had instructed his wife in the creation of this vessel more than a week ago as he prepared for the purification lodge ceremony. He told Carlos he had received a vision of Ryder drinking from a wedding vase just like this one.

  The Universe continued to prepare the way for when he was ready to move forward on his life and spiritual journey again.