On His Turf

by Jennifer Watts

  “You okay, Carm?” he asks and I notice how his jaw clenches when he takes in the damaged locker. Before I can respond Shane stalks over and gets in his face.

  “You. I expected more from you. How could you let her do this?”

  “To be honest with you I’ve never liked it but Carmelina is a big girl and big girls get to make their own decisions,” Matty replies, balling his hands into fists.

  “You should have protected her!” Shane shouts.

  “I’ve protected her for a lot longer than you have, jockstrap!” Matty snaps back.

  “You two are so fucking co-dependent that it’s not even funny. I’m out of here,” Shane laughs bitterly. He gives me one last searing look before stalking out of the room and slamming the door.

  Chapter 19

  Matty doesn’t speak at first as he hands me my clothes to slip into. I pull on my jeans and a blue cotton t-shirt but I when I lean over to do up my sandals my hands are shaking so badly that I can’t manage.

  “I’m sorry, Carm,” Matty says as he kneels down to help me fasten the tiny silver buckles. The sweet gesture makes me cry even harder and the next thing I know he’s pulling me into his arms.

  “You were right - it all blew up in my face,” I say, between heaving sobs. “You can say I told you so.”

  “You know I’d never do that, honey.” He says, taking my hands in his and kissing each of my knuckles.

  “I know.” I heave in a shaky breath. “I guess it had to end sometime,” I say. I don’t know what reaction I expected from Shane but I think I had deluded myself into believe that we could work through it. Now that he’s gone it hits me just how much I wanted things between us to work out. Maybe in some other life.

  Matty helps me to my feet and offers to drive me home. I’m in the middle of telling him to go back to the bar when the door flies open and slams into the wall.

  “There’s no fucking way I’m leaving it like this.” Shane’s hair is all mussed up and his eyes are wild as he crosses the room to stand in front of me. Matty takes a step between us and they size each other up.

  “I meant what I said about you two being co-dependent. I know you love her like a sister and I know you’ve protected her for the last twenty years and I’m grateful for that. But she’s not yours to protect anymore. You can’t be the shoulder she cries on - it should be me.” As Shane speaks Matty seems to consider his words until his is eyes flick to the dented locker and he scowls.

  “If you ever lay a finger on her…” he starts but Shane quickly shuts him down.

  “I would never hurt her, you know that.” Shane answers and whatever Matty sees in his eyes must convince him because he gives him a curt nod and steps back. He turns to face me and pulls me into a hug.

  “I love you, Carmelina Dahl,” he whispers.

  “I love you too Matthew Dawson.” I speak into his shoulder while I close my eyes and breathe in his familiar scent. Matty will always be my first home but Shane’s words have permitted a small flower of hope to bloom in the pit of my stomach. Matty walks to the door and once outside he pauses to look back at me. His gives me a sad smile and when I blow him a kiss I notice that it trembles a bit. When he disappears around the corner I turn my attention back to Shane.

  “Why did you come back?” I whisper in a voice that’s hoarse from crying.

  “Get your things,” he says. “I’m taking you home.”

  ***

  I didn’t realize when he said home that he meant to his place and it’s not until we are pulling into his underground parking that I start to really get nervous. He parks in his stall then comes around to open my door without a word and my heart is thumping in my chest as he helps me out. It’s not thumping because I think he’d ever hurt me but his expression is so fierce and the anger rolling off him is hard to miss. He places a firm hand on my lower back and leads me into the elevator before pressing the button for the tenth floor.

  “Are we here for my stuff?” I say, referring to the pair of pajamas and the toothbrush I left here last time.

  “No.” He doesn’t look at me as he answers and I steal a glance at him.

  “Then what are we doing here?” I ask.

  “You’ll see.”

  “Are we done?” I whisper and he answers is a harsh laugh.

  “We will never be done, Carmelina.”

  The elevator door slides open he grabs my arm and leads me down the hall. When we reach his place and he spins me around and slams me against the steel door before covering my body with his. His mouth claims mine in a possessive and angry kiss as his fingers tug on my hair. When he finally pulls back we are both panting and I touch a hand to my swollen lips.

  “Get inside,” he says through clenched teeth as he throws open the door. I start to walk on wobbly legs over to the leather sofa but his words stop me in my tracks.

  “Bedroom, now.”

  I spin around to look at him and there’s a dark heat in his eyes that I’ve never seen before. I bow my head, letting my long hair fall forward in a curtain as I acquiesce and walk past him to his room. I glance out the window at the lights of downtown Austin that are twinkling in the distance, completely unsure of what is in store for me. I stand with my arms by my sides facing the window and at first I think he’s going to sit on the bed but he passes right by me and flops down in the leather chair by the wall instead. He clears his throat before speaking.

  “Turn around,” his voice commands. I do as he asks and scans me from head to toe, making me squirm. “Now strip,” he says and my jaw falls open.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me, babe. You’re the one telling me that it’s not a big deal so prove it. Strip.”

  “What? No!” I protest as I start to back toward the door.

  “Now, Carmelina,” he growls adding, “I won’t ask you again.” He picks up the TV remote and puts on a rap music channel before settling back in his chair. As I watch him I weigh my options - I can run and never look back or kick and scream and call him every name in the book or I can do exactly what he’s asking of me and strip. I understand that he’s trying to make a point; if I can do it on stage in front of dozens of men then I should be able to do it in the privacy of his bedroom but it’s his caveman attitude that really has me pissed.

  I decide to call his bluff and I raise my chin defiantly as I whip my shirt up over my head. The move exposes my light blue bra beneath and his eyes travel over the curves of my breasts as his tongue darts out and licks his bottom lip. I let myself get into the music and I start moving my hips to the beat. I unbutton my jeans and slide them down my legs. I kick them to the side then walk forward and turn so my back is to him. I get down low and then pop my hips up so my ass is right in his face. I hear him groan from behind me as his palm skims my cheek.

  “No touching,” I say, looking over my shoulder as I raise my hands off the floor and hook them into the waistband of my lacy underwear. I inch the thong down my legs slowly and step out but before I can toss it aside he grabs the scarp of fabric and brings it up to his nose.

  “You smell incredible, babe.” His voice is rough and needy as he stuffs the underwear into his pocket. He slides forward in the chair revealing the evidence of his arousal that’s currently straining against his jeans and I have to bite down on my lip to suppress my moan. I can’t hide the fact that I want him even if he’s playing games with me. I spin around to face him and lower myself until I’m straddling his lap with my arms braced on either side of the chair. As I roll my hips in circles his breathing starts to speed up.

  “Careful, Carmelina,” he says in a low voice. “I can only take so much.”

  I’m naked from the waist down and panting from the feel of my wet center against the rough friction of his jeans. I release my hold on the chair and lift his hands so they are cupping my breasts, then I undo the front clasp on my bra so my flesh spills out into his palms. He lets out another low growl and bends his head to lap at each nipple in turn. His big
hands slide down my chest to graze the sensitive flesh underneath my breasts while his teeth tug on my sensitive nipples.

  “Shane,” I moan out his name and when I do his resolve seems to snap because lifts me off of the chair and walks me over to the bed to throw me down. My breasts bounce as I hit the mattress and his pupils dilate as he watches the movement. He undoes his belt and slides it out of his jeans before bringing it over my head.

  “Stay still,” he commands as he loops it through the slats of the headboard and tightens it around my wrists. I try to tug on the belt but he clicks his tongue. “You will learn to listen to me, babe.” He sits back on his heels as he devours me with his eyes. They trace all over my body from head to toe and I writhe beneath his gaze. He tears off his shirt and his jeans quickly follow, then he lowers himself on to the bed. “I don’t like to share.” He bites down on my neck then swipes his tongue across to soothe the sting. “You shouldn’t have lied to me.”

  “I didn’t lie.”

  “An omission is still a lie,” he corrects. “And you told me you worked at Yagger’s so technically that was a lie. But it’s not the lie that’s killing me, babe, it’s imagining you up on that stage with all those eyes on you…it makes me want to break things. Necks mostly,” he says fiercely.

  “I’ve never had to justify the life I live before,” I say, not backing down.

  “I get that you’re independent but this dancing thing is not going to fly with me. You can have control in all other areas babe but when your legs are wrapped around me I’m in charge. Do you understand?”

  “It’s not that simple,” I say, releasing a whimper as his tongue traces the line of my jaw.

  “It is that simple. You quit the Fantasy Lounge and I’ll take care of you.”

  “I can’t let you do that. I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time.” I argue, trying not to lose my focus as he traces a path with his tongue between my breasts and down my body.

  “All the more reason to let me lift that burden,” he murmurs as he circles his tongue around my navel.

  “How about a compromise?” I suggest. “I can keep working at the club as long as I promise not to go on stage again.”

  “No club.” He bites my hip then licks a path down to kiss my inner thighs and I shiver from the feeling of his hot breath on my sex.

  “Spread,” his deep voice rumbles against my moistened center and I easily comply. He thrusts his tongue between my folds and I cry out as his fingers follow. He works me right to the edge then quickly pulls his fingers out.

  “Please,” I moan and he chuckles.

  “You are so wet for me, babe.” He slides two fingers back in and massages me slowly. “I can’t give you what you want until you agree to listen to me. Are you going to listen?” As he asks the question his fingers find my clit and start to play and I know I’ll do just about anything to have his mouth on me.

  “Yes! Okay yes! I’ll quit. But I won’t take your money so let me figure that part out myself. Now Shane…please,” I beg.

  “Please what?” He knows that he’s torturing me as he works his long fingers in circles. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

  “Please lick my pussy, dammit!” I shout and a laugh erupts from deep in his chest as he leans back down and places his head between my thighs.

  “Good girl,” he says as his tongue darts out to lick the length of me. “I told you, babe, I always win.”

  He thrusts his two fingers deep inside while his mouth sucks hard on my clit and I come apart beneath him screaming his name. I come so hard that I think I actually see stars and when he looks up at me he gives me a smug smile. But the smile is quickly replaced by a look of raw hunger as he moves up my body and cups my breasts in his hands.

  “This isn’t going to be gentle.”

  Before I can respond he slides between my thighs and slams into me hard, then brings my legs up so they are draped over his shoulders. I push my hips up to meet his as I match him thrust for thrust. We are both covered in a thin sheen of sweat and the feel of his hard length drilling into me starts the tingle between my legs. I cry out as I come again and he stills above me, releasing his own guttural groan before collapsing on top of me.

  It is quiet as we lie side by side except for the noise filtering up from the street below and the sound of our own panting. He rolls off of me and jumps up to get a towel. He cleans us both up before dropping the towel and pulling me into his side.

  “I know of one way you could save money,” he says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I can only imagine what I must look like from all of the crying I’ve done tonight. “Move in with me.”

  “Don’t you think that’s a little soon?” I say as my heartbeat picks up the pace.

  “We are together almost every night anyway and I like waking up next to you. Besides, your apartment is shit and your neighborhood is dangerous. I don’t get a lot of rest thinking about you sleeping there all alone.” He yawns and places a kiss on my forehead but I stiffen in his arms. I know my place isn’t much but it’s mine and I am proud of what I’ve done with it.

  “I lived there long before you came along and nothing’s happened to me yet,” I say smartly and he sighs.

  “And nothing can ever happen to you. Do you have any idea just how important you are to me?” His words are so sweet that I forgive him for the slight. I do understand because I feel the same way.

  “Move in with me,” he tries again, tracing circles on my forearm.

  “Can we talk about this another time?” I turn away from him to face the window and he follows, throwing one strong leg over both of mine as he wraps his arms around my waist. I love that he’s always touching me and kissing me and making contact. He makes me feel wanted and beautiful but this feeling is so new to me that I want to preserve it - and moving in together could just as quickly destroy what we have built so far.

  “Promise me that you’ll think about it,” he asks and it must be the trace of vulnerability in his voice that has me nodding without even thinking.

  “I will,” I whisper and he kisses my temple before burying his nose in my hair.

  “Finding you at the strip club tonight was one of the craziest experiences of my life. I don’t know if I’ve ever been that fucking angry with someone in my life,” he mumbles.

  “I’m sorry that you had to find out that way. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth right from the beginning,” I say and his arms tighten around me.

  “Don’t ever do something like that again.”

  “I won’t,” I promise. He lets out another yawn and I listen as his breathing starts to even out. Within minutes he’s fast asleep and as I lie there I think about how I feel more safe and secure in his arms then I’ve ever felt with anyone in my life. He makes me want to let go and let someone in fully. He makes me believe that peaceful and easy is possible. Piece by piece he is peeling back the onion and as much as I want him to know all of me the more he learns the more this whole thing between us scares the hell out of me.

  Chapter 20

  I’m sitting at my kitchen table with my knees pulled into my chest while staring at the bills fanned out all over the table. I am trying to figure out how I’m going to pay them without a second income. Shane offered to help me out for as long as I need but I can’t take money from him because it wouldn’t be right and I have no way to pay him back. Matty is sitting in the seat opposite me and he’s holding one of the Visa statements.

  “How is it that a shut-in who is drunk ninety-five percent of the time can spend this much on a credit card?” he says, dumbfounded.

  I groan and rest my forehead on my knees before answering, “Home Shopping Channel. I guess everything sounds like a good deal when you’re three sheets to the wind. What am I going to do Matty?”

  “Nothing, Carm. Absolutely nothing,” he answers, giving me a look that tells me he’s about to launch into the same speech I’ve heard from him about a thousand times before. I open my mouth
to protest but he holds up his hand.

  “ I know exactly what that pretty little mouth of yours is going to say. ‘She’s my only blood…blah blah…I can’t abandon her…blah blah…she’ll lose her place…she’ll starve’. Well let me tell you a few things that deep down I know you already know. One: she can still be your blood and you can support her emotionally without supporting her financially. Two: that house is like a bad episode of hoarders - it’s filthy and crumbling out from underneath her and she’d be better off in a place where she’s looked after and Three: that woman is not starving and she barely ever makes a dent in the food you do bring over because she’s always too loaded to be bothered to eat.” He stops to catch his breath and leans back in his seat with his arms crossed.

  “I hear what you are saying…” I start and he interrupts.

  “You may hear, honey, but you don’t listen. So listen to me now - you cannot keep trying to keep her afloat. It’s not working anymore and she’ll pull you down until you sink right along with her,” he says.

  “You’re probably right,” I sigh.

  “Of course I am but the real question is are you ready to change your ways?” He asks, leaning forward to cover my hand with his. I’m about to answer when my cell phone starts dancing across the table. I snatch it up quickly to answer which earns me a dirty look from Matty because if I know him at all I know that this conversation is from over.

  “Carmelina?” A deep voice comes vibrating through the line.

  “Donovan?”

  “So sorry to bother you at home but I’m calling because I need to see you as soon as possible.”

  “Why? Has something happened at work?” I ask, getting to me feet. “Because I finished all of the agenda items on your calendar and proofed that feature piece on congressional support for more troops in Iraq before I left. I emailed it to you late this afternoon,” I say in a rush of breath.