On His Turf

by Jennifer Watts

  “Ouch! That hurt!” he shouts, drawing attention from the nearby tables.

  “Good,” I say, getting to my feet and tossing my napkin down on the table. “It’s ironic really that you would repeatedly refer to Shane as the caveman when you are the one kissing me without permission.” I cross my arms over my chest and stare at him as he tugs on the sleeves of his suit jacket.

  “But you and I would be so good together. You simply don’t know what’s good for you,” he says accusingly.

  “Maybe I don’t know what’s good for me but I can say with confidence that it isn’t you. I have told you again and again that I’m not interested in you romantically. What part of that was unclear?” I ask. He sits back down and gestures for me to do the same.

  “I thought being with the soccer player had confused you. I was only trying to help you see things more clearly,” he says simply before slugging back his wine.

  “Regardless of how it ended being with Shane gave me more clarity then I’ve ever had in my life. I know exactly who I am now and what I need to do and I’ll start by having this baby I’m carrying and giving it a better life than I ever dreamed of having!”

  At the word ‘baby’ he lurches forward and spits his wine all over the table. “Did you just tell me that you’re pregnant?”

  “I did.”

  “And it’s his?” He asks as he wipes his mouth with a napkin.

  “Seriously?” I retort, standing up and taking a step away from the table.

  “I only meant to say that having his baby will change everything,” he says carefully.

  “You think?” I snap back.

  “I have never seen you this hostile before,” he shakes his head sadly. “As your friend I would caution you to really think about what you are getting yourself into and not to mention what it means for your career. You do realize that this will tie you to that Neanderthal for at least the next eighteen years?”

  “Well thank you for your insightful and in no way self-serving thoughts but my career and my heart will be just fine. As your employee I would like to remind you that from now on unless it is work-related you are to stay the hell away from me,” I snarl as I grab my purse from the back of the chair. “Enjoy your steak, Donovan. I’ll find my own way back to the hotel.”

  I spin on my heel and race for the door, keeping my head down so I don’t have to see all the curious and sympathetic looks that I know are being thrown my way. Thankfully he doesn’t follow me and once outside I find our driver idling at the front door. I breathe a sigh of relief because I didn’t expect him to be waiting and I have heard that ordering a cab in this city can be like taking your life into your hands. I slide into the back and ask him to take me to the hotel. He doesn’t speak English so he doesn’t ask about Donovan but the expression on my face must tell him all that he needs to know. As the car pulls away from the curb I slump back against the seat and let the tears I’ve been holding in start to fall. Even though what happened at the restaurant is heavy on my mind I’m not crying because of Donovan - in fact I feel strangely relieved that I’ve had the chance to confront him. The truth is that I’m crying because as happy as I am for the life growing inside of me I’m sad because Donovan’s words about being tied to Shane hit a little too close to home. I hadn’t really given much thought to how hard it would be if he chooses to be a part of the baby’s life. Seeing him at birthday parties, sharing holidays and watching him fall in love with someone else will be excruciating. There is no question in my mind that I’m doing the right thing. I want this baby and I know now that I have so much love to give, but it still hurts like hell that the person who broke down my walls and showed me that I have the capacity for that kind of love won’t be there to share it with me.

  Chapter 28

  It is in the low forties and I can see my breath in the air as I take a seat in the open stands. The weather is unusually cold for Austin in November and from all of the hats, gloves and scarves I see it is obvious that the locals are feeling the difference.

  My own bare hands are shaking and while I wish I could solely blame the cold the truth is I’m nervous. It is the first time that I’ve been back to the field since last summer and it is the first time that I’ve seen him.

  Because I took my time getting here the game is already in the second half of play. I was hoping for gridlock traffic or a freak snowstorm to make me miss the whole thing but I made a promise to Leigh to get the story done. And since she’s at home right now nursing a fever of one hundred and two while filled with more cough syrup than Lil’ Wayne I can’t break that promise. At first I thought it was some kind of orchestrated plan to get me face to face with Shane but when I went over to check on her I found her as sick as a dog. I brought her chicken soup and offered to stay but she shooed me out, saying I was way too pregnant to be anywhere near her, and her I quote, “sick ass.” So instead she roped me into another kind of favor.

  I look down and rest my cold hands on my rounded belly. The doctor tells me that I popped quickly for a first timer but fortunately for now it’s mostly stomach and the majority of my clothes still fit. So far I’ve only had to pack away my skin tight jeans and invest in a few stretchy sweaters. At twenty four weeks I’ve made it past the half way mark which I thought would help the anxiety lessen but now a whole new type of fear is creeping in as I consider what kind of mother I’ll be. I found out the gender by accident at the ultrasound but now that I know I’m glad I do since it gives me more time to prepare.

  The buzzer sounds and the crowd around me jump to their feet as Austin United scores another goal. I don’t get up because I figure I have as good an excuse as any but I clap and cheer as loud as I can. When I agreed to do this for Leigh I did so on one condition - that there was no way I was going to stand on the sidelines in the press area knocked up and on display for everyone to see. She agreed and the paper managed to get me a seat in the stands a few rows back. I have a clear view of our goal and I let out a loud whistle as the fans around me start to sit down. At the sound Shane’s head whips up and his eyes land on me. He stares at me hard and I wonder if he’s embarrassed that I’m here. I’m sitting down so he can’t see my stomach and I haven’t told anyone about the baby, nor have I tried to contact him so I hope he doesn’t think I’m here for the wrong reasons.

  The whistle blows and the other team carries the ball past half as they make an aggressive play for the goal. The opposing striker kicks it high and to the corner but Shane is right there in the air to catch it. The crowd comes to life again and the girls behind me are screaming his name so loud that I have to cover my ears. Even if what we had is over I can’t deny how impressive he is to watch. I am quickly reminded of why I’m actually here, which is to get in one last playoff interview with Austin’s ‘golden boy’ and the league champion team if the 5-1 for us score on the board is any indication.

  Technically I’m not even supposed to be working since I’m on administrative leave - a ‘punishment’ created to satisfy the advertisers who were feeling pressure in the wake of my article on the Senator, Caracas oil and political corruption. It ran as a feature series penned by me and though there was huge blowback for the paper the Editor-in-Chief himself told me to consider the leave as a paid vacation pre-empting a very well-deserved promotion.

  The play stops as the opposing team makes their final substitution and I stare at Shane who is standing in front of the goal with his hands on his hips. Everything about him just oozes sex appeal and even from this far a distance he still gives me butterflies. Even if the love between us is gone that feeling is not but I try my best to ignore it since it’s too late now to salvage what we had.

  I don’t know if he ever tried to reach out to me since my purse was stolen in Caracas along with my cell phone and passport. I’ve been using an old prepaid cell of Matty’s for the last few months because I haven’t had the money to replace mine. The promotion is not in place yet and without a second income things have been tight, though not
having my mother’s rent has been a huge burden lifted. Whatever happened between us Shane honored his commitment to keep her in rehab and I owe him so much for getting her in there. Even though he’s footing the bill I fully intend on repaying him every last cent even if it takes the rest of my life.

  She was supposed to only be in for ninety days but she’s extended out another sixty to work on her addiction and she will be moving into a government-sponsored transition house following that. I go and visit her once a week at the center but things between us are strained and will likely be for a long time, especially with what happened to Matty. But she says she wants to be a part of the baby’s life so I’m trying to keep an open mind. I think in some ways I’ve forgiven her for all that she’s done to me but I’m nowhere near ready to trust her yet.

  As it turns out not having a cell phone isn’t that big of a deal since I don’t really have anyone to call. With my mother in treatment, seeing Leigh on a regular basis and living with Matty I’m around all of the people I love anyway. Well, most of the people I love but I’m not going to let my mind go there.

  Matty welcomed me into his apartment with open arms and we’ve been getting each other back on our feet day by day. My old place just held too many memories for me - both good and bad but in the end all I could remember was bad and so I needed a change. Add to that my mother’s spotty past and I didn’t know if more shady characters would be coming back to visit so I figured it was safer to get out of there.

  Matty is doing a lot better too. His physical injuries have healed but I still hear him having nightmares from time to time. The attack took a real emotional toll on him but it was also the impetus for him quitting the bar and going back to school. He’s taking practical nursing which is a perfect fit since he’s a nurturer by nature. He also decided to give Kyle a second chance and he’s finally in his first real relationship. When I ask him about it he jokes that he’s dying from boredom but the little twinkle in his eyes tells me otherwise. I’m happy for him but it also makes me a little sad when I think about raising this baby alone.

  I glance at the scoreboard and the clock shows less than five minutes left. Austin definitely has this one in the bag and our city will be celebrating the MLS Cup Champions for the next little while. I’m so proud of Shane and what this means for him and the team. Before the buzzer sounds I decide I better get out of the way so I push myself to my feet and walk down to the field. I flash my pass to the security guard so I can wait by the entrance to the locker room.

  The crowd goes wild as the clock runs out and the whole team rushes on to the field. Shane is laughing and smiling but after a few minutes I notice his eyes travel over to the stands. He glares at my empty seat then turns back to his team mates. As I watch him celebrate my palms start sweating when I think about seeing him up close again.

  I walk inside the building and press myself against the wall as the team comes running in and disappears into the showers. The sound coming from the locker room is deafening as they yell and cheer and stomp the floorboards for their much deserved victory. I wait another twenty minutes or so as the team continues its rowdy celebration.

  When the first of the players start filtering out with their street clothes on and damp hair I slowly make my way inside the locker room. I walk past a half-dressed Marco whose eyes widen when he sees my stomach. He doesn’t say anything as I pass and I refuse to meet his eyes. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he hurt me by telling Allison about my topless dancing. I brush past him and head all the way to the door at the back that contains the second set of showers. I figure since it’s the first place I ever met Shane it’s a good place to start. Before I can grab the handle he throws open the door and steps through.

  “Where’s the other one?” he growls, looking over my shoulder presumably for Leigh.

  “She’s sick,” I mumble. “But she will still be writing the article. I’m only here to take a recording and provide some notes,” I add.

  “I heard that you were fired,” he snorts and I look down at his hands which are clenching and unclenching at his sides. It is so obvious that he doesn’t want me here and I don’t know how to respond to his blatant disapproval. My eyes travel over his muscular chest that is still dripping wet from the shower and I notice that the towel around his waist is also soaked through. He looks as gorgeous as ever but also a little leaner and harder than I remember.

  “Not exactly,” I say, swallowing hard. “It’s more of a temporary leave.”

  “Doesn’t matter to me either way. We might as well get to it,” he says curtly before turning around and heading back into the room. I follow him in and look around to see that we are alone. He sits down on the bench in the middle of the room and once seated he gets a better view of my round belly. His eyes roam over it before flicking up to my face but he doesn’t speak so I am forced to.

  “Congratulations on the win. To what do you attribute tonight’s overwhelming success to?” I read out the first question Leigh has prepared and he laughs harshly.

  “I don’t give a fuck about tonight’s overwhelming success,” he spits out. “You come here to interview me after disappearing off the face of the earth and expect me to just talk to you? I’ve tried calling but your phone is out of service. I went by your place and your landlord said you moved but he wouldn’t tell me where to. Matt won’t answer my calls, your mom ignores me when I ask and they won’t even let me in the building at the paper because they say there have been threats on your life?” his voice is dangerously low as he leans his head back and closes his eyes.

  “It wasn’t like they were serious threats. It was only a few crazies who didn’t like the article I wrote,” I explain and his eyes snap back open.

  “I liked it,” he says. “I’m proud of you.”

  His words surprise me and my jaw hangs open as I try to formulate a response but he continues on. “I could kill you for going to a dangerous country with your sleazy boss while pregnant with my child but I’m still proud of the work you did.”

  “Thank you,” I say quietly even though it’s a strange, backhanded compliment. I rest a hand on my belly and his jaw clenches as his eyes follow the movement.

  “And how is Donovan?” he says sarcastically and I flush and look away.

  “Oh. It turns out you were right about him trying to get into my pants,” I answer. He doesn’t respond right away and the silence is deafening.

  “Do you want me to beat the shit out of him?” he finally speaks, giving me a hard look when he does.

  “Funny, but I set him straight in Venezuela. He barely talks to me now,” I say.

  “What’s really funny is that you think I’m joking.” He stands and takes a step closer, forcing me to take a step back. “How are you feeling?” he asks more gently as his eyes drop again to my stomach.

  “Good. Tired but otherwise everything has been great. I’m due in March.” I take a deep breath to prepare myself for what I have to say next. “I’m actually glad we have this chance to see each other because I wanted to tell you face to face that I don’t expect anything from you. Don’t get me wrong, you are more than welcome in this baby’s life but I don’t expect your money or your time. I know that you didn’t plan on this happening and now that you are with Allison…”

  “Excuse me?” he interrupts, narrowing his eyes at me.

  “I know that you and Allison are together,” I say, trying to shrug off the hurt that slices through my chest when I say her name out loud. “I came by your place before I left for Venezuela. I was going to tell you that you were right and I shouldn’t go but she was there and she explained everything,” I whisper.

  “I don’t know what that crazy bitch said to you but I wasn’t even home. Allison sold my parents some bullshit story about her place being infested with silver-fish and my mom guilt-tripped me into letting her stay at my place while I was at an away game. She was there for like two days and I never even saw her,” he says slowly.r />
  “Even if that’s true you didn’t reach out to me for close to a week after our fight,” I argue. “What was I supposed to think?”

  “We had two back-to-back away games followed by an intense training camp. By the time I returned to Austin with my head clear you were gone and I haven’t been able to reach you since. I was starting to feel like a stalker with all the ways I was seeking you out. Even your friends told me to back off.”

  “What friends?”

  “Leigh, Matt…” he trails off then shouts, “this is why I don’t listen to fucking people!”

  “Well I’m glad I know the truth now,” I say weakly. “You and her together never seemed right in my head but it doesn’t change the fact that you don’t want this baby.”

  “Who says I don’t? Yeah, I freaked out and acted like a massive dick when I walked out on you but I needed time to think. After I processed it and thought about you and my baby it all made perfect sense to me. And then, I repeat, you disappeared on me,” he says, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I should tell you that my parents practically disowned me when I told them what happened. My mom has already knitted like thirty pairs of boots. Boots! Why would this kid need woolen boots when we live in Texas?” he yells, throwing his hands up in the air. I shake my head from side to side, not looking at him.

  “I don’t want you to feel like you have to be with me out of some sense of responsibility. My father walked out on me after I’d taken my first breath and I won’t have that for this child. He and I will be fine on our own…” I start to explain.

  “He?” he interrupts and I clamp my mouth shut when I realize my mistake. He takes another step toward me and crouches down so his dark brown eyes are level with mine.

  “Fuck this noise,” he says in a husky voice before slamming his lips against mine. His tongue forces its way between my lips and his arms go around my waist as he kisses me until I feel lightheaded. I’m panting when he finally breaks away and levels me with his gaze.