A Girl Divided

by Ellen Lindseth

  She did her best to duplicate Lavinia’s movements, but her ungainly paddling was nothing like what the boys had been doing. Worse, despite Lavinia’s assurances, her face still slipped below the water, or at least her nose and mouth did. She was about to call it a day when a resounding boom thundered overhead. Startled, she promptly sank. She immediately reached for the bottom with her foot.

  It wasn’t there.

  Panic flooded her veins as she flailed, trying to pull herself up to the surface. Her lungs burned with the need to breathe, but there was only water. It pressed in on all sides, heavy and immovable. Another muffled whump, and then an arm, muscular and warm, whipped around her waist. Seconds later her head was above water. She gasped in sweet lungfuls of air.

  “I’ve got her.” The deep bass reverberated in her bones as the man and her bobbed in the pool. The man began swimming, towing her toward the edge. Sounds returned in sharp detail: the small, percussive slaps of water, the excited exclamations of a woman nearby, the rasp of her own breath.

  The edge of the pool appeared, and she lunged for it, the man releasing her just as she latched on.

  Bess knelt down in front of her, her pretty brown eyes wide. “Are you all right, Genie? I’m so glad Larry noticed you were in trouble.”

  Genie wiped the water from her eyes and recognized her rescuer as Bess’s husband. She didn’t know if she was happy or disappointed it wasn’t Dick. “Thank you.”

  “Not a problem,” Larry said. He pushed himself up and out of the pool, water sluicing off his body. “But I think you’re done for the day.”

  Lavinia swam up just as Larry was reaching down and hauling Genie out of the water. “What happened?”

  Genie shivered as a breeze cooled her wet skin. “I went under and couldn’t find my footing.”

  “That’s because you were in the deep end,” Larry said, accepting a towel from Bess.

  “Deep end?” she echoed hollowly.

  Lavinia had the grace to look apologetic. “It only goes down to six feet. I didn’t think it would be a problem. Another couple of seconds and you would’ve found the bottom on your own.”

  “What is going on here? Eugenia, is that you?” Nathan’s shocked voice echoed across the lido deck.

  Genie stiffened. For a brief second she considered plunging back into the water to escape him, but it was too late. Her appointed watchdog was already on his way over, his face white with anger. If only she could reach her robe, but it sat at the far end of the pool, along with her towel.

  A soft splash came from where Lavinia had been holding on to the edge of the pool. Genie looked, but her friend had disappeared beneath the surface and was now a shadowy figure slipping silently away.

  Genie bit her cheek in frustration. Once again, Lavinia was leaving her to face a furious Nathan alone. So much for standing beside me in my time of need. Next time she saw the widow, they were going to have a frank discussion about what it meant to be friends.

  Chapter 23

  Genie winced as Nathan dragged her down the passageway, his fingers digging painfully into her upper arm. He flung open her cabin door and shoved her through.

  “Stay here,” he snarled, his face flushed and furious. “And change out of that . . . abomination. You and I are overdue for a discussion about the company you’ve been keeping, but after I find Lavinia. You haven’t seen her, have you?”

  Genie glared at him, tempted to tell him his fiancée was likely hiding in the cabin behind her. Instead, she rubbed her upper arm where his fingers had dug in—the ache telling her a bruise was already forming—and decided she wanted to deal with Lavinia first. “No,” she said, stretching the truth only a little. “She’s disappeared on me, too.”

  With a growl, he left and slammed the door after him.

  “I’m so sorry,” Lavinia said in a small voice. “He was supposed to be busy until lunchtime.”

  Genie whirled around. The widow stood between the bunks, fully dressed, her wet hair pulled back into a thick braid. One might never know she had been swimming not ten minutes before. Fury scalded Genie’s veins as she stalked toward her duplicitous friend. Lavinia’s eyes widened with uncertainty.

  You should be worried, traitor.

  Lavinia backed up a step. “He’s never cut short his morning Bible study sessions before.”

  “How would you know?” Genie said shortly. “You’re always with Kitty, leaving me to cover for you.”

  “Not always.” Lavinia paused. “Does Nathan know I was with Kitty?”

  Genie threw up her hands in exasperation. “Why would he care? My point is you are always abandoning me—like just now at the pool—and I’m sick of it.”

  “Does Nathan know?” Lavinia asked again, her voice rising in agitation.

  “Forget Nathan, Lavinia. I’m talking about us, our friendship. Friends don’t abandon friends in times of need.”

  Lavinia sank on to one of the lower bunks, her fingers digging into the bedding. “I’m sorry. I was distracted by the gun firing and didn’t see you go under. Then Nathan showed up. I—I couldn’t face him.”

  So that’s what that boom was, the deck gun. It should have occurred to her sooner, since the crews had been having firing practice all week. Still . . .

  “Did you really believe we could go swimming without him finding out?” Genie asked, all her irritation returning. “With all those people watching us?”

  “It was a risk, but I was willing to take it, because I care about you. Because I don’t want you to die.” Lavinia’s voice quavered as she said the last bit, and her thin face crumpled.

  In a heartbeat, Genie’s anger vanished. She knelt and hugged her friend as the girl began to cry. Sometimes it was so easy, here on the boat, to forget all the awful things the Lavinia had lived through, all the losses she had suffered in Burma and earlier.

  “I’m not going to die. At least not anytime soon,” she amended, not wanting to tempt fate with an untruth.

  “Y-you don’t understand,” Lavinia sobbed. “You and Nathan are my only friends. If anything happens to either of you, or should Nathan decide not to marry me . . .”

  “You’ll be fine,” Genie said, exasperation taking over again. “I know you don’t want to go home, but surely your parents will let you stay with them a bit while you decide what to do. Or else one of your sisters or brothers? What about Marcus?”

  “Marcus has washed his hands of me. He would never say so aloud, but I know he blames me for John’s death and for the others’, too. And it’s not that I don’t want to go home; I can’t. My father has promised to kill me if do.”

  Genie privately doubted that. Even though Lavinia had claimed as much in the past, no father, at least in Genie’s experience, would ever wish to harm his own child. Fathers might be distant, or busy, but she could never doubt that they loved their offspring. “Does Nathan know of your concerns?”

  Lavinia shuddered delicately as she pulled away. “He knows I have no wish to go home.”

  Genie bit her lip, torn between wanting to warn her friend and the need to keep her word with Nathan. She went for a middle ground.

  “I wonder if he knows the depth of your worries,” she said carefully as she stood up. The swimsuit had become cold and clammy, reminding her she needed to get changed before Nathan returned. “I’ve noticed you are far more open with me than you are with him.”

  Her friend picked at the worn quilt covering the cot. “It’s because I need him. I need this marriage. The Lord has given me another chance, and I’m not going to spoil it. As soon as we’re married, everything will be fine.” Her hand fisted the faded material.

  “Lavinia, do you even love Nathan?”

  “Love doesn’t matter. Being able to eat, having a roof over one’s head—those things matter.”

  “Yes, but you don’t have to be married to have those things. We both know women can work to support themselves. The US can’t be any different than China or Thailand in that respect.”r />
  “Work, sure. But I’d still need someplace to go home to at night, someone who’s willing to support me until I can support myself.” Lavinia jumped to her feet and began to pace the narrow aisle between the cots.

  “So ask someone to help you. If not your family, what about friends, or families of the missionaries you worked with? Or even the Church itself? Good grief, Lavinia. What have we been doing all these years if not helping women in this exact situation? Are there no missions in America?”

  Lavinia picked up Genie’s discarded robe and began folding it.

  Genie stopped dressing long enough to narrow her gaze at her friend. “Or is it that you’re too proud to ask for charity?”

  “No, not too proud,” she said, staring at the robe in her arms. “Too different. No one will want me. Not for long.”

  Genie wanted to shake her. “If this is about that stupid curse, forget about it. We’ve been practically living in each other’s pockets for the last month, and I’ve yet to see any sign of it.”

  Lavinia’s eyes flashed. “Because I’ve not let you see it.”

  “Then maybe you should, because until you do, I refuse to believe it even exists. In fact, what kind of friendship do we have if you feel like you have to keep things hidden from me? If you keep lying to Nathan, what kind of marriage do you hope to have? You say you can’t survive without us, but how important can we really be if you won’t extend us the common courtesy of at least being honest once in a while?”

  “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

  “I’m asking you to trust us with the truth. Or at least me, if no one else. And before you tell me I won’t understand because I’ve nothing to lose, know that I’m just as alone as you are. My aunt, whom I’ve never met, let alone ever corresponded with, could be dead for all I know. And Nathan is not about to let me live with you two while I try to locate my mother’s family. So if anyone is likely to end up on the street, it’s me.”

  “Never.” Lavinia looked stricken. “I would never allow that to happen to you.”

  Genie scoffed as she tucked her blouse into her skirt. “So you say now, because Nathan isn’t here to gainsay you, but I know better. You would never stand up to him if he said no.” She snatched the two halves of the damp swimsuit off the bunk. “I’m going to go return this.”

  “That’s not true.” Lavinia reached out and caught Genie’s arm. “Who got you your passport so you could go into Cape Town?”

  “By going behind his back and stealing it!”

  “And putting my relationship with him at risk in the process. I haven’t forgotten how you stood up for me in Calcutta and then helped me on the train. You think I’m exaggerating, I know, but truly you saved my life.”

  Genie shook her off. “Well, I’m done saving you if this is the thanks I get. From now on, if Nathan asks where you are, I’m going to tell him.”

  Lavinia stiffened. “You think you’re any better at standing up for yourself? Tell me—who was prepared to stay aboard the ship that day in Cape Town because Nathan told her to? And what about today? Did you get to the end of the pool like you wanted? Like you swore you would before you quit for the day? Or did you once again give in because Nathan told you no?”

  “I was done swimming, anyway. Nearly drowning can have that effect on people.”

  “You inhaled a little water. So what? You could have tried again. You were doing fine before they fired the deck gun. Or are you the type of girl who gives up after a little setback?”

  “That is not fair. I didn’t want to go swimming in the first place.”

  “And yet there you were,” Lavinia said silkily.

  Anger ripped through her as Lavinia’s accusation hit its mark. “You know what I think? I think you should ask Nathan about his plans for when you two get to America. Then come talk to me about who stands up to whom.”

  Genie jerked the door open and then slammed it shut behind her, not waiting for a reply. Lavinia had some nerve, accusing her of having no backbone. Yes, she was on a ship bound for the US against her will, but she had come far since then. She was being the tree Li Ming had asked her to become. She was making her voice heard.

  After all, had she not stood up to Nathan, refusing to marry him even though he and her father had both wished it? Had she not gone into Cape Town with Dick, even though Nathan had expressly forbidden it? Had she not sought out information on American culture without Nathan’s approval, thus better preparing herself for her future?

  Yet whose voice was really being heard? her mind whispered. How many times did you tell Nathan you wouldn’t marry him, but it never mattered, not until he had made up his own mind? And what about Cape Town? Would you have even gone if Lavinia hadn’t helped you? Would you have thought to learn about the States if Dick hadn’t suggested it?

  And what about your oath today to make it across the pool?

  Genie thumped her fist on the wall in anguished frustration. “Stop it. Stop it!”

  “Stop what?”

  She gasped and whirled around. “Dick!”

  He smiled faintly and ran his gaze up and down her. “Other than being mad at the wall, are you okay? After Bess’s description of what happened at the pool, I was afraid I’d find you in pieces. In fact, I was just on my way to your cabin to see if you needed rescuing.”

  “No.” She drew in a deep, shaky breath, trying for a calm she didn’t feel. It was bad enough he had caught her acting like someone bound for the asylum. “Well, I might need rescuing from myself, but not from Nathan.”

  He stepped closer and gently brushed her jaw with the back of his knuckles. The tenderness in his touch made her want to cry. Her fight with Lavinia had left her so bruised.

  He dropped his hand. “I’m glad you’re okay. And I’m sorry I got you into trouble. When your escort asked me where you were, I didn’t realize swimming was verboten.”

  She laughed weakly and wiped her eyes. “I don’t think it was the swimming, per se, as much as the swimsuits.”

  His perfect eyebrows rose. “Really? You weren’t dressed any differently than the other gals. You looked adorable and thoroughly American.”

  She gave another small laugh, but this time with a much lighter heart. “How did you know that’s exactly what I needed to hear to feel better?”

  “It’s my special curse,” he said with a wink.

  Curse. Her lightened mood vanished as she thought of Lavinia. The need to make things right with her friend squeezed her chest. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  He reached out as she turned to go and stopped her. “Genie, what’s wrong? What did I say?”

  She eyed the closed cabin door nervously. “It’s not you. I yelled at Lavinia a moment ago and said some awful things. But she was right, and I need to apologize.”

  “As should I for ratting you gals out. How about we apologize together?”

  She hesitated, not at all sure that what she wanted to tell Lavinia was anything she wanted Dick to hear. “I’d rather talk to her alone.”

  “Well, you’d better do it quick,” he said, his gaze narrowing at something over her shoulder. “Because her fiancé appears to be coming this way.”

  “Oh heavens!” With a start, she grabbed Dick’s arm and pulled him quickly down the passageway with her. Nathan was the absolute last person she wanted to talk to. Nervousness ate away at her as she and Dick strode down the narrow hall, sure she would hear Nathan calling after her any second now. Blue-painted light bulbs marked the distance . . . one, two, three.

  At first she had thought blue lights pretty, until she found out they were only one of the many precautions the crew had taken to prevent enemy submarines from spotting them; the blue hue was apparently almost invisible at night. Their presence now only compounded her sense of danger.

  “It was cowardly of me to leave Lavinia to face Nathan alone,” she admitted as they neared a corner and freedom. “Though he never yells at her like he does me.”

  “I wo
uldn’t beat yourself up too much about it. From what I’ve seen, Mrs. Schmidt handles her fiancé just fine. Practically has him eating out of her hand most of the time.”

  “Still, I feel like I should be there for her. On the other hand, if he started in on me again, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to hold my tongue, which would only make things worse.”

  “I doubt you would say anything that wasn’t justified.”

  His steps slowed once they were around the corner and out of sight. She let go of his arm, embarrassed she had held on to him as long as she had. Worse, she had a sudden urge to lean against his chest, to walk into his arms with the hope he would hold her tight, driving away all her doubts . . .

  Gah, Genie! Stop. He’s not interested in you that way.

  Dick gestured to the damp swimsuit hanging forgotten in her hand. “Since you want to avoid Sterling, how about we go swimming for a bit? Let things settle down between the lovebirds before we apologize, and then we can all have lunch together.”

  Torn between worry for Lavinia and dread of having to deal with Nathan, Genie glanced back the way they had come. “I’d have to change first.”

  “There’s a changing room by the pool you can use.” A teasing smile curved his lips. “Come on. I was devastated to find I’d missed out on seeing you actually swim.”

  “Thrashing about, more like.” Deciding discretion was the better part of valor, she turned toward the exit. “Where were you, anyway?”

  “Getting my own suit. You were doing so well, I thought I’d join you.”

  She eyed his tan pants and white shirt. It was the same outfit he’d had on earlier.

  “I left it with Larry and Bess,” he said, answering her unspoken question. “I hadn’t changed yet.” He held out his arm. “Give me another chance to see poetry in motion?”

  “More like a train wreck,” she said with a grimace as she took his elbow. His arm felt wonderfully solid and steadying under her fingers, a sensation that comforted her perhaps a bit more than it should, given Lavinia’s accusations just minutes ago. Nevertheless, she didn’t let go. “Let’s get changed. I wanted another chance to get across that pool anyway.”