Her Secret Life

by Tiffany L. Warren

  Soon the aroma of the garlic, peppers, and onions mingled with the ground beef and ground turkey and had the entire kitchen smelling delicious. Onika watched closely, since she wanted to be able to cook something for Graham that didn’t come from a restaurant.

  Funny, she’d never wanted to cook for Aaron. He hadn’t required it or even requested it. Aaron was happy to hire a chef or eat out at a variety of restaurants. Onika could probably count on her fingers how many home-cooked meals she’d had in the years she was with him.

  Graham, though, inspired sweetness and compassion. He made Onika want to bake cakes and give foot rubs. He made Onika value bowling and movies above yacht parties and charity balls.

  A relationship with Graham might be more normal compared to what she’d had with Aaron, but at least she felt completely loved and overwhelmingly cherished.

  Onika forced herself to stop comparing the two men as she spread butter on long pieces of day-old French loaves. She chided herself for weighing the pros and the cons of the two men again. It was almost as if she was convincing herself that Graham was the better man and that she’d truly won instead of lost.

  It wasn’t as if she actually had an option anyway. Aaron hadn’t given her a choice when he’d said that they were done. The scene replayed in Onika’s mind.

  She remembered herself sitting still, not panicking, not crying, screaming, or cursing. Her calmness, in hindsight, was shocking. Aaron had told her to get out of his house with only the clothes on her back. That’s what it came down to eventually, anyway, when her suitcase was stolen. Onika wondered if Aaron had something to do with that. She wouldn’t put it past him. He’d done so much to hurt her.

  Mrs. Grandbury took the trays of buttered bread away from Onika and gave her some new pieces to butter. She went to work, unable to answer her mind’s questions, and she was grateful for the distraction.

  Mrs. Grandbury brought out three huge bags of salad mix and filled two bowls, along with cucumbers, tomatoes, and carrot slivers. This was a pretty hearty meal that people were probably about to eat for free. The little taste of the sauce that Onika had tried was incredible. It tasted like something that should be served in a restaurant.

  “Take the plastic ware and the napkins out to that long table set up in the back. I’m going to get these noodles cooked so we can mix them into the sauce. That way when they start rolling in, everything will be ready,” Mrs. Grandbury said.

  Onika followed the instructions and arranged the items as nicely as possible next to the huge chafing pans that were already set up. It reminded her of Friends and Family Day at Earlene’s church. They’d fry a bunch of chicken, but only allow the kids to eat the legs and thighs. Onika hated the slippery, dark meat, so she always threw it in the trash whole. She’d gotten more than a few whippings for wasting what her grandmother called good food.

  Onika wondered if Graham’s church was anything like Earlene’s. Maybe they had dinners after service, too. Graham probably had some woman saving him a good piece of chicken, though. A breast or some wings, and a big slice of cake. He was probably one of their most eligible bachelors, and he’d decided to fall for an agnostic girl.

  He barely accepted the truth of Onika’s lack of belief, though, because Graham had invited her to his church every week since they’d started dating. Three weeks in a row she’d declined. She’d talk about God with him anytime he wanted, but the conversation always went awry.

  It was three o’clock, and the rest of the volunteer staff opened the doors and started to let people in. They began to form a line. Onika went back in the kitchen to let Mrs. Grandbury know.

  “Should I get out my tutoring things?” Onika asked. “I was going to set up a little table in the back.”

  “Yes, baby, go ahead, but first help me serve this spaghetti. That’s what they’re really here for anyway.”

  Onika carried out eight trays of spaghetti and garlic bread, because as soon as Mrs. Grandbury left the kitchen she got preoccupied with hugging folks. And it was probably a good thing that she didn’t go back into the kitchen after her greetings started, because some of the people she hugged looked covered in dirt and germs.

  Onika watched Mrs. Grandbury say hello to her regulars like they were old friends. She flirted with a man who was at least ten years older than her, and she looked like she was around for the birth of Christ. Then a young teenage boy stood in the doorway, looking nervous and afraid. Mrs. Grandbury went straight to him and pulled him all the way in.

  “I’m here ’cause I need help on my homework,” the boy said.

  “You want something to eat, too?”

  The boy shrugged and looked over at the table full of food and Onika. “What y’all cooking?”

  “We have spaghetti and garlic bread. I just made it today.”

  The boy touched his stomach, and Mrs. Grandbury brought him right up to the front of the serving line. A few of the people already in line grumbled.

  “Now this is a growing boy,” Mrs. Grandbury said. “And he’s got homework to do. He don’t have all night to wait in line.”

  Mrs. Grandbury got him a plate and motioned for Onika to come sit with him at the tutoring table. They both sat, but the boy looked up at Onika and frowned.

  “You’re not eating?”

  Onika shook her head. “Not yet. I will wait until our guests eat.”

  The boy laughed. “We’re not guests. We’re homeless people here for a free dinner.”

  “What’s your name?” Onika asked.

  “Mike.”

  “Well, Mike, I like that Mrs. Grandbury and everybody else who works here thinks of us homeless people as guests.”

  Mike’s jaw dropped open. “You’re homeless? You’re too pretty to be homeless.”

  Onika found it so easy to share this little bit of information about herself with Mike because she knew he wouldn’t judge her. He wasn’t Graham.

  “Maybe. I think I used to believe that. But yeah, I’m homeless. I live in a shelter, and I’m here to help you with your homework. What you got?”

  “Pre-calculus.”

  “Pre-calc? I got you.”

  “For real. Are you really good at math, because sometimes girls aren’t good at math.”

  “Whatever. Girls are great at math. I’ll show you. You’re taking college-prep mathematics, so where you planning on going to college?”

  “I’m not sure. I don’t think I’ll be able to go unless I get a full scholarship.”

  “You’ll probably get it, right? What are your grades like?”

  “Mostly A’s and B’s, but my attendance is not always the best. My mom disappears, and then I have to go and find her.”

  “Drugs?” Onika asked.

  He shook his head. “Mental illness. I almost wish it was drugs. Then she could go to rehab.”

  Onika watched Mike devour his food and wondered what his life was like outside of here. She knew she was lucky to have found Charmayne.

  “Where do you sleep?” Onika asked.

  “In the custodian’s area at my high school.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, it’s good, right? I have someplace safe and warm every night.”

  “But what about your mom?”

  He shook his head. “My mom won’t stay anywhere inside. She doesn’t trust indoors at all. If she’s not sleeping outdoors she thinks someone is putting poison into her food.”

  “Are you sure you’re safe?” Onika asked.

  “I am, but there are others who aren’t. You can’t help them, Ms. Onika, but don’t feel bad. You’re homeless, too.”

  Onika heard the reminder and sighed. She couldn’t help but think of herself as separate from these other homeless people she’d seen. Better somehow. But she hadn’t been homeless long enough to deteriorate to their level. Hopefully, she’d never have to.

  “Just pray for them,” Mike said. “That’s all you can do.”

  But she couldn’t even do that, because she didn’
t believe their God answered prayers, or if He did, He was so sporadic and random with whose prayers He answered that it almost didn’t make any sense to send the pointless words up.

  She couldn’t pray, and she couldn’t give him a place to live, but Onika could help Mike pass his pre-calculus class. That would have to be enough.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

  Graham picked Onika up from her new job so they could go and have a few drinks and listen to music at a cool rooftop bar that he knew of in Eastern Market. As beautiful as she was, Onika looked worn-out and weary, as though she hadn’t been tutoring but working on a farm all day.

  When Graham hugged her, he could feel her lack of energy.

  “What did they have you do in there?” he asked. “I thought you were a tutor.”

  “I am. I tutored one boy on his homework, but mostly it’s just a soup kitchen,” Onika said.

  “Oh, did you know that? Are they accepting volunteers? Maybe I could . . .”

  “No, no. They have way too many volunteers already. Plus you’re already doing good work with the kids at the pool. Don’t try to hog up all the charity.”

  “You’re being weird,” Graham said.

  “I think it’s because I’m tired. Where are we going? Is it far?”

  Graham considered taking her home if she was this tired. “It’s not far. It’s right down the street. It’s walking distance, but I can get a cab if you want.”

  “No, I can walk.”

  As Graham led the way, Onika slipped her tiny hand into his. This always made him feel closer to her. He lightly squeezed and rubbed her hand, then put it up to his lips and kissed it.

  Graham had always been an affectionate guy. Some of his previous girlfriends had thought it was too much. But with Onika, he couldn’t help himself. He spent all of their dates and outings kissing and touching her in completely unsexual ways.

  He was not a eunuch, though. Graham’s closeness with Onika had a lot to do with how much he wanted to touch her in completely sexual ways.

  It was his goal to not sin and have sex with Onika before he married her. It was probably a lofty goal, especially because Onika had no problem with sinning.

  “Your hands smell like onions and garlic,” Graham said. “Are you sure you’re hungry? We don’t have to go out if you’re tired.”

  “I did eat there, but I want to go out with you. It’s nice tonight, not too hot and sticky. Are you trying to get rid of me? You got a side piece you want to meet up with?”

  Graham shook his head. “Absolutely not. There’s no one but you.”

  “I’m glad I didn’t take you away from some girl. I’d never be able to trust you if that was the case. It’s almost like you were waiting for me.”

  “I think I was.” Graham waited a moment, enjoying the feeling of holding her hand.

  “I’m surprised you were single. Most of the time, women like you aren’t single. Some man has scooped them up.”

  “There are lots of single women like me. As a matter of fact, I’m not even all that special. I know I’m pretty and my body is nice, and I have a degree from an awesome school, but I don’t even have a career yet. I’m not the full package.”

  “You are to me.”

  Onika smiled at Graham and kissed his hand like he’d done hers. “Would you want me if I had it all together? What if I had a high-powered legal career and stacks upon stacks in the bank? Would you want me then?”

  “Of course, I’d want you, but you probably wouldn’t have given me the time of day if you had all that.”

  Graham had come across women exactly like the ones Onika described. Beautiful, fit, no children, education, money, and career. He never had everything on their lists. He had the looks, so some of them simply wanted him as a “maintenance man” to fulfill their sexual needs, but he didn’t have the income to become a true partner. His almost six figures didn’t mean anything to them in Washington, DC, one of the most expensive places to live in the United States.

  The fact that he was a government employee put some of them off. He didn’t have a sexy, glamorous job. When he traveled, it was for training or to do a workshop about government contracts and planning. Nothing exciting there, but he had made enough money to pay off his house and travel whenever he wanted.

  “Here’s the place,” Graham said as he led Onika into the tiny bar. “It’s small, but the best part is the rooftop.”

  Graham showed Onika the way up a winding staircase to the beautifully decorated rooftop. They had Christmas lights strung all over that gave it a romantic feel at night. Graham had come by to reserve a table right before he picked Onika up from work, so they had it ready for him.

  “Did you plan all this ahead of time?” Onika asked as Graham pushed her chair under the table.

  “Not too far in advance. Just before I came to get you. They start to fill up at about nine or so.”

  “You’re so thoughtful. I wouldn’t have even cared about waiting for a while. Not if I had a glass of wine in my hand.”

  Graham laughed. He did plan things out for her, and for all the women he’d dated before. He was a planner and loved for things to run smoothly.

  “There was a time when I wouldn’t have given you the time of day,” Onika said. “You were right about that.”

  “I know. That’s why I can’t always take black women seriously when you say there aren’t enough brothers.”

  “There aren’t enough, though. That’s a true statement.”

  “Well, no, there aren’t enough athletes, entertainers, doctors, lawyers, and moguls. But there are quite a few fiscally responsible government employees like me.”

  “Fiscally responsible?” Onika burst into laughter.

  While she enjoyed his very serious statement, Graham ordered their wine from the waitress. They both liked sweet white wine, so he went with a nice Riesling, and a few appetizers.

  “Yes, I am fiscally responsible. I have to be to keep my job. That’s a good thing about a lot of the government employees you’ll meet. They have to have a decent credit score.”

  “That is good to know.”

  Graham chuckled. “I just sounded so boring and lame right then. I wouldn’t date me either.”

  “I’m glad we found each other,” Onika said. “I wasn’t looking for anyone that day, but you were there.”

  “I feel like I’ve been looking for you my whole adult life.”

  Onika seemed suspended in silence. She simply stared at Graham as the waitress came back with their wine, opened the bottle, and poured them two glasses.

  Graham meant exactly what he’d said. He had been looking for her, or his spirit had. It was the reason why certain women who seemed to have it all weren’t appealing to him. They were not Onika. His spirit knew as soon as it found her.

  “When you say things like that, it makes me never want to leave your side,” Onika finally said after having a sip of wine.

  “Then don’t.”

  “I don’t plan to. It just seems a silly feeling to have after three weeks.”

  Graham didn’t think it was silly at all. He’d had the same feeling since their very first conversation. He thought he’d lose his mind if he never saw her again. And then God had sent her back to him. He was eternally grateful.

  “Would you think I was crazy if I told you that I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you?”

  She shook her head. “No. Not crazy. But only because of how I feel. If this was happening to a friend, I’d tell them to run, and that it is insane.”

  “Me too.”

  Onika got very serious and quiet. She took several long drinks from her wineglass. When she set the glass down and looked up at Graham, her eyes were filled with tears.

  “Graham, there are things about me you don’t know. I don’t think you’d feel the same way if you knew these things.”

  Graham grabbed both of her hands. He squeezed them tightly when he felt her hands tremble in his.

  �
��Tell me. I promise I’ll feel the same.”

  She shook her head and sighed. “Let’s just enjoy this time we have, okay?”

  Graham slowly released her hands, and she used the table napkin to dab her eyes. He wanted forever with her—even after three weeks, he knew. But she was putting an expiration date on their time together. She was adding conditions without giving him the chance to choose.

  The only thing Graham could do was prove her wrong. He could stay, and he would.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

  Onika hid in Charmayne’s library, searching for somewhere quiet. Renee and her three children were noise makers. Safe Harbor had been quiet before their arrival, and now there was never silence. Someone was always whining, crying, laughing, or fighting. For two weeks, there’d been nothing but nonstop noise. Those children made Onika’s uterus want to jump right out of her body and into traffic. They made her never want to give birth.

  Onika wasn’t just hiding from the noise, though. She needed to be alone to think about what was happening between her and Graham. A month and a week was how long they’d been seeing one another. She’d almost told him she’d lied about Safe Harbor. He had almost connected the dots the night she told the lie. She’d kissed him to try and distract him from his very dangerous line of questioning.

  She regretted lying to him as soon as Charmayne had gotten home. It was if Onika could see the judgment in Charmayne’s eyes. She didn’t want to hear it or deal with it. The lie had already been told; there was no going back without doing irreparable harm.

  But then Graham had kissed Onika back. He’d snaked his hand through her hair and gripped her head passionately. He’d devoured her lips with his full ones. He’d taken her breath away. Made her almost willing to forego oxygen just to maintain contact.

  Aaron had never kissed her like that.

  And it wasn’t just kissing Graham that had her contemplating full honesty; it was his one-track mind. He was completely into her. Not just for the evening or until he saw another piece of eye candy. It was like he’d found her and he was done looking for anyone else. She’d shared Aaron for so long that she had no idea what it felt like to be the singular object of a man’s passion.