Law and Disorder

by Mary Jane Maffini

  “Sure. I remember it. It’s in a box in the basement along with a bunch of other junk.”

  “That device needs to be plugged into an electrical outlet and attached to some kind of recorder.”

  “It’s old, so I think there should be a VCR with it in the box.”

  “Great. That one will do for the backyard. And we’ll need something for the front too. We should mount it somewhere with a clear view of the front door, but at an angle so we might be able to catch a glimpse of a face. That maple across the way should be perfect. Our joker might be expecting some security at the house, but probably not from across the street.”

  Alvin peered out the window and nodded. “We had two cameras, but one didn’t work. Anyway, there’s nowhere to plug it in over there.”

  “Never mind. I’ll stay here for a while, and you head out as fast as you can. Grab the one from the basement and swing by Spytech on Bronson and pick up a model that’s battery-powered, that will record from a distance. I’m sure they make them now. I don’t care how much it costs, but we have to be able hide them quickly. I’ll call and have them get something ready, and I’ll give them my credit card number. You just have to pick it up and get it here as fast as possible.”

  “And then what are we going to do?”

  “Our joker might make a move. It would have to be either the front door or the back. With luck we’ll get an image. This could be the break we’ve been waiting for.”

  Alvin abandoned the doll to me and made tracks.

  I said, “I’ll be watching from the window until you get back.”

  Alvin returned in very good time, obviously having violated the highway code in transit. He had two smallish boxes and some instructions. He said, “This model’s new. It works on batteries, and it should be good for about ten hours. It saves the images to DVD. It’s really neat. It cost enough, but—”

  I said, “You did well.”

  As Alvin installed the old camera near the back door, well-hidden behind a lattice with a climbing rose, I took the new gear, motion detector camera, battery pack and recorder from their packaging and stuck them in my purse. I headed across the street, where the apple-cheeked young mom was arriving home with her sleeping baby in the stroller.

  She said, “It takes him forever to fall asleep.”

  I smiled. “Your bird feeder looks like it’s about to fall down. Would you like me to fix it for you?”

  “Oh, thank you,” she grinned. “There’s a ladder by the garage. Since the baby came, I find I can’t keep up with things. Would you mind refilling it with seed when you’re up there? The squirrels knock it sideways and eat most of the seed. It’s impossible to keep it filled.”

  I followed her to her cheerful red front door and took the plastic bucket of birdseed. I climbed the ladder and quickly attached the motion detector camera on a branch about eye level. I thought it afforded a good view without being easily seen itself. I climbed higher, refilled the bird feeder and returned the bucket to the front step. There was a reasonable chance that anyone watching me would have been fooled into falling for the bird feeder trick.

  Back in the house, I positioned myself to keep watch in the front window until Joe Jeremiah arrived. His white van with its grinning bullfrog logo pulled up to Bunny’s place. I opened the door, and he backed the van right into the garage. Tonya, Bunny and Destiny were waiting out of sight as instructed.

  Joe approached me on the doorstep and nodded politely. I nodded back, also politely, held the front door open for him and pointed inside.

  Alvin ignored him and headed for the car. If anyone was watching, they should take us all for complete strangers. So far so good.

  “What now?” Alvin said as we pulled away.

  “Joe will spend the amount of time in the house that he normally would for a rug-cleaning job. He’ll probably really clean the rugs too.”

  “They seemed spotless to me. I think you could probably eat on them.”

  “That’s Tonya. But he’ll do it. That way it will sound right to anyone keeping watch on the house. I don’t think they will try anything with Joe Jeremiah on the premises.”

  “No kidding. The guy’s a giant.”

  “When he’s done, he’ll get the three of them and their bags into the back of the van where the machinery is, without having them be visible to anyone who is watching the place.”

  “Is that possible?”

  “That’s why he backed right into the garage. When he leaves, he’ll make a big show of waving to them as though they’re still there.”

  Alvin nodded and thought hard for a minute. “But what if the person is smart enough to catch on and follow them?”

  “That person will have to be very lucky to catch up with Joe Jeremiah if he doesn’t want to be caught up with.”

  I wasn’t expecting Mombourquette’s voice when I picked up.

  “Sorry to disappoint you, MacPhee,” he said.

  “Disappoint me about what?”

  “For starters, your nutty idea that James Kilpatrick might have witnessed something about his boss’s murder.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it turns out that this Kilpatrick was a witness to something else entirely.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means there was some kind of an argument near his home with some neighbours, and he was drawn into it somehow and one of them is a bit unstable and she accused him of threatening her.”

  “Threatening her? Kilpatrick? Are you pulling my leg?”

  “Nope.”

  “Well, that’s laughable. Kilpatrick couldn’t threaten a hummingbird. Have you seen him? He looks like a stick drawing.”

  “So I gather, but a couple of uniforms were dispatched, and I guess they thought he got a bit lippy. All to say he ended up cooling his heels at the station. He was in an interrogation room screaming about a lawsuit at the key times between when Rollie Thorsten was last seen and when he died.”

  “He has my sympathy then. I’ve been on the wrong side of your interrogation rooms, and I know how you guys can trump things up.”

  “So here’s my point, MacPhee. We are on it. And you are not.”

  “Well, thank you, Leonard. I appreciate your keeping me up to speed.”

  “No need to be sarcastic,” he said and hung up.

  Although I knew deep down Mrs. P. would give thumbs up to my plan, I wanted to clear it with her first. But she didn’t answer her phone. She didn’t answer her cell either. Perhaps she was having her daily visit to the Physical Terrorist as she called the excellent young man who was helping her get her groove back.

  I checked with the nursing station to see if she could be tracked down. Surprisingly, someone answered and suggested that Violet must be outside on a Benson &Hedges break.

  At that moment, my own cellphone rang and I snapped it open. “Yes.”

  Joe Jeremiah said, “Heading out to my next appointment.”

  “That’s great.”

  “Thanks for the referral. I hope you and your friends are happy with the job I did.”

  “I imagine they are.” I tried not to picture Bunny, Tonya and Destiny wedged in the back of the truck for the mystery trip with Joe who usually drove like the hounds of hell were after him. And for all we knew, they were.

  I added, “Did you have any trouble getting into the place we discussed without being seen?”

  “Are you kidding? I could get into 24 Sussex if I tried. Piece of cake.”

  Maybe, as Elaine suggested, I was paranoid, but I wasn’t giving details out loud in my car. There was no way anyone could have known about Joe and his secret mission, but still. I wouldn’t put it past Brugel to arrange to have my car bugged. He wouldn’t be hampered by pesky legislation like the police would be. Anyway, everything about this case was so bizarre and creepy that I thought it better to be discreet.

  Joe would have been buzzed in to the garage of Mrs. P.’s building by the super. He would have transport
ed Bunny, Tonya and Destiny safely to her empty apartment. I imagined that Bunny and Tonya would be dressed as workers. Maybe Destiny would be undercover with his equipment. I was glad that the super had been willing to say yes to my request for the locked service elevator so that Mrs. P.’s carpets could be cleaned during her absence.

  “Always glad to help Violet out,” the super had said. I knew the same wouldn’t apply to me.

  Joe was still speaking. “I made sure none of those close-circuit security cameras caught their faces.”

  “Thanks, again, Joe. I owe you.”

  “You don’t owe me nothing. A father never forgets,” Joe said before ringing off.

  I said to Alvin, who was chewing his nails. “The package has been delivered. Now we just have to take care of that other small matter.”

  “What matter?”

  I mouthed, “The dog.”

  Alvin gazed at me more blankly than usual.

  I mouthed “In the joke.” Alvin continued to looked unutterably baffled. Before I could clarify, my cellphone rang again. With luck it would be Bunny telling me his family was enjoying a comfortable stay in Mrs. P.s place. I hoped she hadn’t cut back on her extended cable package. But of course, it wasn’t Bunny. He’d hardly have been settled in.

  “Ray!” I said. “How um…”

  “Right, it’s definitely um.”

  “Cute. Even at a distance.”

  “That’s me. My kids are cute too. Or they used to be, anyway. I’m just checking to see that’s still true.”

  Oh, right. The girls. I hadn’t been paying much attention to them what with all the murder and mayhem and the fact that they’d once again tried to make trouble between me and Ray. Of course, Ray didn’t know anything about Bunny’s getaway. For sure, he wouldn’t want Brittany and Ashley caught up in whatever was going on.

  He didn’t usually call during the day, but I guess there are different rules for parents.

  “Can I talk to them?”

  “Well, they’re not here. I’m not home.”

  “I figured that. I called there first.”

  “Right. Alvin and I are on an errand. The girls aren’t with us. They’ll be…” I thought hard. Where would they be? Yet another practice? Alvin probably knew. Was I supposed to keep up with their every move? Was that one of the things that other people seem to know instinctively? That you have to keep an eye on teenage girls who are larger and stronger and most definitely meaner than you are yourself? Was there a human being less suited to being a stepmother than me? Off the top of my head, I couldn’t think of one.

  “Where?” said Ray with that tone he gets.

  “Getting ready for their race.” I felt pretty safe with that response. They seemed to be practicing all the time. Well, maybe not practicing, but doing something to keep out of the way. Up until this moment, I’d thought that was a good thing.

  “So they’re gone already.”

  “That’s what I thought,” I fibbed. “Something with the team anyway. Working out, whatever. They all seem to be quite friendly.”

  “They are. They all had…” Ray cleared his throat. “They each lost a mother or an aunt to cancer. It gives them a special bond.”

  “Oh right,” I said. “It would.” I felt like banging my head on the steering wheel. My mother died when I was born, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to have known her and lost her.

  “I was calling just to wish them luck. They’ll be pretty excited about the race, and I might not have access to a phone during this course.”

  Right. The damned course.

  He said, “ So I was calling to talk to you too, by the way.

  Although that’s not always straightforward.”

  “It isn’t? Hey, why are you laughing, Ray?”

  “No reason.”

  “Okay. I’ll tell them you called.”

  “Sure thing.”

  “Bye, Ray. I’ll miss talking to you this weekend.”

  “Bye, Camilla.”

  Alvin glanced over as I clicked off and frowned. I said, “Am I supposed to be watching Ashley and Brittany?”

  “They are over eighteen. Adults, and pretty independent adults at that,” Alvin said. “Why?”

  “Maybe I’m falling down on the job. This whole joke nightmare has been pretty intense and distracting. I should have been thinking more about them and keeping a closer watch on them while they’re here.”

  “I imagine they’re glad you are distracted.”

  That struck me as suspicious. “Why do you say that? Do you think they’re up to something?”

  “No.”

  “Do you think Ray thinks they’re up to something?”

  “I think parents always assume you might be up to something.”

  I said, “Humph. Well, I know for sure that sisters do.”

  My sisters have always stuck their noses into every aspect of my business. They are truly unclear on boundaries. I didn’t want to be like them, but I wasn’t sure exactly what Ray wanted from me. Understanding family dynamics has never been my forte. Even if it had been, I had way too much to think about without adding the girls to the package.

  Still, I did wonder how Alvin seemed to naturally pick up on these things.

  “Okay, well, that’s enough about that. We have to figure out what to do about you know who. He can’t stay you know where for sure.”

  Alvin stared at me and wrinkled his beaky nose. “There you go again, not making any sense. By any chance, have you lost your you know what?”

  I made what I thought could be a universal symbol for “maybe someone has bugged our vehicle.”

  Alvin countered with the universal symbol for “you’ve lost your marbles” and upped the ante by mouthing the words paranoid paranoid paranoid, followed by the phrase “just plain nuts.”

  I did my best to mouth back, “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.”

  He countered with, “Just because they’re out to get you doesn’t mean you haven’t lost your marbles.”

  Back at the house, Alvin busied himself on a baking bender. He was testing a traditional recipe for scones to see how it compared to the Fergusons’ favourite. I wasn’t sure where that left the chowder project. Never mind, I like scones, so I was willing to show support for either food group. In the meantime, I was feeling restless. Where was Bunny? Why didn’t anyone ever phone me back? I checked out the house and located all the wayward phone receivers, two in the girls’ room and one in the bathroom. I paced waiting for the phone to ring. Of course, I wouldn’t have answered the phone if I’d known it was Jacki Jewell. I was hoping for Bunny and some signal that things were all right.

  “I visited your house yesterday,” she accused.

  “Did you?”

  “It’s still full of suitcases and sports gear. Running shoes everywhere. Unmade beds, towels on the floor.”

  I waited.

  “And boxes of feminine products in clear view,” she added pointedly.

  I said, “I have visitors. I’m sure I told you that. My friend’s daughters are with me. They’re here for the Dragon Boat Festival.”

  “It’s just that I can’t show the house when it’s like that. Surely you are aware that neat, uncluttered houses sell faster and get a better price.”

  “Just tell them I have visitors. What are you so worried about?”

  “Camilla, it’s a buyers’ market now. Even though you have visitors, any potential purchaser is going to look around and decide you don’t have enough storage if there’s not space for their clothes and suitcases and toiletries.”

  “There’s plenty of storage.”

  “Well, you must insist that your guests use it.”

  I had a difficult enough relationship with Ashley and Brittany without adding housekeeping inspection to my routine. Besides, there were few humans who cared less about maintaining a spotless abode than I did. And oddly enough, I felt that the girls di
dn’t merit this kind of overbearing behaviour.

  “Look. Why don’t you wait until they’ve gone back to Nova Scotia and then bring people around?”

  “It’s not that simple.” I noticed that Jacki Jewell had developed a slight edge to her voice in the course of our conversation. I wondered if I should suggest that she try to work on that.

  “It’s simple, really. They’re guests and they’re young, and I’m not going to hound them about their stuff.”

  “Here is the situation: I have potential purchasers in town. They have cash, they love the Glebe and they need to find a place quickly and oddly enough, as they adore Italy, they may not even mind the murals.” I suspected Jacki paused to shudder delicately. “But they don’t have children, and she’s quite fastidious and so far storage has been an issue with them in all of the places we’ve visited. You take my point.”

  “I do, and I hope you take mine. I don’t plan to tie myself in knots over the house.”

  “Fine,” she snapped. “I’ll bring them over, but it’s probably a complete waste of time.”

  Somehow I felt it wasn’t really fine, but that was so not my problem. The house could sell whenever. Or never. Jacki Jewell and my sisters could go up in flames over it if they wanted to. I definitely had other fish to fry.

  And other calls to answer. “Elaine? What is it? Are you crying? Calm down!”

  “Oh, my god, Camilla! Have you been watching the news?”

  “Since when do I watch the news? Why are you asking? Is there some political bullshit going down? A big announcement by some level of government? I have a lot of more important stuff happening here.”

  “Bunny.”

  “What about him?”

  I heard a lot of snuffling down the phone line.

  “Elaine. Pull yourself together and tell me. What about Bunny?”

  “I saw it on television. Why didn’t I listen to you? How could I be so selfish? What was I—?”

  Elaine blubbering was a truly disconcerting phenomenon. I said as calmly as I could. “You what exactly?”