Unbroken Pleasures

by Alisa Easton

  “Yes.”

  “Do you think of me when you touch yourself?”

  “Yes.”

  “I want to watch you.”

  I felt uncomfortable, flushed, but completely turned on. I stammered. I tried to turn around to face him, to let him put his hands on me the way I’d been expecting him to do but he held me in place refusing to let me turn to him.

  “I can’t,” I said at last.

  He held the hand on my belly in place and caressed my fingers lightly with his own while he nibbled my neck and my ear. I nearly melted as his breath warmed my skin.

  “I want to see you touch yourself,” he said again insistently. I felt the bulge in his pants as he pressed into my back.

  “Reese…” I wanted to plead with him, tell him that I’d do anything, just don’t make me do that. I felt too open, too vulnerable. But I looked into his eyes and saw the pure lust as he gazed back at me and I knew that no matter what he ever asked me, I’d never be able to say no when he looked at me like that. I swallowed hard. I’d never opened myself to someone like this before but before I could have second thoughts, I let my hand slide down the outside of my panties and I moaned as I grazed the most sensitive part through my panties. They were drenched in my juices, wetting my fingers through the fabric as I traced light circles. My eyes never left his eyes in the mirror. I could see his lust as he watched me knowing that he wanted to touch me as much as I wanted to be touched but holding back turned us both on even more.

  I slipped my hand inside my panties so that I could feel myself skin against skin as I watched him intently, taking cues from his every expression and moan. I could still feel him hard against the back of me and as much as I wanted to turn around and take him into my hands and feel him slip inside, I resisted. I closed my eyes and felt him nudge me the instant that I did.

  “No,” he whispered with hot breath against my ear, “Keep your eyes open. I want you to watch this too.”

  My breath had grown ragged as I circled my clitoris with my index finger and spread the slick juices. I opened my eyes and observed the pleasure in my face as I felt my body give in to my fingers. I ached for more so I pressed harder against my clitoris. My body responded.

  “Take off your panties,” he whispered again and this time he nibbled against my ear tasting me and moaning in approval at my taste.

  I hesitated and he pulled away from me. I took my hand from my panties and started to nudge them over my hips but I froze unable to face standing and looking at myself in the mirror. He reached behind me and unhooked my bra tossing it aside in one fluid motion and then reached around to cup one breast in each hand. His hands felt warm against my bare flesh. He pinched my nipples gently and nibbled against my ear again.

  “Do it,” he insisted.

  “I can’t,” I said barely above a whisper.

  He let his hands slide down my sides to my hips and latched one finger on each side of my panties. He guided them down around my ankles leaving me only to step out of them and kick them aside. I stared at my naked reflection as though I were looking at my body through his eyes and saw myself in a whole new light. I liked the way my breasts curved. They were ample enough to fill his hands without dominating my otherwise slim figure. My stomach wasn’t supermodel flat but I wasn’t flabby either. I let my hand trail across my stomach before touching the soft mound of hair between my legs which I kept neatly trimmed despite the fact that before Reese, I didn’t have much occasion for anyone to see it other than myself. I liked the way that the shorter hair allowed me to see more of myself that would have otherwise been hidden.

  Reese was looking at the space between my legs as well and I could tell that he was nearly panting in anticipation of touching me there. I watched his reaction as my fingers disappeared between the folds. I could feel his body tense. He liked watching me, maybe he liked it even more than he liked watching the couple in the window. This thought spurred me to give him more of a show so I spread my legs a little wider to give me greater access to touching and caressing myself. I could see in his eyes that his excitement was growing.

  “I need to see more of you,” he growled, “It’s not enough.”

  I spread my legs a little more but he shook his head.

  “No, it’s not enough.”

  He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me toward the floor until I was on my knees. I looked at his reflection in confusion, not sure what he wanted me to do but so aroused that I was willing to do whatever I could to please him. I started to turn away from the mirror so that I could face him but he held me in place, clearly determined to finish what we started in front of the mirror.

  He sat down in a crossed leg position and pulled me back so that I was sitting in his lap. He guided one of my legs over one of his and then took my other leg to cross over his other leg. This put me in a very open position leaving nothing to the imagination. I sat staring at the two of us for a very long time, impossible not to linger on the swollen wet space between my legs that still longed to be touched and caressed.

  “Now touch yourself,” he prompted me.

  This time I didn’t hesitate. This time I wanted to touch myself while he watched me as much as he wanted it. I stroked softly at first but as the need inside me built and I felt myself threaten to teeter over the edge, I built more momentum and my fingers gained more purpose. My only thought and goal was to push myself over that cliff until I shuddered and shivered in his arms. Just as I felt the pressure begin to build and I was ready to give in to those first waves of pleasure, he startled me by reaching out and putting his hand over mine to stop me.

  “What are you doing?” I managed to say between breaths. I didn’t want to stop. I couldn’t let him push me so far and then make me stop just before what promised to be a rather intense release. I practically moaned in response, thinking only of the pleasure that I wanted to feel with him.

  “That is enough,” he said and I could see the smile on his face.

  “What do you mean it’s enough?” I said suddenly confused.

  “I enjoy watching you pleasure yourself,” he whispered into my ear as he slid his hands under my behind and pushed me up from his lap so that I was on my knees again.

  “But I didn’t…”

  “I know you didn’t,” he interrupted. He started to get up from the floor and I couldn’t believe that he was going to just leave me like that without a release after the sensitive state he’d made me put myself into. I couldn’t take it anymore, the way he always insisted on taking all the control and then deciding that it was enough and walking away from me. Without thinking about it, I reached out and grabbed onto his legs before he could move away from me. He lost his balance and nearly fell to the ground, grunting a curse word under his breath as he fought to right himself.

  I crawled my way from my knees to my feet as I used his clothing to pull myself upward. I spread my palms and felt the tight muscles under his clothes as I moved my hands over his body. I knew I couldn’t wait a moment longer. I pulled his shirt free from his pants and lifted it over his head without waiting to make sure he agreed with this plan. He didn’t resist me. My lips found his as I fought to unsnap and release the zipper of his pants, eager to put my hands inside to find what I needed. I was not disappointed to find that his current state of frustration matched my own.

  I pushed his pants and underwear down quickly while I simultaneously propelled us both toward my bed. I’m not sure how he managed to maintain his balance but somehow when we landed, he was the soft cushion underneath me and we were safely planted on my bed in a frenzy of arms and legs and sensuous kisses. I couldn’t get enough of him.

  “Slow down,” he tried to say as I smothered him in kisses but I didn’t want to hear it. I was finished taking orders. This time I had my own agenda and that agenda involved feeling him inside me as the soonest possible moment. I wrapped my legs firmly around his waist and reached down to guide him to the slickness between my legs. He tried to stop at
first but I knew he needed me just as much. I felt him give in with a groan as he disappeared inside. I pressed firmly as though he might suddenly decide to break free from me. I wasn’t about to let that happen. I grinded myself against him until I felt like I would scream and when my orgasm finally hit, I didn’t just fall off the edge of the cliff, I propelled myself over the edge with the greatest force I’d ever felt. Wave after wave, it hit me. He joined me in our erotic bliss and we both collapsed exhausted together afterward, a tangle of arms and legs and skin against skin that was becoming intoxicating and all too familiar to me. I was dangerously close to being lost in those feelings forever.

  I stroked the light hair on his chest absent-mindedly as we both lay silently together.

  “I have to go to a family picnic in a few weeks,” I said out loud, not sure if I was really entertaining the notion of inviting him with me or not. He didn’t say anything. I propped myself up on one elbow to make sure that he was still awake. His eyes were open staring at the ceiling but I couldn’t tell what thoughts occupied his mind. If I had to venture a guess, I would say that he was concerned about something.

  “Are you close with your family?” I asked him.

  “Not so much anymore,” he answered. I had the impression that he wanted to say more but he held back.

  “Something happened.” I let the statement trail off, wondering if he would feel compelled to fill in the blanks but of course, he did not. He remained silent but he lifted his head to kiss the top of mine before returning his gaze to my ceiling. I rolled onto my back and looked up wondering what he found so interesting up there.

  “It’s a very long story,” he said surprising me from our silence.

  “I have time and I’m a very good listener.”

  “Maybe another day.”

  “Sure.”

  “You are close with yours?”

  “Well, I don’t see them very much. Most of my family is spread out. It’s going to be a two hour drive to get to this picnic and I can’t say I’m really looking forward to it.”

  “You don’t want to see them?”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to see my family. It’s just that ever since my divorce, everyone looks at me differently.”

  “How so?”

  “I don’t know. I feel like everyone blames me for what happened.”

  “I doubt they do.”

  “I’m still single. I’m sure they all wonder why I can’t keep a man in my life. I’m starting to wonder it myself.” I stopped, realizing that I was probably telling him way more than he wanted to know about my messed up state of being. Over the past year, I’d avoided men and dating and the whole fiasco that went with it, unwilling or unable to trust enough to make any relationship work. If he already had reservations about wanting to be a part of my life, I was certain that I wasn’t helping my case.

  “Your ex husband is an idiot for letting you go,” he said.

  I didn’t know what to say. I exhaled slowly thinking of Ed and the way we’d been together wondering if he ever thought about me or missed being with me. I couldn’t imagine it. He was so quick to move on after our separation that I got the impression that he couldn’t get away fast enough. I shrugged my shoulders lightly.

  “You could come with me,” I said. I shocked myself by saying it. I hadn’t planned on inviting him but yet I couldn’t seem to stop myself from saying the words.

  “To meet your family?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m not the sort of guy that you take home to meet mom and dad,” he said laughing lightly. Was he truly amused by my invitation or had I made him nervous about the assumption that we could be more than just fun in bed?

  “Why not?”

  “I’m just not.”

  “How do you know Sylvia,” I asked him trying to hide the hurt and wishing someone would give me answers.

  “Did she tell you about me?” he asked avoiding a direct answer to my question.

  “No,” I said sitting up and wrapping the sheet around me, “Did you go out with her?”

  “No.”

  Well, that was a relief but just to be clear, I asked him, “Did you sleep with her?”

  “No,” he said more agitated.

  “Then why does she hate you so much?”

  “She hates me?”

  “She thinks that me with you is a really bad idea.”

  “Well, maybe she’s right.”

  He got up and started putting his clothes back on while I sat in the bed dumbfounded.

  “Is that what you really think?”

  “This is fun,” he said bending forward to kiss me, “but it can’t be more.”

  “But…”

  “I’m sorry, Alexandra. I wish it could be.”

  “Why can’t it, Reese? Why won’t you tell me anything about who you are?”

  He sighed.

  “I’ve done a lot of things in my life I regret. You deserve more in your life than I could ever give you.”

  “Shouldn’t that be my choice?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Stop saying that and just answer my question.”

  I got up and stuffed my legs into my jeans and pulled a sweatshirt over my head as he started making his way for my front door. I was not going to let him have the upper hand again by just walking out again.

  “What is it that you’re so afraid of?” I asked putting my body between him and the front door.

  “Alex, please, don’t try to complicate something that doesn’t need to be complicated.”

  “You’re right about one thing, Reese. This doesn’t have to be complicated at all. I really like you.”

  “I’ve hurt people in my life. That’s why your friend hates me. No one regrets what happened more than I do. I’m still paying a price for it every day but I’ll never forgive myself and I don’t deserve forgiveness. Most of all, I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as you.”

  Before I could react, he kissed me. He crushed his lips into mine with a passion that I knew meant that he loved me as much as I loved him but he was unwilling to give in to that feeling. He let me go, turned and walked out the door.

  I stood there for a long time looking out into the darkness feeling numb, knowing that I would likely never see Reese again all because I’d wanted so much more than he had been willing to give.

  Chapter 19

  Weeks passed and Reese didn’t show up at my door. I was pretty sure that I wasn’t going to see him again and even if I had a way to contact him, I’m not sure that I would have. I had made a lot of tough decisions about my life and the way that I should live it and the first priority was to try to make amends with Sylvia. When I finally got the courage to call her, she seemed genuinely happy to hear from me and suggested that we have lunch together at our usual Sunday spot. I quickly agreed.

  Sylvia was waiting for me when I walked into the restaurant. I slipped into the booth and smiled at the waitress as she handed me a copy of the menu. Something about Sylvia looked different but I couldn’t pinpoint the reason. She seemed somehow more radiant, happier than the last time we’d seen each other, but then I supposed that wasn’t very hard considering the circumstances. Unfortunately, I didn’t think the same could be said about me as I saw her scrutinizing the dark circles under my eyes.

  “Sylvia, before we say anything, I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened. I had no right to meddle in your business with Ben and I should have listened to you when you tried to warn me about Reese. I really regret letting any man come between us like that,” I told her.

  “Please,” she said shaking her head, “You don’t need to apologize. I am the one who should be sorry. I am the one that screwed everything up and you were right, I should have minded my own business. Who you sleep with has nothing to do with me.”

  “For what it’s worth, that’s over,” I said avoiding eye contact. It was the first time I’d said the words out loud and I didn’t think my ears were ready to hear
them. I thought maybe my eyes would betray my emotional state. I wanted Sylvia to believe that I was truly better off without him.

  “How long?” She seemed surprised by this revelation.

  “Right after we stopped speaking. I saw him the next night and we broke it off. I haven’t seen him since.”

  “I see.”

  “So whatever you were worried about, you can put your mind to rest,” I said.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything that morning. It was none of my business. I wasn’t thinking straight after everything with Ben.”

  “It’s okay, Sylvia, really. It’s in the past.”

  “It’s just that I might have been mistaken about him,” she said.

  “Mistaken?” My mouth went dry.

  “He came into the office a few times. I couldn’t say anything before for two reasons. First of all, he was a client of ours and second of all, I wasn’t very familiar with his case because he was working with one of my partners but I knew that he was mixed up in an ugly battle over the custody of his daughter.”

  “He has a daughter,” I whispered. I couldn’t imagine him as a father or someone else’s husband.

  “My partner actually represents the little girl’s mother and from what I heard of the story, Reese was a dead beat dad that messed up his wife and didn’t deserve to be in that little girl’s life.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “Well, that was the mother’s side of the story but after I found you two together, I dug a little deeper and it turns out that maybe he’s not the bad guy in the story after all.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I sad sadly, “It’s over. I’m not going to see him again anyway. You shouldn’t be telling me this.”

  “I just don’t want to see you get messed up with someone that was going to hurt you even worse than Ed had done,” she said.

  “I know, Sylvia. You meant well and you were right. It is for the best.”

  There was a long pause and I felt like I might drown in the silence. My chest ached in the space where my heart should be. We eventually filled the silence with small talk about how our lives were going. I told her about the summer party with my family. We placed our orders and waited while our food was prepared but all the while in the back of my mind all I could think about was Reese and his daughter. What should have reinforced a desire to stay out his life only made me want to see him more.